True Control 4.2 (3 page)

Chapter 5 HIM

“Lucy and I don’t fight.” I pour myself a little more scotch and tilt the bottle towards Killaney, he nods. I pour a little more for him too.

“Never? Wow. You’re a lucky man…my wife and me…we’re like cats and dogs thrown into a wet sack together most days.” He takes a big gulp. “Having three boys in only four years doesn’t help much.” He laughs. “You got any kids?”

“No. We’ve only been married six months.” I don’t want to discuss this.

“Newlyweds…that’s nice.” He looks at his glass, making the scotch leg’s wrap around the inside before tilting it up again for a big drink. “So what’s with the list?”

He means the list of chores for Lucy of course. It’s still sitting on the table. “Chores for my wife. She didn’t get to most of them today.”

He takes out a small notepad and pen from his pocket. He pulls the list closer to his seat with the pen, but doesn’t pick it up. “This your handwriting or hers?”

“Mine.”

“You always leave her a list of chores?”

“Yes.”

“And she doesn’t argue…you two don’t fight?” He’s laughing, looking at me with just his eyes raised from the list.

“No. Lucy’s a good girl. She does as she’s told.”

“Wow. I guess that makes you a
very
lucky man, Max.” The conversation is starting to shift. I’d like to keep it on track. I glance at Jeff, but he’s staying out of it, hanging back on the sofa.

“So what is the next step in finding Lucy?”

Chapter 5 HER

“Lucy, I’ve appreciated…these past months.” I can feel his warm fingers on mine. “But I don’t think that Max is going to allow it to continue and…” He swallows, pulling his hands back. I pull mine back too. I can’t stop staring into his eyes. He hasn’t hardly blinked even. “Well…I’m not sure it was a good idea for either of us anyway.”

I reach and put just my fingertips over his. “It helped me a lot, Jake…being able to talk to you…it did help.”

He smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. They stay stern, even getting a little angrier with me again. “That’s just it. You wouldn’t be here now if it had helped.” He shakes his head, runs his fingers through his hair again…his frustrated move. “I meant it this morning. I’ve been wrong. About everything. About you. About Max.”

“That’s why I came…I needed to know what you meant…but you just left so quickly…”

“I left because I didn’t want to cause any problems for you…for Max. I was going to tell you…that I wasn’t going to be coming over anymore. That it wasn’t a good idea and if Max ever knew…” He doesn’t need to finish this thought. I shiver a little thinking about what’s waiting for me.

He grins, seeing my fear. “Yeah…he’ll go apeshit after this.” He tilts his head back and stares at his ceiling for a moment. “I was wrong to interfere. I was wrong to check on you that first time and to keep coming back.”

“But I liked our friendship. I liked that I could talk to you. You helped me to see things from Max’s side...” My voice is small. I don’t want to lose the one person I can talk to besides Max…even more than Max in some ways.

He glares at me. I back away again, startled by the intensity of his anger so quickly flared. “And I
liked
seeing you.  A lot. You want the truth?” I don’t move.

He gets up and walks a few feet away before turning on me again. “You are such a stupid little girl, Lucy! You have no idea…” But he doesn’t finish.

I stand slowly, “Maybe I should go…” I turn to leave.

He grabs my arm and yanks me back to sitting on the sofa. I’m shocked. He’s never touched me so roughly before. He’s reminded me of Max so often in the past months, but never quite like this. I’m almost afraid of him.

He shakes his head and clenches his fists for a moment before walking away. I don’t get up again, just watch him go back to the beer on the counter and finish it in one long drink, staring at me. When he comes back, it’s with that same rolled shoulder, deep look. I sit back on the sofa more again.

He sits on the coffee table, our knees touching.

“That night. The night Max and I picked you up and we saw that guy with his hand on you.” My cheeks flare thinking of how angry Max was. What he did to me. But I remember that Jake shared his brother’s anger that night too. Even that Friday when he came over, he was still angry. Even when he held me.

He puts his hands on my knees. They’re almost hot against me now. “Max was right. He said it today to me, when I told him that I started seeing you ever since that night.”

“He was right about what?” I don’t want to know, but I can’t stop meeting his stare, I can’t help asking.

“That we’re not so different.” He squeezes my knees, not a tickle, but a firm grip. Like his grip on my arm, not a touch I’m used to, from him at least. “Maybe if I’d been more honest with myself…I could’ve been more honest with you…” He doesn’t let go and I don’t move. “I could’ve told you what a bad idea it was for us to meet behind Max’s back. I could’ve told you not to trust me. I could’ve told you…” He stops though, breaking the spell by letting go of my legs and sitting back.

I swallow hard, this was not how today was supposed to go. I didn’t think it through, but I imagined talking to Jake, feeling better about finding out if I’m pregnant, feeling stronger about talking to Max about my fears tonight. Not sitting here with a mess at home and a mess here. I’ve made a mess of everything.

“Jake…I came here because you’re my friend. Because I needed to hear what you had to say. Because hearing you say that…that you’d changed your mind…that I should stop questioning everything and just be what Max wants…” I can feel tears in my eyes again. Ever since that Friday, since Max showed his true brutal anger to me…I’ve questioned if I can stay. If I can be the wife that he needs, submit to his level of painful punishments…raise a child the way he wants. Jake knew this. To hear him say today that I should just stop thinking and be with Max…Today, when I might find out that I’m pregnant already…I needed to talk to him. But not like this.

I didn’t think it was possible, but his look darkens even more. He leans in a little and I lean back a lot. “Friends? You think I’ve been your friend these months, Lucy?” I nod. He laughs, a rattled painful sound in his throat. “You want to talk about Max. Then talk to
him
, Lucy! Me? I can tell you how
I
feel if you’d like to know.”

He grins, dark twist to his normally sweet smile. “I’ve lied to myself. To you. All my life, I’ve tried to deny how I feel. What makes me tick…in bed, in life. With women. I’ve tried to toe a different line than the one Ron wanted. I tried to pretend that treating women as equals, partners…that that is the way it should be. That all I wanted was a woman I could have by my side, sharing in all my successes and hers.”

He gets up and opens another beer. He takes a small drink and slams it down. I jump at the sound and splash on the counter. “I’ve fucking lied to myself!” He comes back to stand over me. And I try to stand up. “Sit.” I feel like a puppy now. I try to look calm, crossing my legs and pulling my dress down over my knee. But I don’t say anything, too afraid that anything I’d say would only set him off more. I’m in uncharted territory with him.

“I wanted to believe that if…that if you were
my
wife, I’d treat you better. That’s what I’ve been doing these past months…convincing myself that I’m better than my brother. That I’d control my anger with you better. That I’d respect you more. That I’d make you happier.” He’s panting with the effort to control his breathing, his fists clenched, his face red with anger, his voice loud with it.

“Oh.” It’s not really a word, more the wind knocked out of me. I
have
been stupid. I had no idea he felt this way about me.

Chapter 6 HIM

“The next step is convincing the powers that be that she hasn’t run off. That something happened to her.” He puts up his hand before I can say anything to this. “I know you’ve told me about tracking her phone and messages. You’ve talked to her friends and family. You don’t believe that she could be out just having fun…maybe getting back at you, wanting to make you worry or something?”

“No. Lucy would know better than to make me worry.”

He’s appraising me again. His eyes taking in how angry his words are making me. The thought that Lucy could be hurt is more than I can think, that someone has her, that someone took her from me. But the thought that she’s gone on her own…no, I can’t even believe that’s a possibility.

“Know better, huh?” I nod. “Sounds like you have her on a pretty short leash.” I grin at this description. It’s pretty accurate. “So…tell me about her…what does she like to do besides your list of chores?”

I could punch this sarcastic fuck. But I lean back in the chair, ignoring his attempts to get a rise out of me again.  “Let’s see…she’s taking cooking classes, but only on Tuesdays and Thursdays. She runs, most days at the gym, but she’s starting to follow the same path around the Lake I take every morning.” Picturing Lucy in her running outfit, I feel my stomach hurt, like
I’ve
been punched. 

“So she’s pretty active…in good shape?” I nod. “That’s good. I haven’t heard anyone matching her description at the hospitals yet, but if it was a robbery that turned violent…maybe she was able to get away…” He doesn’t say what I know he’s thinking. That it could’ve been a rape turn violent.

I squeeze my fists painfully under the table.

Chapter 6 HER

“I didn’t know you felt that way…” I try to speak calmly, quietly. But my heart is racing too. This is so not the conversation I thought we’d be having.

He puts his hands up, dropping them, laced on the back of his head. He still towers over me, but he’s a little calmer. His breathing is anyway. “I know. I’ve had my whole life to practice hiding how I feel, Lucy…I’ve become pretty good at it.”

“I’m sorry…I shouldn’t have come here…” I start to get up again.

“I told you to sit, girl.” I stop, my feet on the floor, just staring at him. He’s ordered me around a little before. I always thought he was testing me, to see if I really wanted to be submissive with Max or was only pretending to like it. But this is different. There’s no hint of grin or smile in his voice or eyes. I sit back again.

“I should’ve told you…that first time I saw you. That first Friday. I should’ve been honest.” He keeps his hands on his head, but he shakes it, shrugging. “I should’ve told you that I was as mad as Max was. That I was as crazy with being jealous and possessive as he was. That
I
would’ve punished you too for letting that guy touch you.” He looks at me, waiting for my reaction.

I don’t know what to say. I’m in a mess. Such a big mess. And I can’t think. I’m too busy trying to ignore how he’s making me feel. I’m responding to him…the same way I do Max. This is all wrong!

I jump up and push him out of my way. Or try to anyway. He’s able to grab my arm easily and push me back down. “I just want to go!”

“No.” He doesn’t yell it. Doesn’t even raise his voice or lower it. It’s a simple statement that I have no choice but to stay. I look at him and can’t read his face again. “Maybe I shouldn’t have told you all this, Lucy. But…” He lets out an angry deep sigh. “But I know that I won’t have another chance. And I meant what I said. You should stop questioning everything.”

I wait for him to continue, but he only stares at me. “How can I stop?” I put my hands on my stomach without thinking and his hands follow my movement.

“You just decide. One way or another. You know that Max won’t change.” I nod slightly. I’d convinced myself on the walk over here that I could talk to Max later. That I could get him to see that there needed to be some changes, especially if…if we’re going to have a baby. But I know I was only fooling myself. He nods to my stomach. “If you’re carrying his child now, do you really think there’s any chance that he would?”

I shake my head and lower my face into my hands, crying again. I know that there’s no chance that things could be any different with Max. It’s his way or no way. And if I’m pregnant…Oh God. I don’t know how I let this happen…I kept hoping… My sobs are loud and uncontrolled, shaking me and the sofa, my face on my knees.

Chapter 7 HIM

Jeff opens the door for my Dad and he drops his coat and jacket on the bench. Jeff follows as he strides quickly down my hall to where I sit at the table still. “Have you heard anything?” I shake my head and introduce him to Killaney. They shake hands and I nod to Jeff to get a glass for Dad.

He sits as Jeff pours him a drink. He doesn’t take it though. He’s all business. “So what do we know so far?” I fill him in on what Killaney has told me, what my investigator has learned. So far, not much.

He shakes his head, taking a first sip. “A robbery makes sense, but then where is she?” I shake my head. He reaches for his phone, glancing at messages. “I’m waiting to hear from a contact I have in the Mayor’s office…see if I can get MPU assigned to this quickly.” He sounds as frustrated as I am.

He looks around, “Where’s Jake?”

I can feel my face clouding, but I try to relax. Killaney is still watching me. He’s not even tipsy after all the scotch. “I sent him home. No use having him wait here.” I give Dad a look that he seems to understand. He doesn’t ask more questions anyway.

But Killaney picked up on the tension. “Who’s Jake?”

“My brother. I’d asked him to wait here in case Lucy showed up while Jeff I were out looking for her earlier.” I try to sound casual. I try not to let the anger I feel towards Jake enter my voice. Dad looks a little questioning at me too, but I ignore this for now.

Jeff doesn’t say anything. Even when Killaney looks up at him. He’s a loyal employee and friend. He knows I don’t want to air my family’s business. Killaney just grunts at this and writes something down quickly on his notepad.