True Heroes (64 page)
“Alas, the denial of the self eludes some people and gives rise to intelligent, self-occupying servants to a wisdom that could fill the world. We are all here to take what is ours and survive and thrive at all costs, and yet these people take conventional wisdom and turn it aside. These people have no rational way to hope for the best or ignore the worst. They do so simply as another self-serving addendum to the hoarding of the finite happiness they thrive upon to live. To clutch to a single reason to survive this day and look forward to the next. Without the ability to look forward to something, the limited capacity of their mind would quickly divulge the terrible truth that their lives are meaningless shades with which a bullet has as much meaning as another bottle of fine wine.
“There are intellectual devices that, when deployed, can harness a sliver of happiness inside of this chasm of blackness and, perhaps, bring a fallacy of truthful meaning that could survive an interval beyond our death. This may sound familiar to some of you, and yet, it is something you cannot experience without feeling pain, and so it must be that pain is a catalyst not only for learning but for the very preservation of life, creating a circle that must, as it is the nature of a circle bred for the influx of power into the self, end where it begins and destroy its own being.”
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- -
The scanner beeped again, and again, and again before the words “No More” appeared on the small display, allowing relief to wash over Caleb’s body. ‘What time is it?’
‘Time to leave.’
‘Is it?’
‘Yes. Six-twenty-one to be exact.’
‘That’s nine minutes short of time to leave.’
‘Nine minutes isn’t long enough to do anything meaningful.’
Caleb took off his carrying bag. ‘Nice to hear your echoing voice for a change.’
‘I’ve been thinking.’
‘I know. While my time was dragging like an overloaded donkey uphill, I was keeping track of your thoughts. You really like him don’t you?’
‘His words were intriguing.’
‘So is the word rhododendron, but you don’t often dwell on it.’
‘That response deserves its human placement.’
‘I’ve been awake since yesterday morning it’s the best I can do.’
Power remained silent for a long time. ‘You didn’t follow what he said?’
‘Oh I followed it, and I’m sure he’s quite sure of what he’s talking about.’
Caleb walked from the endless aisles and into the small cage area. He approached his bin and emptied the contents of his basket. ‘But?’
‘I don’t know yet. I know there’s something wrong with it, but I don’t have the wherewithal right now to defend my claim.’
‘Perhaps that’s because there is nothing wrong with what he said.’
‘He gave us the same depth in speech that a well-versed evangelist would, and you’re ready to crown him?’
‘There is evidence.’
He threw down his printer and knife on the metal counter and stood in line before the clock. ‘Like I said, I know there is, but I also know there is a lot against it.’
‘I’m not convinced of that.’
‘Ask me again when we wake up and I’m sure I’ll think of some.’
‘Joy behind you.’
“Hey Caleb.” He turned to the side and offered a tired smile. “Easier the second day?”
“Nope. Harder actually, but I’m sure I’ll get used to it.”
Her smile and eyes widened. “Every one of the bosses is impressed with you so far. Me too.”
Caleb brushed the comment aside. “Do you like your job so far?”
The cheery jingle rang three times over the crackling speakers and the line quickly moved forward. His knees barely obeyed the weak engram; they bent a few degrees with each shuffle across the cement until his arm was within reach of the machine. Having swiped his freedom, Caleb turned and felt his legs move more quickly. Joy caught up to his back. “Yeah, it’s nice being in my own office. All I do is assign jobs and push computers keys all day; it’s easy.”
“So you’re to blame for all the work I’ve been getting?”
She laughed loudly. ‘That’s a grating sound this early.’
‘Imagine waking up to that laugh. It could be yours.’
‘It’s not even her laugh that bothers me the most. Something else I can’t put my finger on.’
“I try to keep you in the same zone so you don’t have to worry about your production going down. Don’t tell them that.”
“Never. Wouldn’t want you to lose your job a few days in.”
“Thanks.”
“Why, though? Why does it matter to you?”
They reached the lobby and were searched thoroughly before hitting the chill air that beckoned the rising bulb at the horizon. “I don’t know. Just being nice I guess.”
They entered Alice’s truck at opposite doors. Caleb paused before starting it. “It would be just a courtesy if it started here, but you’ve always been friendly.”
“Maybe I want to be friendly?”
He started the truck and spoke as he backed out. “You want to be friendly, but you won’t tell me what your focus is?”
“You don’t trust me?”
“I thank you for what you’re doing for me, but I hardly trust anyone.”
She smiled widely and stared at the side of his face. “That’s fine.”
‘I do believe we’ve found that something. Her eyes are deranged.’
‘How would you know?’
‘I’ve looked in your eyes over the past twenty years.’
‘I was never deranged.’
‘At the beginning you were. She looks like you did.’
Caleb had to break the drone in the air. “Did you like the guy David brought in?”
“I didn’t really pay attention to him. Did he say anything good?”
“Some people thought so.”
They pulled off the highway and stopped at the light. “What do you think of me, Caleb?”
He sat his head back and blinked hard. “In what context?”
“As a part of the group, I guess. How would you rank us? So far.”
“I don’t know anybody real well yet.”
“I said ‘so far.’”
“Um, I don’t like David so he’s last. I guess Andrew I haven’t talked to a lot. Stewart, then Christopher and Angela. Benny is warming to me…Lacey, then you, and Alice is obviously at the top of my list.”
The light turned green. “You like Alice more than me?”
“I’m dating her.”
Joy huddled into the corner and crossed her arms. “You like her more than me….”
Caleb pulled up in front of her house. “I’m sorry I really like her. That’s why we’re dating.”
She opened the door. “You know what? Don’t even bother trying to explain a thing to me!”
The door slammed on a suddenly awake Caleb. “What the hell?”
Power appeared in the passenger’s seat. “I warned you.”
He pulled away from the curb and turned around. “What was she thinking? That I was with Alice to be close to her? Or that my feelings for my girlfriend were somehow superseded by mine for her?”
“I believe she wanted to be the apple of your eye. Just as Mr. Dyllo said: she’s after her own. You’re after yours.”
“No, and if you really wanted to bring in mine and Alice’s relationship, it’s proof that Dyllo is wrong.”
“Regale me.”
“I’m with Alice because it’s the right thing to do. That serves no agenda of mine.”
“You were with her to win a bet.”
“To save the world. You think I wanted to be with someone else? To drag someone else through the mud while I fail them?” Caleb hit the brakes hard at a stop sign. “My failures should be mine. That’s why I’m doing this.”
“To fill your guilty chasm?”
“To do the right thing. I can handle my guilt.”
They stopped before her apartment and parked the truck. “You hate yourself, Caleb, and there is nothing more gratifying to me than that, but you must realize it affects your judgment.”
Caleb exited the car slowly while retracting his power. ‘If this world was a fair place, I’d be rotting in a jail cell, but I know it’s not about fairness or what you deserve. It’s about what comes to you and what you do with it. As of right now, I’ve done nothing with everything I’ve had in my life. I just don’t want her to fall under that same cloud of lost potential.’
Power mused while softening Caleb’s steps into the apartment. He sat down while it reached about for the bedding supplies. The sun was still crowning at the enlightened fold as his eyes shut. ‘If I killed her, she wouldn’t have to worry about that failure.’
‘I don’t think you believe that, especially not with her.’
‘What if I did?’
‘Then I would’ve lost this gamble before I ever met her.’
-
- -
Power stood in the corner, listening to the repeated bleat of electronic waking until Alice finally rolled over and flicked it off. She gave out a groaning retort to the ache of her muscles before her eyes reluctantly slid further open. “You’re here.”
“I always am. He always is.”
She perked and straightened her body, marveling in the stance of the blue strut as it looked upon her. “I thought you and him were different?”
“We are.”
“So, you don’t ever have to be anywhere he is. But you are. I’m glad you are.”
Power looked off. “I think I am too.”
Alice patted the bed next to her. “He wants to sit I think. His face is strained like he wants to do something but can’t. I hope it’s sitting.”
“Your mumbles aren’t yours when I’m out like this.”
“I’m sorry. Does it bother you? Obviously it does or you wouldn’t have said anything. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” It flashed over to the bed before gently gliding to the entrapping covers, releasing the prisoner air as it gently sat. “I find your stream of monologue strangely comforting, as if I admire it.”
Alice tilted her head. “What happened last night?”
“Dyllo was right. I want what I want, and that’s all. Caleb was right.”
“About what? I didn’t think he would agree with David’s friend.”
“He doesn’t. He offered your and his relationship as prime evidence to Mr. Dyllo’s contrary.”
Alice hunched her back. “Well, he must think that we’re not in this for each other, then.”
“He’s in this to protect you and everyone else. Fear and experience have him believing that he will end up costing you something very valuable if he stays with you for long.”
“He wants to be alone?”
“No, but he would be willing to be if you didn’t want him around so much. It is, in his mind, the right thing to do.”
She placed her chin across her arms. “He’s so complicated. It’s like if he were simple he wouldn’t ever know what to do with himself, but since he’s complex he can’t know everything instantly. He’s in the perfect spot in the middle.”
“Oh don’t use that word around him.” She raised her head. “Perfect, for him, is something so much different than how it is portrayed. He’s never believed in omnipotence as my aspirations have, but rather a redistribution of what power he does acquire to cover all possibilities. Imagine a fortress being attacked from all sides, but you only have enough bricks to build one wall. If you used all the bricks to build one wall, a perfect wall, you would have three sides unguarded, however if you redistributed the bricks to build equally on all four sides, you would find defeat rushing even faster.”
“What would he do?”
“He would build the one wall, but situate the wall appropriately for each attack, moving it from one side to the other, allowing for a perfect wall to defend against every and any situation in a sublimely perfect way. Full force on all sides at the time of need: truly his most genius of ideas.”
“You like it?”
“It’s flawless.”
“What if you’re attacked all at once?”
Power’s smile was lost in the phase of its color. “There the perfect engine is made to endure; to carefully homogenize every factor in the same way as before while being chipped away at all sides. It is made so that no matter how deep the cuts or how grave the neural wounds, the attack can never be victorious simply because there is nothing to strike. Perfection as an idea in action is, thusly, a perfect machine that’s as simple as it is complex.”
She smiled at him and asked, almost shyly, “Is that what he told you last night?”
“No.”
“You don’t want to tell me? It’s none of my business is it?”
“It actually is.” Power turned and looked her in the eyes, although she couldn’t tell from the light. “He pointed out my hesitance in killing you, even in killing anybody. Maybe I did have to become so repulsed by the sight of human beings before I could muster the courage to kill, and maybe I’m fed by Caleb’s own self-hate, but I know I want to be with you right now. That’s how you and he started. He just wanted to be with you one time, and he was completely lost.”
“I’m always with you as long as you’re with him, and he’s with me.”
“Would you leave him?”
“How?”
“Would you leave him alone on a beach, stranded with a broken heart to mend?”
“I don’t know. I’ve never been here. I’ve never been with him. I’ve never even met anybody like him. Would me lying to him make you happy?”
Power dropped its head. “That would be enough for me.”
“He hates lying.” She lowered her head into her folded arms across her knees and whispered. “Can I tell you something that you promise not to tell him?”
“I swear it.”
“I’m terrified. I have been for days now. Ever since I met him. You guys. His eyes handcuffed me right when I saw them. If we ever fought and the end ever came for us, I wouldn’t know what to do. I’ll always be terrified around him, but even thinking about him being gone now makes my skin cold and my heart leak. Would I ever be brave enough to endure? I’ll have to if I want to be with or without him. If he ever wanted me to go I would, but I’ll never leave on my own.”
Power enveloped her skin and warmed the raised bumps of electrical conduction. “You would do that for him?”
“If it would make him happy.”
Power looked away and up. “You two are so similar.” Caleb’s arm twitched suddenly, drawing the attention of Alice and the blue shadow. “He’s dreaming again.”
