Trust (47 page)

Ah. So that was what this was about. “You may.”

Brianna looked up, meeting my gaze. There was a note of uncertainty in her eyes, which made me wonder what, exactly, her present was.

Bringing her arms around from behind her, I watched as she gripped the red rope I’d given her in both hands and held it out to me.

I glanced at it and then back to her. “This is my Christmas present? You want me to tie you up?”

Her pulse pounded in her neck. “Yes. Part of it.”

“Part of it?”

She nodded.

“What is the other part?”

Nothing.

“Brianna.”

She lowered her gaze back to the floor. “It’s upstairs. I-I-in Sarah’s room.”

It was probably good that she wasn’t looking at me at that precise moment, because I was utterly confused. What in the world would she have gotten me that she’d need to hide upstairs in a room we didn’t use?

I figured it was time to find out. She’d brought it up for a reason, so there was no point in delaying. It was meant to be my Christmas present after all.

Extending my arm, I took the rope from her with one hand and offered her my other to take. “Come on. Let’s go see this present, and then we’ll see about putting this rope to good use.”

Brianna hesitated for a second longer than normal before placing her hand in mine. That was unusual. It made me even more curious as to this mystery present. Was she worried I wouldn’t like it?

Slowly, we made our way hand in hand up the staircase, and through the library. When we reached the door to the room Sarah had used while staying with me, I realized that it was once again locked. I looked down at her, perplexed. “The door’s locked.”

She nodded. “Logan locked it.”

“Logan?”

“Yes. He . . . he helped me with your present.”

“I see.”

Releasing her hand, I left her standing there while I went to get the key out of my desk. When I came back, I noticed Brianna had wrapped her arms around her waist and she was shaking. “Hey. What’s wrong?”

“Can I . . . can I wait out here while you go inside?”

I had no idea what was going on, but given Brianna’s reaction, I agreed. Turning my attention back to the door, I slipped the key in and turned the knob. I took one step inside the room and stopped. All my stuff was there. Everything—my toys, my spanking bench. Everything. Exactly the way I’d had it before.

Chapter 39

Stephan

I no longer wondered what Logan had to do with her Christmas gift to
me. Brianna didn’t even want to enter the room. She must have asked Logan to set my playroom up for her, but why? Only Brianna had the answer to that question, so without more than a cursory look over everything, I turned on my heel and went back out into the hall.

Brianna was exactly how and where I’d left her. She was still holding herself, as if somehow by doing that she would be able to keep her nerves under control. Seeing how she was visibly trembling, I didn’t think it was working.

“Come here.” I pulled her into my arms. “Deep breaths. I’ve got you.”

Her chest rose and fell as she inhaled and exhaled. She held tight to my shirt, twisting it in her hands so tightly I was afraid it might rip.

“D-do-do you like it?”

“Tell me why.” My playroom obviously still upset her, so why have Logan assemble it?

“I couldn’t find anything to get you. Something you wanted. But I knew you wanted your things back. Your . . . toys.” She was struggling to get her words out—her voice was shaking.

I sighed. “Thank you. But you didn’t have to do this if it was going to make you so uncomfortable. I would have survived without them for a while.”

“I know, but I wanted to. I wanted to do this for you.”

Sometimes I truly wondered if I’d ever understand what went through her head. “It scares you.”

“Yes.”

“Why? What about it frightens you so much?”

Brianna gripped my shirt tighter, if that were possible, and I thought I felt some of the fabric near my lower back give. “Can we go back downstairs now?”

“Not until you answer my question.”

A shudder rippled through her frame.

“There are things in there that could hurt me.” Her words were muffled as she held her mouth against my chest.

I rubbed my hands up and down over her back to help comfort and calm her. It appeared to be helping, if only a little. I was sure that being just a few feet away from the room she was so fearful of wasn’t making things easier, but I wasn’t quite ready to take her away yet. “What have I told you about
things
hurting you?”

“Tha-that it’s the person using them, not the things themselves.”

“That’s right. And the only two people in this condo are you and me. Are you afraid I’ll use them to hurt you?”

“No!” It was the first clear response I’d gotten out of her since we came upstairs.

“Do you plan on using them to hurt yourself?” I knew she didn’t, but I wanted her to acknowledge it.

“No.”

Tipping her chin up, I made her look at me. I softened my voice to let her know I wasn’t upset with her in any way. “Then why are you afraid? If you know I won’t hurt you and you aren’t going to hurt yourself, then they are just things—inanimate objects.”

“What if . . . what if I remember? What if I have a flashback? If I start to . . .” She closed her eyes as if fighting off said memories.

I felt her panic rising, and I took her face in between both of my hands. “Open your eyes. Look at me.”

Brianna opened her eyes, and they were full of fear and panic.

“Good girl. Focus on my eyes. It’s just you and me. Stephan and Brianna. No one else. Breathe.”

Gradually her breathing slowed. The panic faded from her face, but the fear was still there. I wanted to take the fear from her, too, like I wanted to take every other negative thing in her life, but as with so much of it lately, I couldn’t. This was something she was going to have to face and push through on her own.

We stood there for a long while, staring at each other. The pulse in her neck beat rhythmically against my pinky. It was strange how something so simple made me feel even more connected to her than I already did.

Her pulse started to pick up its pace again. I was about to inquire as to what was wrong, when she answered my question for me. “I . . . I want to see.”

I tried to school my reaction, but she’d caught me completely off guard. “What do you want to see?”

“Your pl-play . . . room.”

“Sweetheart, you’re shaking again. Brianna, are you sure?”

She nodded. “Will you . . . will you help me?”

I brought our foreheads together, never losing eye contact with her. “Of course I will, love. I’ll be right there with you every step of the way. Whatever you need.”

Pressing her lips together, she closed her eyes briefly before meeting my gaze once more.

Without another word, I stepped back, putting a little space between us. I saw her fear skyrocket almost instantly, so I quickly repositioned myself in front of her and linked our fingers together. Standing still for a moment, I let her get her bearings. “Breathe with me. I’m right here. It’s just the two of us. When you’re ready, walk forward.”

Nothing happened for a long time. We stood there together, holding hands, her eyes focused only on me.

Then she took a step. It was small—so small that I didn’t have to move.

It was another forty seconds before she took the second step. This time, I moved with her.

Every step she took was measured, cautious, but I understood. I’d be with her all night taking baby steps if that was what she needed.

It didn’t take all night for us to reach the doorway to my newly reassembled playroom. When we made it to the entryway, though, she stopped cold.

I waited to see what she’d do.

She looked over my shoulder into the room. “It looks smaller.”

“That’s because there is a lot in here. Before, there was just a bed and a dresser. The equipment takes up more space.” I squeezed her hands, wishing I could hold her, but she needed me in front of her where she could see me and I could help to keep her in the here and now.

I knew when her gaze fell on my Saint Andrew’s cross. She swallowed hard and took a small step back.

“Remember, it’s only a thing. It can’t hurt you.”

She was quiet for almost five minutes. “You use . . . it?”

“I have, yes. I’ve used everything in this room at one point in time or another.”

A shiver ran through her.

“Do you want to get a closer look?”

Brianna shook her head.

“Okay. We’ll stay right here, then.”

For the next fifteen minutes, we stood in the doorway to the playroom. Every now and then, she’d ask me about an item, but for the most part, she just took everything in. I wanted so badly to know what she was thinking, but I wanted to give her time to process everything. This was a huge step for her.

When she was ready, we walked back out into the hall. I closed the door, but this time I didn’t lock it. “If you ever want to go inside and look at anything, Brianna, you may. I don’t want you to be afraid of anything in that room.”

I returned the key to my desk, and we went back downstairs. Although she’d given me the rope earlier, I had no idea if she was up for playing after the emotional roller coaster she’d been through. We both needed some downtime.

With that in mind, I had her wait for me on the couch while I made us some hot chocolate, lit up the little Christmas tree, and turned down the lights. I placed the mugs on the coffee table before sitting down beside her and lifting her on my lap. Once we were both comfortable, I reached for both our mugs and handed her one.

Brianna snuggled up to me. We sat drinking our hot chocolate and looking at the tree. It was all very peaceful and exactly what we’d both needed. I couldn’t think of a better way to spend Christmas Eve.

Brianna

As I began to wake up, memories of last night seeped into my consciousness. We stayed cuddled on the couch together until well after midnight. Neither one of us had wanted to move, but eventually Stephan had said we needed to go to bed or we’d both fall asleep. I had been perfectly okay with falling asleep on the couch, but he hadn’t thought it would be all that comfortable.

What he hadn’t said, but what I knew from experience, was that Stephan preferred to fall asleep next to me without any clothes between us. I couldn’t disagree with his desire, though, since I loved that part of going to sleep, too. There was something about feeling his warm skin against mine. If someone would have told me a year ago that I’d enjoy sleeping naked next to a man, I would have sworn they were lying.

Before I could roll over, he tightened his arm around me and pressed his lips against the back of my neck. “Merry Christmas, sweetheart.”

I smiled. “Merry Christmas, Sir.”

He slid his hand up my front until he was cupping my breast. “Are you ready for today?”

We were going over to Richard and Diane’s for a late breakfast and then opening presents. I had no idea how long we’d be staying, but Stephan said we wouldn’t be spending the night this time. “Yes.”

“Good.” He paused, and I felt him turn his head, then he went back to kissing my neck. “We have to get going soon, but I can’t let you out of this bed without giving you something to get your day started off right, now can I?”

Not giving me a chance to answer him, he picked up my leg with his other hand and placed it on top of his thigh, spreading my legs wide open.

Stephan used his fingers to spread the moisture between my folds and up to my clit. Every pass he made teased me more, until I began moving my hips in an attempt to gain friction.

It didn’t take him long to have me forgetting all about anything but what his hands were doing. My limbs were shaking as he worked his magic with his fingers inside me and on my breasts. Stephan was relentless with his mouth as well. He had every inch of my body tingling and hovering on the peak of pleasure before he finally gave me permission to come.

As I floated back down to reality, he continued to caress me. My bones felt like jelly, yet his hands were stirring that familiar tingle all over again. I could also feel his erection pressing into my backside, and I wondered if he was going to take me.

“Hmm. I’d love to spend the entire day in bed with you, Brianna, but I promised Diane we’d be at her house no later than ten. We’ll have to finish this later.”

He pulled away from me, leaving me feeling chilled as the cooler air hit my damp skin. I watched from the bed as he stood and stretched beside the bed. The muscles in his back flexed, as did those in his backside and legs. The sight was making me feel warm again.

Stephan looked over his shoulder and caught me ogling him. He smirked at me and then reached for my hand. I took it and flung the covers off me.

Once I was standing beside him, he pulled me flush against his naked body. I tilted my head up so I could look into his eyes. “I promise that we will have plenty of time later, love.”