Trust Me When the Sun Goes Down (22 page)

I led him straight into the kitchen, getting down a vase.  Neither one of us spoke as I filled it with water. 

“So, what have you been up to tonight?” I asked.

“Nothing much.  Looks like we’ve got the whole house to ourselves then, yeah?  How’s about we go downstairs and you let me make things right?”

“No, I’d rather talk about what happened last night.”

He came up behind me to wrap his hands around my waist.  “Why talk when I can make it up to you?”

Oh, it was tempting to fall into that familiar rhythm, but this time I recognized the ploy for what it was.  I turned around, wanting to see his eyes.  “You can’t keep shutting me out and then trying to distract me with sex.”

“I ain’t distracting you, I thought I was making things right.”

“Sex doesn’t automatically fix everything.  I can’t just forget about what happened last night, or how things are between us.”

Rob pushed away from the counter, his face drawing into a scowl.  “There’s nothing wrong between us.”

“You don’t seriously believe that, do you?”

“So I lost my temper last night.  I brung you flowers to apologize, that should be the end of it.  You’re making a big fuss over nothing.”

“This space between us isn’t nothing, Rob.  I miss what we used to have.  When’s the last time we spent an evening sitting in front of the fire talking like we used to, or watching a movie together?”

“You’re always working and so am I, that’s to be expected.”

“No, people who care about each other make time to spend together.”

“We spend plenty of time together.” 

“Yes,
in bed
,” I pointed out. 

“That’s the best kind of time together, when I can show you what you mean to me.”

“I’m not saying it isn’t wonderful, but that can’t be
all
we’re about.  Why can’t you tell me what’s going on in your life lately?  Why can’t I be a part of it?”

His face darkened, jaw tightening.  “I’ll come back when you’re in a better mood,” he ground out, but I put on a burst of speed to block him from leaving. 

“Where did you go tonight when you left the house, Rob?”

“I went out for a bit, that’s all.”

“Where did you go?”

“I went to see Laveda.  What’s with all the questions?  Ain’t I allowed to see family?”

At least he hadn’t lied about it, but he hadn’t exactly opened up either.  “Of course you are, I didn’t say you shouldn’t see her. I merely asked what you’d been up to tonight.”

“I ain’t your subject for you to order around,” he growled, growing more agitated by the second. 

“I never said you were.  Rob, whatever it is you’re dealing with, I want to help.”  I didn’t make any accusations about drugs, I wanted him to be the one to bring it up first. 

Instead, his brows drew together into a single dark line, the furrow above them deep.  “Don’t need your bloody help.  I’m four times your age. I can bloody well take care of myself without you sticking your smeller into it,” he bit out.

Refusing to be cowed, I stood up to him, not allowing him an inch.  “You’re
not
taking care of yourself, that’s the whole point.  I may be young but I’m not stupid.  This isn’t you.  It’s like you’re a different person lately.”

“Well, I am, ain’t I?  The man I was is dead and gone thanks to you.”

His words were designed to hurt, and they did, but I wasn’t about to back down and let him blow me off.  “I’m sorry for what you lost, but I don’t regret turning you.  Not if it was the only way for you to live.  I know it’ll take some time to adjust and I know you can handle it alone.  You don’t have to though, I’m here for you.  It doesn’t make you less of a man to accept my help.”   

For a split second I thought I’d gotten through to him, but then his eyes hardened.  “You don’t know a bloody thing about me.  You think just because I’ve spun a few tales for you about my childhood that you know what I’m about?”

“Yes, I think I do.  You can say whatever you want, but I know a part of you that you’ve kept hidden from almost everyone else in this world.  And I know when you’re hurting.  Just tell me, what’s bothering you?  What’s got you so crazy that you let yourself get mixed up with drugs and God knows what else?”

I’d managed to shock him, but he recovered quickly, his face shuttering closed again.  “What you going on about now?  I’m not on drugs.”

“I saw you.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I saw you meet with that dealer in the parking garage.  I saw you take something.”  I held his gaze, daring him to deny it.  It was so tempting to catch hold of his will with mine and compel the answer from him, and I had to force myself not to when he shook his head.

“That wasn’t drugs, you nit,” he snorted and if I hadn’t seen it with my own two eyes, I might’ve believed him.  “What were you doing there at that time of night anyway?”

Uh oh.
  “It’s not important.  What was it then if it wasn’t drugs?  I saw you give him money.”

“So what if I did?  I bought stims is all, nothing wrong with that.” 

That brought me up short.  “Have you been taking stims this whole time?” I gaped at him, the pieces clicking into place.  No wonder he was so jittery and agitated all the time.  “Rob, that’s not good for you.  They’re not designed for long term use.”

“You’re making more of this than there is.  I ain’t mainlining heroin, I need a pick me up from time to time is all.” 

“From time to time or every day?”  He avoided my gaze and I chased after him.  “Rob, are you taking stims every day?” 

“It’s not that big of a deal, I can handle it.”

Of course he was able to stay up so late and get up so early.  It wasn’t his special metabolism at all.  “Why would you do that?  There’s nothing so important you’d need to risk your health like that to carve out a couple extra hours in your night.”

“Easy for you to say, you ain’t the one being put to bed like an infant,” he snorted.  “How else am I to keep up with all the demands put on me?  How else am I to keep up my strength?”

“What demands?  Rob, if setting up the business is putting that much pressure on you, then forget it.  Nothing’s more important to me than you.”  I reached up to touch his cheek, but he shook his head, pulling away from my hand. 

“I ain’t a quitter.  You’re counting on this and I ain’t about to let you down.”

I could see he wasn’t about to give it up no matter how much I insisted I’d rather have him healthy and whole than the security business.  “Fine, how about you lean on Lee a little more then?  Let him pick up some of the slack.” 

“Lee don’t know his arse from his elbow when it comes to business,” he scowled.  “He’s been less than useless.”

“Okay, but that doesn’t mean you have to do it all yourself.  Maybe the three of us should sit down and hammer out a workable plan?  I know he’s worried about you and what you’re going through.  He said you’ve been afraid of something.  Can you tell me what it is?”

Just like that his anger kicked up a notch again.  “Afraid?  What kind of bollocks is that?”

“He only meant…”

Rob grabbed me by the arms, fingers digging into my flesh.  “I don’t need you broadcasting my private business to the world.  It’s none of his fucking business what I do.”

I ignored the pain, trying to talk him down from another stim-fueled outburst.  It was obvious he wasn’t in full control of his emotions anymore.  “He only said it because he cares about you.  We all care about you,” I said gently.

Instead of being soothed, Rob gripped me by the throat with bruising strength, his words erupting in a snarl.  “Don’t you go on talking to others about something you know nothing about.”

My eyes flew wide in shock more than anything else.  Sure, it hurt, but the act itself hurt more than any physical pain.  I wasn’t a delicate flower though, and my hand shot up to grasp his wrist, hard enough to make him let go.  Before I had a chance to ask him what the hell he was thinking, he staggered back, his face crumpled in agony that had nothing to do with my hold on his arm. 

“What have I done?” he breathed, fear creeping into his voice.  Looking down at his trembling hands, he backed away, too heartsick to look at me. 

All of this happened in the space of a few heartbeats and as soon as I could draw in a full breath I started toward him.  “Rob, it’s okay.” 

“No, it fucking hell ain’t.”  He turned and fled down the stairs and I could guess what he was doing from the racket he made in the closet.

“You’re leaving?” I asked from the doorway, watching him toss a few clothes into his black duffel.

“I need to go.”

“That’s not what I want.  Now that everything’s out in the open, we can start to fix this.”

He shoved his clothes in so roughly I thought he might tear a hole in the canvas bag.  “I can’t be around you when I’m so out of control.  What if I’d hurt you?” 

“But you didn’t,” I said softly, moving slowly, the way I’d approach a wounded animal. 

“But I could’ve.”

“But you
didn’t
,” I insisted, stilling his hands with mine.  “Running away won’t solve anything.”

“You’re right, a stake though the heart might be a better solution,” he muttered, looking away and I dipped to meet his gaze.

“Hey, don’t even talk like that.  Look, you got yourself into trouble, don’t make it worse by refusing to accept help.”

His hazel eyes swung up to meet mine, hooded with remorse.  “How can you say that after how I done you wrong?”

“Because I happen to love you.  And I claimed you, remember?  That makes you my responsibility.”

“You didn’t choose this.”

“I chose you. 
All
of you.”  I pulled him down to sit beside me on the bed.  “And I’m not running away at the first hint of danger.  If anything, I’m relieved you’re on stims.”

His brow puckered in confusion.  “How can you say that?”

“Like you said, it’s better than mainlining heroin or sleeping with Laveda.”

“Is that what you thought?”

“I didn’t know what to think,” I admitted honestly.  “Half the time you were making things up to me with sex, I started to worry what it was you were trying to make up for.”

“I’ve fed from her, but it wasn’t more than that.”

He’d been feeding from Laveda?  That was an image I didn’t need pinging around in the back of my brain.  I could understand why he’d turn to her if he was in need, her blood would satisfy him more than most, but that didn’t mean I wanted to hear about it.  But since we were in the confessing mood…  “I should tell you, I had to give Carter some of my blood.  He was shot up pretty bad and I only did it to save him.  But I swear to you, it wasn’t like it is with us, not at all.” 

“Carter’s in town?” he blinked.

“I guess we haven’t had much of a chance to talk lately.”

“Apparently so.”  He didn’t seem angry though, just down, his shoulders slumping as he sank down beside me. 

“And I’m ready and willing to tell you anything you want to know.  All I ask is you do the same.  We can’t keep secrets from each other and expect to stay close, that’s as much my fault as it is yours.  Just promise me you’ll stay so we can work things out.”

“You’ve so much on your plate already, you don’t need my mess mucking things up.”

“What I need is
you
.  So the sooner we get you back on track, the sooner life smoothes out for both of us.”

Rob was silent for long seconds before he picked up my hand and a tiny knot unfurled in my stomach.  “I don’t deserve you,” he said simply.

“Do you love me?” I countered and his head canted to one side.

“Course I do.  You know I love you heaps, yeah?”

“Yes, I do.  I love you too, that’s all that matters.  We’ll get this worked out as long as we don’t forget that.”

“That might be simplifying it a bit.  Life ain’t all sparkle wings and faerie stories.  Things don’t always go smooth as we’d like.”

“I know, that’s why I want to be here for you.  I know you can get past this, I have every faith in you.”  He was the strongest willed man I knew. 

Finally, I saw something come into his eyes that’d been lacking this whole time – determination and a spark of hope.  “Just knowing you’re still mine gives me more strength than you know.”

“Hey, I’m not that easy to get rid of,” I chuckled.  “But to be totally clear here, you’re still mine too, right?”

His forehead came to rest against mine.  “I’m yours, for as long as you’ll have me.”

It was music to my ears, and my lips found his in the next instant, making a promise to each other with a gentle kiss.  “Then no more talk about running away unless you’re planning on taking me with you, okay?”  At his ready nod, my heart soared lighter, daring to try and brighten the mood.  “Good, or I’ll have to keep you chained to the bed.  Laveda’s already offered to loan me her cuffs again.”