Trusting Bull: Savage Brothers MC (3 page)

I start to do that very thing until I remember the look of disgust on Skye’s face as she called me on it. She’s a good woman—a strong woman. She’s the type of woman a man could hold on to and never worry about what the future holds.
She’s a woman worth trying for
.

That’s the thing right there. I haven’t felt like getting out of bed in so fucking long, let alone trying. Skye changes that. I palm the bottle in my hand and tighten it up. I can feel the plastic bending under the weight of my grip. I sit down on the concrete ledge that separates section A from this one. I put the pills beside me and stare at them while I dial my phone.

It takes three rings before the sleepy sounding voice answers, “Hello?” she asks, sounding confused.

“I need a favor,” I tell her straight out, not beating around the bush.

“Who is it?” I hear Crush in the background saying. “It’s just Nic, go back to sleep Cowboy,” she says before her voice comes back to the receiver. Her voice is stronger now, clear and definitely wide-awake. “Let me go into the bathroom. I don’t want to disturb, Zander.”

I keep staring at the pills, alternating between being afraid of what I’m about to do and afraid of
not
doing it. I place my free hand on my leg and watch as it shakes. I don’t think it has anything to do with the occasional tremors I have. I hear a door close through the phone and then Dani’s voice comes back to me.

“What do you need, Bull?” she asks, her voice laced with concern. Dani has gone through a lot of changes since she and Crush worked shit out. I hated her once. Part of me still might. But she was the only one who saw me sinking. She was the only one who reached out a hand. I still remember the last time I saw her before she and Crush left to join Diesel’s crew in Tennessee. She hugged me, which frankly scared the hell out of me. Dani and I didn’t have that kind of relationship. I never wanted one with her. I blamed her for all kinds of shit, even if most of it wasn’t her fault. She made mistakes that hurt people I loved and, therefore, that made her someone not worth my time. Saying that now makes me an asshole, because the mistakes I made aren’t exactly minor and I don’t have the reasons behind them like Dani did.

“You didn’t have to lie to him,” I tell her, stalling. My voice is gruff, and I can almost taste my own fear. Hell, Skye was right to look at me with disgust.

“Did you want me to tell him the truth?” she asks, because she knows why I’m calling. She knows because on that last day when she hugged me she pressed a note in the palm of my hand. I waited until I was alone to read it, and I was glad I did.

I know what you do when you think no one sees. I see the emptiness in you because I’ve lived it. If you ever need a friend, I’m here. Call me.

I destroyed the note, but I stored the number she scribbled at the bottom into my phone. I’ve never used it, never even thought about it, until Skye threw my drug test results in my face. Now I sit here facing the fact that I’ve lost a shot at a good woman because of what I’ve become.

Realistically I knew it would be hard to get close to Skye with the damned way we met the first time between us. I always suit up.
Always
. Except for that one night when I was higher than a kite and feeling no pain. Melissa went down on me and a condom on my cock was the last thing I thought about when she took me into that wet mouth of hers and sucked me like a damn vacuum cleaner.

I rake my hand over the back of my neck and hold it there. Hoping the warmth staves off some of the pain.

“Bull?” Dani questions again and, shit, I wonder how long I’ve had her on the phone, not talking.

“Not really, I guess,” I answer clearing my throat. “I…fuck I don’t know why I’m calling.”

“Yeah you do.”

“Yeah, I guess I do,” I tell her hating the defeat in my voice.

“It’s good you called, Bull.”

“You think?” I joke, thinking it’s anything but good.

“Yeah, it means you’re tired of falling.”

Falling.
Yeah that’s a good term for it.

“So what now?” I ask her because I don’t know what I thought she could do from another state away, but I just know I don’t have the first clue of what to do on my own.

“We find you help.”

“I thought that’s what you were supposed to be? My help, I mean.”

“You need meetings, Bull. You need sobriety. I’m an ear and someone who’s been where you’re at right now. I’m a sounding board that’s not here to judge. I’d like to say friend, but I don’t have to be. I can be your sponsor if you’d rather.”

“Sponsor?”

“Yeah, I have one. Though honestly, Zander is my rock these days. Still, there are times when I need to reach out to Leslie.”

I take a deep breath. “So, sponsor, where do we go from here?”

Her voice comes back to me and it’s one word, but I hear her happiness in it and I hold onto it. She’s a woman who lived without happiness for so long. She had every reason to give up. If she can find it, maybe I can, too.

“Up,” she says. “We go up, Bull.”

I take a breath. Then another. I stand up, grab the bottle and walk to the large trashcan in front of the elevators.

“I want to try,” I tell her and throw the pills in the garbage.

“That’s the hardest step to take, Bull.”

She’s not lying. It does feel that way. I hope this doesn’t end up being another thing I fail at.

Skye

Three Months Later

I
love the
mountains in Kentucky. I love everything about them. From their large rolling views to the way they make you feel sheltered and protected—almost as if you were in God’s arms. They grabbed my attention years ago and never let go. It’s the main reason I decided to settle here with Matty. They’re gorgeous any time of the year—from Spring, when new growth takes place and different hues of green call to you, to Autumn, when trees set off a display of colors that no firework show could match. They hold so much beauty it takes my breath away. They all pale in comparison to what I’m looking at now, however. It’s a beautiful day, and I decided to have lunch on the cement picnic tables out from the courtyard of the hospital. It’s relatively empty, because most of the hospital staff likes to congregate in the food court area. I hate crowds, so this suits me better. The fact that Mr. Kane is staring down at me right now leaves me torn between wondering if I shouldn’t run back towards to the food court or ask him to sit down. I haven’t seen him in three months. I thought our last encounter had chased him off, and it was for the best. I shouldn’t have missed him—
but I did
, and not seeing him made me sad.

“Mr. Kane.”

“Hey Doc, did you miss me?” he asks, and he’s smiling and clearly joking but something about him is different.

“Was I supposed to?”

“Ouch, Doc, that hurts,” he says sitting down.

“Have a seat,” I tell him, sarcastically.

“What is that you’re eating?” he says, curling up his nose.

I can’t say as I blame him. I look down at my sad chicken wrap and drop it back onto the plate.

“I think it’s a new concoction the hospital cafeteria is working on in case of a zombie apocalypse.”

“Zombie apocalypse?”

“Yeah something they freeze dried for a year, and it was supposed to keep. Only I don’t think it did. Oh well, I wasn’t real hungry.”

“Now that’s a shame, Doc because I come bearing gifts,” he says and it’s then that I notice he’s holding a paper bag and a drink carrier. I missed it before because the man is so fine, I find myself glued to his beautiful eyes and then the way his t-shirt likes to cling to that stomach. It’s no wonder I fantasize about him.
I’m only human after all.

He puts his items on the table and reaches in and brings out two wrapped sandwiches and hands me one along with a large coffee.

“What are you doing?”

“Having lunch with you? I didn’t know how you liked your coffee so I got it black, but there’s some creamer and shit in the bag if you want it.”

I look at him like he’s grown two heads. I haven’t seen or heard from him since our last run in, and I’m not sure what I thought would happen if I saw him again.
Fantasies don’t count!
But one thing I do know, I certainly wasn’t expecting this.

“I don’t drink coffee,” I tell him, because I don’t know what else to say.

He stops unwrapping his sandwich to smile at me, “I’ll remember that for next time.”

Next time?

I unwrap my sandwich and nearly groan in appreciation.
BLT! Yum!
I start eating it and drink the water that I already had. We sit there in silence for a few minutes, just eating, before I just have to ask him.

“What is this, Mr. Kane?”

“We’re having lunch, Doc.”

“I get that. What I don’t understand is why.”

“Why? Can’t I just want to have lunch with you?”

“Mr. Kane, we discussed this. I can’t and won’t date…”

He reaches into the pocket of the leather vest he’s wearing and pulls out a piece of paper, sliding it across the table to me.

“What’s this?” I ask unfolding it. When I read it, my hand shakes.
What does he mean with this?

“Three months clean, Doc. Me and my dick,” he states, biting into his sandwich as if he’s discussing the weather.

“I’m happy for you, Mr. Kane, but…”

“Relax, Doc. I wanted you to know that I’m not the man you first met, I’ve changed. Plus, I’ve thought on what you said, and I realized I’ve never had a woman friend.”

“This news doesn’t surprise me.”

“Sarcasm can be ugly, Doc,” he says with a wink.

I have to struggle not to choke on the water I’m swallowing.

“Anyways, I hate being called Mr. Kane, and I hate my first name. If I’m ever going to get you to call me Bull, I figure we need to be friends.”

“Friends? Without benefits?” I clarify.

“Why Doc? Are you offering?”

“No. I mean, I just assumed that…I mean I don’t want….”

He starts laughing, and I haven’t heard him laugh before. It’s a good sound. Solid and firm, warm and inviting and I should
not
be noticing it.

“Yeah, Doc. Just friends, no benefits, except you calling me Bull, and me spending time with you.”

I ignore the sensation deep down inside of me that feels like disappointment at his offer. I give him my agreement with a smile. “Always happy to make new friends Mr…. I mean, Bull.”

“That right there makes it all worth it.”

“You’ll have to explain that remark,” I tell him drying my hands.

“Hearing you say my name with a smile on your face.”

“And this,
all worth it
? What exactly does that mean?”

“You’re a sharp one, Doc.”

“Medical school and being a mom,” I explain. “You can’t afford to let a lot slip by you.”

“Gotcha. Well that’s a question for another day.”

“It is?”

“Yeah. Tomorrow? Same place and time?” he asks.

“I don’t work tomorrow.”

“Then meet me for lunch.”

“I’m sorry, I can’t. I have plans.” I tell him and wave at Buck and Alex, the cardiac floor nurse. Buck is one of the janitors on staff, I wasn’t aware he and Alex were friends, but I like both of them, so it’s nice to see.

“What kind of plans?” Bull persists, demanding my attention.

“Would a friend be asking me that?”

“Well, we’re new friends, so allowances have to be made.”

“That doesn’t make a bit of sense. But, if you must know, I have a parent teacher conference tomorrow.”

“Then meet me after it. Weavers? Come on. You haven’t lived if you don’t try one of their hotdogs.”

I should say no. I almost have the words out, then I hear myself say, “Okay, around two?”

“Perfect,” Bull says, and I don’t know whether to kick myself or him for the cocky look of victory he’s wearing.

AW

Her hair shines
in the warm sun. When I look at her it’s almost as if God is surrounding her with a halo.
An angel
. That’s what she is. Always so kind and giving to everyone. I left her a note today in her locker telling her how much I loved her laugh. I saw the smile and the careful way she folded the note back up. I wanted to approach her then, but I stopped myself. I can’t rush this. It has to be perfect. I must force myself to move slow and plan. I must be methodical. The last woman wasn’t pure enough. She wasn’t worthy. I have to make sure this time.

This time it must be perfect.

Bull

I
watch as
she walks towards me and my heart slams in my chest like I am some damn teenage boy. Skye is beautiful. She’s curvy but athletic, her blue eyes sparkle, even from a distance, and that auburn hair adorns her head like a crown. I want to wrap my hands around it and feel it. Use it to hold onto her while she’s sucking my cock, or, hell, when I bend her over a table and fuck her hard. Her skin is pale porcelain, and I can’t help but imagine the pink hue it would turn after I spank her ass and the perfect outline of my hand that would be left behind. Jesus, I’m getting a hard-on in broad daylight standing outside of a fucking elementary school.

“Hi,” she says, and she looks almost shy. Her cheeks are even tinted pink. That’s not helping my poor dick at all. Now I want to know how deep that color can run. Will her whole body flush with color? Fuck are her nipples that same color?

“Hey, Doc. You look beautiful.” It’s not a lie, she’s wearing a green sweater and blue jeans that cling to her perfectly, with these brown boots that click when she walks and mold to her legs. I’ve never found boots sexy, but on her they are. The green sweater brings out the gold, red, and other hues in her hair and hugs her generous breasts in a way that makes me jealous of it.

“I thought we were going to meet at Weavers?”

“It’s just across the street. I saw you walk up about the time I got off my bike, figured I’d wait on you,” I tell her. It’s a lie. I was here early, because I wanted to see her with her son. Why? I do not know. I just know watching her with him, brought me pleasure. She’s just how I thought she would be with him. Matty is a lucky boy.