Trusting Jake (Blueprint To Love Book 1) (17 page)

Take it all
. "I just remembered that I committed to someone . . . something else tonight. I wish I could get out of it."
Real smooth, Jake
. Make an awkward moment worse. Cursing his gaffe, her eyes widened in understanding. Jen's smile no longer reached her eyes. That moment, Jake acknowledged the magical day was officially over. The tiny window she'd opened for him was now shuttered.    

"I hope you have a great evening." Stepping around him, she walked into the foyer. "Let me get your coat."

***

Jenna mentally shook her head for the hundredth time. Had Saturday really happened? Or had it all been a dream? Perhaps she and Jake had occupied an alternate dimension for that brief, glorious day. Every time she passed the beautiful tree, each time she breathed in the pine permeating her house, she wondered. Because the Jake she was stuck with back in reality bore absolutely no resemblance to the kind, considerate, wonderful man she'd spent time with Saturday.

Reality Jake was a bear. Cold and distant and polite. For three long days, there had been no jokes, no banter. There'd been no smiles. He'd been unfailingly polite, yet at the same time, surly and short with her. As though occupying the same space suddenly bothered him tremendously.  

Maybe it was the Baltimore deal. Willoughby was turning up the pressure. He wanted a meeting and he wasn't willing to wait. Holidays be damned. With Christmas only three days away, Willoughby wanted Jake in Baltimore before the new year. Jen wondered whether he would expect her to go. It was hard enough resisting him when he was friendly. To be so close to him and not reveal her feelings. But, in a bad mood. . .

She rose from her desk and stretched. Being around Jake when he was cold and distant was even worse. It didn't stop her from wanting to soothe him. It didn't stop her from loving him, but his rejection hurt twice as much.

Thinking about Mona's plan to corner him at Christmas, she shivered. Jen was tempted to warn her off. There was no way Mona would emerge victorious, not if Jake was still in a black mood by the weekend.    

When her phone rang, she reached for it. "Hi, Mona. I'm fine." Distracted, she sank back into her chair. "Uh . . . no. We– I still don't know about Rick." Crossing her fingers, Jenna floundered for an excuse . . . any excuse for why she couldn't possibly spend Christmas Day with the entire Traynor clan. With Jake– surly, silent Jake. An endless day spent longing for something she could never have.

"Mona– I-" Hesitating when she heard footsteps behind her, she felt Jake's brooding presence before she turned to confirm it. His gaze burned intently as he waited for her to finish the call. "Thank you for the invitation for Christmas Day. You're very kind. I just don't know if-"

Guilt weighing heavy, she was suspended in time, trapped in the conversation with Mona as Jake continued to stand there, not bothering to hide his eavesdropping. Taking a deep breath, Jen interrupted. "And I appreciate the thought. I'm sure the kids would love it."

Risking a glance at him, she shrugged when he scowled. "Mona, I'm sorry, but I couldn't get a sitter for your party tomorrow night. About Christmas . . . can I let you know in the morning?"

When she finally hung up, Jen released a shuddering breath, praying he would be miraculously gone when she turned back. No such luck. "Did you want something?"

"I need you in Baltimore next Tuesday. We'll probably leave Monday afternoon. You'll have to arrange some sort of daycare thing, because we'll be there through Wednesday, at least. Maybe Thursday." 

"I– uh . . . okay." She nodded, her heart plunging to her toes. Dear God . . . what would she do with the kids?

"Will that be a problem?"

As though sensing her panic, the challenge in his voice was unmistakable. She stiffened over his inference. "I knew travel was a possibility when I accepted this job," she answered, her voice icy. "Could I meet you there Tuesday?"

"I thought we'd travel together . . . but if you can be there by eight that morning, I don't see a problem."

That meant getting a sitter to the house by five am. She had the uncomfortable feeling he was reading her thoughts. Though her body wanted to sag in defeat, Jen refused to reveal her desperation. "I'll let you know what I work out." Defiantly, she met his implacable gaze. "Is that all?" 

"What did my mother want?"

There was no friendliness to his tone. Jake's eyes were bleak, his face hollow. As though something terrible had occurred in the days since Saturday that only he was privy to.

Still reeling from the bomb he'd just dropped, Jen was happy to return the favor. Not nearly as sorry over the thought of upsetting him as she'd been a few minutes earlier, she braced herself. "Your mother invited us out to the farm for Christmas with your family."

His deafening silence seemed to last forever. "I'm surprised Rick would want to spend the holiday with strangers . . . after being away so long. I'd want to keep you and the kids all to myself," he announced, his voice gruff. "But then, I'm not big on sharing."

Wincing at his harsh words, she made her decision. Her jumpy stomach voiced what her heart already knew. It felt too much like the old days . . . when she'd been afraid of Rick. What he'd say or do to ruin something important to her. Jake couldn't be more clear. He didn't want her interfering with his family's tradition. And could she blame him? She would probably feel the same.

Mona had been wrong to invite her. But Jake didn't have to be such a jerk about it– especially when she was the one caught in the middle. Anger sparked through her– at him for making her so tense– and herself for allowing his foul temper to affect her. He wasn't Rick . . . and she didn't have to tolerate his mercurial moods. Despite her desire to avoid trouble, Jen suddenly felt the urge to put him in his place.               

"Since you clearly find the idea offensive, I'll call her back and decline. I don't want to ruin your Christmas, Jake." Rising from her desk, she deliberately stepped around him to retrieve her coat. "The kids and I will have a wonderful holiday at home. They'll be busy with their presents, anyway."

"What do you mean . . . the kids and I?"

Thrusting her arms into her coat, she ignored him. "I'm going to lunch."

"Wait." He trailed her into the hall.

She'd sworn she wouldn't lose her temper, but had done it anyway. Now, he'd be even more grouchy, and she had herself to blame.

"Come back to my office. It won't take a minute."

***

Jake watched as she reluctantly turned and retraced her steps. Her eyes wary, she appeared tense and fed up when she finally closed the door and faced him. His stomach churning, he felt like an unbelievable jerk. Why was he acting this way? Dammit, she'd done nothing wrong. Yet, he'd been venting his mounting frustration on anyone unfortunate enough to be in his path.
Because he couldn't have her
. His misery and confusion over Jen was driving him slowly mad.

It had to stop.           

"Jake– I'll call her back and explain we can't make it, but regardless of how you feel about her . . . I like her very much." She risked a furtive glance at him before blurting out the rest. "I won't hurt her feelings like you do."    

He winced at the direct hit, but knew it was deserved. No wonder Jen looked tense. He'd been behaving like a bad-tempered ass toward everyone. His staff had begun avoiding him. "Ouch. You certainly don't hold back."

Her lips twitched as she fought to hide a smile."If it's any consolation, neither do you."

Saturday night with Bev had been a disaster. He'd sacrificed the opportunity to spend an evening with Jen, to discover what made her tick– to maybe figure out why he was so damn hung up on her. Hell– just to enjoy her company for a few more hours. And he'd squandered it on a woman who would never come close. Whose fault lie not in looks or personality, but in simply not being Jenna.

"For the record, I don't hate my mother . . . and I certainly don't want you to be rude to her." Jake sighed as he leaned back against his desk. "Look, I'm sorry for what I said. I would love it if you and the kids spend the holiday with us."

Jen shook her head in confusion. "Then why-"

"I don't know," he lied. The thought of enduring a day spent watching her with her husband would have been too much to bear. He couldn't have gotten through it– not with his entire family bearing witness. Mona would pick up on his misery in a heartbeat. Then everyone would wonder what his problem was. Or worse– they'd know for sure. "Why isn't Rick-" 

She averted her eyes. "H-he can't m-make it."

Can't or won't?
Just once, why couldn't the father of her children be there for them? Already feeling guilty over his demand that she join him in Baltimore, Jake had thrown down the gauntlet in a frustrated attempt to force her husband to man up. To care for his kids. Jake knew his animosity for Rick was purely personal. For the man who possessed what he would give anything to have. But his anger toward Rick placed Jen squarely in the middle. If he wasn't careful, she would get fed up with his insults and leave him.

"Please come Saturday?" When Jen remained unconvinced, he resolved to try harder. For both their sakes, he had to put a choke-hold on this stupid craving he had for her. It wasn't her fault that the sheer need to touch her was practically killing him.

"How about if I promise to be extra nice to my mother? Would that sway you?" His pledge gained her attention, though Jen was clearly still suspicious. She stared at him, mentally sizing him up for several seconds before finally speaking.

"Strained civility or down-home Christmas friendly?"

In spite of the tension, he laughed, unable to contain it. "Down-home what? The second one, definitely." When Jenna nodded her approval, relief trickled through him. "So, we've got a deal?"  

"I'm not sure you'll be able to pull it off." But she was smiling as she headed for the door. "We have a deal."

Happiness ignited in his chest. For the first time in days, the black cloud hovering over his head lifted. Jake wasn't sure why. Christmas would still be torture– spending the day with her, yet unable to reveal how he felt. But today– he was willing to settle for whatever terms she brokered. Because he couldn't risk losing Jenna. Even if it could only ever be her friendship– he could still see her every day at work. If he didn't blow it.

Pushing off the desk, Jake crossed his office in three strides, remembering the news he'd learned that morning.

"Jen– one more thing," he called after her. "Willoughby's finally assigned a project manager on his end. We'll meet with him in Baltimore." He caught up to her in the hall. "Good news, too. We went to school together."

"That seems too good to be true."

"Well, I haven't seen him in years," he clarified, "but Steve and I were in the same frat. Can you believe it?"

She shook her head in disbelief. "Maybe the job will go smoother than we thought." 

"Yeah. I think you'll like him. Baldwin was always a big hit with the women on campus."

Chapter 11

"Baldwin?" Jenna choked out the name.

"Yeah, Steve Baldwin . . . works for the owner's rep." Jake's eyes sparked with sudden curiosity. "Why? You know him?"

She swallowed nervously. "I—um . . . the name sounds familiar. Where'd he work before?" It was probably a different guy. Baldwin was a common name. Maybe-

"We lost track of each other after graduation. I know he's spent several years with Whitney Group. They're pretty big in Baltimore."

The memory was enough to set her heart pounding. As a precaution, she'd hidden Whitney Group under a subsidiary company's name on her resume. Now, in a week she'd be face to face with the man who'd taken a wrecking ball to her life . . . the life she'd believed was safely buried forever. "I-I've heard of them. They . . .um. . . manage design-build work."

"That's right," he confirmed. Leaning heavily against the corridor wall, she prayed she didn't appear as though she were about to faint. The blood roaring in her ears, it was all she could do to remain upright. Jake's lips were still moving. She tried desperately to focus on his words.

". . . this is a great opportunity," he continued. "With all the local talent they could've chosen, they wanted to work with us," he emphasized. "My friendship with Steve probably didn't hurt. He convinced the owner to give us a shot."

Jenna had doubts. The only certain thing was that Baldwin couldn't be trusted.

"Hopefully our results will prove it," he said, oblivious to the fact that she was in danger of tossing the contents of her roiling stomach. She needed fresh air.

"I have to go," she blurted. Not only was she afraid for herself– of everyone discovering the past she'd worked so hard to bury, but now she would be forced to worry about Specialty, too. How could she protect Jake without divulging the humiliating details of her experience at the Whitney Group? How would she convince him the biggest deal of his life might end up breaking him? Without breaking herself in the process?

"Jen– are you all right? You look pale."

"I– I'm . . . hungry. . . that's all," she lied, her mind still frozen with panic. The foundation of her new life was eroding before her eyes. "I think I'll run out for lunch." 

"Where're you headed? Mind if I tag along?"

Jen swallowed hard. She had to get away from him, from those knowing eyes. Jake never missed a thing, and there was no way to absorb the shock she'd just been dealt, not soon enough to hide it from him. "Actually. . . I'm doing some last-minute Christmas shopping for the kids. I– have to make arrangements to pick up the kitten at the animal shelter. I'll have to take a rain check."

***

      Overnight, Jenna became a nervous wreck. Each time she allowed herself to think about the Baltimore deal, her stomach knotted with the anticipation of meeting Baldwin. In five short days she would meet again with the man who had deliberately destroyed her. The man who knew her past– who knew
his
sordid version of her past.  

Steve Baldwin had cut her down for sheer sport. Jen wasn't sure how she would react to seeing him. Could she survive a close encounter? She'd slogged through the ordeal, had grown stronger because of it. She'd recovered. Her new life was built around a hard-won sense of security, but it teetered on the fragile foundation she'd constructed– from the deception that lay at the cornerstone.

It was Christmas Eve. The night of miracles. Jen added another log to the fire crackling in the hearth, forcibly shaking off her troubled thoughts. There was no sense in allowing worry to ruin her holidays. She smiled when she heard the kids stampede overhead. It was the one night of the year she didn't have to argue to get them ready for bed. Soon enough they'd be back downstairs for the Christmas ritual. Each year they picked one special present to open before bed. After the excitement died down, she would read a Christmas story. Finally, blessedly, they would race eagerly to bed . . . only to awaken at the first light of dawn.

This year, she would choose the present . . . only because she didn't want the wide-eyed kittens trapped in a box overnight. It had been hard enough to keep them quiet in the laundry room earlier today. She heard them now, mewing softly in the haphazardly wrapped package. Smothering a giggle, she peered behind the couch to eye the box. The present looked more like Swiss cheese than a Christmas gift since she'd gone overboard on the air holes.

Her original intent had been one kitten. But standing in the animal shelter, staring at a sea of adorable cats, it had been too difficult to choose only one. Two kittens would mean less fighting– she hoped. Of course, two also meant twice the chaos– twice the vet bills. . .

She shrugged. Too late now. The next hour would be absolute bedlam. Until she could finally tuck them in. Jen experienced a flicker of absolute happiness. For this brief, shining moment, all was right in her world.

But for how much longer? The weight of guilt was beginning to crush her. She should've been honest with Jake. She should have confessed about Rick months ago. Now, it was too late. How would she ever convince Jake to trust her word over the friend he'd known for years when she'd lied to him about the very essence of who she was? How would she persuade her boss to scrutinize the project . . . to trust his gut if something didn't sound right? That maybe he should turn down the job.

The warning signs had already begun. The site plans were unclear... the drawings were being revised again. And Baldwin was pressuring Jake to cut a deal . . . without benefit of a final look at the changes. In the old days, he'd been called 'The Closer'– willing to do anything to cut a deal if it meant profit for Whitney Group. Mr. Whitney had defined the unethical practices as 'rigorous project management'.

She shivered despite the heat from the fire. Jake believed it was a lucky coincidence his old college friend was involved in the deal he'd dreamed of. He'd already convinced himself it was a project he couldn't turn down. Jen had no doubt Baldwin would use Jake's eagerness to his advantage.

And what would happen when Baldwin saw her again? When he told Jake his version of her departure? His handsome face swam before her eyes. Jake would remember their kiss. When a
married
woman had attacked him. Steve's allegations would ring true. When he discovered she'd lied about Rick, her credibility would be gone. Jake would never view her the same way again.

Would never trust her again.

"Mommy! Let's do the presents. We're in our jammies," Alex shouted as he thundered down the stairs.

How would she find the courage to walk away from him once he knew the truth?

***

"How was your Christmas? Did you get lots of presents from Santa?" Jake smiled the next day as the kids tumbled from the car.

"We got kittens, Jake! Santa dropped them off early," Alex shouted as he jumped out. "Mommy found 'em on the back step last night." The little boy launched himself into his arms. "Mine's all black, 'cept for the tip of his tail."

Catching him easily, he gave Alex a hug before setting him on the snowy ground. "That's great, Sport. What's his name?"

"I can't decide. I think he looks like Bob."

Jake chuckled as he moved around the car to help Megan out. He'd been waiting by the window for nearly an hour, impatient for the festivities to begin. Last Christmas had been a much-needed break from the long hours he put in at Specialty . . . but he'd spent the holiday at the farm reluctantly. Because it was tradition. Because he needed a few days off. Because he loved his family. Not that he hadn't enjoyed himself, he admitted, but he hadn't felt overwhelmed with spirit. He'd simply gone through the motions.

What a difference a year made.

"Merry Christmas, Meg. How about you? Was Santa good to you?" His stomach plunged when she threw her arms around his neck and kissed him soundly on the cheek.

"My kitten is beautiful. She's all patches of brown and orange and white," she explained, her eyes lit with excitement. The normally serious little girl couldn't seem to stop smiling. "And what's her name?"

"She's definitely Chloe. Oh, Jake . . . she's so cuddly and sweet. You hafta come see them."

He glanced at Jenna, her eyes glowing with a happiness matched by her beautiful smile. "I promise I will soon," Jake vowed. "Why don't you come inside and meet my family? My brother Jeff has a big surprise for you."

"What is it?" They cried in unison.

"Not yet. You've got to wait a little while."

"Is Harry here, too?" Jenna's husky voice sent awareness crawling up his spine. She was beautiful today . . . like every day. The soft blue sweater made her eyes stand out even more against her creamy skin. Jake hadn't been able to stop thinking about her. On Christmas Eve he'd wandered the farmhouse . . . chatting with his family . . . making an effort with Mona. But he hadn't been able to stop thinking about Jen. About what they were doing in that warm, festive house. And wishing he were there with them.

    "Yeah. My sister, too. Come on." Holding out his hand, Jake noticed she didn't hesitate to take it. "I think you know everyone. Don't be surprised if Jeff wants to bundle up and come right back outside. He's been dying to harness up the horses."    

Jen laughed, stooping to pick up the shopping bag of gifts she'd pulled from the car. "He's nothing but a big kid himself."

"Tell me about it," he acknowledged with a smile. "What's all this?" Reaching around her, he tugged the bag from her hand. "Presents? You didn't need to do that, Jen."

"I wanted to. It was really sweet of Mona to invite us." She released his hand when they approached the walkway. "Besides-" Jen glanced back at him as she skipped up the steps. "I love to shop." 

For the first time, he'd enjoyed shopping for his family and Jen's kids. He'd wanted to get Jenna something beautiful– something rare and special, like her. But a gift like that would have been inappropriate. So, he'd settled on a bonus. Still, he'd stood in the crowded jewelry store for several minutes wishing he could make a purchase.

Mona was in her element, Jake admitted a few hours later, watching his mother cast a spell over Jen's kids. She'd always been the sort of grandmother children dreamed of. Sweets and treats and presents and stories. He knew she'd love nothing better than to have a few more kids to dote on. Standing near the fireplace watching his mother, his resolve softened, replaced by a pang of remorse for staying away from her all these years. And was forced to ask himself why.

Why couldn't he forgive her? Why couldn't he be like Jeff? He watched with amused interest when his brother caught her in an impromptu whirl around the kitchen and smiled when Mona poked him with the carrot she'd been peeling.    

When Jeff crashed into Jen, he pulled her, laughing, into his arms for a turn around the floor, and his stomach tightened. Jake didn't realize he was moving until he'd stepped into the kitchen.

"Hey– shouldn't we harness up those horses? You want to take a ride before lunch, right?" 

His eyes lighting up at the mention of horses, Jeff suddenly released her. When Jen staggered into Jake, rosy-cheeked and smiling, he reached to steady her.

"I've never been thrown over for a horse before."

"Try not to take it personally. He's been waiting weeks for this moment." Running his hands lightly down her arms, he was reluctant to release her, yet painfully aware of the crowd in the kitchen. Not just any people . . . but the watchful eyes of his family. Inhaling the clean, fresh scent of her hair, Jake let his hands drop, careful to keep his expression neutral while his nerve-endings exploded from the contact.

"I-I'd better help the kids . . . get their coats on," Jen stammered before quickly moving away from him. "They should bundle up for the sleigh ride." 

"I'll get my coat and meet you outside." She was flushed, her movements suddenly tense, where moments earlier, she'd been relaxed. He experienced a sudden jolt of awareness. The attraction he'd battled for so damn long– Jenna felt it, too. She was trying equally hard to keep her distance from him. His senses flamed with the discovery. If he knew– how would they keep it from everyone else?

Searching for Mona in the crowded room, relief coursed through him when he found her lounging in the doorway, her back to him as she laughed over the story Linc was telling in the family room. Dragging nervous fingers through his hair, Jake inhaled a deep breath, unsure whether he should be elated or filled with dread.

Sweet God. Jenna Stone still wanted him.

***

In a further attempt to keep his distance, Jake saddled up Juniper. Knowing Jen was as tortured as he, there was no other way. The sleigh wasn't big enough to hold them both . . . not without touching her. Not without brushing against her every time they hit a bump. Not without the scent of her overtaking his senses and suffocating rational thought. Hell– a city bus wouldn't have been large enough. More than anything, he needed to remain rational. She was married. Off-limits. Unavailable.

Not for the first time, he wondered whether Jenna's presence in Baltimore was such a good idea. He'd been angry when he suggested it . . . with himself– for wanting her so much. And with her for staying with a man who clearly didn't love her. Under the pretense of business, he'd meant to force the issue . . . force her bastard husband to return home and take care of his kids.