Trusting Jake (Blueprint To Love Book 1) (18 page)

Guilt lanced through him for causing her additional stress. He'd known it would place her in an awkward position– had known she would have trouble getting a sitter. But, he'd been so damned on edge. Luckily, his demand had backfired when Mona offered to stay with the kids while Jen was out of town.

Now, he wondered how he'd get through three nights alone with her . . . with no kids or interruptions to separate them. And with him nearly out of willpower.  

That day in the jewelry store had changed everything.

Jake had eyed engagement rings– with something close to desperation. He'd known then he was done for. Because as hard as he'd tried to shelve his desire for Jen– it would never work. He would continue needing her– wanting her.

Because he loved her. And knowing he could never have her the way he dreamed of– by her side as a father to her kids– was slowly, painfully killing him. If the tension that flared between them the past week was any indicator . . . he would end up destroying their friendship. And then he wouldn't have any of her. Hurting Jen was the very last thing he wanted.

Sighing, Jake adjusted the stirrups.
After the new year– after he survived the trip to Baltimore– they would talk– a serious one. He would admit his feelings and see what happened. If Jen's marriage was really over . . . then maybe he could convince her to leave Rick-

"Hey Jake! Can I ride up there with you?"

Alex's booming voice snapped him back to the moment. Jake was grateful for the interruption. The day was too full of promise to waste a single minute worrying about issues that– for the moment– were beyond his control.

Slowing to a trot, he matched his pace to the sleigh. The soft whir of the sled runners skimming over snow was one of the most pleasant sounds he knew. "Sure, Sport. Wait until Jeff slows it down a little."

His brother tugged on the reins and the horses slowed. Jake reached out to Alex. "Grab my arm and hold on. I'll pull you up in front of me."

Megan quickly scrambled to the front, plopping down next to Jeff. "Can I drive them?" 

"Why sure, angel. Hold onto the reins while I tuck the blanket around you." Jake smiled when his brother wrapped a burly arm around Megan's slender shoulders. The look on her face was one of pure determination.

"I wanna go faster."

"Oh yeah?" Jeff leaned back to wink at him. "Maybe we should challenge your brother to a race. How about you and me against Alex and Jake?"

"Yeah! Come on, Jake. Let's go." Alex hurled himself back against his chest, as though pure desire would make the horse move.

"Do the backseat passengers get a vote?" Jen shot a knowing glance at their sister. Andrea smiled and pulled the blanket up higher around her waist before the sleigh lurched forward on what was sure to be an even bumpier ride across the fields.      

Nudging Juniper, the easygoing mare trotted out ahead of the sleigh. He grinned when he felt the excitement flowing through Alex, as he heard shrieks of laughter erupting from the sled.

"Faster, Jake. We gotta beat 'em."

Holding the little boy tighter, Alex pressed against him, trusting him completely to keep him safe. The wind stung his eyes and the smell of pine filled his lungs as they pulled farther ahead. Jake felt the icy winter chill blow through him, clearing his mind and his soul. For the first time in a long while, he felt completely alive. And he threw back his head and laughed with the sheer joy of it.  

***

Jenna scoured the last pan, handing it off to Harry for storage in the pantry. She'd never experienced a holiday like this one. Full of love and laughter. Where the men helped with dinner and insisted on cleaning up. There was definitely something wrong with the Traynor men. And she was loving every minute of it.

Watching the kids dig into their second helping of gingerbread, Jen laughed when Linc squirted a mound of whipped cream on top of each piece. And caught her breath at the wistful glance he shot over their heads at Mona. His ex-wife missed it completely, too busy making coffee for the dozen adults milling around the farmhouse.

It hadn't been the first time. Several times throughout the day she'd observed Linc and Mona together, laughing and talking, their heads close together as they reminisced. She'd wondered over the elaborate gifts he'd showered on her. And had been extremely curious. Was it possible they still loved each other? After so many years apart?

Jen was startled back to reality by a scraping crash at the table. Megan was standing, her chair tipped over behind her. The expression on her face was one of pure panic. Jake witnessed it, too. Glancing from one to the other, she hurried across the room.

"Meggie? What's wrong?"

"Mom. . . Mona just said she's coming to stay with us. Is it true? Are y-you– are you g-going away?" 

Dear Lord. She hadn't gotten around to telling them yet. It had been so long since she'd had to travel, she'd forgotten how petrified Megan would be. She'd hoped when she sat down with Meg to explain the trip, she would discover her daughter had outgrown the paralyzing fear. Though Alex barely remembered his father, Meg had been seven when Rick died. The sight of a car accident still held the power to frighten her.

"Baby . . . it's all right. I'll only be gone a couple days." Jake righted her chair, his expression curious. Gently, she sat Megan down at the table, stroking her back as she spoke. "It'll be fun for you guys. Why, only today you were saying you wanted to stay out here with Mona and Linc forever." 

"I m-meant with you!"

Despite her worry, Jenna smiled and kissed the top of her daughter's auburn head. Catching Mona's crestfallen expression, guilt twisted her stomach. She nodded reassuringly at the older woman.

"But, Mommy–  It's a c-car. You're g-goin' in a car." 

She felt the tremor of fear course through Meg's slender, little body and hugged her even tighter. Drawing a ragged breath, she closed her eyes, hating that she was so afraid. "I drive in a car every day," she reminded, her voice encouraging. "It'll be okay, honey, I promise. Jake will drive very carefully. And I'll be back before you know it."

"Yeah, stop bein' a big sissy about it."

Opening her mouth to scold her son, Jake beat her to it.

"Hey Sport . . . none of that. Not on Christmas. Tell her you're sorry and be quick about it."

Alex dropped his gaze and mumbled an apology as Jenna cringed over how quickly the tone of the day had changed. Thankfully Jeff arrived, clapping his gloved hands, effectively breaking the tension hanging over the crowded kitchen.

"Who's up for snow angels? Come on . . . it'll be dark soon. We gotta get out there before it's too late."

Offering her a tremulous smile, Megan pulled free of her arms before rushing past, pulling her coat and hat from the newel post. Jen flopped into the abandoned seat and closed her eyes as the near-crisis was averted.

"Jenna, I'm so sorry. I thought the kids already knew you were going." Mona's eyes were laced with regret.

"It's my fault. Between work and the kittens . . . I haven't had time to tell them." Averting her eyes, she stalled, unsure she was ready to face Mona's scrutiny. The woman never missed anything. Nor did Jake. She didn't want to acknowledge the questions in their eyes. "Please don't worry. Megan will be fine."

"Why doesn't she-"

"Her dad. . . Rick-" She felt dangerously vulnerable . . . exposed and uncertain how much she wanted to explain. "He was in a– bad car accident." Wincing at the unintentional sharpness of her voice, Jen apologized. "It was several months ago. Megan still-" Resolutely, she kept her gaze on the far wall. "Meg remembers being afraid . . . and with Rick gone all the time, she gets nervous when– if I go away."

Jake spoke up. "Jen . . . I can handle Willoughby."

"No," she interrupted with a shake of her head. Finally meeting their curious stares, she was determined to end the awkward revelation. "I knew when I took this job I might have to travel. I'd hoped Meg had outgrown her fear by now, but she– she'll get over it."

Rising from her chair, her heart sank at the memory of Meg's reaction, hating the thought of her kids being scared. For so long, she'd struggled to ensure they felt safe. Stable. In spite of her effort to appear calm, her movements were jerky when she pulled on her coat, her smile half-hearted when she broke free of Jake's scrutiny and headed for the door. "They've learned to be tough. She'll be okay."      

***

Megan's face haunted Jake over the next few days. She'd looked so damn scared. So– vulnerable. He sure as hell didn't like being responsible for that. A million times he replayed Jenna's words in his head.
'They've learned to be tough'
. She had to be referring to Rick. Was his abuse– physical, too? His chest constricted at the thought. Or was it simply because he was never there?

Every detail from Christmas was etched in his memory, the scents and sounds. Until the scene in the kitchen, it had been a perfect day. Jen had tried valiantly to hide her worry for Megan behind a smile. But he hadn't been fooled. All the while, she'd been tortured with guilt. She couldn't bear the thought of her daughter hurting. He'd seen it in her eyes . . . the flash of sadness before she'd shuttered her emotions.

He called her on Sunday, determined to let her back out of the trip, but had been unsuccessful. He tried again Monday. Twice, Jake offered to go alone. But she refused to budge. Though he knew she would rather be released from her promise, Jen was too stubborn to back down. And regrettably, he knew it was his fault. If he hadn't challenged her to go, she might have been willing to agree.

"It's all set." Jen squared her shoulders when she turned to face him. "Your mom is already at the house with the kids. My bag is packed." Checking the files in her hand, she tossed them in the open briefcase on her desk. "This deal is the biggest mess I've ever been involved in. You need me there, trust me."

"Of course I trust you," he argued. "But I don't see what the problem is. Willoughby's doing some tweaking," he admitted, shrugging. "Big deal. Why are you so hung up on this? I've never built a job that didn't have last-minute changes. What's different about this one?"

Jenna turned, eyes snapping with frustration. "Tweaking? Jake . . . we're talking about sitework. Even with a decent set of plans, something always goes wrong." She advanced on him, waving a pencil in his direction. "These are huge changes. And you're not going to wait for the soil reports? If you sign that contract-"

"
When
I sign the contract," he emphasized. "Not if." Dragging in a deep breath, he released it slowly. If one more person told him to wait- "I've had it with waiting. If we don't get started soon, it will throw off our schedule down here. I want to be done up there by next November." 

"So, you're willing to throw caution to the wind-"

"Dammit, Jen. It's called good-faith." Tossing his drafting pencil on the filing cabinet, Jake pressed his fingers to his eyes in an effort to stall the headache approaching like an imminent thunderstorm. "Is it a little risky? Yes. But, it also sends a message to the client that we have confidence in our ability to get the job done."                

"What about your friend? B-Baldwin? If he's such a great friend, why is he pushing you? Don't you think he'd cut you some slack– maybe wait for the soil reports?"

Why was she getting so worked up about this? "Jen . . . this is a business deal. I wouldn't take advantage of my friendship with Steve, and neither will he. He has a job to do for his client and so do I." Realizing the futility of his argument, he finally smiled. Arms folded across her chest, her cheeks flushed with anger, Jenna Stone refused to be swayed. He winked, before laughing at her derisive snort.

"You think that's gonna change my mind?" She rolled her eyes heavenward.    

"In the old days my smile used to work on women," he admitted with a sigh. "Can we please call a truce? My head hurts."

"And the soil report?"

Lord, she just wouldn't quit. "I'll add in a contingency, okay? Pending the soil analysis. . . I'll lock in a change-order for any potential soil problems that weren't on the original drawings. Will that make you happy?" 

She glared at him before ducking into the hall. "I guess it'll have to for now."

***

Jenna seemed to grow more tense with each passing mile. Jake glanced surreptitiously at her fingers, as they jumped restlessly in her lap. Since crossing into Maryland, she'd grown suspiciously quiet, offering him a distracted smile, her gaze glued to the scenery flashing by. He wasn't sure what was bothering her now. Perhaps it was hitting her she'd be away from the kids for three nights. Maybe if they worked hard, he could finish up by Wednesday and get her home a day early.

"I hope Jeff will be okay holding down the fort while we're gone. I worry about him sometimes." Voicing his thoughts, he met her gaze. She smiled, giving him the sense she was judging him. "What? You think he'll be fine, right?"

"He
will
be fine, Jake. You underestimate his abilities." 

He snorted. "You don't know my brother very well. Jeff likes to goof off too much. He handles stuff, but he does it in a sloppy way."

"No," she corrected. "He just doesn't do it
your
way. And that makes him careless in your eyes. Jeff's style is different from yours. Just because he's laid-back doesn't mean he's careless about Specialty." Shifting in her seat, she warmed to the topic. "I think Jefferson could take on a lot more responsibility . . . if you'd give him the chance."