Trusting the Cowboy (10 page)

“I don’t think so,” Lauren said, shifting gears with Alex’s change in topic. “Jodie and Finn have been working with the horses, and I believe Finn wants to move them to his place when the ranch sells.”

Jodie had been adamant that the horses not be sold with the ranch, and Lauren could understand her objections. They had good bloodlines. Her father had invested more money in the horses than in cattle, and Jodie and Finn were hoping to breed some more horses and train them.

“Too bad. Maybe I should talk to him. See if he’ll sell me some. Be a good idea to have some horses available for when me and my friends come and stay here.” He turned back to Vic. “How hard would it be to get some cabins built? Who could I talk to about that?”

“Jan Peter is a contractor based out of Saddlebank. He does good work,” Vic said. “My brother works for him.”

“Where would be a good place to build them? I don’t know if I want to have guest cabins right on the main property.”

“There is another yard site farther down the road,” Vic said. “It used to be a separate ranch before Keith’s father bought it out. There’s an older house there. It has power and a well. That place could work.”

As Vic spoke, Lauren had to dig back into her memory, vaguely recalling visiting another yard site to do some cleanup around a house. She and her sisters had wanted to go exploring inside, but their father wouldn’t let them. They’d had work to do and there had been no time for fun.

When they were a little older, she and Erin had saddled up the horses and gone riding down there. But the door of the house was locked, and the curtains were drawn over the window, and they were too afraid to break in. Erin had always said that someday she was going to live in that house, tucked in her own corner of the world.

Guess that isn’t happening now
, she thought, the weight of other people’s expectations hanging on her shoulders. But Erin had remained uninvolved. It was up to her and Jodie to make the decisions. If Erin didn’t want Lauren to sell, she hadn’t made that known to her.

“I’d like to have a look at that place, too,” Alex said as he took out his phone again. But this time he held it up and took a picture. He fiddled with his phone some more and looked up at Vic and Lauren. Smiling.

“This place would be a great investment.” He nodded with a satisfied grin. “Now, let’s go see that other yard.”

* * *

Alex drove away, his shiny truck roaring off the yard, and honked the horn once as if saying one last goodbye.

Vic pushed his hat back on his head, trying hard not to begrudge the guy his fancy truck, his easy talk of getting financing to close the deal. As if it was simply a matter of shuffling money from one account to another.

But what bothered him most was his attitude toward the ranch. As if it was simply an investment. Some place to park his money until it increased.

He hadn’t made a firm commitment to buying the place, and Vic knew he was dreaming, but part of him hoped Alex would change his mind.

He glanced at Lauren, who stood beside him, one arm folded over her stomach. Her other hand twisted a strand of her blond hair around and around her finger as she watched the dust cloud Alex’s truck left behind waft over the yard.

“You seem disappointed,” Vic said.

“Disappointed? No. Not really. I think he got a good idea of what he’s getting into.”

“He didn’t give you an offer, though.”

“Not yet, but I’m sure he’ll take it. He told me that it’s the most promising property he’s seen yet.”

“He’s looking at other places?” The thought ignited a tiny spark of hope.

“Just one other smaller ranch closer to Missoula. But he likes how this place is closer to the mountains. Likes how the land around here has increased in value.”

Lauren and Alex had spent some time talking by his truck as Vic unsaddled the horses and brushed them down. He wasn’t privy to that conversation, but he was surprised at the jealousy he felt when he saw Alex hug Lauren, hold her by the shoulders and give her another one of his flirtatious smiles.

Then he kissed her on the cheek and the jealousy began smoldering.

Stupid, he knew. She was never going to be part of his future in any way. But there it was.

He glanced at his watch. He had a couple of hours yet.

“I was wondering if I could have one last look through Keith’s papers,” Vic said, looking over at Lauren again.

“Of course,” she said. “There’s a few folders I haven’t gone through, and yesterday we finally cracked the password on his computer.”

“Really? What was it?”

“Our names.” Lauren gave him a wistful smile. “Kind of touching.”

“He did talk of you girls often.”

“He wrote us each a letter before he died,” Lauren told him.

“A final goodbye?” Vic asked.

“In a way. Apologies, as well. From a man who wasn’t the easiest father, it’s been an adjustment to read his regrets laid out in black and white. This from a man whose mantra was never apologize, never show weakness.” She laughed. The sun caught glints of light in her hair. “My aunt gave us a bit of his background, however. And it helped us see him in a different light.”

Her words seemed to fade. “Anyway, let’s go through the rest of the papers first, then the computer. Hopefully...” Again her words drifted off and he wondered what she meant by
hopefully
.

Hopefully they would find something that would help him?

Or hopefully they wouldn’t?

He pushed both thoughts aside as he followed her into the house. They went directly to the office and started sorting through the last of the files she had pulled out.

Twenty minutes later all the files had been gone through. Nothing.

“So, I guess we’ll try the computer next,” Lauren said, pulling up a chair to the desk, sensing Vic’s disappointment. “Like I said, Jodie and I checked it out but couldn’t find anything. You might have a better idea of what you’re looking for.”

Vic pulled the chair he’d been using beside hers. As he sat down, a stock picture of mountains came on the screen.

“Dad wasn’t the most organized with the computer, and it’s kind of old and has never been updated. But Jodie and I tried doing a search of lease agreements...” While she spoke, her fingers flew over the keyboard, and when she hit Return, a small beach ball–looking icon showed up and spun away.

Finally another window showed up with a list of files.

“You can see that some of these are emails and some of them are PDFs and a few documents. We looked through all of them but couldn’t find anything resembling an agreement. Some of them are searches he’s done on the internet that he might have bookmarked, so it looks like he was putting something together.”

Vic leaned forward, as if getting six inches closer would give him more insight into what he was looking at.

“Would you have any idea of any other search terms we could use?”

“‘Rent to own’?” Vic asked, scratching his forehead with his finger, trying to drag up any references Keith might have made that could help.

Once again Lauren’s fingers flew over the keyboard.

“You clearly know how to handle a computer,” Vic said, unable to keep the admiration out of his voice.

“What?” Lauren shot him a curious glance. “I’m just typing.”

“Well, my typing is of the biblical sort,” Vic said.

Lauren gave him a confused look.

“Seek and ye shall find,” he said.

She laughed and the sound echoed in the office. It transformed her features. She held his gaze a beat longer than necessary and once again Vic felt the attraction he sensed was growing between them rise up.

“Did you enjoy yourself this afternoon?” he asked, hoping he didn’t sound as breathless as he felt.

“I did. I’ve been out a few times by myself, but I never dared go that far. Not on my own and not on such a long ride.” She smiled. “It was wonderful to see the valley looking so lush and green. To see all that space. I forgot how big the ranch was.”

“It’s a good size.” He wanted to make a comment about Alex having lots to work with but didn’t want to bring him into the moment.

“I never asked my father much about the history of the ranch. But was it this large when he inherited it from my grandfather?”

“Yes. It was. Your dad didn’t expand it. He seemed content to let it be.”

“Aunt Laura said he wasn’t a rancher at heart.”

“It wasn’t what he wanted to do, but maybe he felt the pressure...maybe he thought it was what he was supposed to do.”

She stopped, looking suddenly troubled.

And Vic’s mind shifted back to the conversation they’d had when they were in the truck on the way back from the greenhouse. How she talked of her work as an accountant as something she’d fallen into. Something she had to do. When he’d asked her about her passion, it wasn’t accounting that she spoke of.

This afternoon, working with the horses, riding the trail, looking out over the valley, he’d seen a peace come over her features that he’d only caught glimpses of before.

And he couldn’t fight the feeling that whether she wanted to admit it or not, she belonged here more than she belonged anywhere else.

He took a chance.

“Is that what this accounting business will be for you?”

Leaning back in her office chair, she shot him a puzzled glance. “What do you mean?”

“Do you see it the same way your father saw the ranch? Something you feel you should do, not something you have a passion for?”

She sucked in a quick breath, her eyes growing wide, a blaze of anger flashing in her eyes, and he thought he had gone too far.

But then she seemed to sag back against the chair, her hands clutching each other, her eyes looking away.

“It’s an opportunity...it’s a good business deal...” But her faltering words didn’t hold the same assurance as the first time she had spoken them.

It sounded like she was working hard to convince herself of the rightness of her choices.

Then she shot him a wary glance. “Please don’t tell me you’re trying to make me doubt my decision because it will help you.”

Vic knew how it must look to her. His sowing of doubt in her mind could work to his advantage.

He shook his head and took another chance, reaching out to touch her cheek. “I’m wondering if you’re making a decision with your head or your heart. And I’m trying to put my opinions aside.”

“Well, you’d be the first man in my life to do that.” The bitter tone in her voice caught him by surprise.

“What do you mean?”

She waved off his question. “Nothing. Doesn’t matter.”

“Were you talking about your father?” He knew he was prying, but he wanted to know more about her. To deepen the connection he sensed building between them.

He leaned closer to Lauren, his arm resting along the back of her chair.

“Him and, well...a guy I was engaged to.”

The canceled wedding.

“His name was—is—Harvey,” Lauren continued. She didn’t look away, but he saw the tightening of her jaw. Clearly it still bothered her.

“So what happened?” He kept his voice low and nonthreatening, his fingers lightly brushing her shoulder in commiseration.

Lauren looked away, concentrating on her hands wound tightly around each other. “Plans changed.”

Her vague comment only increased his curiosity. “In what way?”

She lifted her chin, her eyes now hard, and Vic worried he might have gone too far. Pushed too hard.

“He got a chance to move to London and he suddenly decided that he didn’t want me to come with him. So a week before our wedding, he called it off. Jodie was with me when it happened.” She shot him a frown. “She didn’t tell you?”

“Guess it wasn’t mine to know.” Vic let his hand rest on her shoulder and gave it a light squeeze.

She sighed, her fingers unwinding from each other. “It happened two years ago. We’d been engaged for four. I kept waiting for him to commit. Kept pushing him to make a decision. He finally decided on a date, then he got this job opportunity.” She paused, then shook her head. “I wasn’t a part of the decision. He decided that he wanted to go on his own. Dropped me and—” She stopped there. “However, he only managed to reinforce a lesson that I learned the hard way from my father and my last boss.”

“And that was?”

She tilted her head to one side, as if examining him, deciding what she should or shouldn’t tell him.

“That I have to take care of myself. That no one else is going to do that for me.”

Vic heard the steely conviction in her voice. He sensed there was more to the story, but he also sensed he wasn’t going to get anything else from her.

At least not now.

But it gave him an insight into her need to sell the ranch.

“Well, you need to know that not all men are the same,” he said, his hand still cupping her shoulder.

She looked at him. Really looked at him, her features softening as their eyes met. “I’d like to believe that. I really would.” Her words were quiet, and as their eyes held, Vic felt the attraction growing between them.

Then he gave in to an impulse, leaned closer and gently brushed his lips over hers.

She didn’t move. Just sat perfectly still. Had he misread the situation? But to his surprise and joy, she slipped her hand around his neck and returned his kiss, her fingers tangling in his hair, her mouth warm and responsive.

Slowly they separated and he laid his forehead against hers. Her breath was warm on his face.

He knew he had shifted much with this kiss.

Trouble was, he wasn’t sure where it would end.

Chapter Eight

L
auren knew she should pull back. At least her logical self knew she should. But the part of her that yearned for Vic’s presence kept her close to him, one hand on his neck, her other on his broad, warm shoulder.

Now what?

The question swirled through her mind and she wasn’t sure what to do with it. Alex had just left with a promise to call her. Her plans hadn’t changed and yet...

She drew away, her hands drifting down over his chest, her fingers trailing over his shirt, and then, reluctantly, she pulled back.

She didn’t want to feel confused. Didn’t want to feel vulnerable. Things were moving too quickly. Too much was happening at once. And yet all she wanted was for him to kiss her again.

She turned away, swallowing down her misgivings, focusing on the computer screen. “So let’s try...” She cleared her throat and tried again. “Let’s try that other search term you were talking about.”

She typed in “rent to own” and again the spinning beach ball came up, followed by a list of files.

Lauren scrolled through these as well, slowly shaking her head. “Sorry. No documents, no PDFs, just a few internet searches he bookmarked. But I can’t find anything.”

“And you’re sure we’ve gone through all the papers?”

“I’m sure.” Lauren leaned forward a moment, then shook her head, looking again. “Sorry. Nothing.”

Lauren typed in a few more search terms, giving it a few more tries, but she couldn’t find anything. She wished she could. Wished that something would turn up.

After her ride with Vic and listening to him talking about the ranch, her doubts about her plans had been intensified. She wasn’t so sure she wanted Alex owning this ranch. Turning it from a working ranch into a vacation spot for him and his friends for only a few weeks of the year. Looking at it as strictly an investment that he could get rid of to another rich friend if the time was right. Though her father hadn’t wanted to be a rancher, she’d heard about the legacy of the Circle M. And seeing the place through Vic’s eyes gave her another perspective.

She turned her chair to face him, giving him a careful smile.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t find anything.”

He shoved his hand through his hair in what she assumed was a gesture of frustration.

“So, what now?” he asked, his voice taking on a hard edge.

“I’m not sure,” she said, surprising herself with her vague answer. When she first came to the ranch she’d been so sure of what she wanted.

But now?

“But I do want to thank you for taking me and Alex around on the ranch. I enjoyed it.”

A vague smile teased his lips. “I’m glad. I don’t know how much Alex enjoyed it, though. He seemed more interested in his phone than in what we were showing him.”

“When you’re running a business, you need to stay in touch.” Which was a reminder to herself to get in touch with Amy. Find out how things were going with the business.

But not now, she thought, feeling a wistful sweetness at being with Vic. For the first time in a long time, she felt as if the cycles of frenetic activity in her life had been put aside. She felt she could slip through the day, enjoying the moments as they came instead of always looking ahead to the next one and worrying how it would turn out, tweaking, adjusting and shifting so it could.

“At any rate, I was thankful for the tour. It was fun to go out riding.”

“You seemed comfortable around the horses,” he said. “Maybe we should go out again sometime.”

She grinned at the thought. “I think I would enjoy that.”

Then he reached to brush her hair away from her face, tucking it behind her ear.

It was a casual gesture but spoke to a growing intimacy between them that she wasn’t sure what to do with.

But for now, she didn’t want it to end. His eyes seemed to smolder and she sat perfectly still, expectation humming between them.

His head moved a fraction, and before she could stop herself, she moved to meet him.

Then the porch door crashed open and a voice called out, “Hello? Anybody home?”

Jodie.

Lauren stifled a sigh of annoyance, then gave Vic a regretful smile.

“Guess my sister is back.”

“Lousy timing,” he said, his finger trailing down her cheek.

Then he pushed himself to his feet and grabbed his cowboy hat from the filing cabinet. “So, I guess we’ll see each other around?”

“I sure hope so,” Lauren said, standing up, folding her arms over her stomach.

“You coming to the rodeo on Friday?”

“Absolutely,” she returned.

“I’ll see you then.” And the smile he gave her was like a promise.

* * *

“So did you and Vic find anything connected to that lease agreement he’s been looking for?” Jodie asked later, after Vic had gone and Lauren had helped her cart in all the groceries and wedding stuff.

Lauren dropped the last of the bags on the kitchen counter and began putting the groceries away in the cupboard and refrigerator. “No. Unfortunately.”

“Unfortunately. That’s an interesting choice of words.”

Trust her sister to pounce on a single comment and braid an entire conversation out of it.

“Unfortunately for Vic,” Lauren amended. “I think the computer was his last hope at finding something to substantiate his claim.”

Jodie sighed as she set a handful of shopping bags on the kitchen table. “And did your guy Alex Rossiter come today?”

“Not my guy. Just the potential buyer.”

It wasn’t too hard to see by the grim set of Jodie’s mouth what she thought of it, but as quickly as her grimace came, it left. Lauren felt again the weight of expectation and behind that, doubt over her decision. She knew Jodie supported her, but she also knew that the longer Jodie stayed here, the less inclined she was to sell the ranch.

Trouble was, Lauren felt the same. And the memory of Vic’s kiss didn’t help her resolve any.

“Did Vic get the haying done?” Jodie asked, moving on to safer topics.

“Yes. He did. He said he had to haul the bales back to his ranch, but that would probably happen next week.”

“The garden is looking good,” Jodie said as she unpacked the bags she had set on the table. “I love how they brighten up the place. You have a real knack for that. Makes the place look more like a home. I should get you to do some landscaping on Finn’s place—my future home,” she said. Her voice took on a dreamy tone that used to make Lauren feel a mixture of happiness for her sister blended with a touch of envy.

But now?

She reached up to touch her lips, as if to see if she could still feel Vic’s lips on hers.

“I think that could be fun” was all she said. “Now show me what you decided on.”

Jodie gave her a searching look, then a slow smile crawled over her lips. “You seem happier today. Was it because you spent the day with Vic?”

Lauren’s heart jumped in her chest. She wasn’t sure she was ready to bring all this out into the open. Not sure she wanted to discuss with her sister the confusion that gripped her.

She knew exactly what Jodie would say and on which side she would come down on. Lauren knew she needed to make her decision on her own without any outside influence.

“I’m just glad that our tour with Alex went well” was all she said.

Jodie’s smile faded and she nodded. “Of course.”

Lauren felt like a fraud, but she couldn’t talk about Vic. Not yet. Not when she didn’t know herself what she wanted.

“So tell me what you found for the table decorations.”

With a bright smile Jodie grabbed the first bag and pulled out a box of flameless candles. And then some fabric for table runners and a host of other items.

The wedding was being held at Finn’s place. It was to be a small affair in December with a Christmas theme, but Jodie still wanted it to be classy, she’d said.

“We still need to decide what you and Erin are wearing,” Jodie said. “And I wanted you to come with me to Aunt Laura’s to make a final decision on the flowers. I also need to make a payment on that wedding dress we found.”

“Too bad I didn’t keep my dress. You could have worn it,” Lauren said with a wry tone.

Jodie bit her lip and rested her hand on Lauren’s shoulder. “I’m sorry. I keep forgetting that this is hard for you.”

Lauren just shook her head. “I’m happy for you. Truly. And every day I’m away from Harvey I realize how wrong he was for me.”

Mostly because she now had another standard by which to judge him. A man who, even though it put her in conflict with him, put the needs of his family first.

A man of integrity who was willing to help.

Who kissed her.

A flush warmed her cheeks and she looked away, frustrated that such a simple thing could create this reaction. She’d been kissed before. Nothing new.

But not by a man like Vic.

“Harvey was wrong for you, and though I’m so sad that he called off the wedding, better that than a divorce like Mom and Dad had to deal with.”

Lauren turned a roll of ribbon over in her hands, trying to formulate her wayward thoughts.

“Do you worry if you’re able to do this? Get married?”

Jodie grinned, but when she caught Lauren’s eyes, she grew serious. “What do you mean?”

Lauren turned the ribbon over again, picking at the price tag with her index finger. “Mom couldn’t manage. I couldn’t. Your old boyfriend Lane dumped you. Erin claims she never wants to be married...”

She let the last of the sentence fade away as she thought of the most recent text she had received from her twin sister a couple of days ago. Talking about faithless men and how marriage was a farce.

Oh, Erin, what is going on in your life? Why won’t you tell us?

Jodie took the roll of ribbon away from Lauren and took her hands in her own. “Of course I’m concerned. Getting married is a big commitment. I haven’t had the best experiences with guys, either. But I believe in Finn and I especially believe that God has blessed our relationship. That’s what holds us together. And the fact that I know that together we can go to God in prayer with the things that concern us. That we can hold hands and put everything in God’s care.”

Jodie squeezed Lauren’s hands. “From what I hear about Mom and Dad, that didn’t happen, and I know that Harvey didn’t go to church. And Lane, well, he attended church, but I can’t think of any time we prayed together. But Finn and I do. I think that’s what makes the difference, and that is what helps me believe this will work.”

Lauren held her sister’s earnest gaze, sensing her conviction and recognizing the truth in what she was saying. “I know that you love him and that he is a good person...” She stopped herself, knowing that she had to be careful.

“There’s a
but
hovering there, waiting to come out, except in your case it would be a
however
,” Jodie said with a quick laugh.

Lauren gave her an apologetic smile. “Doesn’t matter.”

“Spill it,” Jodie urged.

Still Lauren hesitated, knowing she would be showcasing her own insecurities if she continued.

“Please. You never said much after Harvey canceled the wedding and took off for London. I remember helping you cancel events, return stuff, sell your dress. I know it was hard for you, but you never complained at all.”

“What good would it have done?” Lauren asked, putting the red ribbon she’d been toying with back in the bag. “It was over. I made a monumental mistake.”

“What mistake? Dating Harvey?”

“Trusting Harvey.” She shrugged. “I don’t know if I dare let myself do that with any man again.”

Jodie gave her a sympathetic look. “I can understand that. But trust is a major part of any relationship. And I can guard my heart and keep it to myself, or take a chance and trust Finn. And I have chosen to trust him. Because I know I can. Because I know Finn will do anything for me. Make a sacrifice for me.”

Lauren was envious of her sureness, but as she listened to her sister, a cold reality unfurled.

“What?” Jodie prompted. “You look like you’ve had a major breakthrough.

“I just realized that none of the men who had been important in my life have ever done that,” Lauren said. “None of them have ever made any kind of sacrifice for me. Not Dad. Not Harvey. Interesting.”

“Interesting and kind of sad, isn’t it?” Jodie said. “I could say the same thing until I met Finn.”

Then Jodie got up and gave her a quick hug, pulling back and holding her shoulders. “When the right man comes along, I believe you’ll know you can trust him.”

“Maybe,” Lauren said in a noncommittal tone. And unbidden came a memory of Vic driving her to town, helping her with her car.

She shook off the memory, knowing how dangerous it was. She had to stay focused on her plans.

“So where do you want to store this stuff?” she asked, gathering up the spools of ribbon and putting them back in the bag.

But that night she lay in her bedroom, staring up at the ceiling, thinking about what Jodie had said. Thinking about trust, reliving the day. Smiling as she thought of their ride up into the mountains, feeling her heart shift in her chest as she kept returning to that moment in the office when Vic kissed her and her world tilted.

You can’t let yourself be vulnerable again
, she told herself.
You can’t let anyone else determine the direction of your life. You’re in charge. Have to be.

But somehow those words taunted her with their empty certainty. She thought of the sermon she’d heard on Sunday. How the pastor had spoken of how we want to control our lives and what a foolish notion that is. How little control we actually have.

And, at the same time, how important it was to place every plan we make in God’s perspective and see it through the eyes of eternity. What will last, what will persevere?

And what will glorify God?

Lauren tossed over onto her side again. Was she being selfish? Was she focusing too much on the things of this earth and not seeking God first?

She turned onto her back, staring up the ceiling of the room that had belonged to her over two months of the year for nine years. She remembered the many dreams she had spun here. Dreams of being on her own, away from family and obligations, and trying to keep everyone happy.