Truth Be Told (15 page)

Grace looked at what was left inside—just a little bit of cream, absent of the ice. “I can't continue this way,” she whispered as she poured the liquid into the sink and watched as it swirled down the drain. “Conner has a son. With Pilar Cruise. It is what it is.” She bit her lip, before she added, “I can't expect Conner to deny his son.”

Devry nodded.

“He wouldn't be the man I love if he did.”

Devry smiled.

“And truth be told, I know what God expects. He'll just have to give me enough grace to handle this.” Grace finally looked at her sister-in-law. A tear filled the corner of her eye. “So how much do I owe you, Doctor?”

Devry pulled Grace into her arms. When they stepped apart, more tears trickled down Grace's cheek. Using her thumb, Devry wiped her friend's pain away. “You don't have to write a check, but I want payment,” Devry said. “I'm looking for a loving, compassionate woman to be my baby's godmother.”

Grace wiped her eyes. “I don't think you can call me compassionate when there's a woman dying, a boy who needs his father, and I'm thinking about how sad I am.”

“Grace, no woman would have cheered at this news. This is a lot for anyone to take. At least you're moving forward.”

Grace sucked her lip and nodded.

“Just be patient. With yourself and Conner. Because you're holding onto the end of an emotional firecracker.”

“I can feel it fizzling in my heart.”

“God will make sure that you don't get burned.”

Grace wiped away another tear. “I'd better get going. I have a husband I need to talk to.”

Devry hooked her arm through Grace's, and they walked into the foyer. She kissed her cheek before she opened the front door. “A couple of days ago, I thought you were beginning a new ministry with your position as councilwoman. But now I suspect there's a far greater mission awaiting you.” With her fingertips, Devry pushed a stray hair away from Grace's forehead. “And know that I'm always here, girl. And so is God.”

Grace nodded, then walked into the night.

Grace took another breath before she opened the door. She stepped inside, and Conner stood, as if he hadn't moved since she'd left.

“Are you all right?” he asked.

Her eyes began their ascent right where his pants bent slightly at the knees. Even though he was wearing the same denim shirt and jeans as when she left, he seemed different. His shirt seemed snugger, his pants tighter. By the time her glance met his, she was smiling.

It took more will than she knew she had to resist trailing her fingers along the creases in his forehead. She wanted to kiss his concern away.

“I'm fine.”

Relief accompanied his exhale.

“Conner, this has been so hard for me.” She stepped closer. “I just don't know what to do.”

He hesitated, then took a step toward her. “Me either. But whatever I do, I want to do it with you.” He reached toward her, as if he was going to take her hand, but then stopped. “We'll make it through, Grace. I promise.”

She wrapped her arms around his neck. She wondered why her heart pounded, and then realized it was his familiar beat she felt. They held each other, letting the ticks of the grandfather clock guide them through time until the lock on the front door clicked. The door opened, and Jayde took two steps inside before she stopped.

Her eyes danced between her parents. “Hi.”

“Hey, sweetie.” Grace squeezed Conner's hand before she walked to Jayde. “Did you have a good time?”

“It was really nice.” Her voice smiled, but her eyes held uncertainty. “Is everything all right?”

“Sure, honey.” Conner hugged his daughter.

Jayde grinned at her mother. “Mom, I had the best time. I met someone.”

“How did that work?” Grace asked, raising a teasing eyebrow. “I thought you were out with Brittany, Charles, and Philip.”

Jayde scrunched her face when her mother mentioned her boyfriend, Philip.

Conner made a “T” sign with his hands. “I'm going to leave you ladies alone.” He put his arm around Grace. “I'll be waiting for you upstairs.” He brushed his lips across her cheek.

As Conner walked away, Jayde whispered, “If you want to go with Dad, we can talk tomorrow.”

“Absolutely not.” Grace wrapped her arm around Jayde's shoulders and led her up the stairs. “I want to hear it all now.”

“But things seem better between you and Dad, and I don't want to mess up anything.”

Grace stopped at the top of the stairs. “Jayde, you could never do that. Your dad and I had a disagreement, but we're fine. I don't want you worrying about us.”

Jayde pulled her mother into her bedroom. “I can't help it, Mom.” She flopped onto her bed, as if the weight of her family's problems kept her from standing. “It's like we have the perfect life, but something's going to mess it up.”

Grace swallowed, her smile gone. Then she lifted her chin. Their life would still be perfect, just different. She sat next to her daughter. “Honey, nothing can happen to our family. Do you know why?”

Jayde sat with wide eyes, eager to hear her mother's assurance.

Grace placed her palm against Jayde's cheek. “Because we have the best insurance. Not only do we love each other, but God is here. He's our protector.” Grace pushed a braid away from Jayde's eye. “So you don't have to worry. Your father and I love you too much to let anything happen. But God loves you more, and He'll take care of everything. Our family is going to be all right.” She hugged her before she added, “Now tell me about this new fantastic guy.”

Jayde grinned and pulled her legs under her. “Mom, he is so cute and so funny and so smart.”

“Where did you meet him?”

“Philip's house. He's Philip's cousin, Donald.”

Grace almost laughed.

“And we had the best time, especially when we talked while he drove me home.” Grace's grin turned upside down. “Philip's mom didn't bring you?” She continued before Jayde could answer. “How old is Donald?”

“Nineteen,” Jayde sang, as if it were a virtue.

Grace closed her eyes as Jayde continued. “Mom, he's the coolest. He's transferring to UCLA in the fall. That's why he's staying with Philip. His apartment won't be ready until next week.” The way Jayde jumped from the bed, Grace was sure her daughter was going to dance. “He has these short reddish locks, and he had on leather pants and this matching jacket with silver studs that I know cost a fortune.”

Wait until Conner hears this,
Grace thought. She would never get to tell him the boy's age. Once she mentioned leather, it would be over.

“He knew that Aunt Star was my aunt.”

Grace returned her attention to Jayde.

Jayde continued, “I guess Philip told him. But he's really into her. He's been to a lot of her seminars.”

Nineteen, leather, and Starlight. Three strikes!

“He talked to me all night. Brittany was so jealous.” Jayde grinned.

“I saw your Aunt Star today,” Grace said because she wanted to get away from Donald.

Jayde returned to the bed. “Where?”

“At your grandmother's house. Starlight just bought a condo in the Santa Monica Towers.”

“Oh, wow!” Jayde exclaimed, as if Grace just told her that Starlight had won the lottery. “All the movie stars live there. Aunt Starlight is always doing something totally cool.” She paused. “Mom, why don't you like Auntie Star?”

Grace sighed. “It's not that I don't like her, honey. She's my sister; I love her. But you know how Pastor Ford talked about hating the sin, but loving the person?”

Jayde nodded. “That's hard to do, right?”

“It is, but that's what I try to do with your aunt.”

“Donald said that Auntie Star teaches people how to use the true God.”

“That's what I mean, honey. We're not here to use God. He uses us.”

Jayde paused, as if she were trying to understand the difference.

Grace kissed her forehead. “It's time for bed. We're going to the eleven o'clock service tomorrow.”

“Okay.” Jayde hugged Grace. “Mom, you're the best.”

When Grace stepped into the hallway, she leaned against Jayde's door. “Our family is always going to be all right.” That's what she'd told her daughter. Now she was going to make it so.

She peeked into Amber's room, and was surprised that the covers were still over her daughter and not on the floor. Then she realized Conner must have checked on her. I really do have a wonderful husband, she thought.

Just as she turned out the light at the top of the stairs, the phone rang. She frowned. Who would be calling this late? She picked up the hallway phone, not wanting the ringing to wake Amber. But a millisecond before she said hello, she heard voices.

“Conner, this is Pilar.”

“Pilar … is something wrong?”

“No, I'm sorry it's so late. It's just that Solomon went to bed only a little while ago.”

“Is he all right?”

Grace stood in the dark, listening.

“Solomon is fine. We were just talking tonight about why he and I came to L.A.”

“You told him … that I was his father?”

Grace trembled. Had Conner met Solomon? How many secrets did Conner and Pilar share?

“He's always known about his father, Conner. Never specifics. Never your name or where you lived. I only told him that his father loves him, but circumstances prevented us from being together. I still haven't told him anything more. But I told him that we went to L.A. so that I could start exploring the possibility of him meeting you.”

Grace twisted the phone's cord around her finger.

“You know, Pilar, I would have been there if I'd known.”

Grace inhaled.

“I mean, financially,” Conner finished.

Grace exhaled.

“And emotionally,” he said, making Grace take another deep breath. “What did he say … about meeting me?”

It seemed to Grace as if all three of them stopped breathing.

“He's more concerned about me and my feelings, but let's not talk about this tonight. I just wanted to thank you for your call today. I need to start setting things in motion for our son.”

Grace wrapped the phone cord around her hand.

“This gives me peace, Conner,” Pilar said.

“I'm glad. But Pilar, next time …” He paused and Grace prayed that he would tell her not to call his home, not to intrude on the time he spent with his loving family, not to upset his beautiful wife, the only woman he would ever love.

He said, “Never mind. I'll speak with you on Monday.” He paused again. “I'll call you … from the office.”

There it was, Grace thought. Her heroic husband. Who wanted to protect his wife—or keep more secrets from her.

“Good night, Conner.”

“Good night, Pilar,” Conner said a second before he heard two clicks. He frowned, staring at the phone in his hand. Then he heard the office door close. It took him a moment to put it together. Grace had been on the line.

He put the phone down and opened the door to their bedroom, then closed it. He couldn't go to his wife right now. Not right after he'd spoken to Pilar. He walked into their bathroom and turned on the water full blast. He needed to take a shower.

“P
ick up a Bible tonight, Mabel.”

Grace's words had reverberated through her mind all day. Starlight had tried to block out her sister's voice on the ride home, but it was as if Grace was in the car. Even when she'd come home and seduced Lexington in the middle of the Grande Room, Grace stayed with her.

Now, as she stood on her balcony, she tried to throw Grace's words into the blackness of the night ocean. “Pick up a Bible.”

She returned to her bedroom.

Lexington's soft snores mixed with the surf. He had not awakened when she got out of the bed or during the last twenty-five minutes she'd spent on the balcony. Their sexathon had left him exhausted; it had left her wound up. She couldn't sleep even though she'd taken two pills, double her prescribed dosage.

Her silk robe fluttered to the carpet as she slipped from it and into bed. Shivering in her nakedness, she turned off the light and sank into the feathered pillows. A moment later, she clicked on the light and opened the nightstand drawer. The single content stared at her: Holy Bible. She picked up the book with care, as if handling it roughly would make God angry. It felt familiar as her fingertips roamed along the uneven terrain of the leather. Her hands examined the cover for long minutes as if her touch would transmit information from inside. Finally, she opened the book.

She'd written her name in cursive on the “presented to” line the day of her Confirmation when Neil had given her the Bible. On the line with the word “from,” she'd written, “My father.” At thirteen, it was her proudest possession. For hours after she studied her scriptures, she would stare at the gold edges of the pages.

On the morning of her Confirmation, she'd taken the new Bible to church for the first time. While her friends gathered around admiring the gilded pages and gold lettering, Jolanda Keith had declared, “Mabel, why did you write that this Bible was from your father?” Jolanda had tossed her thick pigtails over her shoulder and stared at Mabel provocatively. “He's not your father.”

Though she had never been friends with Jolanda, who walked around as if she'd been given the trust deed to the world, Mabel had still been shocked. She'd done everything within her thirteen-year-old power to hide that Neil wasn't her father.

“He is too.” But though she spat the words with as much force as she could muster, she stepped back.

Jolanda had sucked her teeth. “You don't even have the same last name.”

How do you know his last name?
she wanted to scream. But Mabel just turned away, withering under the stares of the other seven girls who waited for her to answer Jolanda's charges.

It was then that she knew she hated them all: Neil, her mother, and Grace.

Mabel knew others who lived without their mother or father—half the kids she knew lived with their grandmothers. But it was different for her. Neil lived in her house. He just didn't want to be her father.

The first time she called him “Daddy,” he'd told her to just call him Neil.

“I don't want to take anything away from your real father,” he had explained.

Who is my real father?
she had wanted to ask as Neil hugged her. Although his arms held her, she didn't feel loved. She just wanted to be like Grace.

Starlight stiffened as Lexington stirred. When he settled in his sleep, she breathed again. She didn't want him catching her with a Bible.

Her thoughts returned to the past. That was when it began—the drive to be better than Grace. She wasn't able to do it until she became Starlight. Until she released all the things she'd learned from this Bible.

Starlight lifted the book. It felt heavier than she remembered, as if God had inserted new words. She flipped through the pages, but as she turned from one chapter to the next, there were no familiar scriptures. No memories of a spectacular past, no promise of a future like the one she'd created.

God had nothing to do with her money in the bank, or with the penthouse she owned, or with the million books she'd sold. She was loved by women in thirteen countries. She had no proof she was loved by God.

She slammed the book shut, opened the drawer, and returned the Bible to its place. For an extra moment, she stared at the golden letters on the cover, then watched the book disappear as she closed the drawer. Finally, she turned off the light.