Tuesday (Timeless Series #2) (4 page)

“It’s better than this, isn’t it?”

“I…” She looked out the window then shut her mouth. Whatever she was going to say died in her throat. “Fine. Whatever.”

“What does that mean?”

“Hawke, I couldn’t care less about you. You’re someone from the past, and I’m over what happened between us. I’m happy and have everything I’ve ever wanted. You mean so little to me that I can do this. If you really want to go out together and have a good time, fine. Let’s do it.”

I squeezed my coffee cup again as her words broke me. I knew I deserved them after the way I left her. How could I expect anything else? But that didn’t minimize the pain.

She extended her hand across the table. “Friends?”

I eyed it but didn’t take it. I thought about all the times those small hands were on me. They rested on my heart as she felt it beat. But now it was just a hand—a meaningless touch. My hand found hers and we shook. I thought I felt the distant spark, but I knew it was just on my end. She didn’t feel anything. “Friends.”

***

“Dude, can you believe that shot?” Axel asked as we entered his apartment building and walked up the stairs.

“It was just luck.”

“No. It was all skill.” He had the basketball tucked under his arm. He was sweaty from playing on the courts. I was too.

“How can it be skill if you were facing the opposite way of the hoop and throwing the ball over the back of your head?”

He shook his head. “Jealousy isn’t a good color on you.”

“And bragging isn’t a good color on you.”

Axel approached his door and unlocked it. “Keep it up, and Marie isn’t going to let you eat her delicious cooking.”

“Are you kidding me?” I asked. “She likes me more than you.”

“No way. I give it to her good every night.” Axel opened the door. “You couldn’t handle my woman. She’s crazy in the sack.”

I walked in behind him. “I’ll take your word for it.”

Axel set the ball on the table near the door. “Baby, I’m home.” He turned to me and winked. “I love saying that.”

Marie came to the entryway wearing jeans and a t-shirt. “Axel, don’t put the ball on the table. How many times do I have to tell you?”

He rolled his eyes. “I don’t want it to get dirty.”

She gave him an incredulous look. “You just played basketball with it. It’s filthy.”

“Fine, fine.” Axel set the ball on the ground near his shoes. “No harm done.”

“I’ll have to scrub that table with Lysol…”

Axel approached her then gave her a quick kiss. “Missed you.”

She melted right in front of my eyes. “Missed you too.” She walked back into the living room.

Axel turned to me and winked. “That’s the skill I was just talking about.”

I tried not to laugh.

Axel and I walked into the living room and I stilled when I spotted Francesca sitting beside Marie on the couch. She wore jean shorts with a pink top. She hardly ever wore shorts because she was self-conscious about her legs. I didn’t see why because they were absolutely gorgeous.

Wedding magazines were spread out around them, and they were cutting pictures out and laying them on the coffee table. There were pictures of flowers and wedding dresses. It looked like a kindergarten classroom.

When Francesca looked up, she noticed me. “Hey, Hawke.” She said it with a pleasant tone, and it didn’t sound like she was being fake.

“Hey, Francesca.” It didn’t feel right calling her that. I automatically wanted to call her by her nickname but I had no right to.

“You guys ready for dinner?” Marie asked. “I made spaghetti and meatballs.”

“Yes!” Axel clapped his hands in excitement. “Being married is awesome.”

“You aren’t married yet,” Francesca said sarcastically.

“Same difference,” Axel said. “We already live together.”

Marie gave him an affectionate smile before she got up. “I just need to set the table and everything will be ready.”

“Need help, baby?” Axel asked.

“Nope,” Marie said from the kitchen.

“You want a beer?” Axel asked.

“Sure,” I answered.

“Blue Moon or Dos Equis?”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“Coming right up.” He walked into the kitchen and his voice carried into the living room. “Baby, you’re looking fine today.”

“Thanks,” Marie said. It sounded like they were kissing because she said, “Not now, Axel. Your sister is in the other room.”

“Like I give a damn,” he snapped.

My beer was going to take a while.

Francesca put down the magazines. “How are you?” Her question seemed sincere. She looked me in the eye and everything.

“Good. You?”

“Great. Planning a wedding is fun. Now I know everything I want for mine.”

The idea of her getting married made me sick. Acid built up in my stomach and it made me want to hurl. I did my best to hide my reaction and not vomit all over the hardwood floor. “Saves you time…”

She stood up and pulled her hair over one shoulder. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“You are?” I couldn’t hide the surprise in my tone.

“Yeah.” She slowly came closer to me and crossed her arms over her chest. The hostile look from earlier that week was gone. She didn’t give me a look of fondness, but it wasn’t full of hatred either. “I wanted to talk to you about last week. I thought about everything I said and…I apologize.”

What was she apologizing for?

“I was really harsh and said a lot of mean things…that I didn’t care about you. That’s not true, Hawke. I’m sure you know that.”

My heart fluttered.

“I guess seeing you again just threw me off balance. I thought I was going to be okay with it, but then I was around you and…everything came flooding back. I’ve had enough time to move on and come to terms with our break up but…I just wasn’t ready for that. I was very ugly and mean… I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize. You had every right to be upset. You’ve never had a chance to tell me how you felt…”

“But it doesn’t matter. That was in the past, and we’ve both moved on. There’s no reason to hold on to hate when life is so short. While we weren’t together very long, I really was happy. And I did love you.”

My heart stopped beating.

“There’s no reason why we can’t be friends—real friends. If we really loved each other, we should be able to move on and be mature about it. I’m over you and you’re over me. I guess it’ll be weird in the beginning, but it’ll go back to normal. If our best friends are married to each other, it’ll make our lives easier to get along.”

She was over me?

I knew she was but it hurt to hear her say it out loud. There was no possibility of misinterpretation. Right now, she was calm and understanding. She meant every word she said. She wasn’t lying out of hurt or disappointment.

She was truly over me.

And she thought I was over her? Did she not understand why I left? I left because I loved her so much—not because I stopped. I stared at her emerald eyes as I thought of a response. Correcting her and telling her how I really felt wouldn’t change anything. Even if she still loved me and wanted me, she couldn’t have me. I was dangerous. I was a monster.

I would rip her to pieces.

This is all we could ever be. And wouldn’t it be better to have her in my life once in a while than not to have her in it at all? Spending the last two years without her was torture. I’d never been so lonely in my life.

I would rather have some of her than none of her at all.

***

“Ugh, I hate playing Monopoly with her.” Marie had twenty-five bucks and one railroad. She was pretty much done for. “She cheats. I swear.”

Francesca coughed into her hand. “Sore loser…”

“Shut up.” Marie grabbed a plastic house and threw it at her.

Francesca dodged and let the piece fly across the floor.

“Here.” Axel gave her half his cash and his Boardwalk and Park Place. “Now you’re back in the running, baby.”

Marie smiled triumphantly.

I shook my head. “That’s the lamest shit ever.”

“So lame,” Francesca added.

“What?” Axel asked innocently. “I’m not breaking any rules.”

“Being a pussy is breaking every guy rule ever made,” I said.

“I’m not a pussy,” Axel said. “I’m just trying to help her.”

“Fine.” I grabbed all my cash and dropped it in Francesca’s pile. Then I gave her all my properties, including three railroads. “I’d like to see you beat her now.”

“Now that was some pussy shit right there,” Axel said.

I shrugged. “I’m not breaking any rules, am I?”

Axel rolled his eyes then gave Marie everything else he had. “Kick her ass, baby.”

“I’m on it,” Marie said.

Francesca and Marie continued playing. After landing on each other’s properties countless times and passing GO, Francesca dominated and ran Marie dry. Francesca threw all her money in the air. “I’m the chosen one.”

I laughed until my stomach hurt.

Marie rolled her eyes and released an annoyed sigh. “Okay, Harry Potter.”

“Only losers read Harry Potter,” Axel said.

“You’re just jealous you can’t read at all,” Francesca snapped.

“Francesca is banned from Monopoly,” Marie said as she tossed everything in the box.

“That’s not fair,” Francesca said. “It’s not my fault you suck.”

“I don’t suck,” Marie said.

“Oh, yes, she does.” Axel grinned like an idiot.

“Gross…” Francesca cringed.

Marie swatted his arm. “Don’t say things like that in front of her.”

“What?” Axel asked. “It’s not like she doesn’t know.”

“But I don’t think about it.” Francesca stood up then grabbed her magazines. “I’m outta here.” She grabbed her purse and checked her phone. She must have had a text message because she typed something quickly before she returned her phone to her purse.

It was ten in the evening. Who was she texting?

“I’ll see you later.” Francesca headed to the door.

“I’m going to head out too.” I stood up. “Thank you for dinner, Marie.”

“Any time,” she said. “Get home safely.”

Axel fist-bumped me. “Good game.”

“Monopoly or basketball?”

“Both,” he said with a shrug.

He lost both games so I didn’t know what he was talking about. “See you later.” I headed to the door and joined Francesca. I shut the door behind me and we headed down the hallway together.

“Sore losers, huh?” she asked.

“Yeah.” It was the first time it felt the way it used to. Francesca and I were comfortable around each other. The chemistry was right like it’d always been. And that connection was still there—at least for me.

We exited the building and reached the sidewalk.

“Let me walk you home.” It was late, and I wanted to make sure she got home okay. I would offer it to any girl, but she was special. I had to make sure she got there safely.

“No, it’s okay,” she said quickly. “I’ll see you around.” She gave a quick wave before she walked away.

I don’t think so
. I caught up to her. “I really don’t mind. The city isn’t safe at night.”

“I can take care of myself, Hawke. You know that.”

“It gives me peace of mind.”

She stopped in her tracks and sighed. “I’m not going home, Hawke.”

The meaning of her words hit me hard in the chest. It was like someone dropped an anvil on my head. The breath was knocked out of me. I felt cold—weak. Now I knew who she was texting this late at night. “I see…” I tried to hide the devastated look on my face but I had a feeling I couldn’t. I knew she must be with other guys but…I tried not to think about it.

She avoided my gaze like she was uncomfortable. “Well…good night.”

“Yeah.” I wanted to offer to walk her anyway, but I didn’t want to see the guy who opened the door. I didn’t want to walk away knowing what was going to happen. Someone stabbed a knife into my chest and now I was bleeding everywhere.

Francesca turned around and headed up the sidewalk. She never glanced behind her to see if I was still watching her. The second I wasn’t in her sight, she forgot about me.

Why did I have to be so fucked up? Why couldn’t I just be normal? If I didn’t have all these issues, she would still be mine. We might even be married by now. Maybe even have a kid on the way…

But I threw her away.

I lost her.

I fucked up.

I was fucked up.

Hollow

Francesca

“Missed me?” Kyle took a drink from his beer on the nightstand. He was propped on the pillows with the sheets pulled up to his waist.

I shrugged. “Eh.” I lay beside him with the sheets to my shoulder. My eyes were closed, and I was tired. I’d probably sleep there because I was too tired to go home.

“Eh?” Amusement was in his voice. “That’s it?”

“I just saw you last week.”

“A week is a long time, babe.”

“Don’t call me babe.” I didn’t like nicknames. They were too possessive.

“Grouchy… Did I not make you come?”

“No, you did.”

“Then I don’t know what your deal is.” He took another drink. “I know you aren’t on your period so that can’t be it.”

I kicked him playfully.

He lay back down beside me. “Something is off. I can feel it.”

I didn’t talk to Kyle about serious stuff. But I had no one else to talk to. Marie was the number one person I turned to but I couldn’t tell her about this. It was a conflict of interest. “I’m just stressed out…”

“About?” He moved his hand to my hip.

“It’s a long story.”

“I’ve got all night.” He squeezed my hip gently. “Now tell me.”

I guess I had nothing to lose. “Remember that guy I told you about?”

“The one you were with two years ago?”

“Yeah,” I said with a nod.

“What about him?”

“Well…he’s back in my life.”

His eyebrows scrunched in confusion.

I told him the entire story and how he’s the best man in Axel’s wedding. “Basically, I’m going to be around him all the time and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

“That sucks…”

“Yeah.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. When I saw him for the first time, I was so angry with him. He kept talking to me, and I just wanted to be left alone. Then he came to my shop and that pissed me off even more. We sat down and talked, and I said a lot of mean things to him…that I didn’t care if he lived or died.”

Kyle cringed slightly. “Then what?”

“I realized how unfair I was being. Even though the break up was hard, he was good to me when we were together. He treated me right and made me really happy. And I loved him… I’ll always love him.”

Disappointment flashed in his eyes. “Why did you break up again?”

I didn’t want to share Hawke’s secrets even though Kyle didn’t know him. “He had some personal issues. You know, he had a bad childhood and was never emotionally stable. He said he would hurt me so it was best if he just ended it.”

“But he hurt you anyway.”

“Yeah…”

“I don’t know… I think that’s pretty fucked up. He made you fall in love with him and then he just left. If he didn’t see the relationship working from the very beginning, why did he waste your time?”

“Because he thought it would work.”

“Sounds like a dick to me.”

“He’s not.” I knew I shouldn’t defend him. “He never tried to hurt me, not the way I tried hurting him when I said all those mean things. I knew he had issues so I shouldn’t have gotten involved with him. I’m over him, and I’ve moved on. I don’t want to hold a grudge and keep him at a distance. In the end, I do care about him. I don’t want us to hate each other.”

“You don’t have to hate each other, but you don’t have to hang out either.”

“We don’t hang out one-on-one. Our best friends are going to be married to each other. That makes it difficult.”

“Man, that is complicated.”

“See what I mean?” I asked. “It’s less heartache for me to just let it go.”

“It doesn’t hurt to be around him?”

I shrugged. “I don’t think about it. We had what we had, and it was beautiful…but it ended. I’ll never regret what we had. But I’m not going to live in the past anymore.”

He stared into my eyes without blinking. “If he wanted you back, would you go back to him?”

“No, that would never happen.”

“Just answer the question.”

“No, I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t go down that road again…not when I already know how it ends.”

“So, I guess exes can be friends. Who knew?”

“It’s not that uncommon. I know other people who do it. We’d had two years to get over it so it’s different.”

“So, you’re okay with this?” He ran his fingers through my hair. “Because you seem pretty sad.”

“I guess it makes me sad sometimes…”

“Why?”

How could I explain this in a way he would understand? My relationship with Hawke operated on a different wavelength. Axel and Marie were madly in love but even they wouldn’t understand it. “Because I pictured a much different ending for both of us. Actually, we didn’t have an ending. Even when we passed away and our bodies decayed, our souls traveled across the earth, tangled together.”

Kyle had a blank look on his face like he didn’t understand a word I said. “What does that mean, exactly?”

“We’re soul mates.”

His eyes narrowed in confusion. “You really believe that guy is your soul mate?” Skepticism was written all over his face, and he couldn’t keep the condescension out of his voice.

Hawke and I couldn’t work it out because he was too broken. His family had ripped him apart, severing his heart into pieces. Even the love I gave him couldn’t fix all the wounds and holes. His mind was shattered, and he continued to believe he was a monster when he was nothing but a saint. But that didn’t change the truth. That didn’t change what we had—even if we could never be together. “Yes.”

***

We went to several different florists in town and tried to decide which was cheaper. Marie was on a budget because she picked an expensive venue. Axel would let her do anything she wanted, but he had to put his foot down sometime.

“These hydrangeas look nice,” she said.

“They could be a cute centerpiece arrangement.”

“I don’t know…they scream Easter.”

“Just don’t put any Easter eggs in the vases and you should be good.”

She rolled her eyes and walked out of the shop. “That place was way too expensive.”

“We could just make our own,” I said. “You know, pick some flowers and put them in a pretty vase.”

“Sounds like a lot of work…”

“Well, which do you want to save? Time or money?”

She released a sigh. “Weddings are stressful.”

“You didn’t know that already?” I asked like a smartass.

“I thought they were exaggerating.”

“News flash,” I said. “They weren’t.”

She walked into a hot dog shop. “I need something greasy and disgusting.”

“Same here.”

We ordered two hot dogs then sat down and stuffed our faces.

“How’s it going with Kyle?”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s a simple question,” she said. “How’s it going?”

“You know he’s nothing serious. He’s just a booty call.”

“Well, he’s been a booty call for a few months now,” she said. “Nothing else is going on?”

“Nope.”

“You know, that’s how Axel and I started off. Now we’re getting married.”

Kyle wasn’t my future husband.
“It works for some people, not all.”

“Can I at least meet him?”

“Why?” I asked. “He’s not my boyfriend.”

“How often do you see him?”

I shrugged. “It depends.”

“On?”

“How stressed I am. Maybe one or two times a week.”

“That’s pretty often,” she said. “What’s he like?”

“He’s nice,” I said. “Perfect body. Pretty face. You know my type.”

“If he’s your type, why don’t you give him a chance?”

“What makes you think he even wants a chance?” This felt like an interrogation.

“Who are you kidding, Frankie?” she asked. “Every guy you’re with falls in love with you.”

“So not true.”

She put down her hot dog. “You really want to play this game?” She started to count with her fingers. “Cameron, John, Jason—”

“Okay, I get your point.”

She smiled victoriously. “He’s into you. I’m sure he is.”

“Well, I’m not into him.”

She picked at her fries. “You’re never into anybody. The only person you’ve ever really liked is Hawke.”

“Well, I’m picky. I’ll find someone else eventually.”

“You aren’t going to find another Hawke,” she said. “Let me save you some time.”

“Believe me, he’s not the kind of guy I’m looking for.” When I settled down, it would be with a good guy that wasn’t a flight risk. I couldn’t carry someone’s baggage anymore, not when it hurt me so much.

“It’s weird seeing you guys hang out. It’s like nothing ever happened.”

“Two years is a long time, Marie. People move on. It’s a part of life.”

“I guess…but it’s still weird.” She finished her hot dog. “Man, that was good.”

“I don’t want to know what’s in it, but it’s delicious.”

She wiped her mouth with a napkin then crumbled it into a ball. “Let’s go on a double date?”

“What?” I blurted. “Hawke and I are never getting back together.”

Her eyes narrowed on my face. “I meant Kyle.”

“Oh…” That was stupid. “No. I don’t see it going anywhere with him.”

“Well, go on a date with him and give it a shot.”

“If I liked him, I would know.”
Damn, she was acting like my mom right now.

“If you’ve been sleeping with him this long, he has potential.”

“He’s really good in bed,” I said. “That’s all I care about.”

“How did you meet him anyway?”

“The gym.”

“Romantic…”

I rolled my eyes. “I walked into the guys’ changing room on accident and he was there…naked.” My cheeks reddened at the memory.

Marie’s jaw dropped. “Why didn’t you tell me this story?”

“Because it’s embarrassing.” My face burned from the heat.

“Then what happened?” She leaned forward in her seat with wide eyes.

“I did something super stupid.”

“What?” She slammed her hands down impatiently.

“I…I asked him out.”

She covered her face and laughed until tears came out of her eyes. “Oh my god, Frankie.”

I chuckled because it was kind of funny. “I wasn’t thinking. I saw him…and his package…and I just went for it.”

She wiped the tears from her eyes. “That’s the most hilarious story I’ve ever heard. I’m telling it at your wedding.”

My laughter immediately stopped. “Well, that would be awkward since I’m not going to marry this guy.”

“Give him a chance, Frankie. Geez, you’re uptight.”

“I am not!”

“Look, it’s my job to say things you don’t want to hear. So here it goes; you haven’t even tried to have a meaningful relationship since Hawke. You just look for quick fixes with hunky guys. That would be fine, but I know you aren’t happy.”

“Says who?”

“I can just tell,” Marie said. “I’m not telling you to pledge forever with the next guy in your bed, but at least have an open mind to it.”

I knew she was right even though I wouldn’t admit it.

“The four of us should do something together. I promise I won’t embarrass you.”

“That’s sad you have to make that promise.” I glared at her as I spoke.

“Hey, you embarrass me all the time in front of Axel.”

“He’s my brother—it’s different.”

“Whatever.” She threw a fry at me.

I threw the fry back at her. “Whatever to you.”

She sipped her lemonade then a grin stretched on her lips. “So…how big is his package?”

“Oh my god. I’m going to pretend you didn’t ask that.”

“What?” she asked. “I’m just curious.”

“It’s very nice. That’s all I’m going to say.”

“Nicer than Hawke’s?”

My smile immediately fell at the mention of Hawke. I didn’t compare other guys to him. In fact, I refused to let myself think about him at all. Those memories were sacred to me. The nights we spent together were full of passion and love, nothing like what I had now. Nothing compared to that, and I refused to tarnish those memories with trash.

***

I was in the cake kitchen when there was a knock on the glass front doors. I put down my decorating tools and washed the buttercream frosting from my hands before I headed to the front.

It was 5:30 a.m. and the sun hadn’t even risen. It was still dark outside, and the lights from the city glowed like everything was on fire. When I reached the door, a man was standing near the glass. He wore running shorts and a t-shirt. It was difficult to distinguish his features, but he had the body of a Roman soldier.