Turn It Loose (6 page)

“Oh come now. I’m sure there’s something. Crazy girlfriends, brushes with the law,
weird habits—something.”

“Nope, none of that,” he
gulped down his beer, “I work too much to be interesting.”

“W
e’re going to have to change that,” she said. “Come.” Jaylah grabbed his hand and led him to the dance floor.

Johnny
walked so close she could feel the heat jumping off his body. As they moved through the crowd, she’d stop suddenly, causing him to bump into her, feeling something new—sturdy chest, muscled legs, a large bulge—each time. When they’d snaked their way to the middle of the floor Jaylah turned and rested her hands on his shoulders as if it were the most normal thing in the world.

“I already kn
ow you can dance,” she told him, “I saw you.”

“I saw you too,” he said, before
laying a hand on her hip.

They swayed together exchanging flirty glances,
coquettish smiles, and touching just enough to excite them both. Jaylah let her fingers lightly trace the back of Johnny’s neck as they moved in unison. She could feel him loosen just a bit as tension slipped from his shoulders. She pictured herself kissing him then, but held back. She wanted him to make the next move.

Jaylah
spun around and danced with her back to Johnny. He pressed into her and wrapped his arms around her waist. She felt safe nuzzled in his arms, and her brain skipped ahead to what it would feel like to wake up beside him, energized after a night of lovemaking. Even though she rarely cooked, Jaylah fanaticized about serving him breakfast in bed.
Griiiiiiits
, she thought as the Jill Scott line popped into her head.

She leaned into him and moved her hips in time with the beat. She placed her hand over his and he entangled her fingers.

They danced, fused together, for nearly an
hour speaking with their bodies, instead of words, neither one daring to let go.

Jourdan found them and broke their trance. “Hey, if you’re going to get the Tube, you best head out. It’ll be shutting down soon.”

Jaylah was confused. “Wait, what time is it?”

“Almost midnight.
I’ve got to get back to Shepherd’s Bush as well. Ready?”

Jaylah looked at Johnny, she didn’t want to leave. “I can take the night bus.”

“To Highbury? That’ll take forever,” Jourdan warned.

“I can give you a lift,”
he said, “I live in Camden.”

Jourdan
searched her friend’s face for hesitation, then took out her phone. “Smile,” she commanded, snapping a picture of the pair. “See this?” she asked him. “If anything happens to my sister I’m going straight to the police. Got it?”

He shook his head and chuckled. “Got it.”

Jourdan gave Jaylah a hug. “Call me in the morning. Don’t forget,” she said before leaving.

“Your friend is crazy,” Johnny said, still laughing.

“She’s just a bit protective,” Jaylah said, heading back to her seat to collect her things.

“How long have you know each other?”

“Almost a month.”

“A month
?” Johnny repeated, confused.

“I know. But we’re like
those Horder twins,” she said. He still looked perplexed. “You know those little girls? They had the same parents, looked alike, and loved the same things. Only difference? One was black and the other was white.”

“Ahh,
yes. I remember reading something about them in
the Guardian,
” he finally said.

“
That’s Jourdan and me. We just clicked and we’ve been kinda inseparable ever since.”

Johnny stepped aside to let her exit the club first.
“I hope you don’t mind walking a bit. I had a dinner meeting in the area and parked near the restaurant.”

“Not at all.
It’s actually quite nice out tonight,” Jaylah said, appreciating the warm weather that had descended on the city. “It finally feels like summer.”

“
Yeah it does,” he said, moving to the outside of the sidewalk. Jaylah appreciated his nod to old school chivalry. “So, you’ve been here a month? Where’s home?”

“America,” she said instinctively.

He laughed, “I can tell. Where about?”

“Oh, right. Los Angeles.”

“And you wanted to come to London?” Johnny sucked his teeth.

“Why does everyone say that?
What’s the saying? Familiarity breeds contempt? I just needed a change of pace.”

“Sounds like,“ he pretended to be deep in thought,
“A bad break-up.”

Jaylah wondered if he was asking because he hoped she was single or if he thought women were so
fragile after losing a lover they needed to flee to another country to mend. “Something like that,” she said.

“How long were you two together?”

“Five years,” she said, wondering if she should tell him the truth.

He winced. “That has to be tough.”

They walked in silence, minutes passing between them. Although Jaylah liked being able to reshape her history to make herself seem less like a failure, she didn’t want to lie to him. She couldn’t.

“Actually,” she said, breaking the
quiet, “I lost my job. I…got fired.”

Jaylah rambled to fill the lull between them. “I’m a writer and I was working for a paper in L.A. One day my editor calls me
in to say they’re letting me go. Just like that,” Johnny listened; she kept gushing. “No warning, no conference to say, ‘Hey you need to get your shit together, Jay.’ Just…fired.”

She felt her chee
ks getting hot all over again and her voice cracked. “You know what’s the worst part? I spent five years there, even though I
knew
I could do so much better, because everyone else thought I was this huge success. ‘Oh, Jaylah has her name in the paper. Oh Jaylah gets to go to concerts for free, Oh Jaylah is so lucky,’” she said, nearly in tears. “I followed the rules, I did what everyone expected, and in the end, what did I get?”

She stopped walking and focused on keeping tears from flooding her eyes. For the past month she struggled to repress her emotions, but they came tumbling out, threatening to ruin her good time.

“I’m sorry,” she said
, looking up at him. “I must sound like such a madwoman.”

Johnny still hadn’t uttered a word since she launched into her rant. She wondered if she’d scared him off with her blathering.
If so, she’d add TURNING JOHNNY OFF to her list of mounting defeats.

“Look, I c
an just catch a cab,” she said, offering him a way out. “I’m sure I can find one down—“

Johnny put a finger to her lips, shushing her midsentence. He
caressed her face with his large hand and wiped away an escaped tear.

“It’s ok,” he assured her before kissing her on the forehead. “I know how you feel.”

Jaylah did not utter a word; she waited.

She wanted him to kiss her, to part her lips and let his tongue play in her mouth. She wanted to feel his weight crushing down on her
as she struggled to hold back her pleasure. She could picture it so vividly, the thought almost made her knees give out.

S
he held her breath and waited.

Johnny grabbed her hand and h
eld it to his lips. He kissed her palm, then clutched it as he led her to his car. They walked in silence, her hand in his. Not talking, and just barely touching.

Jaylah struggled to make sense of his restraint. She thought he wanted to
taste her lips, figured he was close when they were pressed together, but he’d chosen her forehead instead. His decision made her doubt herself. Was she imagining his attraction? Was he just taking pity on her because he thought she was on the verge of a breakdown? A torrent of questions ran through her mind as they walked. She couldn’t figure him out and it vexed her.

Johnny’s car alarm chirped, snapping Jaylah back to reality.
He opened her door and waited for her to get in before closing it. She stared out the window, trying to keep disappointment from overtaking her.

“Highbury, right?” he asked, looking over at her.

“Yes,” she said, refusing to return his glance. “Highbury Square. On Avenell Road.”

He flicked on the radio, finally filling the gap between them. Whatever
heat they created on the dance floor was surely stamped out by her big mouth, Jaylah figured. She took out her phone to text Jourdan.

“OMW h
ome. Night turned out to be a total bust. Will explain in the morning. xx”

* * *

Johnny pulled up in front of Jaylah’s building, and before he could put the car in park, she was almost out the door.

“Thank you for the ride,” she said, still
unable to look at him. “I really appreciate it.”

“Wait
,” he said, grabbing her hand. “I got fired from my first job out of university. It was this grueling position at an investment firm. Real gladiator school. We’d have to stay up for days to trade on the world markets and I couldn’t hack it.”

“I could hack it,”
she said defensively.

“I hated
that job. I hated the workload and the ass kissing and the insane hours, but I stayed on. All my friends went out on weekends, played football, and went to parties, but I was always at work,” he shook his head. “And my dad, God, he was so proud. He would brag to all his friends. It made me feel good for a while, but I started to resent it. I felt trapped, you know?”

Jaylah nodded, finally turning to face him.

“And when I got fired, the worst thing in the world was telling my father. He said I was disgrace, called me lazy, stupid, said I messed up my life and I brought shame on our family. Ghanaians are so dramatic at times,” he said with a meager smile. “ I vowed then that I would never be in that position again. No one else would control my future but me.”

He rubbed her hand. “So I
get it. I know it sucks. But if you had the courage to pick up and move here, you’ve got heart. You’ll bounce back.”

More silence elapsed between them. Jaylah turned his words over in her head.
You’ve Got Heart
.
Maybe too much of it,
she said to herself.

Johnny’s vulnerability pierced her. The men she’d dated back home rarely wanted to discu
ss anything beyond dinner plans, basketball scores, or when they were getting back into her bed. But here he was, laying pieces of himself bare. His honesty made her crave him even more. Jaylah figured she had two options: get out of the car and never see him again, or risk falling for a man she just met and couldn’t quite figure out.

“Thank you,”
she said, choosing the safer route. “For everything.”

She
opened the door, but he stopped her. “Wait,” he said again, this time leaning in for a kiss.

He was gentle;
Johnny stroked Jaylah’s face like she was one of the priceless treasures in the National Gallery. She cupped his head and pulled him closer, trying to will him to follow her inside. She parted his lips with her tongue and allowed her hand to drop into his lap. He kissed her harder as the bulge in his pants began to swell.

She gently bit his bottom lip before diving in for another passionate kiss.
She could already picture running her tongue over every inch of his body, and it excited her.

Johnny’s hands
moved to her neck then grazed the top of her breasts. He planted kisses from her cheek to her shoulders, causing her to let out a faint moan.

“Want to come inside?”

“I…I can’t,” he said, pulling back.

She leaned across the car and kissed him again.
A dare. “You sure?”

“I have an early meeting, and—“

She felt deflated. Again. “I see,” she said, opening the door.

“I really do have a meeting,
Jaylah. This isn’t a brush off,” he explained. “I’d like to see you again if that’s ok.”

“Sure.
” She fished through her purse to find a scrap of paper, tore off a piece of her journal, and scribbled her number. “Call me.”

Before they could say anything else to muck up the moment, Jaylah got out of the car and shut the door.

Johnny watched as she hurried inside her building, and she was glad he couldn’t see her face. If he had, he would see she was crushed.

After their
ambiguous night, Jaylah didn’t know if he would actually call, but everything inside her prayed he would.

* * *

Jaylah scoured her flat, cleaning every inch of it for the first time since she moved in. She dusted the furniture in the living room, washed the cups and bowls she’d piled up in the mornings, threw her clothes in the washer, and scrubbed the bathroom.