Turn It Loose (7 page)

Conflicting emotions
surged through her veins as she replayed the events of the previous night. Dinner with Jourdan was fantastic as usual. The pair stuffed themselves with too much food and wine and laughed like women who’d known each other since they were little girls. Although she was hesitant, Jaylah had to admit her friend’s idea to go dancing was a great one. The DJ worked his magic and she fed off the crowd’s energy.

Jaylah felt an overwhelming sense of joy on the dance floor with Jourdan and was thankful for her friend.
She wondered where she’d be without her new sister, probably miserable and calling her parents for a loan. Jourdan looked out for her in ways she could have never imagined possible, and if wasn’t for her Jaylah wouldn’t have a gig, a social life, or met Johnny.

She
sighed at the thought of him, remembering the way his soft lips felt against her skin. Longing crept through her body; she
had
to see him again.

Jaylah wondered if he would call her after
the way she acted. The tears, the near breakdown, the kissing.

“What were you even thinking?” she asked herself
as she swept the floor.

She
got caught up in the moment. For a brief second, she thought she’d be like Nina in
Love Jones
and ask Johnny in for a “chat” that would lead to a serious bout of lovemaking. After the way they carried on in the car, how could he resist her invitation? The way he touched her had to mean he wanted more, right?

Clearly, she
was wrong.

Even though he said
it wasn’t a brush off, he bolted, and she felt rejected and confused.

This was all new to her;
Jaylah was never a seductress back home. Not even close. Sleeping with Faraj had been an aberration; she was drunk and feeling bold, and let herself give in to her desire. But Johnny made her feel something else entirely. She wanted to get to know him. Wanted to hear the stories of his life and be a part of it. Wanted to be his friend, his lover, and his woman, his…everything.

“D
on’t be stupid, Jaylah. You just met this man,” she scolded herself as she straightened up her bedroom. “This doesn’t even make any sense.”

Jaylah found a slip of paper and wrote LET IT GO in big, bold letters. She taped the note to the wall above her computer as a reminder to put Johnny out of her mind.

* * *

Summer had officially
arrived in London, giving everyone a break from the perpetually gloomy skies that seem to hang over the city, even in July. Stripped-down Britons crowded onto café patios sipping cocktails and stout, hungry to soak up as much sun as possible before it went darting off again.

Even Jaylah was excited for the sudden heat wave, happy to finally wear her favorite floral miniskirt without tights or leggings. She strolled down Mandeville Place on her way to meet Jourdan at the Tapa Room for brunch.

Seven weeks
, she counted down in her head.
Seven weeks to do whatever the hell I want
, she thought.

Her time in London was quickly
careening down the highway and Jaylah wished she could jam on the breaks. She wasn’t ready to go back to L.A. and fall back into her role as Ms. Goody Goody just yet. Actually, she never wanted to be that person ever again.

When she
skipped across the Pond she had literally been reborn.

Jaylah loved setting her own rules and playing the game however she
felt it should go. She enjoyed living adjacent to the edge, but never quite teetering over. For the first time, she didn’t feel beholden to live up to anyone’s expectations but her own.

She finally felt free, and she wanted to hold onto
it for as long as possible.

Jaylah walked into the Tapa Room and spotted Jourdan right away.

“Hey girly,” she said, kissing her on the cheek. “Been here long?”

“No, I just sat down. I’m surprised I didn’t have to wait
forever, it’s usually slammed on the weekends.”

“Remind me to steal your dress,” Jaylah said, grabbing a menu. “What’s good here?”

“Everything! I think I’m getting the Turkish eggs. Feel like heading to Oxford Circus after? I want to look ‘round.”

“Sure, I don’t have anything else planned today.”

“No date with what’s his name?”

“We aren’t talking about him,” Jaylah said
, changing the subject. “Want to see a movie tonight?”

“You never explained what happened
. Was he a nutter?”

“No, I…messed it up,” she said.

Jourdan waited for an explanation.

“Well, on the way to his car, he asked me if I was in London because of a
bad break up. At first I played along, but then I decided to tell him the truth.”

“Ok, and?”

“And I kinda started to cry.”

Jourd
an’s eyes got wide. “On the street?”

“I know,
straight crazy woman style,” she shook her head. “I was telling him about getting fired and…it just poured out.”

“So he got freaked out?”

“I thought so. I mean, wouldn’t you?”

Jourdan nodded in agreement.

“Anyway, he drove me home and I was so embarrassed. I was about to run out of the car when he kissed me.”

“No!” Jourdan gasped. “Seriously?”

“Yes! And his lips—” Jaylah had a flashback. “We made out like a pair of high schoolers.”

“I don’
t get it. What’s the problem then?”

“Let me finish,” Jaylah snapped. “We were kissing and I asked him if he wanted to come inside, you know, to continue the evening
...”

“And?”

“And he said no.”

“What?!”

“He said he had an early meeting and couldn’t come in. Then he claimed he wanted to see me again, so I gave him my number and damn near ran inside. The end.”

“So he hasn’t called?”

“Would we be having
this
conversation if he had?”

“Right.
Well, maybe he really did have a meeting. He was dressed like a barrister or something.”

“Come on, Jourdan. What man is going to turn down an invitation to a woman’s apartment after making out with her in his car?”

“Hmmm. Guys in London can be a bit dense at times. He might still call,” she said, trying to be optimistic.

“I doubt it, b
ut here’s the thing—I really hope he does.”

Jourdan patted her friend’s hand. “Me too. Maybe his
handsome ass can convince you to stay.”

“Hey, it’s Johnny,” he said. His
accented baritone caused Jaylah to momentarily lose her voice. It had been six days since she met him and they made out in in the front seat of his sleek Mercedes. Six days since he said he wanted to see her again, but never called. Six days since she’d try to exorcise him from her memory and failed miserably.

Six.

For the past week she’d sulked around the city kicking herself for thinking about him. In the queue at Tesco. Riding the Piccadilly Tube. Ordering lunch at the deli. Johnny invaded her thoughts like an unwelcomed guest making himself at home. She tried her best to evict him, but he just wouldn’t leave.

He broke the silence. “Hello?”

“Oh….hey,” she said, finding her voice. “I didn’t expect to hear from you. I figured you lost my number.”

“Sorry, i
t’s just…been really crazy at work. I’ve been pulling back-to-back late nights and—”

“Careful. Next you’ll tell me you’re tired of sucking up
to the boss,” she teased, a nod to their first conversation.

Johnny chuckled, “
Well this time I don’t have to worry about getting sacked; I’m in charge.”

“
Must be nice.”

“
Actually, that’s why I called.”

“Need brownnosing tips?” she quipped.

“No. I’ve been meaning to reach out, but just got so caught up—”

Jaylah rolled her eyes. She subscribed to the
He’s Just Not Into You
School of Dating that said if a man wanted to see you, he would see you. Busy schedules be damned. “Umm hmm,” she groaned.

“My afternoon meeting was canceled, and I wanted to see if you’re free. Perhaps we can meet for a late l
unch if you haven’t eaten yet?”

Jaylah’s
stomach raced to her throat. “I see,” she said, trying to keep the excitement out of her voice.

“Or are you busy? I know I’m taking a chance
here, but this is literally the first opening I’ve had since we met.”

She checked the clock. “
I’ll meet you on one condition,” she said, trying to sound cool.

“What’s that?”

“We ride the London Eye. It’s beautiful out today and I’ve been wanting to ride it.”

“I kind of make it a point not to ride gigantic glass bubbles over river
s.”

“You’re not afraid of heights are you?”

“Not exactly. I’ve just been avoiding that thing since it was built.”

“Well, t
ake it or leave it,” she pressed.

“You sure you’re a writer and not a businesswoman? You drive a hard
bargain,” he said, chuckling. “You’ve got yourself a deal.”

“Great! Meet me by the ticket booth in an hour.”

* * *

Jaylah walked along the South Bank trying to get her nerves in check. After tearing through her closet
and deciding on the fuchsia romper that showed a generous amount of thigh, she paced up and down the aisle of the train for the entire 20-minute ride. She hadn’t been this nervous to see a man since she was 16 and Patrick Dumas took her to the movies for her very first date. That night Jaylah was so shook up she spilled her soda in his lap, bringing the whole thing to an abrupt halt. She hoped today would fair much better.

As soon as she passed the massive Ferris wheel she saw him waiting for her. He was wearing a crisp white shirt that was unbuttoned at the
neck and rolled up to his elbows. She resisted the urge to call out his name; instead, she took a deep breath and slowly exhaled, hoping to release the knot growing in her belly.

“Hey there,” she said, tapping
Johnny on his muscled arm. “I hope you weren’t waiting long.”

“No
, not at all,” he said, his face spreading into a wide grin. “Glad you could make it.”

They star
ed at each other for a minute trying to figure out if they should hug or trade polite kisses.

“I guess we should head inside and get the tickets,”
she said, slicing into the awkwardness.

Johnny patted his shirt pocket. “Already
have them.”

“H
ow much do I owe you?” she asked, fishing through her purse for cash.

“
Nothing at all. It’s on me.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course. Consider it my charity for the week.”

“Your charity?”

“You know, helping the needy? You’re unemployed remember?” he said, teasing her.

“Sh
ut up!” She gave him a playful shove. “I’m nobody’s charity case, thank you very much.”

The line for the London Eye was
overflowing with tourists on summer holiday. As they made their way to the front of the queue, Jaylah dreaded having to share the capsule with so many others; she wished she and Johnny could float above the city alone.

“Did you see how many people they put in one car?” she whispered to him, “At this rate, we’ll have to jockey for
position just to see anything.”

When it was almost their turn to board, Johnny excused himself to talk to one of the workers. Jaylah couldn’t hear their conversation, but it seemed cordial. The pair
traded handshakes and smiles, and when she and Johnny got to the front of the line, the man helped them into the car and closed the door.

“Wait…
no one else is getting on? We get the whole thing to ourselves? Is that what you guys were talking about?”

Johnny took a seat and patted the space next to him.

“How did you pull this off?”

“I explained
you were visiting from America and I really, really wanted to be alone with you.” He shrugged. “And I gave him £100.”

“You gave him
£100?” she repeated as if she hadn’t heard him correctly.

He put his arm around her shoulder. “It was
worth it, don’t you think?”

The
city opened up before them as they inched higher into the sky. The Palace of Westminster, Big Ben, Buckingham Palace, and the River Thames hovered below their feet. Despite the magnificent view, it paled in comparison to how Jaylah felt at that moment.

She kissed him on the cheek.
“Thank you,” she said, almost whispering. “This is amazing.”

She rose to get a closer look at the panoramic view and Johnny followed, pressing
close to her.

“I wanted to call you sooner. I couldn’t stop thinking about you.
It’s just,” he hesitated, “my life is so complicated right now.”

She leaned into him and listened.

“And…I felt silly about how the night ended. I just didn’t want to fuck up by rushing anything, innit? It sounds corny, but I didn’t want it to be a one off thing. I want to get to know you, Jaylah. I hope that’s cool.”

She turned around and kissed him
. “That’s fine with me.”

Right there, above the clouds, Jaylah
gave up.

She let go of the idea that whatever was brewing with Johnny was just for kicks, and admitted what she’d been trying to
push out of her mind all along—this could actually
be
something.

Now she prayed that allowing him to see the real
Jaylah wouldn’t backfire and leave her broken all over again.

* * *

“So is Johnny short for Jonathan?” she asked as they sat in the park near his office eating gelato. He’d called and asked if he could see her between meetings since the only thing they’d been able to do the past few days was play phone tag. Even though she was in the middle of writing an article due the following day she happily agreed.

He nodded. “
Jonathan Enam Poku.”

“
Does it mean anything special?”

“Sort of. Both Jonathan and Enam mean ‘Gift from God.’”

“Your parents were really happy to have you, eh?”

“I guess so,” he chortled. “I have three sisters and I’m the only boy in the family. I guess they were a little excited when I was born. You know
, carry on the bloodlines and all that.”

“I bet your parents can’t wait fo
r you to get married and have a bunch of kids,” she laughed. “An army of Pokus.”

He shrugged. “My sisters all have children.”

“Uh oh, you know what that means? The pressure’s on,” she elbowed him.

Jaylah sensed a shift in his mood. She wondered if talking about his family was a sore spot.

“You ok? You went quiet on me all of a sudden.”

“I ju
st miss them. I haven’t seen my family in about a year. Too busy working.”

“You know what they say: all work and no play…kinda sucks,” she winked.

He leaned over and wiped a smear of ice cream from the side of her lip. He let his finger linger and she licked it.

Johnny
had said he wanted to take things slow and she wondered how long she would have to wait to finally be with him. They had only gone out a couple of times and she was more than ready to let him round the corner and slide into home base.

He gave her a quick peck. “I need to get back to the office.
Are you free tonight?”

“
I think I have plans with my other boyfriend.”

“Tell him you’re sick,” he smiled and kissed her again
, this time with his tongue. “If I can get out early, want to grab dinner?”

“
Or, you can come to my place and I can whip something up,” she said, hoping he’d take the bait.

“I wouldn’t want you to go to any trouble
, especially on such short notice. I’ll let you know, ok?”

“
Sure.”

Jaylah watched as Johnny walked out of the park and faded down the block. She took out her journal and started to write.

Day 3
9, Canada Square Park

Johnny just went back to work and I miss him already. Crazy, I know. I need to slow down, but it’s so easy to fall for him. I feel like a giddy teenager when he’s around. Just hearing his voice drives me fucking insane—in the best way possible, of course.

We’re still in that I-could-talk-to-you-for-hours stage. Last night we fell asleep together on the phone. Apparently, I’m 17 all over agai
n. There’s only one down side: he wants to “take things slow,” which means the only thing I get to touch are his lips.

I know I should be happy he wants to get to know me and blah blah blah, but I want to be with him
so bad
. It’s literally almost all I can think about. The other day I was trying to work on an article about this shoemaker in Camden Market and all I could picture was Johnny molding me into all manner of ungodly positions.

I got it BAD
and we’ve only been out a few times. We click, though. We’re completely in sync (except for the not sleeping together thing). What a cruel twist, don’t you think? I finally find a best friend and a man I can’t seem to get enough of, but there’s one catch: They’re in a whole different country than the one I actually live in!

What’s up with that
, God? Neither of these things could’ve been available stateside? Amazing men and cool-ass white sisters/friends can’t happen in L.A.?

*Insert heavy sigh*

Johnny doesn’t know I’m leaving yet. I didn’t know when (or how?), or even if, I should tell him. Truthfully, I try not think about it. I was talking to my mother the other day and I told her I wasn’t ready to come home. Of course, she’s not feeling the idea of her only child living 5,000 miles away, but if I could pull it off, she’d just have to deal with it.

In the meantime I need to figure out a way to delicately drop
the “I’m moving back to L.A. at the end of next month” bomb on Johnny without completely fucking things up.

I really wish I could stay, but the immigration laws look impossible.
I spent two hours searching the UK customs site before I gave up. It’s pretty hopeless.

I mean, I can stretch my time here to about six months—at most—
providing I can keep my apartment, but then they’d be kicking my butt out. I even considered the possibility of just returning home every six months when the tourist visa runs out, but that would be costly and I’m not even sure it would work. Would they catch on to my scheme? Would they ban me from entry? There are just way too many unknowns.

Of course,
all of this could be resolved if Glamour would bring me on full time and vouch for me, but Hillary hasn’t dropped any hints about that happening. So far she just keeps saying she loves my voice, but does she love it enough to hook me up with an actual job? I’m not sure.

I
f I can’t win the lottery or manifest a jillion pounds in the bank, I’m screwed.