Authors: William Shakespeare
Enter Toby and Clown
[
Feste
]
Sir Toby wounded
SIR ANDREW
If a bloody coxcomb be a hurt, you have hurt me. I
think you
set nothing by
192
a bloody coxcomb. Here comes Sir
Toby
halting.
You shall hear more. But if he had not been
in
193
drink, he would have
tickled
you
othergates
194
than he did.
ORSINO
How now, gentleman? How is’t with you?
SIR TOBY
That’s
all one
: h’as hurt me, and
there’s th’end on’t.
196
Sot
197
, didst see Dick surgeon, sot?
FESTE
O, he’s drunk, Sir Toby, an hour
agone.
198
His eyes
were
set
199
at eight i’th’morning.
SIR TOBY
Then he’s a rogue, and a
passy measures pavin.
200
I
hate a drunken rogue.
OLIVIA
Away with him! Who hath made this havoc with
them?
SIR ANDREW
I’ll help you, Sir Toby, because we’ll
be dressed
204
together.
SIR TOBY
Will you help? An ass-head and a
coxcomb
206
and a
knave, a thin-faced knave, a
gull!
207
OLIVIA
Get him to bed, and let his hurt be looked to.
[
Exeunt Feste, Fabian, Sir Toby and Sir Andrew
]
Enter Sebastian
SEBASTIAN
I am sorry, madam, I have hurt your kinsman.
But, had it been the
brother of my blood
210
,
I must have done no less
with wit and safety.
211
You throw a
strange regard
212
upon me, and by that
I do perceive it hath offended you.
Pardon me, sweet one, even for the vows
We made each other but so late ago.
ORSINO
One face, one voice, one
habit
216
, and two persons,
A
natural perspective
217
, that is and is not!
SEBASTIAN
Antonio, O my dear Antonio!
How have the hours
racked
219
and tortured me,
Since I have lost thee!
ANTONIO
Sebastian are you?
SEBASTIAN
Fear’st
222
thou that, Antonio?
ANTONIO
How have you made division of yourself?
An apple cleft in two is not more twin
Than these two creatures. Which is Sebastian?
OLIVIA
Most wonderful!
Sees Viola
SEBASTIAN
Do I stand there? I never had a brother,
Nor can there be that
deity
228
in my nature
Of
here and everywhere.
229
I had a sister,
Whom the
blind
230
waves and surges have devoured.
Of charity
231
, what kin are you to me?
What countryman? What name? What parentage?
VIOLA
Of Messaline. Sebastian was my father,
Such a Sebastian was my brother too,
So went he
suited
235
to his watery tomb.
If spirits can assume both
form and suit
236
You come to fright us.
SEBASTIAN
A spirit I am indeed,
But
am in that dimension grossly clad
239
Which from the womb I did
participate.
240
Were you a woman, as
the rest goes even
241
,
I should my tears let fall upon your cheek,
And say ‘Thrice-welcome, drownèd Viola!’
VIOLA
My father had a mole upon his brow.
SEBASTIAN
And so had mine.
VIOLA
And died that day when Viola from her birth
Had numbered thirteen years.
SEBASTIAN
O, that
record
is
lively
248
in my soul!
He finished indeed his mortal act
That day that made my sister thirteen years.
VIOLA
If nothing
lets
251
to make us happy both
But this my masculine usurped attire,
Do not embrace me till each circumstance
Of place, time, fortune, do cohere and
jump
254
That I am Viola — which to confirm,
I’ll bring you to a captain in this town,
Where lie my maiden
weeds
257
, by whose gentle help
I was preserved to serve this noble count.
All the occurrence of my fortune since
Hath been between this lady and this lord.
To Olivia
SEBASTIAN
So comes it, lady, you have been
mistook.
261
But nature
to her bias drew
262
in that.
You would have been
contracted
263
to a maid,
Nor are you therein, by my life, deceived,
You are betrothed both to a maid and man.
To Olivia
ORSINO
Be not amazed; right noble is his blood.—
Aside?
To Viola
Boy, thou hast said to me a thousand times
Thou never shouldst love woman
like to
270
me.
VIOLA
And all those sayings will I
overswear
271
;
And all those swearings keep as true in soul
As doth that
orbèd continent
273
the fire
That severs day from night.
ORSINO
Give me thy hand,
And let me see thee in thy woman’s weeds.
VIOLA
The captain that did bring me first on shore
Hath my maid’s garments. He upon some
action
278
Is now
in durance
279
, at Malvolio’s suit,
A gentleman, and follower of my lady’s.
OLIVIA
He shall
enlarge
281
him. Fetch Malvolio hither.
And yet, alas, now I
remember me
282
,
They say, poor gentleman, he’s much
distract.
283
Enter Clown
[
Feste
]
with a letter, and Fabian
A most
extracting
frenzy
284
of mine own
From my remembrance clearly banished his.
285
How does he, sirrah?
FESTE
Truly, madam, he holds
Beelzebub
at
the stave’s end
287
as well as a man in his case may do. H’as here writ a letter to
you; I should have given’t you
today
289
morning, but as a
madman’s
epistles
are no
gospels
, so it
skills
290
not much when
they are
delivered.
291
OLIVIA
Open’t, and read it.
FESTE
Look then to be well edified when the fool
delivers
293
Reads
the madman. ‘By the lord, madam’—
OLIVIA
How now, art thou mad?
FESTE
No, madam, I do but read madness. An your
ladyship will have it as it ought to be, you must allow
vox
.
297
OLIVIA
Prithee read i’thy right wits.
FESTE
So I do, madonna. But to
read
his
right wits
299
is to
read thus: therefore
perpend
300
, my princess, and give ear.
To Fabian, who takes the letter
OLIVIA
Read it you, sirrah.
FABIAN
Reads
‘By the lord, madam, you wrong me, and the world shall
know it. Though you have put me into darkness and given
your drunken cousin rule over me, yet have I the benefit of
my senses as well as your ladyship. I have your own letter
that induced me to the
semblance
I put on; with
the which
306
I
doubt not but to do myself much right, or you much shame.
Think of me as you please. I leave my
duty
308
a little unthought
of and speak
out of my injury.
309
The madly-used Malvolio.’
OLIVIA
Did he write this?
FESTE
Ay, madam.
ORSINO
This savours not much of distraction.
OLIVIA
See him
delivered
314
, Fabian, bring him hither.
[
Exit Fabian
]
My lord,
so
please you, these things further
thought on
315
,
To think me
as well a sister as a wife
316
,
One day shall crown
th’alliance
317
on’t, so please you,
Here at my house and at my
proper
318
cost.
ORSINO
Madam, I am most
apt
319
t’embrace your offer.—
To Viola
Your master
quits
320
you. And for your service done him,
So much against the
mettle
321
of your sex,
So far beneath your soft and tender breeding,
And since you called me master for so long,
Here is my hand. You shall from this time be
Your master’s mistress.
OLIVIA
A sister! You are she.
Enter Malvolio
[
and Fabian
]
ORSINO
Is this the madman?
OLIVIA
Ay, my lord, this same.—
How now, Malvolio?
MALVOLIO
Madam, you have done me wrong,
Notorious wrong.
OLIVIA
Have I, Malvolio? No.
Hands her the letter
MALVOLIO
Lady, you have. Pray you peruse that letter.
You must not now deny it is your
hand.
334
Write
from it
335
, if you can, in hand or phrase,
Or say ’tis not your seal, not your
invention.
336
You can say none of this. Well, grant it then,
And tell me, in the
modesty of honour
338
,
Why you have given me such clear
lights
339
of favour,
Bade me come smiling and cross-gartered to you,
To put on yellow stockings and to frown
Upon Sir Toby and the
lighter
342
people?
And,
acting
343
this in an obedient hope,
Why have you
suffered
344
me to be imprisoned,
Kept in a dark house, visited by the priest,
And made the most notorious
geck
346
and gull
That e’er
invention played on?
347
Tell me why.
OLIVIA
Alas, Malvolio, this is not my writing,
Though, I confess, much like the
character
349
,
But
out of
350
question ’tis Maria’s hand.
And now I do bethink me, it was she
First told me thou wast mad; then
cam’st
352
in smiling,
And in such forms which here were
presupposed
353
Upon thee in the letter. Prithee be content.
This
practice
hath most
shrewdly
passed
355
upon thee,
But when we know the grounds and authors of it,
Thou shalt be both the plaintiff and the judge
Of thine own cause.
FABIAN
Good madam, hear me speak,
And let no quarrel nor no brawl to come
Taint the
condition
361
of this present hour,
Which I have
wondered
362
at. In hope it shall not,
Most freely I confess, myself and Toby
Set this device against Malvolio here,
Upon
some stubborn and
uncourteous
parts
365
We had
conceived against
366
him. Maria writ
The letter at Sir Toby’s great
importance
367
,
In recompense whereof he hath married her.
How with a
sportful
malice it was
followed
369
,
May rather
pluck on
370
laughter than revenge,
If that
371
the injuries be justly weighed
That have on both sides passed.
OLIVIA
Alas, poor fool, how have they
baffled
373
thee!
FESTE
Why, ‘Some are born great, some achieve greatness,
and some have greatness thrown upon them.’ I was one, sir,
in this
interlude
376
; one Sir Topas, sir, but that’s all one. ‘By the
Lord, fool, I am not mad.’ But do you remember? ‘Madam,
why laugh you at such a barren rascal? An you smile not,
he’s gagged.’ And thus the
whirligig
379
of time brings in his
revenges.
MALVOLIO
I’ll be revenged on the whole pack of you.