Twelfth Night (17 page)

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Authors: William Shakespeare

BOOK: Twelfth Night
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Enter Toby and Clown
[
Feste
]

Sir Toby wounded

SIR ANDREW
    If a bloody coxcomb be a hurt, you have hurt me. I

think you
set nothing by
192
a bloody coxcomb. Here comes Sir

Toby
halting.
You shall hear more. But if he had not been
in
193

drink, he would have
tickled
you
othergates
194
than he did.

ORSINO
    How now, gentleman? How is’t with you?

SIR TOBY
    That’s
all one
: h’as hurt me, and
there’s th’end on’t.
196

Sot
197
, didst see Dick surgeon, sot?

FESTE
    O, he’s drunk, Sir Toby, an hour
agone.
198
His eyes

were
set
199
at eight i’th’morning.

SIR TOBY
    Then he’s a rogue, and a
passy measures pavin.
200
I

hate a drunken rogue.

OLIVIA
    Away with him! Who hath made this havoc with

them?

SIR ANDREW
    I’ll help you, Sir Toby, because we’ll
be dressed
204

together.

SIR TOBY
    Will you help? An ass-head and a
coxcomb
206
and a

knave, a thin-faced knave, a
gull!
207

OLIVIA
    Get him to bed, and let his hurt be looked to.

[
Exeunt Feste, Fabian, Sir Toby and Sir Andrew
]

Enter Sebastian

SEBASTIAN
    I am sorry, madam, I have hurt your kinsman.

But, had it been the
brother of my blood
210
,

I must have done no less
with wit and safety.
211

You throw a
strange regard
212
upon me, and by that

I do perceive it hath offended you.

Pardon me, sweet one, even for the vows

We made each other but so late ago.

ORSINO
    One face, one voice, one
habit
216
, and two persons,

A
natural perspective
217
, that is and is not!

SEBASTIAN
    Antonio, O my dear Antonio!

How have the hours
racked
219
and tortured me,

Since I have lost thee!

ANTONIO
    Sebastian are you?

SEBASTIAN
    
Fear’st
222
thou that, Antonio?

ANTONIO
    How have you made division of yourself?

An apple cleft in two is not more twin

Than these two creatures. Which is Sebastian?

OLIVIA
    Most wonderful!

Sees Viola

SEBASTIAN
    Do I stand there? I never had a brother,

Nor can there be that
deity
228
in my nature

Of
here and everywhere.
229
I had a sister,

Whom the
blind
230
waves and surges have devoured.

Of charity
231
, what kin are you to me?

What countryman? What name? What parentage?

VIOLA
    Of Messaline. Sebastian was my father,

Such a Sebastian was my brother too,

So went he
suited
235
to his watery tomb.

If spirits can assume both
form and suit
236

You come to fright us.

SEBASTIAN
    A spirit I am indeed,

But
am in that dimension grossly clad
239

Which from the womb I did
participate.
240

Were you a woman, as
the rest goes even
241
,

I should my tears let fall upon your cheek,

And say ‘Thrice-welcome, drownèd Viola!’

VIOLA
    My father had a mole upon his brow.

SEBASTIAN
    And so had mine.

VIOLA
    And died that day when Viola from her birth

Had numbered thirteen years.

SEBASTIAN
    O, that
record
is
lively
248
in my soul!

He finished indeed his mortal act

That day that made my sister thirteen years.

VIOLA
    If nothing
lets
251
to make us happy both

But this my masculine usurped attire,

Do not embrace me till each circumstance

Of place, time, fortune, do cohere and
jump
254

That I am Viola — which to confirm,

I’ll bring you to a captain in this town,

Where lie my maiden
weeds
257
, by whose gentle help

I was preserved to serve this noble count.

All the occurrence of my fortune since

Hath been between this lady and this lord.

To Olivia

SEBASTIAN
    So comes it, lady, you have been
mistook.
261

But nature
to her bias drew
262
in that.

You would have been
contracted
263
to a maid,

Nor are you therein, by my life, deceived,

You are betrothed both to a maid and man.

To Olivia

ORSINO
    Be not amazed; right noble is his blood.—

Aside?

If this be so, as yet the
glass
267
seems true,

I shall have share in this most
happy
268
wreck.—

To Viola

Boy, thou hast said to me a thousand times

Thou never shouldst love woman
like to
270
me.

VIOLA
    And all those sayings will I
overswear
271
;

And all those swearings keep as true in soul

As doth that
orbèd continent
273
the fire

That severs day from night.

ORSINO
    Give me thy hand,

And let me see thee in thy woman’s weeds.

VIOLA
    The captain that did bring me first on shore

Hath my maid’s garments. He upon some
action
278

Is now
in durance
279
, at Malvolio’s suit,

A gentleman, and follower of my lady’s.

OLIVIA
    He shall
enlarge
281
him. Fetch Malvolio hither.

And yet, alas, now I
remember me
282
,

They say, poor gentleman, he’s much
distract.
283

Enter Clown
[
Feste
]
with a letter, and Fabian

A most
extracting
frenzy
284
of mine own

From my remembrance clearly banished his.
285

How does he, sirrah?

FESTE
    Truly, madam, he holds
Beelzebub
at
the stave’s end
287

as well as a man in his case may do. H’as here writ a letter to

you; I should have given’t you
today
289
morning, but as a

madman’s
epistles
are no
gospels
, so it
skills
290
not much when

they are
delivered.
291

OLIVIA
    Open’t, and read it.

FESTE
    Look then to be well edified when the fool
delivers
293

Reads

the madman. ‘By the lord, madam’—

OLIVIA
    How now, art thou mad?

FESTE
    No, madam, I do but read madness. An your

ladyship will have it as it ought to be, you must allow
vox
.
297

OLIVIA
    Prithee read i’thy right wits.

FESTE
    So I do, madonna. But to
read
his
right wits
299
is to

read thus: therefore
perpend
300
, my princess, and give ear.

To Fabian, who takes the letter

OLIVIA
    Read it you, sirrah.

FABIAN
    
Reads

‘By the lord, madam, you wrong me, and the world shall

know it. Though you have put me into darkness and given

your drunken cousin rule over me, yet have I the benefit of

my senses as well as your ladyship. I have your own letter

that induced me to the
semblance
I put on; with
the which
306
I

doubt not but to do myself much right, or you much shame.

Think of me as you please. I leave my
duty
308
a little unthought

of and speak
out of my injury.
309

The madly-used Malvolio.’

OLIVIA
    Did he write this?

FESTE
    Ay, madam.

ORSINO
    This savours not much of distraction.

OLIVIA
    See him
delivered
314
, Fabian, bring him hither.

[
Exit Fabian
]

My lord,
so
please you, these things further
thought on
315
,

To think me
as well a sister as a wife
316
,

One day shall crown
th’alliance
317
on’t, so please you,

Here at my house and at my
proper
318
cost.

ORSINO
    Madam, I am most
apt
319
t’embrace your offer.—

To Viola

Your master
quits
320
you. And for your service done him,

So much against the
mettle
321
of your sex,

So far beneath your soft and tender breeding,

And since you called me master for so long,

Here is my hand. You shall from this time be

Your master’s mistress.

OLIVIA
    A sister! You are she.

Enter Malvolio
[
and Fabian
]

ORSINO
    Is this the madman?

OLIVIA
    Ay, my lord, this same.—

How now, Malvolio?

MALVOLIO
    Madam, you have done me wrong,

Notorious wrong.

OLIVIA
    Have I, Malvolio? No.

Hands her the letter

MALVOLIO
    Lady, you have. Pray you peruse that letter.

You must not now deny it is your
hand.
334

Write
from it
335
, if you can, in hand or phrase,

Or say ’tis not your seal, not your
invention.
336

You can say none of this. Well, grant it then,

And tell me, in the
modesty of honour
338
,

Why you have given me such clear
lights
339
of favour,

Bade me come smiling and cross-gartered to you,

To put on yellow stockings and to frown

Upon Sir Toby and the
lighter
342
people?

And,
acting
343
this in an obedient hope,

Why have you
suffered
344
me to be imprisoned,

Kept in a dark house, visited by the priest,

And made the most notorious
geck
346
and gull

That e’er
invention played on?
347
Tell me why.

OLIVIA
    Alas, Malvolio, this is not my writing,

Though, I confess, much like the
character
349
,

But
out of
350
question ’tis Maria’s hand.

And now I do bethink me, it was she

First told me thou wast mad; then
cam’st
352
in smiling,

And in such forms which here were
presupposed
353

Upon thee in the letter. Prithee be content.

This
practice
hath most
shrewdly
passed
355
upon thee,

But when we know the grounds and authors of it,

Thou shalt be both the plaintiff and the judge

Of thine own cause.

FABIAN
    Good madam, hear me speak,

And let no quarrel nor no brawl to come

Taint the
condition
361
of this present hour,

Which I have
wondered
362
at. In hope it shall not,

Most freely I confess, myself and Toby

Set this device against Malvolio here,

Upon
some stubborn and
uncourteous
parts
365

We had
conceived against
366
him. Maria writ

The letter at Sir Toby’s great
importance
367
,

In recompense whereof he hath married her.

How with a
sportful
malice it was
followed
369
,

May rather
pluck on
370
laughter than revenge,

If that
371
the injuries be justly weighed

That have on both sides passed.

OLIVIA
    Alas, poor fool, how have they
baffled
373
thee!

FESTE
    Why, ‘Some are born great, some achieve greatness,

and some have greatness thrown upon them.’ I was one, sir,

in this
interlude
376
; one Sir Topas, sir, but that’s all one. ‘By the

Lord, fool, I am not mad.’ But do you remember? ‘Madam,

why laugh you at such a barren rascal? An you smile not,

he’s gagged.’ And thus the
whirligig
379
of time brings in his

revenges.

MALVOLIO
    I’ll be revenged on the whole pack of you.

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