Twelfth Night at Eyre Hall (7 page)

She spun round with fire in her eyes.

“One night too many.”

“I thought you were lying to keep me by
your side.”

“When have I lied to you?”

“You were going to marry Mason. You did
marry Mason.”

“You left me and my entire world
crumbled. You were the only person I had to lean on. I was alone. And you broke
my heart and my soul.”

“I had to go.”

“You had to go?” She walked towards me. “I
bled all night until I was almost bloodless. I could have died!” Tears gushed down
her cheeks.

I moved closer, wishing I could hold her
in my arms and explain. “You don’t understand how I felt.”

She stepped backwards before speaking.
“Enlighten me.”

“I wasn’t worthy of you.”

“No, you were not.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I wouldn’t have minded dying, then. I
was bedridden for months after you left.”

“I knew nothing.”

“You left me alone with our child, and I
lost him.”

“I did not leave you, Jane. You left me.
You agreed to marry Mr. Mason. How do you think I felt? You were going to marry
another man, a man who doesn’t love you or respect you, a man who is not worthy
of you.”

“I would not have married him if you had
been by my side.”

“I was low on your list of priorities.”

“I wanted to hate you with all my heart.
I tried to hate you.”

I stepped towards her. “Do you still
hate me?”

“You broke my heart, but I never hated
you. How could I?”

I wanted to hold her in my arms again,
but I kept my distance. She had not forgiven me yet.  “Mrs. Mason, please sit
down by the hearth.”

She did so and I busied myself with the
fire as I used to, then sat on the couch by her side.

“Will you help Susan?”

“Does Dante know Susan is pregnant?”

“He does. She says he has offered to
take care of her and the baby, but he believes he must marry Annette because
his father demands it.”

“That is not such a bad arrangement.”

“I do not agree.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“Dante must marry Susan.”

“I do not know how Annette will react.
She hardly knows Dante. It is Mr. Greenwood who may be a problem. How will it
affect his marriage to Adele? He was planning on a double wedding.
Unfortunately, it all depends on the dowry. Annette’s is very high.”        

“So is Adele’s. I dare say Mr. Greenwood
would not risk losing both.”

“Perhaps you are right.”

“Dante is the father. He should behave
responsibly.”

She turned to me, her eyes shining. “I
wish you had felt responsible.”

“If you were not married, I would tell
you what I feel now, but you are married, Mrs. Mason.”

“It seems I have spent my life paying
for crimes I did not commit. When I was a young innocent girl, I fell in love
with a man who was married and had hidden his wife. I had to leave as if I had
committed a crime. Then I put up with his infidelities, and he stole my
daughter and sent her away from me. Finally, the man I loved abandoned me
mercilessly, and now he has come to see how I have become the unhappy wife of a
monster.”

“When I left, I thought it was because
you were using me. I hated you for agreeing to marry Mason, but then I realised
that I left because it was the only way I could be with you, as your equal. So
you could be proud of me. I needed to be worthy of you, that is why I joined
the navy. It’s why I risked my life, so you would not be ashamed of me.”

“I was never ashamed of you, Michael.”

A tense silence ensued. I watched her
thinking as the flames danced on her red satin dress.

“I will speak to Dante tomorrow and his
father when he returns from York, but I promise you nothing. My priority is
Adele’s wellbeing.”

“Thank you. Is there anything I can do
for you?”

“I think not.”

“What happened to Helen? I told you I
would help you find her, once. I will help you now. I will turn London upside
down if needs be.”

“She is dead.”

“How do you know?”

“I received a letter from Mrs. Banks,
and she told me.”

“May I see it?”

She walked to her desk and searched in
the drawers. “I can’t seem to find it.”

“Let me investigate. It may not be
true.”

“Helen died… twice.” She was still
rummaging through drawers.

“You gave up too soon.”

I wish I had bitten my tongue before
saying those careless words, as I saw the furious look in her eyes again. Could
it be hate?

“Too soon? I gave up too soon? I was
sick, bedridden, alone, tired, and broken. What could I do? How dare you speak
to me like that? Who do you think you are, barging into my study and telling me
what to do? You lost that right when you walked out on me! You abandoned your
duty. You used me and left me. Don’t you dare speak to me like that again,
ever!”

I wanted to hold her and tell her that
it would be all right, but all I could do was let her hate me, and beg
forgiveness. I was her servant again, and I realised that she would always be
my mistress.

“Forgive me, please. Can I do anything
to help you now?”

“I’m sorry.” She held her fingers to her
temples and closed her eyes. “I did not mean to lose my temper like that. I
don’t like to recall.” She turned away from me, and I was helpless. There was
nothing I could do for her any more. I waited for her to speak, but she said
nothing.

“Let me help you find Helen. Let me make
it up to you, please. May I take the letter with me to London?”

 “It is too late for all of us. My world
is coming to pieces, Mason is ruining the estate, John’s fiancée died, Annette was
going to marry Dante, and Adele was going to marry Mr. Greenwood and now that
may not be happening either… Perhaps you were right, I tried to control their
lives and I cannot. I feel as if I am looking into an abyss. Nothing has
happened as I planned. You left and my world collapsed.”

“Will you look for the letter and let me
read it, please?” She glared at me, but I insisted. “Let me go to London and
speak to Mrs. Banks personally.”

“Why would she lie?”

“Perhaps she is speaking the truth, but
I would like to make sure.”

She moved around the desk restlessly. “I
do not want to start hoping and lose her again.”

“What do you feel about Helen?”

“What does it matter what I feel?” 

“Do you feel that she is alive?”

“How am I to know? I have not felt
anything for a long time.”

I watched her wipe her tears, hating
myself for being the cause of her anguish. “Let me help you, Jane.”

“I’m terrified of feeling anything
again. I have become accustomed to the numbness. It is better than the
emptiness I felt when you left.”

I could see her eyes shining and feel
her heart ache. I moved towards her. “Please, find the letter. Let me look for
Helen.”

My fingers folded over her hands. “Let
me do this for you, Jane. I owe it to you.”

The door flung open. Master John barged
in and stared at us. “So it’s true! Mason is telling the truth! You and
Michael! Mother, how could you?” 

Annette flew in behind. “John, do not
speak to your mother like that! My uncle is drunk. He doesn’t know what he is
saying.”

“Master John, you have been wrongly
informed. Your mother and I had some confidential matters to discuss related to
a third party whose identity cannot be disclosed. Mrs. Mason had entrusted me
with a letter I am to deliver on her behalf. I was just leaving.”

“You are not good enough for her. You
never will be, even if you become an admiral!”

“On that we both agree. Never doubt my
admiration and respect for your mother.”

Simon rushed in, breathlessly.

“Simon, please call Miss Adele. Mrs.
Mason is unwell,” I said.

“I’m afraid Miss Adele has retired with
a headache, Michael—I mean, Lieutenant Kirkpatrick.”

“I will stay with her,” said Annette
rushing to her side, pulling her arm gently. “Come, Jane. Sit down by the
hearth.” 

“Now I understand it all, you were
always there stalking her, night and day, until she fell prey to your dishonest
advances.”

“I assure you, Master John…”

 “Get out of my house you miserable
cad!”

 “John!” Annette rushed to his side. “I
think you should apologise to Lieutenant Kirkpatrick. We do not treat our
guests in this manner at Eyre Hall.” John glared at Annette’s words.

“Master John need not apologise to me,
Miss Mason. I have taken no offence, but he should not speak to his mother with
such disrespect. She does not deserve…”

“My mother has been flirting
disgracefully with this…this…”

“Master John, you are mistaken in your
belief that your mother and I have maintained any relationship other than as a
loyal servant and the lady of the house.”

“Deny it! Tell me you do not love her,
have never loved her, desired her.” He waited for me to speak, but I could not deny
my feelings in her presence. I was silent.

 “You cannot! I have seen the way you
look at her. You seduced her!” 

Phoebe rushed up behind him. “John,
what’s the matter? What is all the shouting about? Come back to the party.”

“Go back to the party, John. Please,” said
Annette.

“You challenged Mr. Mason because he is
an old man, Michael, but would you dare challenge me?”

Jane bolted from her chair and rushed
towards her son. “John, you don’t know what you’re saying.”

“Someone has to defend your honour, Mother.”

“My honour is intact, and so is
Lieutenant Kirkpatrick’s.”

“John, what’s happening? Is there going
to be a fight?” asked Phoebe.

“I think you should not neglect your
fiancée, John.  She has come to enjoy herself, not to witness a family quarrel,”
said Annette as she took Jane back to the chaise longue.

Phoebe took John’s arm and pulled him
towards the door. He turned back at the threshold. “You are not welcome at Eyre
Hall, Mr. Kirkpatrick!”

I watched him leave and turned to Jane,
who was crying into a kerchief. I approached her armchair from behind, kneeling
on the floor, and gently placed my hand on her shoulder. “I’m sorry I have
caused you such distress, Mrs. Mason.” My hand brushed her cheek, and as she
turned her face towards me, I wiped a tear away. I wanted to hold her in my
arms and tell her I would take care of her and everything would be all right. Instead,
I said, “Please, forgive me for everything I have ever said or done to
displease you.” She smiled. Her eyes shone like the emerald waters I had seen
on my arrival at Haiti.

 “I will return tomorrow for the
letter.” I brought my lips down to her ear. “Please take care tonight, Jane.”

She turned her face towards my lips and
whispered, “Thank you, Michael.”

I had dreamed for months of being close
to her. I could not move away, and neither did she. Annette interrupted just as
my lips touched hers.

“Lieutenant Kirkpatrick, I will show you
out.”

I heard Miss Mason’s words, but I could
not move away from my mistress’s lips. I loved her more than ever, and realised
the pain of parting was nothing to the joy of meeting again.

“I do not wish to be rude, Lieutenant,
but I fear both my uncle and my cousin are still heated and drinking liberal
amounts of brandy, a dangerous combination. It would be wise to avoid further
quarrels today.”

“Come back tomorrow for the letter,
Michael,” Jane whispered and I moved away.

Annette accompanied me to the door, no
doubt making sure I left without further incidents. I turned to her. “Miss
Mason, I appreciate your help this evening, and in Morton. Mrs. Mason is
fortunate that you are at her side.”

“Jane has been kind to me, and I wish to
repay her generosity.”

“Miss Mason, I must ask you a personal
question. It is not my wish to offend you in any way, but I would like to ask
you about a matter relating to Dante Greenwood. May I?”

“You may.”

“Do you have feelings for Dante
Greenwood?”

“None at all.”

“I supposed so, but it is a great relief
to hear your confirmation. My sister, Susan, is expecting his child.”

“Dear God! I had no idea. I knew
something was the matter with Susan, and I assumed it was related to matters of
the heart, but I had no idea she was pregnant. Rest assured I have no feelings
for Dante, and even less so if he has fathered a child with Susan. I am sure
that Dante, and especially his father, have an interest in my dowry, nothing
more.”