Twisted (14 page)

I looked at him, wanting to see if he believed me. I couldn’t tell.

I took a deep breath. “If you think it’s best for me to stay away, I’ll do it,” I could hear my voice shaking. “But I don’t want to. I hate that I’m letting Alec scare me off. I feel like that’s just letting him get his way. We have a right to be friends if we want to be.”

I looked at him, wishing to convey what I felt telepathically because verbally, I didn’t feel like I was doing so well. I couldn’t formulate the words I really wanted to say. I wanted to tell him how I felt about him but I wasn’t sure how. I certainly wasn’t ready to use the big L-word. The little l-word sounded silly in my head.

“I care about you Ben.” The word I chose sounded inadequate so I added, “A lot. I really care about you a lot. I love spending time with you. I feel so safe and comfortable with you. I trust you completely.” Maybe I was going overboard but it was all true and I thought Ben needed to hear it.

“I like spending time with you, too. I just don’t see how you can like spending time with me. I can’t be any fun to talk to,” he choked out.

I assumed he was talking about all of the afternoons I’d been stopping to chat with him at the park. Once in a while, like the day at the river, I could get him talking. But most of the time he was polite but still so reserved. I was never entirely sure if it was because he wished I wouldn’t stop, if he was still worried about people seeing us, or if he just had a hard time making conversation.

As if he could read my thoughts, or maybe the expression on my face, he sighed. “Maya, it’s not because I don’t
want
to talk to you. It’s because…” he faded off, struggling. “It’s just hard.”

“Because it’s been a while since you really talked to anyone?” I guessed, realizing it had been well over a year since everyone had turned against him.

He shrugged.

“Well, you should know I love talking to you. No matter how much or how little you say,” I told him.

“Even when you get prank gifts that border on psychotic because of it? Even when people are whispering things about you?” he said quietly. “It has to be causing problems between you and your friends for you to even be associated with me.”

“I don’t care what people are saying,” I insisted. “As for my friends, if they’re going to be judgmental, then obviously they aren’t very good friends to begin with.” I debated for a moment and then I added, “Phoebe is actually really supportive. Did you know she was friends with Katie?”

He nodded, looking apprehensive. “I thought she’d hate me the most. Out of your friends, I mean.”            

“She doesn’t hate you at all,” I said quickly. “Phoebe has not once said an unkind word about you. In fact, when Olivia and Hailey get started, Phoebe steps right in to set them straight.”

Ben’s eyes darted away. I had unintentionally confirmed that my “friends” did strongly disapprove of him.

I groaned. “I’m so sorry. I just wanted to let you know how Phoebe feels. I shouldn’t have said all of that. It came out all wrong.”

“No, it didn’t,” he said dejectedly. “You just said it how it really is.”

I fought back a sigh and worked up a smile. “Let’s talk about something else.”

Ben looked at me curiously. He was obviously not so sure about my suggestion.

“If the problem is that you aren’t used to talking to people, maybe you just need to practice. I’ll make it easy,” I told him with a wink. “What’s your favorite food?”

“Are you kidding me?” he asked with an amused look on his face.

I tried to look affronted. “Are you trying to say my idea is lame?”

He laughed. It was a short, quiet, barely there laugh but it was a laugh all the same.

“What?” he finally demanded when I just sat there, not realizing at first that I was just staring at him. “Did I seriously offend you?” he asked, looking surprised. And worried.

“No,” I quickly shook my head. A smile spread across my face. “It’s just…I’ve never heard you laugh before. You should do it more often.”

I had known Ben for nearly two months. While his smiles were becoming more intense and more frequent, a laugh had been non-existent.

“Oh,” he said, as a contemplative look appeared. He shrugged. “I guess I haven’t had much to laugh at.”

“See, this is why you need me around,” I told him with mock seriousness.

“There are lots of reasons I need you around,” he informed me. “Which one are you talking about?”

“Cheering you up and making you laugh,” I admitted, wondering what other reasons
he
was thinking of.

“Well, then you better keep asking questions because I find that kind of funny,” he said with a grin.

“Okay, favorite food?” I repeated as I giggled.

He let out a dramatic sigh and made another face at me to let me know he was going to give in. “Lasagna. Or manicotti.” He paused to think for a second. “Anything Italian, I guess.”

“Favorite book?”

“
Pet Sematary
, by Stephen King,” he said immediately. “What’s yours?”

“Um,” I faltered and he rolled his eyes at me.

“You don’t read do you?” he asked with a smirk.

“Not much,” I admitted with an embarrassed laugh. “I should probably start though. I’m sure I’m missing out.”

“You are,” he decisively informed me.

“Favorite subject?” I continued.

“Whatever math class I’m in,” he said with a small smile. “Yours?”

“American Lit,” I told him with my own smirk. “What do you plan on majoring in next year?” I was already enjoying our little Q&A session.

“Accounting,” he said without needing to think about it. “Numbers are simple. Once you have them figured out, they don’t change on you.”

Theoretically, I knew he was right but I couldn’t wrap my mind around the concept. My whole life, numbers had disliked me as much as I had disliked them.

I moved on to my next question. “Favorite color?”

He hesitated, crimson creeping up into his cheeks. He opened his mouth as if to answer but it snapped shut again and his eyes dropped to the floor. I felt my eyebrows bunch in confusion.

“Ben,” I said softly, completely flustered by his physical reaction. “This should be easy. It’s not a trick question. What’s your favorite color?”

He hesitated one more moment, favoring me with an odd look I couldn’t translate. Then he leaned toward me, taking a lock of my hair in his hand, holding it up just slightly for me to see.

“This,” he said. “You have the most beautiful hair I’ve ever seen. This is my favorite color.” He paused, looking more embarrassed than before. “Unless it’s a day you’re wearing blue. Then your eyes change to the most amazing shade of turquoise. Those days, turquoise is my favorite color.”

I glanced down; simultaneously disappointed to see I was wearing black while wondering if it would be too obvious to add more blue to my wardrobe.

When I looked back at Ben, he grinned, like he knew exactly what I was thinking. I was about to tell him that I thought
his
eyes were the most amazing color I’d ever seen but then he leaned toward me and on instinct, I leaned in too, sliding my arms around his neck. Belatedly, I realized he’d simply been sliding my hair back into place.

In that instant, with Ben’s suddenly serious face only inches from mine, I thought the moment was about to become unbearably awkward. Instead, Ben’s hand settled on my shoulder after he brushed my hair aside, giving me the courage to finish what I’d accidentally started.

I moved toward him slowly, giving him the chance to tell me stop if he wanted me to. I had never initiated a kiss before. It started out slow, hesitant, questioning. When he kissed me back, it was in the same manner. Finally, his hand slid around the back of my neck, pulling me to him, no longer questioning as both of his arms looped around me. Much too soon, there was a sharp knock on the door.

Ben jumped and jerked away. His eyes widened and he paled, a guilty look splashed across his face. “I didn’t know you were expecting company. I really shouldn’t even be here.”

I blinked in stunned confusion. My heart was fluttering and it had nothing to do with the startling knock. “It’s okay. I forgot I ordered a pizza. You have every right to be here because I
want
you here. Hang on, I’ll be right back.”

I disappeared into the kitchen and closed the deal with the delivery man. I grabbed two plates out of the kitchen cupboard and went back to Ben. I set the plates and the pizza with its pile of napkins on the coffee table next to the smoothies we hadn’t gotten around to drinking.

“Have you eaten yet?” I glanced at the clock. It was close to seven.

He shook his head, looking slightly uncomfortable.

“So you’ll stay, right? There’s plenty of pizza,” I said with a laugh. Remy and I ate pizza multiple times a week.  The night’s special was an extra large for the price of a large. Who could refuse that?  “Remy is at her boyfriend’s house. She won’t be coming home before work. Not that it matters,” I was quick to add. “Remy likes you.”

He looked at me skeptically.

“She does,” I said reassuringly. “She’s told me you’re welcome here anytime. Will you stay? Is there somewhere else you need to be?”

He scoffed at that. “No, I don’t have anywhere to be. If you really don’t mind…I’d like to stay,” he said as he started to look more relaxed.

I smiled and popped open the pizza box. “Good. Maybe after we’re done eating we can work on the Lit assignment.” I groaned as I handed Ben a plate of pizza. “I also have a ton of Calc homework.”     

“Do you have Edwards?”

“Yup,” I said as I sat the long way on the couch. I settled my back against the arm of the couch and crossed my legs in front of me so I could face Ben. “Last hour. It’s not the best way to end the day.”

“Did she assign pages ninety-five and ninety-six to you guys?” he asked. I nodded. “I have her right before study hall so I hardly ever have to bring it home. I could help you if you want.”

“I would love that.” In more ways than one.

Ben stayed for a little over three hours. He helped me with my entire assignment. If Mrs. Edwards could make the concepts nearly as understandable as Ben did, I wouldn’t be having any problems at all. Then again, maybe it wasn’t Mrs. Edward’s fault that Ben had my complete, undivided attention and she did not. After that we worked on our Lit essays, ate some double fudge brownies and talked. About normal things. Not one word about the murder, the pranks or judgmental people was uttered. We played a few more rounds of Q&A. This time he asked as many questions as me. It was the most enjoyable, laid back three hours I had ever spent with Ben. Or anyone, for that matter.

For the second time since my return to Beaumont, I found myself entering the town’s library without any intention of checking out a book. This time, instead of a Stephen King novel tucked under my arm, I had a large manila envelope.

Containing Ben’s homework.

I had found it when I was organizing my own homework across the kitchen table. I realized it must have somehow found its way into my stack of papers during Lit. I knew he’d need them in the morning.

We had done group work and he’d mentioned that he had to work tonight. I’d decided he’d probably rather I track him down at the library—the presumably quiet, sparsely populated library—than at his locker in the student infested hallways.

I’d never stopped by to see him at work before. But I decided bringing him his homework justified the visit. I hoped he wouldn’t mind even though I was breaking the rule he’d just put in place last night.

I scanned the building and didn’t see anyone that I thought I should be concerned about.

I spotted Ben right away, though his back was to me. He was leaning against the counter talking with…Robyn. I remembered her name this time. Even from this distance I could tell he looked more relaxed than I’d ever seen him. I slowed my pace as I watched him for a moment. Whatever he was talking about, he was gesturing with his hands—which I’d never seen him do before—and Robyn was laughing.

It occurred to me yet again that there was an entirely different side of Ben that I’d barely seen. I couldn’t help but wonder how different he’d be now if his life had gone differently. Surely, seeing him relaxed would not seem so out of character. He should be able to be this way all of the time. And yet, he rarely was.

I didn’t know Robyn at all but I liked her already. If she could bring out that side of Ben, she had my complete respect.

As I got within a few feet of the counter her mouth flipped into a huge grin. I mentally groaned, realizing I must’ve made quite the impression if she remembered me from so long ago. Sadly, I couldn’t imagine the impression was a very good one.

And yet…

She nudged Ben and he turned around, a questioning look on his face. His eyebrows shot up in surprise when he saw me.

“That was fast,” he said before I could say anything.

“What? What was fast?” I stammered, not having a clue what he was talking about.

“Last night you said you needed to read more. So are you here to get a book?” He smirked and I knew he was teasing. “I could help you pick one out. We have a lot to choose from,” he said. He motioned to the far side of the building that housed the abundantly stocked shelves.

I hadn’t been sure how he’d react to me showing up here, homework or not. Having him joke with me took me by surprise. All I could come up with was a stellar, “Haha, funny,” as I bit back a smile.

“Yeah, he’s a total comedian,” Robyn said with a wink.

I thought for sure
she
was joking. Then I looked at the bemused look on his face and thought maybe, maybe under the right circumstances he was.

“You know,” Robyn said, “you’re about due for your break.”

Ben gave her a puzzled look. “I already took my break.”

“You’ve been working hard. You probably need another one.” She gave him a little shove but he didn’t budge.

“Scanning books isn’t—”

“Ben!” Robyn exclaimed as she rolled her eyes. “I’m trying to give you a few minutes with your friend. Go,” she commanded, nudging him harder this time. “And you don’t have to hurry back.”

“Oh. You sure?” he asked. “You think you can keep this madhouse under control?” He motioned to the nearly empty expanse of space. There were a few people spread out at tables, a few more on computers and possibly a few people out of sight perusing the aisles. Not a single person around that actually needed assistance.

This was probably the perfect place for Ben to work. Beaumont High had a decent sized library. Any student that needed to use a library would likely just use the school’s.

She made a face at him. “Get out of here, already.”

“Thanks, I won’t be too long,” he finally said as his feet moved forward.

“Take your time!” she called after him.

He walked the length of the counter and let himself out of a little door at the end. I walked down to meet him.

“You’re probably wondering why I’m here.”

“Probably,” he admitted with a grin.

“These got mixed in with my homework,” I said. I was smiling as well because I was so happy to see him in such an unexpectedly good mood. I opened the envelope so he could peek inside.

His eyes widened in surprise that turned to relief as he took them from me. “I was wondering what I did with them. You came all the way here just to bring them to me?”

“Yes,” I said with mock solemnity. “I came a whopping six blocks just for you.” I got another smile for my sarcasm. “But seriously, I thought you’d rather me not track you down at school. And sorry for snooping, but it didn’t look like you finished your Civics packet. I thought you might need to work on it tonight.”

“Yeah, I do,” he admitted. I followed him to a room I hadn’t noticed before. The door had “STAFF” denoted across the top in black vinyl letters. “Just a second,” he said as he disappeared behind the door. In no time at all he was back again, minus his homework.

“So…” he began. He suddenly looked a little flustered at having some unexpected free time with me.

“Do you want to go for a quick walk?” I suggested. “Or just go outside?”

“Sure,” he agreed as he glanced back at Robyn. She made a stern face at him and pointed to the main door that led out of the building. He laughed at her before leading me out of the library. It was the only building on the block that had its own lawn. I followed Ben around to the backside where there was a nice expanse of green grass dotted with picnic tables. All of the tables were empty this late in the evening.

Instead of going over to one, Ben chose to lean against the wall. I took a place next to him and when I did, he turned so that he was facing me. He was so close our shoulders were touching.

“Robyn seems really nice,” I said for lack of anything better to say.

“She is,” he agreed. “I like working with her.”

“Have you worked with her a long time?” I wondered.

He shrugged. “Since I started, so yeah.”

My fingers unintentionally bumped against his and he surprised me by taking my hand.

He was quiet for a minute but looked like he had something to say. I waited, patiently for a change.

“Maya, I’ve never apologized for that day at the river. When you first came to town and I asked you not to mention to anyone that you knew me. I could tell I hurt your feelings.”  He fidgeted, playing with my fingers for a minute before going on. “I just didn’t know how to tell you that you took it the wrong way. I guess really, I didn’t want to explain it. I knew you’d figure it out soon enough. I figured as soon as you did, you wouldn’t want to have anything to do with me. The last thing I wanted was to make you feel bad. It surprised me when you did. I just…” he gave me a small shrug. “I didn’t know how to tell you. I didn’t know what to say so I didn’t say anything.”

“Don’t worry about it. It’s fine,” I assured him, trying to wave away any guilt he may feel. Truly, it was fine. Now that I understood why he had done it, it made perfect sense. I didn’t take offense.

“It’s not fine. Not really,” he said with a shake of his head.

“Well, I was probably kind of annoying,” I readily admitted.

“Nah,” he said with a smile. “You were…cute.” But then he got serious again. “You were just so nice. And you didn’t look at me like everyone else does. All I could think about was that in a few days you were going to
know
. I figured that would be the end of it.” He shrugged. “I just didn’t want it to end any sooner than it had to. So I’m sorry. You were just trying to be nice and…I was kind of a jerk.”

I let out a little laugh. “Not possible,” I said as I nudged him with my shoulder. “You could never be a jerk.”

“I’m glad you think that,” he said, sounding relieved. “It’s just so easy to be around you.”

Before I knew what was happening, Ben grabbed me around the waist, nearly picking me up off my feet as he spun us around and into an alcove. The hand that wasn’t around my waist was clamped over my mouth, cutting off my shriek.

His hand slid away and I blinked at him in surprise.

“If you want to get me somewhere private, all you have to do is ask,” I said with a stunned little laugh.

He rolled his eyes and shook his head. “Alec,” he whispered.

“Here?” I whispered back, perplexed. I had seen people walking along the sidewalks but I hadn’t noticed Alec. Then again, I was nowhere near as tuned into my surroundings as Ben constantly was.

I realized we must be standing in an entryway that led into the back of the library. My back was against the wall. He was pressed into me. I was sure we were buried in the shadows of the brick walls that jutted outward. If Alec hadn’t spotted us already, he surely wouldn’t see us now.

“Yeah, sorry,” he muttered.

“Don’t be. I kind of like this,” I admitted.

He let out a soft huff of air. It was somewhere between a laugh and a sound of disbelief as he rested his forehead against mine for a second.

“Is he looking for you?” I wondered. I was appalled. I knew Alec bothered Ben at school. It had never occurred to me that it was everywhere. All the time? At his work? Just how bad was this?

“Could be,” Ben replied not sounding the least bit concerned. “But maybe not. He works out at the gym up the block. Sometimes I don’t know if he’s just hanging around or if he’s really going to work out. Hard to say with him. I figure it’s just best if I stay out of his way so I don’t have to find out.”

“It probably wouldn’t be good if he saw us together outside of school,” I realized.

“Probably not,” Ben agreed.

“So we just…what? Stay here until we know he’s gone?” I asked.

Ben nodded. His face was so close to mine I could feel his breath on my cheek.

“That could be a while. What are we going to do to pass the time?” I whispered.

Whether Ben kissed me then, or whether I kissed him, I don’t know. But his mouth was suddenly on mine as the weight of his body caged me in. My arms were around his waist and I’m not sure how much time passed as we waited for Alec to disappear. All I did know? Is that I wished the time would’ve gone slower.

“I should probably get back to work,” he finally said as he relaxed his grip on me. “It’s not really my break time,” he admitted.

I giggled a bit breathlessly. “Yeah, I kind of got that.” I paused for a minute before adding on, “I’m sorry, I really kind of suck at trying to stay away from you.”

This got another small laugh from him. “I know for a fact you haven’t heard me complain.” Then he looked around, realizing how dark it had suddenly gotten. “Please tell me you didn’t walk here.”

“I didn’t.”

“Maya.”

I pointed to my shoes. “I ran.”

“So you have to walk home,” he said unhappily.

“I’ll run,” I assured him, already knowing what he was thinking.

“It’s getting dark out,” he pointed out. He was clearly not happy about it.

“So I’ll run fast. It’s mostly residential area. There’s traffic. I’ll be fine.”

He raked his hand through his hair. “Maybe I should ask Robyn if I can leave early. Or maybe she wouldn’t care if I left long enough to drive you home. She probably won’t mind,” he decided. He turned to leave so he could go ask.

“Ben,” I said as I firmly grabbed his hand, “it’s not that far away. It won’t take me that long. It’s not worth you missing work.”

His beautiful gray eyes seared into mine. “I would never forgive myself if something happened to you.”

“Hey,” I said as I brushed my fingers across his cheek, “nothing is going to happen to me.” But I loved the fact that he was worried. That he cared enough to worry.

“Okay,” he finally agreed. “But you better get going before it gets any darker.”

“I’ll run,” I assured him. “I’ll be home before it’s completely dark.”

“Just be careful.”

“I will.”

“Promise?” he said.

“I promise.”

***

I ran the whole way home, just like I promised Ben I would. Admittedly, I wasn’t always the best at paying attention to my surroundings but I was this time. Because I’d told Ben I’d be careful. It
was
completely dark when I reached our yard.

I was smiling so intensely my cheeks hurt when I kicked my shoes off and wandered into the living room. I liked the side of Ben I’d just seen. The side where he was away from school and gossip and hateful people and he could just be himself.

“What’s up with you?” Remy asked around a mouthful of scrambled eggs.

“Nothing,” I said as I tossed myself down on the couch next to her. I was completely sure the smile on my face let her know it was a lie.