Twisted (16 page)

Noah frowns. “Why does that
surprise you so much?”

I find myself averting my
eyes and staring at the linoleum, making sure my lips stay where he can still
see them. “Why would you care?”

“Why wouldn't I?”

“Because I'm not worth caring
about, never have been and never will be.” The words have left my mouth before
I can pull them back. It's all I'd heard the past five years and my emotions
are raw right now. My response had been automatic after years of conditioning
thanks to my aunt and uncle. I refuse to look at Noah and I'm realizing I just
screwed up. Big time.

“What the hell,
Blayre
?”

“Forget it,” I say flatly as
I brush past him, intent on leaving so I don't have to finish this conversation.
Much to my astonishment, Noah reaches out and grabs my arm, gently pulling me
back towards him where his arms slip around me and I'm pulled up against his
hard chest. My eyes widen right before his lips come down on mine.

His lips are warm on my own
while his hand lifts to rest on the back of my neck. His thumb rests near my
pulse as his tongue gently teases the seam of my lips, requesting that I open
for him. My heart starts to pound out of control. Noah Abraham is kissing
me
of all people. Anticipation sweeps through me and I part my lips, letting his
tongue slip into my mouth. His kiss is extremely different than what I am used
to. It's teasing and deliciously hot. He's patient and coaxing, rather than
demanding and forceful. I kiss him back, enjoying the feel of intimacy with
him. It feels good to have those strong arms around me because he makes me feel
safe and protected. There is something about Noah that is just so unbelievably
right.
 
Instead of pushing for more or pro-longing the kiss, Noah gently ends it,
brushing his lips against mine one last time before pulling back.

When my eyelids finally peel
back, I stare up at him, wide-eyed with shock.

Angry determination is
evident in Noah's eyes, replacing the soft look he'd had just seconds ago.
“Who's been playing mind games with you?”

I'm still stuck on the whole
kissing thing, so I ignore his question. “You kissed me,” I say a bit
skeptically as I process this new turn of events.

“I did,” he says, his eyes
shifting to search mine.

“Why?”

“That should be obvious,
Blayre
.”

This has me taking a step
away from him so that his arms drop and he's no longer touching me. Confusion
and then anger sweep through me. “Well, it's not. Who's playing mind games
now?”

Noah's eyes narrow. “Is it
really that hard for you to believe I like you?”

“I have a boyfriend.”

“He's an ass.”

“Ass or not, he's mine,” I
retort.

Noah's expression tightens.

“I thought we were friends,”
I say softly. My mind is reeling from everything that has happened tonight.

“We are.”

I meet his gaze and say
flatly, “Then don't kiss me again,” before I walk away and head up to my room.
As soon as I shut my door I drop my head into my shaking hands.

Noah kissed me.

I'm still having a hard time believing
it. I'm thrilled but upset at the same time. People like me don't deserve
people like Noah. His kiss had been beautiful but a double edged sword at the
same time. His kiss had shown me what was missing from Cole's. In my heart, I
knew Cole's were full of empty promises. Noah, the way he had kissed me, it was
full of promise and more.

A pained gasp escapes me and
I'm heading for the bathroom across the hall before I even realize I am doing
it.

The following morning I am
still determined to avoid Noah, so I deliberately shower late. By the time I
make my way downstairs, it's almost eight and I am going to be late for school.
It was worth it though. We hadn't parted on good terms last night and I'm
afraid to find out if things have changed. I've enjoyed the easy friendship
we've shared and I don't want anything to change between us. I saw him more
than I saw my own brother and outside of Cole, Noah is the only other constant
in my life. I don't want to lose that.

When I enter the kitchen, I
am relieved to find the kitchen empty. A note is taped to the refrigerator door
and I scan it.

Blayre
,

Dinner tonight at 5pm.
Be
ready.

Tate

With a resigned sigh, I grab
an apple and shut the refrigerator door. Then I stand there for a long moment,
feeling moody. The last thing I needed is this dinner with Tate tonight. I
don't think I can handle any more upheaval in my life.

As I drive to school, my mind
is a jumbled mass of thoughts. First and foremost, I am anxious to know if
Paige's okay. What she did for Blake... I shudder. Would those two get past it?
I mean, Paige was put in that horrible situation because of her boyfriend. How
would it affect them? How does Blake feel knowing his girlfriend slept with
another guy to save his ass? I just want to reach out and shake him.

Then there is Cole. I have no
idea what I am walking into today. Knowing Cole, he's most likely still angry.
Would we break up? My hands tighten on the steering wheel. Is it stupid to care
so much about someone who treats you so badly?

Yeah, dumb question.

Most of my life I'd been told
I wasn't worthy of love. That causing someone's death was a sin and I would pay
for killing my parents the rest of my life. My aunt and uncle had felt it was
their duty to punish me for my sins in hopes of ridding me of the demon that
possessed me. Did I really believe I'd been possessed at the age of four so I
could kill my parents? No. But tell that to Julie and Steve.

Do I believe that I am not
worthy of love? In a way, yes. I am so messed up that it would be a waste for
anyone to even try, I would destroy them just like I seem to destroy everything
else around me. Do I still want someone to care about me? Yes...at least, I
think so. My biggest fear though is letting someone in and then having them
turn out to be horrified and disgusted by the person that I really am, versus
the person they thought me to be.

Slowly, I exhale and try to
shift my thoughts. Thinking of my aunt and uncle is a bad, bad idea. Especially
since I am almost to school.

When I pull my car into the
parking lot, I note that it's practically full, with only a few students
scurrying across the parking lot in hopes of beating the first bell. I manage
to find a parking space and I sit there for a long second as my thoughts shift
to Cole, the only person I feel like I can actually be myself around. At least
with him, things are real. He's my reality. He is just as messed up as I am and
I don't have to pretend to be someone I am not. I'm just me, flawed and all.

As I climb out of my car, I
hear a motorcycle pulling into the parking lot and I look up to find that Cole
is running late as well.
Well, here goes.
I begin to walk over and when
Cole catches sight of me, he waits.

“Hey,” I say
quietly.   

He studies me. “
Blayre
.”

“Are we over?”

“Do you want us to be?”

“No,” I say truthfully
because I don't, no matter how badly he treats me sometimes.

He sighs and stares off at
the school for a second before he turns his attention back to me, his
expression distant. “
Blayre
, I am done waiting for
you to come around. I can't change and I don't want to. Either accept me as I
am and the life I lead or get out. I've been patient with you up until this
point but I am getting closer and closer to cutting you
loose
.”

These are not the words I
want to hear. “Cole, you know this is all new to me,” I say a bit defensively.

“Yeah, but I figured you
would have loosened up by now.”

I can't help but frown as my
hand tightens on my backpack strap. Where is all this coming from? Up until now
he's always been possessive and made it clear he wants me, now he's doing a
complete one-
eighty
and I feel like my head is
spinning.

“Are you saying I have to
sleep with you and do drugs to keep you?” I ask as I watch his expression
closely.

“No. Yes. It'd be a good
start, that's for sure. If you decide to stick around, I'm only going to wait
so long. I don't want a girlfriend who thinks my life style is beneath her and
you act like it all the damned time. Give me a reason to be loyal to you and I
will,
Blayre
. All you have to do is just give it a
chance,” he says as he slips his hands in his jeans pocket, his posture
completely relaxed, as if he wasn't the slightest bit bothered by the fact that
he is considering breaking up with me.

Jealousy and betrayal raises
its ugly head inside me as I stare hard at him. “Have you been sleeping with
other girls all this time?”

He holds my gaze steadily.
“No, but I easily could have been. I'm not normally the faithful type, but
you're different.”

“What exactly do you want
from me, Cole?”

“I like you,” he says
bluntly. “A lot. But you are so damned uptight. Just loosen up and enjoy life.
The drugs aren't going to kill you.” He gives me a wicked grin before saying,
“Trust me when I say you'll enjoy the sex.”

“So that's all you want?
Someone to have sex and to get high with?”

“If that's all I were after,
I could have any girl at any party.”

I find myself rubbing my
temple as I try to navigate this increasingly odd conversation. He clearly
states that I need to give him more to keep him but then he turns around and
tells me that's not all he's after.

“Let me put it to you this
way,” Cole says as he moves closer, his lips inches from mine as he invades my
personal space. “I want you,” he says, his eyes searing mine. “All of you.
This,” he says, trailing a finger down the middle of my chest, “and this,” he
says, brushing his other hand across my forehead. “Body and soul. Everything
you've got to give,
Blayre
.”

Holy crap. First of all, that
was
kinda
sexy and second, the idea of giving him
my everything
,
freakin
' scares the
living daylights out of me. “What do I get?” I hear myself ask.

“Anything you want,” he says
seriously. “My body is already yours, you just have to reach out and take it. I'm
invested in you, I think about you all the damned time, which is more than I've
ever given anyone else.” This is pretty heavy stuff coming from Cole. He takes
a step back, his eyes turning cool. “Take a few days to think on it.”

“And what are you going to be
doing in the mean time?” I ask wearily, already having an idea.

“I'm
hittin
'
the clubs with Ethan.”

Jealousy shoots through me
because I was expecting parties, not clubbing with his brother where there'd be
tons of older women. “You're going to dance clubs with your brother?” I echo.

“Yes. I need a break. You
drain me sometimes.”

His words hurt me to the
core. I lick my lips and say, “You don't want me with you?”

“You can't. You're on my
brother's radar now after that little stunt you pulled this past weekend. I
don't want him around you.”

“Okay, stay and party with
me. We'll work this out,” I say, hating the fact that I sound needy.

“I already said I need a
break.”

“From me,” I finish flatly.

Green eyes narrow. “Are you forgetting
all the bullshit you spewed to me the other night?”

“You weren't exactly nice to
me either,” I retort.

“I'm walking away before we
really do break up,” Cole mutters before he saunters away, leaving me standing
there all alone.

By the time my last class
rolls around, I feel drained. When Cole said he meant a break, he meant it. I'd
spent lunch time in the library today because Blake and Cole had gone off
without me and Paige had called in sick.

Can't say I really blame her.

I've learned a lot today
where Cole is concerned. I am realizing I've grown to rely on him to the point
that I feel lost without him. Hell, I even feel guilty for laying into him the
other night at the party. My emotions are such a chaotic mess when it comes to
him. I'm not normally needy but that's exactly how I felt out there in the
parking lot this morning. How could I have allowed this to happen? It would be
smart to run now before I get in too deep. If I eventually give myself to Cole,
I know there would be no going back. It would be all or nothing.

Being honest with myself, I
realize I am scared and confused. I still don't fully understand what Cole
really wants from me and if I'm already relying on him as much as I am now,
what would getting closer do to me? But then I start to wonder if it would be
such a bad thing. For once Cole is actually promising to be there for me. He
would become a permanent fixture in my life.
Only I have to do everything
his way or else...

My mood is still a little off
by the time Tate takes me out to eat but I try to brush it off. We end up back
at
Soloman's
and I find that Noah is working the bar
that evening. We walk over and Tate orders a beer. I'm relieved when Noah
treats me like normal, his eyes warm and friendly. He doesn't seem mad and I am
glad.

Tate and I finally end up at
a table and we settle in. Once again, we order burgers and fries and when our
waitress disappears, Tate leans back in his chair, looking relaxed. “Are you
still upset with me?”

“No,” I say truthfully.
“Thank you for dinner.”

“We need this,
Blayre
.”

I nod. Whether this dinner is
obligatory or not, I need to try.

“With the hours I work, I
rarely see you during the week. Noah says you're gone most of the time, out
with friends and with that boyfriend of yours.” He holds up a hand, noting my
expression. “We won't talk about Cole, but I would like to know about your
other friends. You've met some of mine but I've yet to meet yours.”

“It's really just Paige
besides Cole,” I admit. “I like Paige, a lot. She has a boyfriend, Blake, but
we're not close at all. We don't talk much.”

Tate nods, listening. “Tell
me about Paige.”

“She's really nice and beyond
smart. She works at that little bakery on the second floor of the mall most
evenings.”

“I'd like to meet her. Think
she'd be okay if I took you both out to eat one evening? Have her pick the
night and I'll try to work something out. Weekends would be best though.”

“Sure, I'll mention it to
her,” I say, feeling somehow pleased. Paige would be thrilled to meet Tate. She
was a huge fan of his since she knew Tate didn't like Cole.

“How's school going?”

“Really?” I muse. “Tate,
school is school. There's never anything good to say about it.”

Our meal arrives and we dig
in.

“You and Noah seem to be
getting along well,” Tate comments later as he pops a fry in his mouth.

“Why do you say that?” I ask,
feeling a bit hesitant.

He shrugs. “You both seem
comfortable around each other. I'm glad his deafness isn't an issue.”

“I don't know how it could
be,” I say with a frown. “He is literally the easiest person to be around. It's
not that hard to remember he's deaf and to always face him during a
conversation.”

“Some women forget.”

“Then they are stupid,” I say
as I reach for my soda.

Tate laughs. “I agree with
you there.”

“What about you? Meet anyone
lately?”

“There's been a few, but no
one worth taking on a second date.”

“What do you do?” I ask with
sudden interest because I've been wondering for a while now why I never see him
with women at the house. “Do you get a hotel room, because you never bring
anyone
home.
At least not that I am aware of.”

Tate chokes on a fry and
coughs. Once his throat is clear, he gives me a comical look. “Are you
seriously asking me about my sex life?”

I can't help but grin over
how uncomfortable he looks. “Yes, I am.”

“I'm not talking sex with
you.”

“Okay. Remember that the next
time you want to lecture me on it.”

This earns me a scowl. “I get
a hotel room. Are you sleeping with Cole?”