Twisted Heart (11 page)

‘So they’ll pick it up on the footage,’ Conner pointed out.

‘Not if we edit it out before they get their hands on it.’ She turned direct to camera and put her hand across the lens. ‘Quit that, Ava, for God’s sake!’ she yelled.

Pause again. So that was it. Kaylee and Jarrold were a couple, even if Ava had doubted it. They hadn’t been able to stop Aurelie getting hold of the unedited documentary and that was obviously one of the reasons Jarrold had gotten the label of Outsider.

That was a gigantic grudge for Jarrold to hold, I thought queasily. And chief suspects on his list of sneaks and betrayers would be Conner and Ava from the Black Crow band.

And where did this leave the idealistic stuff about the kids learning trust and to respect each other, about turning hearts and walking in peace in the sight of the Great Creator? Yeah, in theory. But in practice how soon did these all-too-human, hormone-driven cracks begin to show?

I pressed the play button, gearing up for more dirty linen being laundered in public.

Maybe it was the wrong button – I don’t know how it happened but no way was this the Black Crow wilderness walk.

I stared at the screen and saw coyotes stealing between trees, through undergrowth, then a close-up of a bison’s huge head and wide nostrils, curved horns like deadly weapons of war. There was mist and hissing rain, a long shot of a lake.

Where am I? What is this?

Rain blurs the creatures who trample the prairie grass and creep through the undergrowth. It hisses through the grey air, turns the land to mud.

One bison locks horns with another – a mighty clash, a writhing and twisting of muscled, sweating heads and shoulders, a roar from deep in the chest. Rain lashes down.

And wolf man, more man than wolf, hides behind a rock. His jaw hangs open, a wolf pelt forms a cloak around his bare shoulders. His amber eyes stare at me. Will he snarl and leap, will he carry me to the island in the lake? No – a dark creature rises from the lake, teeth bared. It has no shape I have ever seen before – snake head, body of a mountain lion, broad black wings. Cold green eyes stare from a flattened, scaly face, a forked tongue flicks. It is huge, it fills the screen. It emerges from deep below the surface, sloughing off water, shaking itself and spreading its leathery wings.

The bison, the coyote and the wolf man flee into the forest, but not fast enough. In the mist, in the pouring rain, the monster’s claws sink into a coyote’s back, they tear into its flesh. The coyote is dead, its bloody body scattered. The bison too – torn to pieces by cruel claws. Only the wolf man escapes.

Death, darkness, suffering, the bones in the lake remind me.

I am cold, like snow, like ice. I am deaf. I cannot speak. My hair writhes like snakes on my head – Medusa. I sink into the mud, in the shadow of the beast’s wings. I grow small, I am a child crying out as the water rises, surrounded by snakes.

I am that corpse, sinking without trace, turning to bone
.

When I came round, Jean-Luc was beside me. He held my hand.

‘Tania, what happened? Are you OK?’

I nodded. My skin felt cold and clammy, I was sick in my stomach. ‘I guess so.’

‘Did you pass out? Do you need more air?’ Offering me his hand, Jean-Luc led me from the cinema room, out through the living room on to the porch.

‘It’s cool. This happens to me sometimes.’ I told him that I had blackouts.

‘That’s not good. Have you seen a doctor?’

‘Yeah, and I researched it on the Internet. There’s a medical name for it.’

‘So it’s a neurological reaction?’

I nodded, went deep into the science to distract him from any idea that I might be certifiably insane. After all, Jean-Luc’s good opinion mattered to me. ‘It’s kind of like epilepsy – a small seizure, where something interferes with the electric signals to my brain.’

‘So not good,’ he repeated, growing more sympathetic by the second.

‘I get temporary memory loss. It can happen when I’m exhausted or stressed, and it’s triggered by flickering lights.’

In non-medical terms, this is me connecting with the dark side, tapping into my psychic powers, but that was something I didn’t tell Jean-Luc. I stuck with the medical labels and kept the super-sensory stuff to myself.

‘Should you see a doctor right now?’ he asked as he sat me down on the porch swing.

‘No, I’m good, thanks.’ I asked for water and he disappeared back inside Trail’s End, returning quickly with a glass.

‘I walked in and found you lying there, completely out of it,’ he explained, crouching beside me. ‘One of my stepfather’s movies was playing onscreen – a scene from
Evil Birth
, the one based on a native American myth about the end of the world.’

‘I guess that was it.’ The monster rising from the lake, ripping its victims to shreds. All except the wolf man, who escaped.

‘Antony did a lot of research on the figure of the wolf in these legends.’ Jean-Luc seemed keen to go into more detail than I needed to hear. ‘In Navajo culture, for instance, witches regularly disguised themselves as wolves. If they appeared to you in a vision, they sent you crazy. Some victims even died.’

‘It sure scared me,’ I agreed.

‘For the Avesta tribe, the wolf was the most cruel of all animals. They called him Ahriman. Antony used this figure in
Evil Birth
.’

The information flowed over my head as I realized that I was a victim too. I realized no dreamcatcher, no net of string and feathers could protect me from being sucked into these new nightmares, the reawakened visions.

‘Scary, huh?’ Jean-Luc put his hand on my knee. ‘Did you see it in the cinema?’

I shook my head. ‘I don’t watch that kind of movie.’ There’s too much horror lurking in my imagination already.

‘They make big box office,’ Jean-Luc reminded me. ‘In the end it’s the cunning coyote who jumps down Ahriman’s throat on an island in the middle of the lake. He kills him by sawing up his heart with a flint. He’s the hero.’

‘Happy ending,’ I joked feebly. The water and the fresh air were helping me to get my head back together. ‘I’m OK now, honestly.’

‘Good. I came to tell you Holly is ready to leave. Can you walk down to the social area, or shall I ask her to drive your car up to Trail’s End?’

‘I can walk.’ Standing up, I let Jean-Luc take my arm and lead me down the wooden step.

‘You’re a guest – Antony shouldn’t have left you alone. He has terrible manners,’ he apologized. ‘Did he say why he had to leave?’

‘No. I think it was something on the Black Crow video – a problem about some guys breaking the rules.’

‘Ah!’ Jean-Luc nodded. ‘He found out about Jarrold and Kaylee. I was hoping to keep that information from him.’

‘It’s on film,’ I pointed out. ‘Wasn’t he bound to find out?’

‘No. Antony doesn’t always watch the videos – he’s not into details, more the broad sweep of what goes on here. Kaylee told me all about it as soon as the Black Crows got back to base and we formed a plan to edit out the sections on her and Jarrold. But Conner … other stuff got in the way and my stepfather jumped the gun by showing you the footage, I guess.’

‘So what will he do now?’ Walking down the hill with Jean-Luc, I spotted the social centre by the lake and several figures sitting on a bench by the main door, among them Holly, Aurelie and Richard Ziegler.

‘He’ll be angry, you bet. He’ll see it as a huge betrayal on Jarrold’s part.’

‘So Jarrold could stay isolated for longer?’

‘Yeah – all next week for sure. But don’t worry, it’s not your problem.’ Everything about Jean-Luc was reassuring – the polite arm through mine, the considerate, slow pace, the openness of his responses – so by the time we reached the social area I’d pretty much put to one side the blacking-out episode at Trails’ End.

‘Hey,Tania!’ Holly called when she spotted the two of us walking arm in arm. ‘I’m so excited. Richard and Aurelie have been telling me more about what to expect when I join the band – what clothes to pack, plus survival items like flashlight et cetera. No cell phones, obviously.’

‘Cool,’ I murmured. I smiled at Jean-Luc, who unlinked his arm from mine, nodded at Ziegler and took Aurelie inside the ranch house, presumably to talk through developments in the Kaylee–Jarrold situation.

Holly’s tone was hyper as always and right now it jarred with me. ‘Have you thought what you’re going to say to Aaron?’ I asked her as we walked on towards the parking lot.

‘Hey, is that snow?’ Ignoring my question, Holly tilted her head back and felt the first white flakes settle and melt on her cheeks. ‘Yeah, it is! Cool, Tania!’

‘You
want
it to snow?’ I asked, getting into my car.

‘Yeah, I want it to snow,’ she laughed. ‘Walking in peace in the wilderness, being a Friend of the Hawk Above Our Heads band, surviving a winter storm – how cool is that!’

G
race’s house is in the centre of town, next door to a grand, colonial-style bank building. When I called by to see her early next morning, she was out on the drive, clearing ten centimetres of snow.

‘Winter began early,’ she sighed, leaning her snow shovel against the wall. ‘What’s it like up on Becker Hill?’

‘We got twelve, maybe thirteen centimetres.’ It had been a silent, gentle fall – no wind, just soft, floating flakes all night long. I woke up to a new white world.

Grace invited me into the house for hot chocolate then got straight on to the reason why she’d asked me to drop by. ‘You and Orlando,’ she began. ‘What’s going on?’

‘Nothing. What do you mean?’ I was snappy and mean, immediately regretted it. ‘Sorry.’

‘Listen, I pick up the vibes. You haven’t spoken his name since he left for Dallas. So what’s gone wrong?’

‘Honestly? I don’t know.’ We still hadn’t spoken. It was thirty-six hours since he’d walked out of his room and we were engaged in a battle of wills. For the first twenty-four I was dead set on him making the first move to call me. I kept calm by telling myself he was busy moving house, that he’d call as soon as he found time. For the last twelve, including a night tossing and turning under my dreamcatcher, I’d felt my stomach tie up in knots. Finally, I knew with a sinking heart that I would be the one to weaken and pick up the phone.

‘He flew home to be with you last Saturday,’ Grace pointed out, sitting me down at her breakfast bar and giving me my chocolate. ‘When your mom went to the hospital, he was there for you.’

‘I know it.’

‘So he loves you.’

I nodded then sighed. Love – deeper than anything I’d ever felt, out of control. I loved Orlando and longed for him. I never stopped fantasizing about him and his fantastic body, his beautiful mind, or fearing that I would lose him. I freely admit it. But sometimes the love game, the battle was just too confusing.

‘So?’ Grace broke through my sighs.

‘He wants me to go to Dallas.’

‘And?’ When she wants to make her point, which isn’t often, she refuses to back off. Which is why I was taking her seriously this Friday morning.

‘Dallas.’ I spread my hands, palms upwards. ‘What is there for me in Dallas?’

‘Orlando.’ Unblinking, Grace pointed out the obvious.

‘So I give up everything and go there to be with him?’ I let go of my own life, my ambitions? ‘What are we saying here, that we live back in the nineteenth century?’ Wear a corset and a bonnet, look pretty, stand by your man.

‘I guess not. And I’m not saying that’s what I would do. Not necessarily. But did he ask you to go?’

‘Yeah, point blank. I said I’d think about it, then I told him no and he stormed out.’ I stared miserably at the creamy froth on top of my chocolate. ‘I do love the guy, Grace.’

‘I know it. But when did you last tell him?’

‘Not since Wednesday.’

‘So call him. Talk. Don’t let this grow into some huge thing between you.’

‘I will,’ I promised. ‘I’ll call him this afternoon, after I’ve visited Mom.’

Satisfied, Grace sat opposite me, her face still glowing from the snow-clearing exercise on her driveway. ‘Poor Tania – your life is going great then suddenly everything gets so tough to deal with all over again.’

So I fell further into confessional mode and told her about Mom’s dyspraxia and her programme of physical therapy, and how Dad spent a lot of time in the garden, feeding Zenaida and keeping his thoughts to himself.

‘I spoke to Holly.’ Grace steered me away from problems I couldn’t solve. ‘Suddenly she’s a Pioneer!’

I smiled. ‘They call them Explorers, remember. And Holly’s a Friend. Upper-case “F”. Her bag is packed. She’s ready to leave.’

‘Go, girl!’ Grace said with a shudder. ‘All that frustrated surge power is going to be put into practice.’

‘Where are you at with the volunteering?’ I asked. ‘Will you do it?’

‘I don’t know any more. At first I liked the idea, to build up my résumé for college.’

‘But now?’

‘Now I’m not sure. I’d like to know more about their reintegration programme. I mean, how is it a good thing to draw in everyday, regular kids from Bitterroot? Not everyone volunteers with a good motive – right?’

‘You mean, we know some people who might do it just to snoop and dig dirt?’ I totally got what she was saying.

‘Yeah. And some who might get a buzz out of associating with kids from the wrong side of the tracks – drop outs, drug addicts and the rest.’

‘I can think of a few,’ I agreed. ‘Besides, even I’m shallow enough to think that some of those New Dawn guys are totally hot and that’s as good a reason as any to volunteer.’

‘Tania, you’re not serious!’ Grace pretended to be shocked. Then she laughed. ‘OK, they’re hot,’ she agreed. ‘So will you?’

‘What?’

‘Do it – volunteer?’

Getting up from the counter, I wandered to the window to see that the sun had warmed up and the snow was starting to melt. Drops of water dripped from the gutter on to the drive. ‘Orlando doesn’t want me to.’

‘But you haven’t decided?’ Grace worked on intuition, which hardly ever let her down.