Twisted Rose: Motorcycle Dark Romance 3 (The Darkness Trilogy) (4 page)

“Rose, I love you.”

“Then let me make you come,” she sobbed.

“Not like this.”

“Just come on my face. You’ll feel good. I’ll make you feel good.”

“I know you will, baby. I know you will.”

“Let me get you off, Josh. I know I can do it. You don’t have to fuck me. Just come on my face.”

“Rose, let’s take things slow.”

“Let me make you come, baby,” she begged.

“I will, Rose. I promise.”

She couldn’t stop crying. She could hear the words she was crying and they made no sense to her. She knew that wasn’t the way she was supposed to think. She knew that wasn’t what a girl had to do to make a boy love her. She knew all that. But she’d forgotten it too. She’d been with so many men and all they’d wanted was to use her as a receptacle for their sperm. All they’d wanted was to fuck her and throw her away.

How could all those men want her for that, and then Josh want something different? How did that make sense?

“I’m losing it, Josh,” she cried. “I’m losing it.”

VII

R
OSE WAS IN WORSE SHAPE
than Josh would ever have thought. He knew she’d been through a tough couple of years. That was putting it mildly. She’d been systematically tortured and abused and there was no way anyone could expect her to come out of a situation like that unscathed. But he hadn’t been prepared for the reality of it. She was traumatized. She was confused and uncertain of what she wanted or needed. She doubted her own value as a person and what a man would want from her. She was even uncertain about whether or not she wanted him. But it was more than just confusion. It was real trauma, in the clinical sense. And Josh knew he was out of his depth.

The trauma that the DRMC had caused Rose had an actual medical definition. Josh knew that. He knew that Rose would need professional help, counseling, all of that. She was like a soldier who’d just come out of a war zone. She was a nervous wreck.

And he knew he couldn’t offer her that. Not really. Not in any medically proficient sort of way. Josh could be a good friend, he wanted to be supportive and understanding. He wanted to help Rose get better. But he was no doctor, he was no psychiatrist or psychologist. Whatever Rose really needed, he had no idea how to give it to her. And that was difficult for him to admit.

He loved her.

He really did love her.

Josh knew all about infatuations. He knew that guys could fall for pretty girls like Rose very quickly and then later realize that they’d made a mistake. They could mistake infatuation and attraction and pure physical lust for love. He knew all that. And he knew that wasn’t what he was feeling right now. What he felt for Rose went far beyond the time they’d spent together since he’d rescued her from the DRMC. Josh’s feelings for Rose went back ten years to the night he’d first set eyes on her, the night that the Sioux Rangers had been wiped out. There was a reason that he’d carried the picture of her mother in his breast pocket for ten years, even if he didn’t understand it till now. Josh loved Rose and that love was real.

And he wanted her to get the help that she needed. He wanted to be able to bring her into a trauma clinic in Montreal and get her the best therapist that money could buy. But he wasn’t in Montreal. He was in Chazel, a tiny hunting post far north of the last organized townships, far beyond where medical services were available. It was a place that wasn’t even on any official map.

He knew what Rose needed, and he knew what he could offer her, and he could see clearly that there was a gap. He was coming up short.

“Rose,” he said when she finally calmed down and stopped crying. “Listen to me.”

She controlled her breathing and looked at him.

“I’m so sorry,” she said.

“Don’t be sorry. You have nothing to be sorry about. There’s nothing wrong with you. There’s nothing unreasonable about the feelings you’re having, the reactions you’re having. We’re moving too fast. That’s all. You’re not losing it. You’re in shock.”

She was looking at him and she seemed to be taking in what he was saying.

“I completely understand if you can’t have sex right now. It was crazy of us to try.”

“But I wanted to,” she said.

“I know,” he said. “So did I. But I was being selfish. I was only thinking of myself. I wasn’t thinking about you and your needs.”

“I don’t think you’re selfish at all,” Rose said.

He smiled at her. He reached out and moved a stray curl from her face.

“Don’t think that I stopped you because I didn’t want to make love to you,” he said. “I just want to wait till you’re ready. Till we’re both ready.”

She smiled. He could see that she was calming down.

“We’ll just take things real slow,” he said. “And we’ll get you some counseling or something, so that you can get the help that you need.”

“There aren’t any counselors up here, are there?” she said.

“No. I doubt it. But we’ll figure something out. We can’t stay in hiding forever.”

Rose seemed to think about it. “Maybe we could,” she said. “Maybe all I need is some time, and some peace. Maybe being up here with you, having the support of your friends and time to think, maybe that’s all I need to get over all the things they did to me.”

“Maybe,” Josh said, and as he thought about the life that he and Rose could have up there in Chazel, he even smiled.

It was a nice place. It really was peaceful. There weren’t any luxuries up there. None of the things of modern life were there. There was electricity but there wasn’t much you could do with it. There was no internet, no cellphone reception. The only television they could get was on a government sponsored rural satellite service that served the far north. It would be a very simple life up there, a life of hunting and fishing, a life of thinking and being with friends, and it would be safe. It would give them both time to sort out their thoughts and feelings, and as long as the DRMC didn’t come looking for them, they would be safe.

But there was just one thing that Josh could think of that got in the way of that life. It was the thought of revenge. Revenge was a big part of Josh. It was what made him who he was. It had shaped his life. He’d spent ten years trying to forget about the men who’d killed his father, the same men who had wiped out the Sioux Rangers, but that had never worked for him. If there was one man in all the world who couldn’t walk away from a fight ever again, it was Josh Carter.

For ten long years he’d let Rex Savage live, and it had been a mistake. It had been what got Rose captured. He sat there on the bed holding her and he realized then and there that if he’d done what he’d needed to do earlier, right after his father had been murdered, Rose would never have been captured by the DRMC. Rex Savage was the man who’d killed his father. Josh had wanted to kill him but he’d let him slip through his fingers. He’d found the Sioux Rangers but Rex hadn’t been there. Josh missed his chance to get revenge. And then everything had happened with the DRMC. Rex became a member. The Sioux Ranges got wiped out. And Josh had waited longer than he should have to get his revenge. Ten years longer.

And at the time he’d thought, what difference did it make if he waited one year or ten years to kill his father’s killer? That’s what he’d told himself all those years in prison in Montreal. That it didn’t matter how long it took, but only that he did it.

But now he knew he’d been wrong. It made all the difference in the world. He’d waited before killing Rex Savage. He’d been scared to do what was required of him. He’d run from the truth. And that was the reason Rex had been able to do what he’d done to Rose. That was the entire reason Rose had been kidnapped. Everything that had happened to her was his fault. At least, that was how he saw it. If it wasn’t for his lack of courage, none of this would have happened to her. She would still be living her happy, healthy life in the city. It was because of his cowardice that she’d gone through so much pain and suffering.

Killing Rex Savage wasn’t even something that Josh considered to be revenge. To him, it was justice. And he was determined to get the same justice for Rose that he’d gotten for his father. And he wouldn’t waste any time doing it.

VIII

J
OSH WAS LOOKING AT ROSE.
She looked so beautiful. She was naked, and she’d been crying, and he thought she was just the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen in his life. He smiled at her.

She glanced at his cock. He was embarrassed. It was still rock hard. Everything about her turned him on and he couldn’t help it. He knew he needed to be gentle, he needed to take things slowly for her sake, but she turned him on and his body could not deny that.

“You’re so hard,” she said, looking down at his cock.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“No, don’t be.”

Rose was terrified. She was terrified that she’d changed Josh’s view of her. She was terrified that she would no longer be sexually attractive to him. She was terrified that she would lose him. It had happened to her before. Patrice’s view of her had been changed and she’d lost him. Serge had humiliated her brutally in front of him. Fat Boy had left her in a puddle of urine for a night, and the moment Patrice saw her like that, lying in that disgusting filth, his view of her changed forever.

Rose had to live with the fear now that the same thing was going to happen with Josh. What if he was no longer attracted to her? What if he despised her for all the disgusting things she’d been forced to do?

“You don’t want me anymore,” she said.

It was barely a whisper when she said it but Josh heard her.

“Rose!” he said. “Don’t ever think that.”

“It’s true. We were going to make love. Now we’re not.”

Josh was in an impossible position. How could he tell her he didn’t want to have sex but that he was still attracted to her?

“We need to take things slowly,” he said.

“I know,” she said. “But we should have known that last night too. Last night you didn’t care about taking things slowly. Now you’ve seen what a mess I am, what a nervous wreck, and you don’t want me. Last night you couldn’t resist me. Now you can.”

“Rose, it’s not like that. We both know that you’re not ready for a full relationship. Look what just happened?”

“I know,” Rose said, and she felt like crying again.

She didn’t want to cry. She knew what he was saying was right and she couldn’t get the fear out of her mind that he saw her differently now. She’d never for as long as she lived forget the look that Patrice had given her when Serge had forced him to rape her, even though she was covered in her own piss. It had been a look of disgust that she would carry to her grave.

“Rose,” Josh said. “If you had any idea how attracted I am to you, you’d be amazed. I love you with all my heart.”

She looked at him. She wanted to believe him. She wanted so badly to believe that she could still be attractive to a gorgeous man like him.

“Really?” she said.

“Look how hard I am.”

Josh looked down at his rigid cock and Rose’s eyes followed. It was true. He really was hard. He looked ready to burst.

“Let me finish you off,” she whispered.

He looked at her and there was pain in his eyes.

“I really don’t think we should, Rose. If I did something to upset you, or to make your recovery more difficult, I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself.”

“Please,” she said. “I know what you’re saying, and I know you’re right. I know I acted badly. But please don’t punish me for it. I want this. I want you. I want you so much it hurts.”

Josh looked at her. It was killing him to have to say no to her. The last thing in the world he wanted to do was turn her down. He wanted her more than he’d ever wanted any girl in his life. She was so young and fresh and beautiful. He didn’t see her as dirty or ruined at all. He saw her as perfect. To him she was still the same pure, innocent child he’d seen in the Sioux Ranger clubhouse all those years ago.

He looked down at his cock. It was purple and ripe, ready to explode in orgasm.

“We can’t,” he said.

Rose couldn’t believe it. First Patrice, now Josh. It was as if Serge and the others had completely stolen her life from her. They’d taken everything. Not just the two years that they’d held her captive, but all of her future. She looked down at Josh’s hard, ripe cock and knew that she could finish him off in just a few seconds if he would let her touch him. But she didn’t want to appear desperate. She didn’t want to appear even crazier than she already had.

“What if I don’t touch you?” she said.

“What do you mean?”

“What if I can finish you off without using my hands or my mouth? What if I use my feet?”

Josh looked at her so longingly. But she could tell he was trying to do the right thing. He knew she wasn’t ready for sexual contact.

“What if I finish myself off?” he said. “I’ll look at you and I’ll make myself come.”

She thought about it for a second. She had wanted to offer him a footjob, she’d thought that might be less intimate than a handjob, but she knew she had to take everything as slowly as possible. What had happened earlier, when she’d been sucking him off, that wasn’t good. That wasn’t the way she was supposed to act, or think, or feel, and she knew it. She wanted to get better. She wanted to look after herself. She’d been the one who wanted to take things slow and she knew it was necessary for her healing.

“Alright,” she said.

Josh smiled. It made her so happy to see that smile.

“Sit back there,” he said. “Against the wall. Spread your legs.”

Rose was more than happy to oblige. This seemed like a compromise she could live with. She was getting space to get her head in order, but she didn’t have to feel like she disgusted him while she did it.

Josh got up on his knees and began slowly stroking his ripe cock. Rose sat with her back to the headboard and spread her legs wide open so that he could see her vagina perfectly.

“Beautiful,” Josh said as he spat on his hand and began to rub the saliva around the tip of his penis.

Rose wished it could be her mouth giving him that pleasure but she’d seen what happened when she tried to give him a blowjob. She’d had some sort of flashback to her past. She wasn’t ready.