Unafraid (Beachwood Bay) (24 page)

“Wonderful,” Richard sighs.

“You’ll be joining us.” Camille turns to Hunter. It’s not a question.

He looks thrown. “I don’t know, I have work at the ranch, and—”

“You can’t even take the time to have dinner with your family, after everything?” Camille glowers at him.

Hunter slumps, like a kid who’s being scolded. “Of course, I’m sorry.”

She gives a brisk nod. “I’ll have the maids make up your room. You can stay a few days, spend time with your father. I’m sure you have a lot to talk about.”

Again, I wait for Hunter to object, but he just hunches his shoulders and accepts her plan. There’s silence. Camille is studiously ignoring me, acting as if I’m not even in the room. I understand, I feel like an intruder here in the middle of all their family drama, but at the same time, I don’t want to leave Hunter’s side.

“Did you drive?” Camille finally turns to me.

“I... came up with Hunter,” I reply, self-conscious.

“I’ll have someone take you home,” she replies in a clipped tone.

I look to Hunter. “No, it’s OK, I can stay.”

“Nonsense,” Camille proclaims. “I’m sure you have plenty to be getting back to. I’ll call our driver now.” She pulls out her cellphone and moves to the corner of the room, murmuring instructions.

I feel a twist of doubt. “Hunter?” I prompt softly, tugging on his hand.

He finally looks up, into my eyes. My heart catches to see the expression on his face: blank with tired resignation. “Mom’s right,” he says, pushing his hair back, distracted. “You should get back. You have work.”

“Garrett will cover for me.” I look back at Camille, watching us like a hawk. “Come outside a sec,” I tug Hunter into the hallway, out of listening distance, then take both his hands, looking deep into his eyes.

“I’m staying with you, as long as you want. I’m here for you.”

Hunter looks away. “You don’t have to—”

“Yes, I do.” I hold his hands tighter. He’s not in this alone, I need him to understand. “You need me. That’s all that matters.”

“I’ll be fine.” Hunter lets go of me and takes a step back. “You don’t need to deal with this. I promise, I’ll be fine,” he adds with a weak smile. “It’s just a couple of days, to get everything straightened out with them. Mom’s right,” he sighs. “It’s been too long. We need to talk, all of us.”

I watch him, anxious, but helpless to argue. I have this terrible feeling now, like if I say goodbye, it’ll be for the last time. But that’s crazy, I remind myself. I’m just being insecure. It makes total sense for Hunter to go back and visit with his family, after everything they’ve just been through. It isn’t my place to stay and get in the way. “If you’re sure…”

Hunter nods. “Call me when you’re home.” He leans to press a kiss to my forehead, but I reach up and catch around his neck, pulling him down into a longer kiss. Our bodies melt together, his mouth sweet and searching against mine, and for a moment, everything goes away. It’s just us, suspended in our own private world, with no fears or drama or demands.

Perfect.

Hunter pulls back, his smile stronger now. He gently traces my cheek. “Thank you, for coming with me,” he murmurs. “For putting up with them.”

“Always,” I swear.

“There you are,” his mother interrupts, stalking out of the room. “Perkins is waiting for you downstairs, he’ll drive you home. Hunter, come help your father with his things. He needs a wheelchair.”

“I do not!” Richard’s voice calls.

Camille ignores him. “And see about his medications too. They say the prescription is for two pills a day, but I’m certain I read an article saying three was best.”

Hunter gives me a rueful look. “I’ll call you later.”

“OK.” I swallow. “Bye.”

I ride back to Beachwood Bay in the comfort of the Covington chauffeur-driven BMW, but despite the plush leather interior and gentle AC in the backseat, I can’t relax. Walking away from Hunter in the hospital felt all wrong: like the bad dreams I get some nights, when I’m walking the halls of a haunted house. My feet keep moving, taking me towards danger, but I can’t turn back, even when I know that nothing good lies ahead of me.

Miss you
.
I tap out a text, and then stop, my thumb hovering over the ‘send’ button.

No.

I hit ‘delete’ instead. Hunter has enough on his mind right now; the last thing he needs is me getting clingy and emotional. I’m not that girl. I’ve always hated those girls.

It’s just a few days, I tell myself, watching the coastal road sail past. It’s like I promised him, everything’s going to be OK.

Back home at the beach house, I say an awkward thanks to the driver then let myself in. I pause a moment in the doorway, looking around the empty house. Signs of Juliet and Emerson are everywhere, from the black-and-white photos she’s taken of Beachwood and her mom framed on the walls, to the old throw over the back of the sofa, passed down thought her family since when her grandparents lived here, years ago.

I’ve been staying here for three months now, but this is the first time I realize, it doesn’t feel like home.

Because it’s not. This place is temporary for me, like every other part of my life. Temporary job, temporary dreams. I just have to hope to God Hunter doesn’t turn out to be temporary too.

I shake off the whispers of self-doubt rising in the back of my mind. I flip on all the lights and the radio too, heading to the kitchen to grab a carton of ice-cream from the freezer before I settle in at my work-station in the living room. I need to keep busy, I decide. It’s not like I didn’t know what to do with myself before Hunter came around.

The fabric I bought from Emilia is still sitting there, wrapped in tissue paper on the table. I feel a bolt of self-doubt, remembering Maxwell’s cruel comments in our interview, but I force myself to reach for it all the same. I trace my fingertips over the soft silk, and like magic, the criticism seems to melt away. I left my sketchbook at Hunter’s in the rush, but I don’t need it: I know my designs by heart. I grab a loose sheet of paper and my pencils, and start drawing again, letting my imagination take shape on the page. I see the dress clearer than ever now: the curve of the bodice, and the sweep of the long, elegant skirt, the way the fabric will drape and slither when I walk…

Before I realize, it’s past midnight. I’ve broken the main design down into its component parts now: sketching out the pattern I’ll need to cut from plain canvas to test the shape. There’s nothing more I can do tonight.

I stretch, my shoulders aching. I check my phone again, but there’s no messages or calls.

Hope everything’s OK
,
I text Hunter.
Goodnight.

I wait, my stomach twisting, until his reply flashes up.

Sweet dreams. Thinking of you.

I exhale, a long breath of relief—and regret. Never mind the logic, I should be there with him, by his side; curled in his arms, the way we slept last night.

God, it feels like a lifetime ago, not just a few hours, but as I get ready for bed and slide in between the sheets of my room upstairs, I can’t help but feel the absence of him beside me, as real a force as if he were lying there himself.

How can it be, that I miss him like this already? When did Hunter become so damn necessary in my life that just one night without him makes me feel lost and set adrift?

When he was moving inside you, making you feel so safe, so complete. When you opened your heart and let him see everything you are, and gave it to him, despite all the risk.

I reach out, tracing the empty space on the pillow, remembering his face beneath my fingertips, so beautiful and at peace. This is what I was scared about, all those years I kept my heart so protected—kept the world at arm’s length with my sharp barbs and carefree comebacks. Because now I’ve opened myself up to him, and I know what it feels like to truly connect to another soul, I’m even more terrified that something might happen to tear it all away. I stepped off the edge for him, but now I’m here in freefall, hoping so desperately that he’ll be there to catch me when I hit the ground.

He loves you
, I tell myself, repeating the words like a lullaby.
He’s not going to leave you like the others do. He’ll stay.

But still, I fall asleep with a tight knot in my chest, alone and miles from the one man I’ve ever needed to be there when I wake in the morning.

Two days.

That’s how long it’s been since I held her. Forty-eight hours away from Brit, and I’m already losing my damn mind. Every minute I’m not with her is like an eternity, back in this house, surrounded by my parents’ passive-aggressive judgment and the crushing weight of my guilt. I need her with me, to taste her lips, touch her soft skin, lose myself in those kisses that somehow set everything to rights in the world. But each time I pick up my phone, ready to dial, something stops me.

This is my bullshit, not hers. She’s had enough family drama in her life to last a thousand years. The last thing she deserves is all my crazy, too.

But that’s not it, not everything. Because despite the bliss of coming clean to her, seeing the understanding and forgiveness in her eyes when I finally told her the truth, I can’t shake the fear that it’s not real. That once she has a chance to think about it—really recognize what I’ve done—she’ll see how wrong I am, how I don’t deserve her love. And every report about my fucked-up family will remind her, Jace is gone. I did that. Me.

“You’re wearing that?” My mother’s voice stops me as I walk through the front atrium. I turn.

“It’s just dinner.” I look down. I haven’t had a chance to get my things from the ranch, so I’m stuck wearing what was left in the closet of my old room here. Jeans, a shirt—I look fine.

My mother walks closer, tutting. “I laid out a suit for you, Armani. And wear that blue tie, it brings out your eyes.”

I look at her, realizing she’s dressed to the nines in a cocktail dress and pearls. My heart sinks. “Who’s coming?”

“Just a few people.” Mom makes an absent gesture. “The Kellermans, you know he just moved his accounts to the firm. Bitsy Tremaine, and her husband. The Feinbergs, oh, and some of the senior partners and their wives.”

“You’re hosting a party,” I state, through a clenched jaw.

“Well, of course I am.” My mother stares at me, like this shouldn’t be a surprise. “You haven’t been back in months, and there are important people for you to meet.”

I try and control my temper. “Unless they’re looking to sell horses, or have them trained, I’m not interested.”

My mother sighs. “Honestly, Hunter, this ranch business is a fool’s errand. It’s time for you to face up to your responsibilities.”

“They’re not my responsibilities!” I burst out angrily. “They’re your obligations, and I don’t want any part of them!”

Her face changes. “How can you say that, after what happened with your father? Don’t you care what happens to this family?”

I catch my breath. “I’m sorry, Mom. I do care. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to give up my life to live yours.”

Mom’s lips press together in a thin line. “I’m not going to have this discussion now. We have guests arriving soon. Go and change, and be ready for drinks at eight.”

I feel rebellion thunder, hot in my veins. I don’t want to do as she says. I want to bolt right out that door and drive non-stop to Beachwood Bay. I want to tear open Brit’s door, carry her up the stairs, rip off her clothes and not get out of bed for a week.

But I’m just about ready to turn and walk out the door when my mother’s gaze slips past me, to the framed portrait of Jace that’s hanging in the entryway. Her expression softens; her eyes watering. “I remember the day he started at the firm. Your father was so proud, I thought he’d never stop smiling.”

Guilt crashes over me, a hundred-ton weight.

The only reason my mother is ambushing me is that I didn’t give her any choice. They had their perfect son: the company man, my mother’s dinner party host. They had him, and I took him from us forever.

I’m a poor second choice, and we all know it.