Unafraid (Beachwood Bay) (27 page)

As I watch him, Hunter keeps chatting with Alicia, pausing to direct the staff that flock to him for approval. Alicia is wearing loose silk pants and a casual draped T-shirt, understated and natural. With her tan and hair, she matches Hunter perfectly. They look like they just stepped out of a magazine together, glossy and rich and perfectly comfortable.

The golden boy in his natural setting at last.

This is where he belongs
, a voice whispers, cutting right to my very core.
Can’t you see it? He’s supposed to be here, running the world, with a girl like Alicia at his side.

I shiver, ice cold. All my happy anticipation at seeing Hunter is gone now, leaving nothing but a terrible sense of foreboding, thick and shadowy in my veins. Part of me wants to slink away: just turn around and go like I was never here at all, but I know I can’t do that. This could all just be Camille trying to stir things up. I need to talk to Hunter, hold him in my arms. Then everything will work out, I tell myself desperately. Everything will be OK.

I brace myself and start down the stairs towards them.

“…And if we run a dessert buffet as well as the sit-down meal, people will feel more able to mingle and dance,” Alicia is saying, when I get closer enough to hear. A couple of the staff make notes, and then hurry away to do her bidding.

Hunter groans with relief. “God, you’re a lifesaver, Alicia.” He throws an arm around her and pulls her into a hug. “I wouldn’t know where the hell to start without you.”

I stand behind them, frozen in place. They don’t see me there, and after an agonizing wait that seems like an eternity, I clear my throat to catch their attention. “Umm, hey.”

Hunter turns, pulling away from Alicia. “Brit!” he exclaims, eyes wide with shock. “What are you doing here?”

I try to smile brightly. “I figured you couldn’t get away, so I’d come to you.”

I wait for him to kiss me, hug me, reach out and touch me in any way at all, but Hunter doesn’t move, like he’s seen a ghost. His eyes go to the duffel in my hand. “Are you… staying?”

The horror in his voice is clear. My heart lurches in my chest.

“No,” I say quickly. “I brought you some stuff from home, I didn’t know what you needed, so I just threw everything in.”

“Oh. Thanks.” Hunter looks relieved. He reaches out and takes the bag from me. “Uh, this is Alicia,” he adds, like he’s just remembering she’s standing there.

“I know,” I give him a puzzled look, before turning to Alicia. “We met.”

“Right!” Hunter exclaims. “The interview.”

“It’s good to see you again, Brit.” Alicia gives me a wide smile and moves in to drop air kisses on both my cheeks, perfectly at ease. “How are you? I have to apologize again for what happened,” she adds, looking guilty. “Maxwell’s brand of tact is blunt, bordering on cruel.”

I wonder if that’s all she’s feeling guilty about.

“It’s fine.” I stand up straighter, staring her down. I move in closer to Hunter, slipping my arm around his waist, but he doesn’t react, and his body is tense beneath my hand.

Alicia stands there, awkward. The silence drags.

“Looks busy,” I say at last, nodding at the construction site.

“It’s madness!” Alicia exclaims, too bright. “I know it looks crazy now, but come tomorrow night, it’ll be looking like a fairytale.” She beams. “Hunter’s got everything under control.”

“Not even close,” Hunter corrects her, but there’s a faint smile on his face.

“Please.” She laughs. “It’s like mid-terms all over again. He wouldn’t do a lick of study until the night before,” she tells me, in a conspiratorial tone. “And he still wound up getting the best grades.”

“Panic is a pretty good motivator,” Hunter remarks wryly.

“So try panicking now,” Alicia teases him. She turns to me with another friendly smile. “Don’t worry, they’ll have everything set up in time. You’re going to love it.”

I stand there silently, drowning in humiliation. Alicia thinks I know all about the party—and why shouldn’t she? I’m Hunter’s girlfriend, of course she thinks I’m coming. Only I know the truth.

Me, and Hunter.

I sneak a look at him, but he avoids my gaze, staring at the ground. I fight to stay calm. There’s a good explanation, there has to be.

“Anyway, I better get back to the office.” Alicia checks her watch. “Brit, lovely to catch you. We’ll talk more at the party, I’m sure. And you,” she turns to Hunter. “Don’t call unless it’s an emergency.”

“But—”

“Ordering the wrong color lilies is not an emergency.” She cuts him off.

Hunter sighs. “Tell that to my mother.”

Alicia laughs, then trots back up the steps to the house, leaving us alone.

I turn to Hunter, my heart in my throat, waiting for his big explanation. An apology. Hell, any kind of reason at all why I’ve been going crazy missing him, snatching brief moments on the phone, while he’s been picking centerpieces and canapés. I figured he was caught up in major family drama, but now I see, it was all a lie.

“Hunter?” My voice trembles, and I hate myself for it. Hate feeling this way: like I’m lingering on the edge of the cool kids’ crowd in school, waiting for someone to invite me in. I’ve spent my life watching everyone else get their happily-ever-afters, telling myself that I didn’t care.

Now, I care more than ever, and I’m right back where I started: the nobody, white-trash loser with my nose pressed up against the glass of the prince’s mansion, begging desperately for him to let me in.

A lifetime of insecurity whirls through my mind as Hunter clears his throat. “I wasn’t expecting you. My mom called Alicia in,” he adds quickly. “She used to help host events for the society lunches, so she knows all the people—”

“I don’t care about Alicia.” I cut him short. And I don’t. Alicia’s college crush isn’t the issue here. God, not even close. The only thing that matters to me right now is shattering the wall that’s come up between us, cutting through the weird tension that’s keeping us apart.

But Hunter doesn’t move. And with every passing second, the whispers of insecurity and doubt in my mind grow louder, a rising crescendo of fear.

He doesn’t want you here. Any idiot could see.

You’ll never be good enough for him.

No!

I can’t believe that. Not after everything we’ve shared.

Fear drives me on, sends me reaching for his hand. “Come with me,” I thread my fingers through his, tugging gently. “We need to talk.”

But Hunter resists.

“I’ve really got to figure this out,” Hunter looks around. “If you could wait even twenty minutes—”

“No!” I stop him, the fear rising to a crescendo in my chest. This can’t wait, not when I’ve been sitting around in Beachwood for a week now, letting him slip further away. “Now!”

I pull him away from the noise and activity, walking fast across the lawn until I find a small rose arbor around the side of the house. I push him into the shade, away from the crowd, and reach up around his neck to pull him down in a long, deep kiss.

My Hunter.

I sink against him, desperately tasting his lips, opening my mouth to deepen the kiss and seek out his tongue. I need him, need to quiet the doubts shouting to be unleashed; need to know that nothing’s changed between us, and this is all my imagination. My hands rove over his torso, trying to claw him closer, needing to feel more. Everything. For a moment, Hunter responds, answering my kiss with his own hunger, but then there’s a shout from the construction site, and it’s like a switch flips. He stills, unmoving in my arms, and after a moment, he breaks away.

“Hey.” He steps back from me, holding me at arm’s length. “Easy there.”

My heart drops. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he says, nervously checking around. “I just… My mother’s already on the warpath over the party. I don’t want to make it worse.”

I catch my breath, feeling the icy fear settle around me and collect into something hard and sharp.

He’s ashamed of me.

The knowledge slams through me, triggering a tide of old memories. Every time a guy arranged to meet me out of town, after dark. The secret hook-ups, and times they’d pass me on the street without another glance. Every night I saw them out with their daylight girlfriends, laughing with their families and friends, knowing they thought I was good for only one thing.

And after everything, Hunter’s just the same.

Oh God.

The pain rises in me, but I bite it back, reaching for the only weapon I can. Anger.

“What, are you worried she’ll catch you fooling around with the help?” My voice is brittle and sarcastic.

Hunter looks up. His eyes widen. “What? Brit no. I’m happy you’re here.” He catches my hands again, holding them to his chest. “God, I’ve missed you so bad. It’s just… bad timing. There’s a lot going on.”

“Like the party.” I say, with a hard tone.

“The party, Dad’s company, Mom.” Now he’s away from the crowd, Hunter’s dropped the smile, and just looks worn out. “But I’m glad you came, really I am.”

He tries to pull me against him, but now I’m the one who’s frozen in place. I’m trying to stay in control, but a wave of emotion is crashing down around me, every doubt and insecurity I’ve managed to ignore since Hunter came walking back into my life now rearing its ugly head.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I whisper, my eyes never leaving his. “About the party.”

Hunter looks confused. “It’s just another one of their bullshit events. Mom roped me into helping, guilt-tripped me all over again.”

“But it’s a family event,” I say, clenching my jaw to keep back the tears stinging in the back of my throat. “Everyone’s coming, she said so.”

“You talked to my mother?” Hunter’s face changes. “Shit.”

My mouth drops open. He’s more worried that I ran into his mom than the fact he’s been lying to me all week? “Is that not allowed?” I challenge him, my anger growing. “You want me to sneak in the servant’s entrance, so nobody knows I’m here?”

His forehead crinkles in confusion. “Brit, what are you talking about?”

“You don’t want me here!” I cry. My fists are clenched at my sides, nails digging into my palms. If I can hold it together, then maybe I won’t collapse in a sobbing mess, no matter how much it hurts inside. “You didn’t ask me to come visit, you freak out now that I’m here. God, if you don’t want to do this anymore, just say so! Don’t string me along like a fucking idiot!”

Hunter shakes his head. “That’s not what’s happening. You need to calm down.”

“Why, so I don’t cause a scene?” I yell, the tangle of rejection biting in my chest. “You’re forgetting, Hunter, that’s what I do. I’m the crazy white-trash bitch, ask anyone!”

“Brit!” Hunter tries to reach for me, but I wrench away.

“What are you doing, Hunter?” I demand. “You say you want to get away from this. Build your own life, on your terms. I thought you meant it. I thought we…” A sob rises and I have to stop, but the words sit, unsaid between us.

I thought we were for real.

“I did mean it, I do!” Hunter’s expression is harsh. “But hell, Brit, you don’t even know what I’m dealing with here.”

“That’s because you won’t tell me!” I cry. “How am I supposed to be a part of your life if you won’t let me in?”

“I’m trying to protect you!” He cries. “Jesus, you want my mom on your case all day too? All the guilt and bullshit and grief?”

“I want you to be honest,” I hiccup back, the tears finally overflowing and sliding in hot, wet streams down my cheeks. “If you wanted it to be just sex, then you should have just told me! But instead, you made all those promises to me. And I believed you!”

Stupid girl. You knew it was too good to be true, and you went and fell for him anyway.

“This isn’t about you!” Hunter yells, his whole body coiled with tension. “Nothing’s changed here, Brit. Jesus, if you could just leave me alone to deal with it all—”

“So you don’t want me here.” I cut him off, hearing only the rejection in his words. “Well, maybe you should have said something before I came and made a damn fool of myself.”

I turn on my heel to go, but Hunter grabs my arm and yanks me back. “No way,” he curses, pushing me against the wall. “You don’t get to make this my fault.”

I gape at him. How can he say that, after everything?

“You left me!” I scream. “You promised. You said, you would never walk away. But here you are.” I gesture around, at the manicured lawns and white-trimmed mansion, and the fancy, rich life I could never even dream about. “Do you even know when you’re coming back?”

“My father—” Hunter protests, still stormy.

“Bullshit,” I cut him off, sobbing. “Your daddy is fine, he was always fine. But you’re still here, running around playing at being the perfect son, even though you hate every minute of it. Or maybe you don’t.” I stare at him, realization dawning. “Maybe your mom was right, and Beachwood was just you acting out, playing at making your own choice. It was all just a game to you. I was just a game.”

I feel another sob rise up in me, hollow and desperate. Oh God, I did it again. I believed him, when he told me this was for real. I gave him my heart, I gave him everything, and he’s going to leave me, just like they always do.