Unamused Muse (Mt. Olympus Employment Agency: Muse Book 2) (3 page)

The Hags of the Underworld book club meeting had begun.

I couldn’t leave until they were done, but there wasn’t anything for me to do, since it was the middle of the night. I sat behind my borrowed desk and opened a book I’d found in one of the drawers. I usually preferred mysteries, but this was more of a medical thriller. It was kind of gross, actually. Maggots were never really my thing.

Plus, I was sitting outside a boardroom filled with various goddesses of scary things. At least one was probably a goddess of decay. I had trouble concentrating on the book when some of the more disgusting things in the book might be crawling around in the next room.

A few chapters in, I shivered and closed the book.

Something made a loud thump against the door, followed by peels of eerie laughter. I was halfway out of my seat before I realized I had been going anywhere.

The black light beneath the door flickered and something cracked. Everything went silent for a few minutes. I eased back into my seat, watching the door with nervous trepidation. I was in charge. Should I go in and check on them? They were supposed to come get me if they needed anything.

Then again, I couldn’t let them trash the meeting room on my first day.

Glass shattered and several voices rose in what sounded like anger. Something thunked against the door again, and someone shrieked.

Okay, technically, it was my second day, since it was after midnight. That made me a seasoned pro.

It occurred to me that I had a magical solution stashed in my room. In the Muse department, we used Transmutational Thought Transference Bubbles to convey encouragement to our clients. Much like the regular soap bubbles for kids, we had a small wand with a hole in it that we used to dip into the thought bubble solution, then we blew through the hole to form the bubbles that carried our inspiration toward the client. The wands were carefully monitored, but I’d accidentally kept a bottle of bubbles before I left the department. Nobody knew I had them—including Phyllis—but I’d brought them into the Underworld with me, tucked inside one of my sneakers. For luck. Or something. I wasn’t really sure why I’d brought them, especially since they were useless without a wand.

But if I’d had them with me now, I could have blown bubbles into the meeting room and convinced all those women to behave themselves. Then again, I wasn’t invisible, like I would have been when doing my official Muse job. All those Underworld goddesses would probably wonder what the hell I was doing.

Maybe it was better for me to handle it on my own.

I pulled myself out of my chair, straightened my shoulders, and marched to the door, throwing it open. If I wanted to convince anyone I had authority in this situation, I had to pretend to have it. I sure as hell didn’t outrank anybody in there, that was for sure.

“Ladies, may I help you?” I stood tall and didn’t flinch, even when a tentacle whipped through the air and disappeared down the back of a tall, thin woman with bloody eyes. “It sounded like you were having difficulties in here.”

They all froze wherever they were and looked at me like they were guilty children. The woman with the shock of dark hair hung from the ceiling by one hand and one foot. She gave me a sheepish look and crawled down the wall to return to her seat.

Hecate cleared her throat. “She’s right, girls. This is a little out of hand.” Then Hecate, goddess of witches and necromancy, put her hand over her mouth and giggled.

This, of course, caused all the others to dissolve into cackles and chortles. One of the women with the dark circles and bowl cut fell out of her chair. A wine glass flew past my head and smashed on the opposite wall.

“Enough!” My voice thundered in my ears, and I recoiled. I didn’t know if the glass would come out of my paycheck, but I was already thinking about whether I would need to deal with it before catering came back. Nobody had told me whose job it was to clean up—let alone whether I was responsible for keeping the women in line. Parker had told me to set up, wait for the meeting to be over, then lock up when everybody left.

Gods forbid there should be another meeting scheduled in the boardroom first thing the next day. I had no way of knowing.

Ten women of varying sizes, colors, and styles stood frozen, staring at me with their mouths open as if I’d just done something insane. As if I’d lost my temper and yelled at nearly a dozen goddesses of the Underworld because they were being too rowdy.

Maybe they’d tie me to a rock and have a vulture eat my liver every morning. Screw it. At least I’d lie there knowing I’d done my freaking job. I took a deep breath to gather my composure and stared right back at all those shocked faces.

Hecate threw her head back and cackled. “Girls, this one’s no pushover. We’ll have to watch ourselves.”

The tension in the room broke, and several of them chuckled. The spider lady righted a chair and gathered some scattered papers together. The bowl-cut twins swept a few stray puffed pastries and pieces of cauliflower back on to the silver tray they’d come from. While the room was put right, Hecate sat staring at me with an odd, curious look on her face.

I cleared my throat. “Let me see if I can find a broom to clean up that broken glass.”

“No need.” Hecate waved her golden gavel, and the shards lifted into the air, took the shape of fully formed wine glasses, then deposited themselves on the side table next to the empty bottles.

Once the room was cleaned up, the women wandered out in ones and twos. I remained at the door, and they each acknowledged me on their way out.

“Lovely party, my girl,” a woman with batwings said.

“Thanks for having us,” one of the twins said.

They all filed out until only Hecate remained seated at the table. Her face still held an odd look of curiosity. “I’m impressed.” She poured a glass of wine and set it in front of the chair beside her. “Sit. Have a drink.”

I glanced around, nervous. “Oh, I don’t know if I—”

“Nonsense. You’re off the clock. Sit.” She pushed the chair out with the pointed toe of her shoe.

When a goddess—especially one in the Underworld—tells you to sit down and have a drink, you sit. You drink.

She tapped a long, glossy fingernail against her lips as she regarded me. “You’re a little taller than I expected.”

I had no idea what to think of that.

I perched in my chair and took a polite sip. My eyes widened. “Oh, that’s really good.”

Her mouth drew up in a half-smile. “Underworld grapes. Blessed by Bacchus himself.” She took a swallow from her own glass. “I have a problem.”

I raised my eyebrows. “Oh?”

She picked up the paperback from the table and fanned the pages. “The last five books I’ve chosen have failed to keep their attention. I’m trying to bring something fresh to the Underworld. Something to spark real conversation. Something outside their small world of experience.” She sighed and dropped the book on the table. “I’m at a loss.”

I took another sip and let the liquid trickle down my throat. “But they’re all goddesses, aren’t they? Haven’t they lived—I don’t know. A
long
time?”

“Sure. But most of them have never left the Underworld.” She twirled the stem of her glass between her fingers, and the jewels in her rings flashed in the black light. “I want you to find our next book. I’ll send you the list of what we’ve already tried—and hated. Find me something they’ll really like, that will grab their imaginations and fire up their intellects. Can you do that for me?”

I drained my glass to ease the nerves in my stomach. I had no idea what kind of book would do all that when the bestseller in front of her hadn’t worked.

I smiled and placed my glass next to the failed book. “Absolutely. I’ll find you something perfect.”

Chapter 3

My dorm wasn’t fancy, but by the time I made it back to my room, it was after two in the morning, so my small mattress looked like a luxurious, king-sized feather bed.

“Oh, thank the gods.” My philodendron, Phyllis, waved her branches at me when I flipped on the light. “I’ve been worried sick. What are they thinking, having you work in the middle of the night? Especially on your first day.” She made a harrumphing sound.

I kicked off my shoes. “I’m guessing some of those women sleep during the day. Midnight book club sort of makes sense, I guess.” I peeled off my assigned work clothes and folded them over the back of the small chair in the corner, then grabbed my own pajamas out of the dresser. “Hecate is…interesting.” I pulled on my Minnie Mouse PJs.

Phyllis’s leaves shivered. “Be careful of that one, Wynter. She’s unpredictable.”

I snorted and turned off the light. “They’re all unpredictable.” I crawled under the covers, then found I was too amped up to keep my eyes closed. “I was kind of a badass, though. I yelled at a roomful of dark goddesses.”

Phyllis’s voice rose in alarm. “You did what? Wynter, are you trying to get stuck here?”

I yawned. “What do you mean?”

She spoke slowly, as if choosing her words carefully. “This is a temporary assignment. They could have sent you here permanently, but they cut you some slack over the…difficulties you had upstairs.” She paused, and it almost sounded like she swallowed, though that wasn’t possible, since she had no throat. Or maybe it was possible. Who knew? “If you screw up here, they could keep you here forever.” That last word came out almost in an ominous whisper.

Phyllis knew how to bring the drama.

“You worry too much.” I flipped over on my side and tucked my hand under my cheek. “You forget how many boring office jobs I’ve had. Unlike when I was a Muse, I know what I’m doing here.”

“Of course you do, dear.” She didn’t sound convinced.

I yawned again and pulled my knees up so I was curled into a ball. Despite my earlier assessment that I’d never get to sleep, my eyes closed without any effort and stuck that way. “Everything’s going to be fine, Phyllis. Today went great. Tomorrow will be even better.” I sighed with the effort of talking, and my lips barely moved. “They’ll wonder how they ever did without me. You’ll see.”

Leaves rustled in the dark. “That’s exactly what I’m afraid of, sweetheart.”

~*~

When I walked into the office the next day, someone was already in my chair. Parker had told me not to worry about coming in until at least noon, since I’d worked part of the night. The dorms weren’t far from the business offices, though, so I still arrived at about a quarter to ten.

The petite blonde at my desk beamed at me and hauled herself to a standing position. It took her some effort, due to the basketball under her shirt.

I rushed forward. “Oh, no. Please sit back down.” I helped her to ease into the chair again. “You must be Kristyn.”

She smoothed her hand over her belly and grinned. “Well, Kris, actually. And you must be the amazing Wynter.”

I wrinkled my face. “The amazing Wynter lives in Toledo. I’m just your regular household Wynter.” I eyed the teacup in front of her and saw it was nearly empty. “What are you drinking? Let me get you some more.”

Parker walked in from the kitchen balancing a fresh cup of tea, a plate of fruit, and a package of cookies. “I’ve got it. What are you doing in so early? You must be exhausted.”

I shrugged. “I got about seven hours of sleep, breakfast, and a shower. There’s not really anything to do in my dorm room but sit on my bed and talk to my houseplant.”

Frowning, Parker pulled his desk chair around and waved at me to sit in it. “What time did you leave last night?”

“Around two. Was that too late?”

He laughed. “I’ve never left before three thirty, and most days it goes almost till five.”

I stared at him. “You’re kidding.”

Kris sipped her tea. “They go in, make a mess, then argue about the book for several hours. They argue hard. Many things get broken.”

Parker snorted. “Dishes, the door, arms, legs….”

“Hecate must’ve brought her A-game last night to keep them in line.” Kris glanced at the door to the boardroom and shuddered. “I’ve had some pretty long nights listening to it. I’m not a fan of the slithery things that come out, either.”

I sat biting my lip, feeling like an idiot. “You could have told me all that.”

Parker patted my shoulder. “I didn’t want to scare you.”

I stared at my hands and mumbled into my chest. “Well, maybe you should have.”

He frowned and sat on the edge of the desk. “Why? What happened?”

I hesitated, then looked up at him. “I didn’t get scared, I got mad. I went in there and told them to knock it off.”

The two of them blinked at me as if waiting for a punch line.

“You got mad?” Parker asked.

Kris’s eyes were wide with disbelief. “You yelled at them?”

I nodded slowly. “They were breaking things and slamming against the door. Normal people don’t behave that way.”

They looked at each other, then back at me. Kris tried to take a sip of tea but coughed. She set down the cup.

Parker eyed me up and down. “Well, you’re all in one piece. What did Hecate say?” He looked me over again. “She didn’t give you a tail or anything, did she?”

“She made them clean up the mess and sent them home.”

“That’s it?” Kris eyes were going to pop out of her head if she wasn’t careful.

“Well, no.” I stared at my hands again. “She gave me a glass of wine and put me in charge of choosing the next book.”

Parker threw his head back and laughed. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

Kris’s laughter was nearly silent, but tears rolled down her cheeks and she held her belly still with both hands. When the laughter subsided and she caught her breath, she wiped her face with the back of one hand. “Oh, my lord, that’s absolutely the best story I’ve heard in my life. You’re either going to beat this place into shape or blow it up.”

I said nothing. I was too horrified. What if they’d killed me when I’d walked in there all full of myself and pissed off?
Could
a person be killed in the Underworld? How was I going to make it six weeks in this place if I kept doing the wrong thing?

Kris reached across the desk and squeezed my hand. “Don’t look so frightened. Everything turned out fine.” She held out a bag that smelled delicious. “Have a cookie.”

I reached in and grabbed one, but immediately forgot it was in my hand. “Phyllis is right. I’m going to screw up and get stuck her forever.”

Parker grabbed a cookie and shoved it in his mouth. “Who’s Phyllis?”

“My houseplant. She has an opinion about everything.”

Parker stopped chewing. “You have a talking houseplant?”

“Sure. She didn’t start talking until a couple months ago, but now she won’t shut up.”

They gave each other a weird look.

“What?” I asked. I narrowed my eyes in suspicion.

They both shook their heads. “Nothing,” they said in unison.

Kris cleared her throat. “It’s just…unusual, is all.”

The phone rang and Parker nearly killed himself bolting around the desk. “I’ve got it!”

While he took the call, Kris busied herself by stuffing grapes into her mouth and not looking at me.

And here I’d thought I was fitting in.

Parker hung up. “Well, I’m glad you showed up early. I’ve got an errand for you to run, if you’re up for it.”

I forced a smile, still feeling a little awkward. “Absolutely. What do you need?”

He held out a thick manila envelope and the key to the golf cart. “I need you to make a run out to Tartarus.”

~*~

Kris gave me directions this time. She’d heard about how lost I’d been trying to find the front gates.

Didn’t matter. I still managed to get lost on the way to Underworld prison. Either these people were terrible with directions, or I was. Or maybe it was the Underworld’s fault for not making any damn geographical sense.

The worst part was, now that I was looking for the flaming river, Phlegethon, I couldn’t find it. I drove up and down the river Styx, knowing it was supposed to curve and join up with Phlegethon, but I couldn’t see it.

And everything smelled like rotten eggs.

I sat in the cart, holding my nose and turning my map sideways so it aligned with the way my cart was facing.

“Map’s sideways.” A helpful hand turned it so north was at the top. “You’re lost again, aren’t you?”

I turned the map the way I’d had it. “I’m not lost. The river is lost. I know exactly where I am.” I scowled and dropped the map to my lap. “Hi, Max.”

He hopped into the cart with me and slipped my directions from my fingers. “Ah. Phlegethon. Sorry about that.”

“Why are you sorry? I’m the one who can’t find the damn thing.” I shoved my back hard against the seat, frustrated.

He handed me my directions. “It’s down right now.”

“What do you mean,
down
?” Frowning, I stared at the river beside us.

“There was a leak in the line. I had to shut the gas off to replace that section of pipe.”

I ran my fingers through my short blonde hair, probably leaving it sticking up in spikes. It suited my mood, so I didn’t try to fix it. “The flaming river of the Underworld is currently down for maintenance. Of course it is.” I folded my map and waved my hand in the air. “So, how do I get to Tartarus? Which way?”

He grinned. “There’s a bridge, but its location floats. It won’t reappear on this side of the Styx for over an hour.”

I closed my eyes. “Why is nothing simple in this place?”

“Everything is simple, if you know what you’re doing.” He leaned back against the seat with his hands behind his head and gave me his most dazzling smile. “We’ll take the maintenance tunnels and go under.”

“Under.” I rolled my eyes and put my hands on the steering wheel. “Fine. Which way?”

Again with the dazzling grin. “Don’t you think you should ask me how I am first?”

I so did not have time for this. But he had a point. Past saying hi to him, I hadn’t been very friendly. “Yes. Absolutely. How are you, Max?”

The smile disappeared, and his face reconfigured into a solemn, wide-eyed gaze. “Entirely without a date to my cousin’s wedding on Saturday.”

I blinked. What was he doing? Was he asking me to be his wedding date? How was I supposed to respond to that? I barely knew the guy. As my silence reached the awkward stage, I finally settled on a response that sounded almost like a question of its own. “I’m sorry to hear that?”

He sighed. “I see I wasn’t clear. Let me try again. Will you, Wynter-whose-last-name-I-don’t-know, accompany me to my cousin’s wedding as my plus-one on Saturday?”

Two days—four if I counted the weekend while I got settled into my dorm. That’s how long it took to have guy trouble. Having been through a recent break up that had turned into a bit of a nightmare, I really wasn’t sure dating so soon was in my best interest. And yet, I couldn’t come up with a valid reason to say no. I had absolutely nothing to do over the weekend.

I narrowed my eyes. “Are you saying you won’t get me to Tartarus if I don’t go to this wedding with you?”

He held up his hands in front of him. “No way. I wouldn’t blackmail you into it. I want you to want to go.” He held three fingers up in a Boy Scout salute. “No strings attached except my eternal gratitude. I swear.”

He
was
kind of cute, with his dark blue eyes and shaggy hair. “You need a haircut before we go.”

The grin spread across his face again. “Consider it done.” He faced front and folded his arms across his chest. “Now. See the bush across from the river? The tunnel entrance is right behind it. I’ll show you all the tricks to getting around.”

~*~

My understanding was that Tartarus was where people went for eternal punishment. Sisyphus forever pushing his boulder up a hill. Tantalus neck-deep in a pond, never able to take a drink or eat the grapes inches from his face. Torture.

For that reason, I kind of expected I’d be delivering the envelope to some sort of prison or dungeon.

Of course, that’s not how it turned out. Nothing was what I expected in the Underworld, and every time I thought I had a handle on it, they threw something else at me.

In reality, Tartarus was more like a big movie lot.

Max, after securing my phone number, took me halfway through the maintenance tunnels, pointed me in the right direction, then hopped out to return to work on the gas line for the flaming river. When I reached the exit he’d told me to take, my cart and I popped out on a street between two buildings large enough to be airplane hangars. People in costumes bustled back and forth, and a woman with thick glasses and a blue mohawk jogged by clutching a clipboard.

A burly, dark-haired guy in a security uniform spotted me and hurried over. “Afternoon, ma’am. Can I see some ID, please?”