Unbeautifully Loved (Breathe Again) (4 page)

I nodded and made my way out of the kitchen, eyes straight ahead not looking at anything as I made my way up the stairs. What the hell was she thinking. How could she do this and not consult me! Fuck. I could feel years of emotions that I had bottled up begin to make their way up to the surface. I hadn’t allowed myself to cry since the night Mollie found me in the bathroom. Yet, news like this was going to break me? No. No, no, no. I had to stay strong, get my shit together and focus.

Later that evening I made my way downstairs to find Finn and Mollie curled up on the couch under a blanket and watching TV.

“Hey mommy,” Finn said, his eyes focused on what he was watching as I sat down next to him, and wrapped my arm around him kissing the top of his head.

“Hey sweetie, did you have a fun day with auntie?” I asked, running my hand through his hair.

“Yeah, we played with my new toys and I played and chased auntie in the back yard,” He said with bright eyes

“You did! That’s awesome sweetie, sounds like a fun day.” I smiled at him and he turned his attention back to
Finding Nemo
on the television.

“There’s left over pasta in the fridge from dinner. Finn here helped me out at the grocery store deciding on dinner, didn’t ya bud?” Mollie smiled, ruffled his hair.

Finn nodded keeping his eye on the television. I looked back at Mollie, “You guys went out?” I asked.

“Yes, I forgot some things when I went earlier so we went and got what we needed for dinner, plus a few other things. I don’t know if you saw but I placed a few bags in your room beside the door,” She said in her soft voice.

I’d seen the bags before I came down, filled with a few pieces of clothing, some toiletries and couple other things. I knew she wanted to talk things out but I wasn’t ready to get into it with her, not with Finn around. I nodded my head then got up and went into the kitchen, Mollie not far behind.

“Are we going to talk about this?” she asked standing just inside the kitchen.

“Not now Mollie,” I said as I opened the fridge. Seeing it packed full of food, for a second I was taken aback by it all. It had been a long time that we had a fridge full of that much food. I pushed it aside and grabbed the bowl of pasta.

“Lexie, talk to me about this. I know you; you’re going to let it sit inside of you and you’ll just bottle it up and it’s just going to eat at you. We need to talk about all this.” She had a point and I knew it. She knew me better than anyone else.

I took a bite of the pasta, contemplating things over in my head. “I hate that you know me so well,” I mumbled through a mouthful as I eyed her.

“Of course I do, we may not share the same blood but you’re my sister and I love you and that little boy in there. You guys are my family and always will be and I’d do anything,
anything
for both of you,” She said sincerely, meaning every word.

She was right; Mollie had proved that in more ways than I could count. She’d always been there for me and for Finn there was no denying it, not like I ever would after all she sacrificed.

“I know Moll’s, let’s talk later okay? I’m gonna sit with Finn before he goes to bed. I’ll let you know when I’m ready to talk,” I said in a more pleading way than I would have liked.

“Okay,” she said softly.

I gave her a reassuring smile as I finished eating. “So...” Mollie said dragging it out at the end and looking down at her nails.

I glanced up at her seeing the look she had, she was either going to do something or already did something and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know. I put the bowl down and leaned against the counter crossing my arms across my chest. “So...?” I prompted.

“Finn and I went out shopping today; he picked out a few things for his room. He picked out another bed set because he has to have two for some unknown reason and me being me, I couldn’t say no and I caved, gave him what he wanted. We also picked out a couple of his own towels and a lamp. I found this really cute shelving thing for his room. It holds like nine different sized bins for his toys or whatever you wanna use them for, it was on sale and again me being me, I couldn’t resist.” She stopped, taking a breath before rushing on, “We then ended up in the toy section and well you know I love him and that look he gives me when he says ‘please auntie Mollie, please’ it like melts my heart and I completely give into him. I swear Lexie you have a little heartbreaker on your hands, he’s going to have the girls eating out of his hands; in a good way of course-”

“Moll.”

“Sorry. Anyways I bought him some pants, a few shirts, some socks, underwear that he picked, couple pairs of pajamas and all that, so he’s set until his next grow spurt I think.” Mollie smiled weakly

I kept my eyes locked on her. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to yell at her or hug her for taking care of Finn by making sure he had everything he needed and wanted. We’d left Dex so abruptly that I had only packed what we would need and left everything else behind.

Shaking my head of thoughts about Dex, I looked at Mollie. “Thank you for taking Finn to get all that, I appreciate it.” I gave her a small smile to show I actually meant it.

“Lexie listen, I know you’re upset at me and we can talk about it – wait did you just say thank you and actually mean it?” Mollie’s shocked expression made me laugh out loud.

“Moll’s, yes I’m thankful and grateful that you did that, not just for Finn, but me too. Now, I’m going to sit with Finn for a bit then get him ready for bed and then I think I’m going to take a walk then maybe a hot bath.” I walked over to Mollie and pulled her into my arms hugging her tight.

After a few moments I pulled back from her and no words had to be said at that moment, looks said it all and I walked out of the kitchen to join Finn.

Later that evening after Finn was in bed and I threw a load into the washer, I decided to take a walk around the neighborhood while it was still light out and I was able to get a better look at the outside of the house. Surprisingly it was white, not off white but
white
. It looked fresh and the shutters on the windows were deep sapphire blue same with the trimming around the main window, bay window and the door frame. The porch was bare and in need of some sitting chairs and maybe some potted plants. Under the bay window was a small garden with a few planted flowers, tulips and my favorite, purple lilies. They were coming up nicely. Whoever had lived here before we came took care of the house and their garden.

I looked to the right side of the house and saw something I didn’t notice when we arrived; a driveway that lead into the back to a small one car garage. The garage was just off the back yard making it easy to get to the back door. I couldn’t deny that Mollie had found a nice place, nicer than we’d ever had.

Not long into my walk I found a park just off behind the houses, close enough to walk to with Finn. Looking around I noticed the three different types of slides, couple swing sets, and a jungle gym I knew he’d love climbing on. Thinking about it, it had been a long time since I stepped foot in a park. Come to think of it, Finn was only eighteen months old at the time and it was before things with Dex had gotten bad and when leaving the house wasn’t forbidden.

Sitting on the swing, I held my flip flops in one hand and dug my feet into the sand, glancing around. When I decided I was taking Finn and leaving Dex, it took a little time to put the plan in motion.

It was on a Sunday evening at the end of October, just before Halloween, a few weeks before Dex’s twenty ninth birthday and he had lost control, again. It had been bad, worse than ever before. It was then, with Mollie at my side cleaning up the blood as tears stung my swollen eye as I told her Finn and I needed to get away from him; far away. She looked at me through the mirror, didn’t utter a single word, her look said it all. Dex didn’t lighten up on me but he didn’t hurt me as bad as that night and I worried he had his suspicions to what was being planned. If he did, he never let on but he made it difficult to do anything or go anywhere unless he was there and Finn stayed with him. To this day I don’t know how Mollie and I pulled it off and got away but we did, and I thank God every day we got out when we did.

I sat on the swing for awhile, losing track of the time before deciding to head back to the house. The sun was getting ready to set and the night air was slightly turning crisp and cool.

And then I heard it. The roar of a bike, it was loud and as its pipes rumbled I could feel the vibrations hitting me from head to toe. As it headed in my direction, the growl of the bike intensified. As it approached me, I could just make out the person on it by his big broad shoulders.

Definitely male.

As he passed me, he tipped his shades up and his eyes met mine. I could feel his eyes slowly travel up my body, giving me the once over. My stomach clenched, and a warm wave ran over my entire body. I couldn’t move from where I stood, even if I wanted to. I was frozen to the cement and I had no idea why.

My head turned, following him as he turned into his driveway and parked his bike in front of his garage. I watched as he swung his long leg over his bike, stood tall and looked my way. A lazy grin crossed his face and I felt my body tingle and my cheeks flush at just the sight of him. My god, I was just standing there, watching him like an idiot, unable to move. After what seemed like an eternity, I found the will to move and I quickly turned and all but ran to my house.

Later in the night after I had a warm, relaxing bath I crawled into bed.

Where I tossed and turned…all night.

Thanks to whoever that guy was on the bike.

The one, who, for some reason I couldn’t get out of my head.

The next morning Mollie made her way into the kitchen after breakfast. “Breakfast was good babe, I’ll do clean up.”

“No Moll’s it’s okay, leave it for now,” I said leaning against the counter, finishing my cup of coffee. “I think I wanna talk now.”

Mollie nodded. “Okay, let’s do it on the front porch.”

“Sure.”

After refreshing my coffee I walked through the living room and told Finn we were going to be out on the front porch in case he needed one of us. The weather was perfect as I stepped outside, the sun was shining brightly in the clear blue sky, and I could hear birds chirping close by; it was
the
perfect morning. Mollie joined me shortly after I settled down on the top step.

Taking a sip of my coffee, I thought about what I was about to tell Mollie.

“Lexie-”

“No Mollie you don’t have to say anything, you said plenty yesterday and now it’s my turn to talk,” I paused, looking at her. “Let me say what I need to first okay?”

Mollie nodded her head and waited for me to continue.

“Yesterday I was pretty thrown off with everything and I’m sorry I blew you off like I did. I panicked, and I shouldn’t have done that, especially with you. You’re my best friend Moll and you’ve sacrificed a lot in your life to get me and Finn away from Dex. You quit your job, cleaned out your bank account, and you sold pretty much everything you owned so we would have money to survive on.” I paused for a second, taking a breath. “Never in my life have I had someone to look out for me the way you do. Not even my own parents, hell they kicked me to the curb when I got pregnant with Finn and I haven’t seen or spoke to them since he was born. But you, you were there every step of the way, you Mollie Evans are more than my best friend, you’re mine and Finn’s family and I should have trusted you right off the bat and I feel terrible about it,” I said, trying to swallow the lump in my throat as I saw the tears well up in Mollie’s eyes.

“Lexie, it’s ok, I understand-”

I held my hand up, stopping her. “I’m not done. I was scared, no scratch that, I am scared. Scared that Dex is gonna somehow find out where we are, that the next knock on the door will be him. I have nightmares about it, him trying to get Finn and me back. You’ve always been two steps ahead and had our next spot picked, ready for when we had to go. But I never heard you call any of the other places what you called this one yesterday, and that surprised me. I have it in me to run, ‘cause it’s all I’ve known these last eight months.” I swallowed before carrying on. “I thought about everything you’ve done and went through for us, and I knew I had to do this, for you. So, if you say you have a strong feeling about this place then I’m going to trust you. I owe you at least that, and I’m tired of running and being scared, I hate this life for Finn,” I finished realizing my cheeks were warm and my eyes burned with unshed tears.