UNBREAKABLE (ABLE SERIES) (2 page)

“Brian, what do you think I’ll do? I’m not going to deny I feel a different pull every time I look into her eyes…I can’t describe it. It’s as if I’m drawn to her, a force pulling me to her,” I start shaking my head. “But, I know my place, Brian. You know me, man. I won’t hurt D like that.”

He sighs. “I know, Jake. It’s just when I saw you look at her, I’ve never seen you look at anyone like that. It’s as if everything stopped. You couldn’t even tear your eyes away from her. Just pray Dylan didn’t notice it.”

As we walk back, my eyes search around, looking for her. She’s seated, sandwiched between Roxy and Tami. I could tell they love her, already. I notice Cody eyeing Roxy, and as I turn toward Brian, he too is looking at Tami, the same way Cody is looking at Roxy. Damn, all three of us are looking at three girls who can never be ours. I search for Dylan, but he isn’t around. Why would he not be attached to Trish baffles my mind. If I were him, I would be…like white on rice.

As my eyes wander back to Trish, I promise myself I will be a friend to her, no matter what. There’s no way I could not be around her. I am fucking doomed. How could I forget such a face, but most importantly, how could I deny the pull I feel for her…how can I stop it…control it? I don’t think I could break it, even if I tried….it just simply is…
unbreakable
.

Chapter 1

Present Day

Trish

“No, no…no, please, come back. Don’t go! Dylan, wait for me! Dylan!!!”

“Trish! Wake up!”

“Roxy, stop!” I yell at my best friend.

As soon as I open my eyes, I start crying. Another dream unfinished; it ends way too soon, and not the way I want it to end. I want him to kiss me, hug me. I want my closure, my goodbye that I was robbed of. More than anything, I want him to tell me it’s okay to love again.

“Oh Trish, did you dream about Dylan?” She asks while running her hand on my back.

When will I stop dreaming about him? It’s been a year since he left me. Dylan’s death, combined with my Dad’s, makes forgetting extremely hard. Maybe, just maybe, when I find my
one
, I hope I won’t have the desire to fill the void if he dies before I do. Why do I even want to fill that void? Maybe Dylan was not my one? Could there be someone out there searching for me? Do I even want to search for him at this point?

I wipe my tears and shrug my shoulders. “Of course, it’s a dream about him. I just want my closure, you know? But, more than anything, I just want to hear him say it’s okay for me to move on. I know it won’t happen, but maybe, I can dream about him telling me it’s okay. I’m losing it, right?” I say.

“Trish, he always wanted what’s best for you. Your crying and waiting is not something he would have approved of. So, I think you’re good,” She says with a small smile, a smile mixed with pity.

I shoo her away and tell her to go back to bed. Luckily, she doesn’t put up a fight. I can’t sleep anymore, so I go to the kitchen and raid the refrigerator
. I’m surprised I’m not as big as a house
. For the past year, since Dylan left, this has been my routine. I sleep, wake up, cry for a bit, eat, and if I’m lucky, go back to bed and repeat the process the next day.

“Geez, Jake, are you trying to kill me? What are you doing here?” I ask, trying to calm my nerves.

“Well, what are you doing up this late? Shouldn’t you be sleeping, Trish?” Jake asks as worry lines appear on his forehead.

He just stands there staring at me…he has been doing that a lot. Okay, if I’m being honest with myself, he’s been doing that since I moved in with them. It should make me feel uncomfortable, but it doesn’t. I hate I’m having these weird feelings for him, because really I shouldn’t since he’s Dylan’s best friend, Tami’s brother and Roxy’s cousin. Tami and Roxy are my two best friends in the world; I won’t ruin my friendship with them, because I, somehow develop a crush on Jake.

“Um, I can’t sleep,” I answer, looking at my half eaten muffin which seems to have sparked my interest.

“So, you decide to hang out here in the kitchen by yourself?”

“Are you suggesting I wake up Roxy? Because I will, as long as you stay, so she can bitch slap you,” I say, sticking my tongue out.

Great, stick your tongue out, it makes you look so mature!

“Did you dream about Dylan, again? You know, you can talk to me about it, right?” He sits down next to me and laces our fingers while staring at me.

The moment his hand touches mine, the million butterflies that decide to make my stomach their residence, start fluttering. I should really nip this in the bud, because it’s just an accident waiting to happen…accident of major proportions. I swear, the way he looks at me makes my heart skip a beat. I’m praying he doesn’t see what I’m feeling reflected in my eyes at this moment.

I clear my throat. “Yeah, you know the drill by now. Roxy actually woke me up, but I’m okay, now. Nothing a muffin won’t solve.” Pointing at the muffin I joke, trying to lighten the mood.

“Do you dream about him all the time? I mean, it’s been over a year, Trish, and knowing Dylan, he would want you to move on.”

“I don’t dream about him all the time, not like I used to. I guess, subconsciously, since I wasn’t able to say goodbye, I kinda want to have that.” I stare at my muffin, because I don’t want to see pity in his eyes.

Jake, Tami, Roxy, Cody, and Brian have been my source of strength since Dylan died. It’s still hard to say that “he died or passed away” because it represents finality.
But it is final.
The end of a life I wanted to have. We planned on getting married; having kids, the whole nine yards, but unfortunately, fate had a different plan. Or, should I say, God had a different plan.

“It’ll get better in time. You’ve gone out on dates, haven’t you?” He says his tone changing slightly, annoyed even.

“You can blame Roxy! She was the one setting me up with all her guy friends. I guess, it’s a good thing. Like you said, I have to move on, right?”

I look at our laced fingers, and I want him to never let go.
Oh gosh, I’m in so much trouble. Nope, this is not happening, not happening at all. News flash, it is happening.

“You don’t have to do everything Roxy tells you. You can move on without going on a date.” He scowls at me.

“Really? Dating isn’t a good idea, says someone who dates as a past time. That’s the best you can come up with?”

“Trish, I haven’t…I mean, do whatever you want, alright? I’m going to bed.” He lets go of my hand and hightails it out of the kitchen.

Not wanting to dwell on the weirdness that just happened, I walk to my room thinking how much my life has changed in a span of two years. I remember the first time I met Dylan. I was helping my Dad at the shooting range when he came in to practice. He was well built, had broad shoulders, his blond hair cut in a crew cut style. He had muscles at the right places that made my girly parts happy, sparkling blue eyes that captivated me until the day he left. His decision to switch from reserves to active duty caught me off guard because he never mentioned anything about it, not until a week before he shipped out. I thought Dylan enjoyed working for Jack and Jake’s Security Company. I thought protecting high profile clients would satisfy his need for
‘thrill and action’
, but apparently he wanted a more dangerous mission. Isn’t providing protection to politicians, diplomats and actors to name a few dangerous enough? He talked about his friends and how close knit they were. After five months of dating, I finally agreed to be introduced to them, and they treated me as if they’d known me all my life, and thankfully, I blended perfectly with all of them. Jake’s parents loved me, too. In fact they always joked around saying if Dylan and I weren’t together, I’d be a perfect daughter-in-law.

It still brings tears to my eyes every time I think about my dad’s heart attack and his untimely death. It happened all too quickly, with no warning, and at a very bad time, since I was trying to get used to the idea that Dylan will be deployed for a year in Afghanistan. Without my mom’s faith and strength, my friends as well as Jake’s parents support, I don’t think I would have survived one of the darkest times of my life. Jake never left my side. He gave me the strength that Dylan should have been giving me. I know I shouldn’t fault Dylan, but he left me twice. The last time he did, he left me for good. After my Dad died, Tami hired me as her personal assistant. I moved in with her and Roxy, in a duplex style home in Sherman Oaks soon after his funeral. Tami, owns three boutiques, one in San Diego and two in Los Angeles, one of which Roxy manages.

Sitting on my bed, I vividly remember when Dylan left for Afghanistan.

“I’m going to miss you, so much. I’m sorry; I promise I won’t cry, again,” I cry out.

“You know I’m doing this for us, right?” Dylan says, tucking my hair behind my ear. “You have to be strong for me, precious. I hate leaving you like this, but I’ll be home before you know it. I love you, okay?” He whispers as he leans down to give me my last kiss.

I try so hard not to cry, but the moment he nods for Jake to hold me, I let go of all the pent up emotions I’ve been holding for the past week. I watch him leave; even though we both agreed he wouldn’t look back, it still hurt me that he didn’t. Jake holds on to me, never letting go, even when I couldn’t see the bus anymore, his strong arms keep me up.

“I’m here whenever you need me, sweetheart.” Jake whispers in my ear.

I don’t respond….I just cry…..

Imagining how he died breaks my heart; it brings me to my knees thinking how he must have suffered. Did he die instantly, or was he still alive and just died waiting for help? All we were told was that his Humvee ran over an IED (improvised explosive device) while on patrol in Afghanistan, nothing more. I wish I could ask someone, maybe Damien was with him. Not knowing seems to be the best way, instead of finding out how the man I made love to, the man I loved was blown to pieces. A part of me, the sane part knew there was a reason behind the close casket ceremony, but the insane part, the one that was robbed of the chance to say goodbye wanted to see him one last time. If the gun salute wasn’t enough to signify the finality of his death, the folding of the flag that was draped on his coffin sealed it for me. The manner in which the Marines folded the flag, as if his life is being pulled straight, folded snug, and given back to his parents before his body was lowered to the ground, was done with great reverence and honor. It caused my heart to shatter one last time for the love I lost. But, through it all my shadow, my steadfast protector, Jake, stood next to me, never leaving my side.

My phone ringing and interrupting my thoughts is a welcome relief. Seeing Jake’s face on my screen, puts a smile to my face.

Jake:
I’m sorry

Me:
for what…

Jake:
for leaving you

Me:
it’s okay…no biggie

Jake:
you’re not mad at me

Me:
nope! Can never be mad with you

Jake:
really, why’s that?

Me:
because…

Damn…why did I set myself up? Why did I have to say that? Where’s a cork stopper when I need one?

Jake:
because why?

Me:
just because…why are you still up?

Jake:
can’t sleep

Me:
hmm…me either

Jake:
you okay?

Me:
yeah

Jake:
do you miss him a lot?

I don’t know how to answer that. Truthfully I do, but not in a way I used to. I think I miss the idea of being with someone, of loving someone unconditionally, and for that person to love me right back.

Me:
I do miss him…but just not the same

Jake:
what do you mean not the same?

Me:
I mean I still miss him but not in a boyfriend kind of way.

Jake:
so…are you saying you’re ready to love again

Should I be honest with him?
Then, my crazed-self asks me if I love Jake like I used to love Dylan.
What the hell?
I have officially boarded the crazy train that is my brain, and if I don’t put a stop to said crazy train, I will head to Crazy Town. I really don’t want to go there. So, I’m putting up a stop sign, stepping on the power brakes to this conversation with Jake….PRONTO!

Me:
maybe. Good night, Jake.

Jake:
Night sweetheart

And that one word…
sweetheart
… is all my crazy-ass-self needs to realize that Jake is slowly imprisoning my heart, and I don’t think I’m ready yet…I don’t know if I ever will be.

Chapter 2

Jake

After I left Trish, I went straight to my room to brood. Something I always do when it comes to Trish. As soon as I touched her hand in the kitchen, it took everything in me not to grab her and kiss the shit out of her. I’ve been craving her kiss for so long, my resolve is slowly slipping. I regret walking out on her, but when she starts talking about her dating, it’s like a sharp blow to my heart.

The first time I met her, I knew she was the one for me.
Crazy, as shit!
Yes, I fell in love with someone I couldn’t have, and even now, I don’t know if I can have her. When Dylan left, I spent as much time with her as I could. I stood by her through Dylan’s death and during her dad’s. Brian thought I was obsessed with Trish at one point because I went above and beyond what was expected of me, but I told him no…I just love the girl.