Uncertainty (19 page)

If Jenna had been involved, at least the old Jenna, she would have rolled her eyes and told me we could make our own party. She had never been impressed by Lainey's entourage. That's part of why it had thrown me so much to learn that she'd been hanging out with that crowd, who made it their job to be social and waste money.

Like I'd told my friends, my parents would never go for me attending a house party. So I lied to them and convinced them I was just hanging out at Theo's dad's. By some luck, both of them seemed distracted and okay'd it. They were still being chilly with each other, only exchanging the necessary pleasantries to keep the household running.

"You know the drill," Claire said. "Just check in a few times, let us know you're okay."

I knew she cared about me. I loved my mother, as different as we were, as often as we butted heads. But being kept like a pet was tiresome. It's not like I'd spontaneously combust if I didn't call.

I was getting ready in front of the mirror that night. Jenna sat on the bed, watching me. My hair was not cooperating with the flat iron, even though I had it so piping hot that I was afraid the plastic around the ceramic plates would melt.

I'd put on way more makeup than I was accustomed to, dark eye shadow and mascara and lipgloss. I tried to tell myself I wasn't doing it for Henry. But I knew he'd be there, and I wanted to look my best. I thought it made me look older.

I pulled out a slinky, sapphire blue top I'd stashed in the back of my closet. An inch of my stomach was exposed when I slid it over my head, but it didn't look too bad with jeans. Claire would have busted a vein, and tossed a garbage bag over my head, but that was okay. She didn't have to see.

"They should have known you were lying," Jenna said suddenly.

I pulled the flat iron through my hair again and smirked. "Yeah. They should have." I felt almost proud of myself, in an absurd juvenile way. I thought about the girls in my gym class, and how I was prepping like one of them.

"They're slipping. I knew the minute you opened your mouth," Jenna said. I stopped, and looked at her reflected in the mirror. Despite the popular mythology, I could see her just fine in the reflected glass. She was running her hands through a chunk of her own hair.

"My hair used to fall out all the time, remember?" She said, talking almost to herself. "On my pillow. Mom followed me everywhere with a lint brush. My hair doesn't fall out anymore. Ever. Even when I pull."

To demonstrate, she gave her curls a hefty tug.

"Why?" Jenna asked. I didn't know what to say, frozen with the iron in my hand until it started to sizzle.

The Creep was rattling down the road, air conditioning blasting. The heavy metal was back, the so-called singer screaming random syllables. Alex was having fun driving like a moron, weaving in and out of lanes, and singing along with the screaming. It sounded like a gun fight in a pan factory.

He had definitely earned his title as class clown, and I couldn't stop giggling.

Theo was dressed up in her usual style. She wore a black ruffled skirt over hot pink leggings, and a torn t-shirt held together by safety pins on top. Purple and pink glitter glinted beneath her glasses. Purple streaks ran through her red hair.

"Who're you trying to hook up with?" Alex had asked upon seeing me, after I'd taken off the sweater I'd covered the blue top with.

"I just want to look good, that's all," I'd said defensively.

"You do realize that boys think that style of looking good means they can get some?"

I'd just blushed and covered my chest with my arms.

"Are you excited?" Theo asked. She twisted around in her seat belt and grinned at me.

"I hardly ever went to parties with Jenna, and they were always about sitting in someone's basement watching movies next to the cat litter. So yeah, pretty exciting."

A horn honked as Alex narrowly missed a little Ford driving past. The driver, a petite old lady who could barely be seen over the steering wheel, stuck her middle finger up.

"Enough with the metal!" Theo said, and yanked out his iPod cord as they stuck their tongues out at each other. She spun the radio dial, settling on a mellow rock song instead.

"Oh gag me," Alex said, mimicking Theo. She whopped his forearm.

"Cut it out or I will," Theo said under her breath.

I looked out the window, the guitar chords starting to worm into my brain as the sweet summer air rushed in. I could hear fireworks going off in the distance. The song sounded almost slightly off-key, the male singer morose.

You didn't have much time

before you left me

I didn't see the crime

in staying up for a while

Just watching you

My eyes slid shut, the lids heavy like shades. I wasn't tired, but I felt drained, like I was being tugged inside myself.

I looked up, and saw a road sign — Sanitarium Road — outside the window. I ran my hands over my legs, and was surprised when I touched skin. I was wearing tattered jean shorts. Lifting my head, I saw the back of two men's heads in the front seats. We were in some kind of van.

I opened my eyes, and Theo was looking at me again.

"Hi, sleeping beauty. Wake up, we have a party to go to."

I looked out the window, and saw the turn for Sanitarium road as the Creep bumbled along the road.

"What way are we going? The orphanage is down that road." I knew Hell pretty well, but I'd never been far past this area. I never had a reason to go.

"The McMansion part of town is over here. It's because it's near the lake," Alex said. "My parents were looking to move over here, but they couldn't afford it. Man, they were pissed."

The dark road stretched ahead out the windshield. Alex turned, and I could hear a bass beat down the road. I could see the pale water of the lake beyond almost comically huge houses, houses that belonged in Beverly Hills, not Hell.

Cars were parked on the side of the road for what looked like a mile. Alex found an empty spot and parallel parked the Creep deftly. He may have been reckless sometimes, but he was an adroit driver. He'd even talked about possibly stunt car racing for a living.

Fireflies lit up in bursts, yellow twinkles in the gloom of dusk, like eyes watching from the shadows. Alex opened the door for Theo, and I hopped out of the back seat. Theo hooked her arm in mine as Alex started down the road.

"Let's go see how the other half lives," Theo said, and we strode towards Lainey's house.

CHAPTER 15

"HAVE YOU BEEN
here before?" Theo asked, after we'd hiked past what seemed like hundreds of abandoned cars. The whole scene reminded me of the end of the world. It looked like everyone had just evaporated, leaving their belongings behind. The bass beat grew louder the closer we got to our destination.

"Yeah, I've been to parties here before," Alex said, shrugging. "Her house is massive. Like, you would think her dad was governor, not just a business owner."

Around a curve in the road, the princess's palace came into view. It was four stories high, with a zig-zag balcony running down the back. The architecture was modern and boxy, but it had been built in the style of a log cabin. And it was right on the shore of the lake, propped up on posts to support it from any water level changes.

It was probably the tackiest house I'd ever seen.

"You weren't kidding," I said, looking up at the brightly-lit windows. Ten families could have fit inside. It didn't surprise me, it just made me a little disgusted. But I'd always figured Lainey's family would live somewhere outlandish.

Theo and I trekked behind Alex, around the back of the house. Tiki torches stuck out cockeyed from the dirt along a stone pathway. People were outside drinking and being rowdy. Beer cans were piled up on the ground.

"Just so you know, the booze flows pretty freely here," Alex warned us.

I felt really young and immature all of a sudden, a flip-flop from how I'd felt earlier. I wasn't a drinker, I'd never even thought about trying drugs, and I intended to keep it that way. We went in through open french doors. It seemed like every head turned towards us as we entered.

"They're all looking at us, aren't they?" I said to Theo. I felt completely out of place.

"Most definitely," she agreed, clutching my arm.

Alex just ignored the gawkers, charging through the crowd like a bull. He definitely had experience at this kind of party, and he knew how to navigate. Theo and I stuck behind him, using him as our human shield to absorb the impact of the stares.

The place was packed, and the music was so loud I could feel it thumping in my chest. Red solo cups littered the wooden floor. As the exterior suggested, it had been decorated in a rustic lodge theme. The furniture and draperies were all in hunter green and brown tones. Photos of Cliff, posing with dead deer and game fowl, were framed along the walls, almost Lainey's coifed school portraits. In every picture of Cliff, he was grinning.

Taxidermied antlers and other animal parts were hung up in what appeared to be the living room. The giant screen TV was on, but no one was watching what looked like an accident compilation video. Someone had hung a padded pink bra on a real, stuffed brown bear in the corner, raised up on its haunches as if to attack.

Alex led us around the clusters of people, to a pristine, gourmet kitchen. Shining copper pots hung from a rack on the ceiling above a black marble island. They looked like they'd never been used, and probably hadn't been. The cabinets and all of the appliances were a matching, shiny black. There were less people in here, only a few guys who were talking around the refreshments.

A boy who could only be described as a dude-bro, with his baseball cap on backwards, came up and thumped Alex on the shoulder.

"Heyyy, didn't think you'd make it!" the dude-bro said. His eyes were bloodshot and he smelled skunky.

"Hey, Trever," Alex said, bumping Trever's fist. "This is my girlfriend Theo and her friend Ariel."

Trever didn't even cast his eyes in our direction. He started tugging Alex away. "You gotta come say hi to the guys. Where you been keeping yourself?"

"I'll be right back, okay?" Alex told Theo. She looked taken aback, but he patted her shoulder and took off, disappearing into the crowd outside the kitchen.

Huge plastic bowls of potato and tortilla chips sat on the counters, and the double sink was full of ice. One side had cans of beers, one side pop. Bottles of half-full liquor were next to that.

Guarding the snacks and alcohol were a group of senior-looking boys, who were eying us like cats stalking mice. I didn't like what I saw in their stares, and I was reminded of Alex's earlier warning about my clothes.

I didn't want to venture back out into the crowded party, though. We were trapped. And Alex had made it sound like we should wait here.

"Would you two ladies like a drink?" One of the boys asked us. His eyebrows were orange, matching his cropped hair. His question had been rhetorical, since he had already poured shots and was holding them out.

I hesitated, but Theo grabbed a shot and downed it, coughing loudly.

"What are you doing?" I hissed under my breath.

"Live a little, babe," the tallest boy said. "You don't get out much, huh?"

"I get out just fine," I said through gritted teeth, crossing my arms over my now seemingly naked torso.

Carrot top handed Theo another drink. I almost slapped it out of her hand. I'd never seen Theo be so reckless before; she had so often been the voice of reason.

"What?" she asked me, blushing. "Isn't this what we came here for? Partying?"

"They're just trying to peer pressure their way into your pants," I protested.

"I know. But I'll know when to stop, I won't let anything happen." She slammed the shot back, coughing again, but less this time. "Hey, it's like cake. Neat." I apparently didn't look amused. "Alex is going to be right back. Loosen up, okay, please? For me?"

I took the other shot that Carrot top guy was still holding out. I looked at it like I just knew there was a roofie in there. But I drank it back.

I immediately wanted to throw up. There was nothing cake-like about it; it tasted like sour frosting that someone had left out in the sun. "This is a travesty, not frosting."

Theo giggled. "You and your big words."

"You ladies go to Hawthorne?" Another of the boys asked.

"Yeah. We're seniors," Theo said, tossing her hair. I cringed, but I told myself if she went too far I'd drag her the five miles back to Alex's car.

"And you?" I asked, directing the question towards the boys.

"We're at Mott," one boy said. "Cept Jeremy, here. He's taking time off to find his wang." Jeremy was the redhead.

Theo ended up drinking several more shots, despite my protests. Jeremy put his arm around her.

"I like your sparkles," he said in a smarmy voice. She grinned, looking innocent of what he so obviously was intending to do.

"Okay, time to get a move on," I said, pulling her out from underneath him and leading her away. Touching was my red flag. I could tell the room was spinning for her since she couldn't walk in a straight line.