Uncertainty (20 page)

"You know, they make bacon flavored vodka, too? That's awesome," Theo said dreamily.

As we were leaving the kitchen, we ran into Alex, who seemed out of breath.

"I'm sorry it took me so long," he said. "They wouldn't shut up. I never knew I met so many people in my lifetime." Then he noticed Theo's intoxicated state. "What's going on here?"

"Just a little fun," Jeremy said from behind us. "Your girl knows how to handle her liquor." He and his buddies slinked out of the room.

"We're loosening up," I told Alex grimly, still balancing Theo's arm on my shoulders.

Theo put her arm around me, too. "I love you, dear best friend that I love. This is fun."

"Please don't throw up on me."

"I'm sorry I left you guys," Alex said. He seemed to find the whole thing funny. He grabbed Theo around the waist. "Let's go play a video game or something, sober you up a little. You coming with?"

I shrugged. Now that the danger of drunken boys had passed, I felt a little more comfortable. "I'll wander around some more."

"Suit yourself. We'll be in the entertainment room at the end of the hall. Come find me if you get uncomfortable at all. Text me if you can't find it."

"Will Theo...?"

"Theo will be fine. I'll take care of her."

He led her away, leaving me alone. My sudden bravado was fleeting. After I'd taken a few deep breaths, pushing away the heartburn from the vodka, I went out into the living room. It seemed to be more crowded than before, people dancing randomly together, others talking in shouting voices. Some couples were making out up against the wall, flagrantly pawing each other.

A couple of girls were whispering to each other behind their hands, staring at me. This wasn't entertaining, either.

A wide staircase led to the third floor. People were standing and talking on the bottom steps, but it seemed like the top was less jammed. My fear of crowds was making me claustrophobic. I had to find some space. I climbed the stairs and was relieved to find the upstairs hallway empty.

The music pulsed beneath my shoes. It reminded me of something else, but I couldn't remember where I'd felt such a sensation.

Facing me were rows of doors on either side. The middle one on the right was cracked open just enough to let a sliver of dim light out. I went inside, hoping it wasn't Lainey's room, and hoping there wouldn't be people making out or worse inside.

But it was an unoccupied guest room. The light came from outside, as there was a sliding glass door leading to a balcony. I sat down on the bedspread, printed with brown and pink seashells. A garish painting of a seagull hung opposite. The Fords were big on motel theme decorating, apparently.

I felt like I needed fresh air. The balcony door was already unlocked. On the second floor, they probably didn't worry about locking it. The night seemed to call to me, beckoning me outside. The balcony would be the perfect place to be alone.

The door slid open smoothly, and I stepped out.

"Well, if it isn't my destroying angel," Henry said.

He was sitting on a lawn chair at the end of the balcony. Three empty brown beer bottles were lined up on a small plastic table in front of him, another in his hand.

"Sorry, I didn't know anyone was here...out here," I babbled. "I'll go." I turned to go back into the guest room.

"No, no. Sit down, stay a while."

I froze, debating my options. At least I felt a weird sense of safety around Henry, mind games or not. Safer at least than the rest of the party-going crowd. It really wasn't much different than our meetings at the library; this was just more secluded.

I tentatively took a seat in another patio chair. We had a bird's eye view of the party on the lawn below. The music and the noise of people talking and shouting was blessedly muted up in our roost. People were tossing light-up Frisbees at each other, diving to catch them.

"You want a beer? I have beer," Henry offered. And he'd obviously consumed all three of the beers in front of him by his slurred words.

"No thanks," I said, shrugging away. "I just had a bad experience with cupcake flavored vodka."

Henry laughed, running his hand through his hair.

"That sounds rough."

"It was, believe me. I'm never going to look at cupcakes again without getting nauseated. Theo is tanked right now."

"Theo's drunk?" This caused him to laugh again. It was an odd sound to hear, since he'd been so serious for a while. I remembered how much I used to treasure it. "I bet it only took a spoonful, too, she's such a tiny thing."

Sitting in silence, we watched idiotic boys down below shooting off firecrackers and cheap fireworks. The sparks rained down, causing them to run around in panic as they burned through their clothes. Then they came right back for more.

"Lab rats," Henry said.

"Huh?" I asked.

"You don't even need cheese," Henry said cryptically, taking another sip of beer. I just sat quietly, watching another firework go off with a loud hiss and a pop.

I looked him over, assessing how rough of a shape he was in. He was worrying his lip, leaning forward in his seat. A new bruise crossed the back of his neck, and I watched him rub it and wince.

"You've gotten pretty accident prone lately, haven't you?" I observed.

"Yeah," he said. "I don't watch where I'm going."

I jumped as another firework went off, and the sky filled for a moment with a blast of silver sparkles.

I miss our study groups," Henry said suddenly. "It's not the same at the library."

"That was a long time ago," I said softly. But it didn't seem so long ago right now. It seemed like just yesterday he was in the den at my house, me pushing up closer to get more of him, as much as he'd allow me.

The foolish impulse to touch him, in any way, even just his hand, his skin, anything, hit me. I squeezed the plastic arms of the chair and sat back as it squeaked. His eyes traveled to the ribbon of stomach exposed beneath my top, and I pulled it down, blushing.

Henry rolled up the sleeves of his button down shirt. I took in that and his spotless khakis.

"So I've been meaning to ask you...what made you start dressing like a youth minister?" I asked.

He grinned a little, and pushed a lock of dark hair out of his eyes.

"This is what my father wants me to wear. So I wear it." He shrugged and finished with his sleeves. The exposed skin of his forearms was tantalizing to me.

He picked up another beer out of a cooler at his side. Holding it by the neck, he offered it to me. Feeling a little impulsive, I took it from him, our fingers brushing together. Giving him the side eye, I took a swig.

"Bleh," I said, sticking my tongue out and wrinkling my nose.

"That's cute," he muttered, smirking, as he took the beer back and put it up to his lips. My obsession with those lips really hadn't gone away in all this time, and it took everything in me to push my thoughts away from kissing his tempting mouth.

"Alcohol is possibly the most overrated liquid ever," I said, wiping my gritty tongue on my sleeve.

"It tastes awful, sure, but it does the trick, dear."

The old pet name struck me in the chest. He didn't seem to notice. Draining the bottle, he lifted it up, looking like he was going to fling it.

"How many points do I get if I take out those jerks down there?" he asked.

I snickered, getting heady just from sitting next to him. Being around Henry took guilty pleasure to new heights, especially since he was acting more like his old self. I hadn't seen this boy in a while.

"Ten for those skinny guys with their pants falling down, thirty if you can manage that quarterback fellow over there," I instructed.

Henry shut one eye and touched his tongue to his upper lip, his piercing glinting in the light above us. He flung the bottle down below where it hit the grass innocently. None of the kids now playing hackie sack on the lawn even noticed.

He let off the rest of the bottles. This time the boys below noticed, but we ducked out of sight as they looked up at us, jeering.

"You need more bottles," I observed.

"I need more alcohol," he corrected.

"I don't know about that," I said. His brown eyes were already reddened, a flush creeping across his cheeks.

"Why not? I just want to forget about everything," he said.

"I think I'm going to go," I said, standing up and heading for the door. "It's easier to forget when you're by yourself."

"Wait," he said from his seat. He rose swiftly, coming over to me.

He reached out his hand, grasping hold of my forearm. This time I didn't pull away.

"I can't give in to you," I said, pleading mentally for him to just back off. I knew I wouldn't be able to resist him. "It wouldn't be right..."

In an instant our mouths were together. His arms wrapped around my back, pulling me closer, and I responded in kind. I clutched his shirt, his body flush against mine, feeling the heat emanating from him. Heat I'd stirred within him.

His tongue, tasting faintly of beer and Red Bull, pushed gently into my mouth. His lips moved, searching, almost desperate. His tongue bar tapped against my teeth, clicking faintly.

Little moaning gasps escaped from my mouth as we continued kissing, my eyelids fluttering. He tangled his hands in my hair, and gently pulled my neck to the side, trailing wet little circles on the skin there. Then he returned to my mouth, as if he couldn't stop himself. His body felt so strong, so much more than I'd realized.

His right hand slid lower, tentatively, from my scalp to my shoulder, then started trailing lightly down my collarbone. I moaned into his mouth again, pushing my chest up to him.

Then I heard Jenna scream from down below.

CHAPTER 16

I BROKE AWAY
from Henry, putting my hands on his chest and pushing him off.

"What's wrong, Ariel? Did I do something..." he started, but I tuned him out.

At the edge of the balcony, I peered over the railing, to the ground below. The firework idiots had retreated inside, probably due to the rain of bottles. Jenna was standing down by the edge of the water, in the thick shadow of a tall tree. Her body was rigid, her back to me.

"What's wrong?" Henry repeated, but I had no time to answer as urgency seized me.

I bolted to the door and wrenched it to the side, the metal squealing in protest. Tearing out of the room, past the painted seagull that look more like a bird of prey, I headed down the hall to the staircase.

Making my way sloppily down the stairs, I slammed into faceless party-goers. But I felt no pain or remorse, only the desperate need to get outside. To get to
her
.

Something was wrong with Jenna. She hardly ever showed herself outside of the house, and never so far away from me; she'd always been right at my side in her Limbo form, like she was trapped in my orbit.

I passed a crowd of people gathered near the back door. My mind registered Lainey and Madison among them. But even the inevitability of getting caught didn't matter. It was bound to happen sooner or later, anyway, and wasn't that the point of me coming? To make Lainey mad?

When I got outside, past the little orange fires of tiki torch lights, I saw that Jenna was still standing by the shore. As still as a statue. The wind had picked up, blowing everything around, but not touching her. It was eerie seeing how still she was. I slowed my pace, reassured by her presence. I reached her and came around to look at her face.

Her blue eyes were frozen in a wide stare, reminding me unsettlingly of a corpse. She was staring out over the serene water of Hush Lake.

"What is it Jenna? Why are you so scared?" I asked her, my voice cracking. I doubled over as pain stitched my lung.

Jenna's arm raised slowly, and she pointed out at something in the water. All I saw were the reflection of far off lights in lake houses, and a few docked boats. A little old rowboat was roped to the Ford dock, clunking gently against it with the waves. I walked closer to the shore, and looked out.

Blood burbled up from the water, churning waves as the lake began to boil. I shut my eyes, my stomach rolling in disgust. Was that what Jenna was seeing? What had her so horrified?

When I opened my eyes, the blood was gone, leaving only the green-gray water. I saw a flash of something that caught my attention. I knelt down, not eager to plunge my hand in the dark.

I did it anyway. I felt around in a lot of slimy, squishy stuff that I assumed to be weeds. Then I settled on something with sharper edges, and I closed my fist around it. Yanking hard, I pulled up my prize.

It was a rusted piece of metal, connected to a chain. Pockmarks in the design were left where there used to be stones. It had been under water for quite a while. Still, it was easy to read the lettering.

It was Jenna's necklace, the one I'd given her. The one she was wearing even now, in death.

I looked up above me, and for the first time really paid attention to the tree hanging over me. Like it was watching what happened down below. It was the same as the one from my vision of being dragged.