Unchanged (28 page)

“Has nothing to do with me.”

“Has
everything
to do with you.” His voice is thick and pleading. I can hear his feet shuffling around the interior of the tent. It's what he does when he's trying to find words.

I remember.

How I wish I didn't.

“You don't have to explain anything to me,” I tell him.

“No!” he shouts, causing me to jump. I've only ever heard him shout once before. It was at Rio. Before he discovered that Rio was trying to help us.

“No,” he says again. This time more quietly. More controlled. But still packed with intensity. “You don't understand what I've been through. Those three years trapped in time without you. I finally understood what all those religions mean when they talk about hell. They were the most agonizing years of my life. I lost myself. Cody almost lost his family trying to help me. Then he had a breakthrough, and I thought the agony was over. I thought as soon as I could get back here, all those long, hellish years would be behind me.” He pauses. I still don't turn around to look at him. “Then I saw you on the Feed.”

A chill racks my body. A chill that has nothing to do with the poison in my blood.

“You asked that question, didn't you? SZ1609?”

“Yes,” he whispers.

I don't know why this answer crushes me. It only confirms what I already knew. Maybe because now it's a fact. Not just a theory. Maybe because I suddenly see that interview in a new way. Through his eyes.

The hand-holding.

The flirtations.

That kiss.

I remember how it reached my toes. How it looked on the slow-motion playback. Like two people hopelessly in love.

Like two people who have never been in love with anyone else.

For a single moment—as long as it takes for me to count to three—I allow myself to feel the grief that washes over me. I allow myself to ponder the heartbreak that Lyzender claims he felt when he watched that. I allow it to consume me.

1, 2, 3.

Then it's over. I bottle it up. Push it down. I remind myself that he doesn't really love me. He never did.

It was an act.

Just like this is.

“It twists your recollection of events. It warps your past into anything they want it to be.”

NO!

I curl myself into a ball and shake. I want it all to stop. The noise. The chatter in my mind. The voices telling me what they want me to believe.

I can't believe everything. I have to choose. And I choose the Objective.

I choose Kaelen.

“I saw you with him,” Lyzender goes on after a heavy silence. “I saw the way you looked at him. The way you kissed him. It destroyed me all over again. I descended into darkness. Xaria was there. She's been trying to pull me out.”

“Good,” I mumble into my kneecaps. “Now we both have someone.” The tears are coming. I can't stop them. They will have to fall. But as long as I stay curled up here, as long as I refuse to face him, he will never have to know.

I silently will him to leave. Walk away. Let me crumble to pieces alone.

“Yes,” he agrees. “Now we both have someone.”

I hear his footsteps retreating. I hear the flap being pulled back. And then I hear nothing.

The first tear treks a path down my nose, falling onto the lumpy pillow. The sob rises up inside of me, threatening to convulse my entire body. Threatening to bring this tent to the ground.

“Can I ask you one thing?”

It's him. He hasn't left.

I don't speak, in fear of revealing everything. My brokenness. My fear. My treacherous relief that he's still here.

“When you saw us just now,” he says softly. The edge to his voice is completely gone. Vanished without a trace. “When you saw her kiss me, did it make you feel
anything
?”

The truthful answer is right on the tip of my tongue. Ready to implode.

It made me feel everything
.

But that's not an answer I can give.

That's not an answer that makes things easier. That simplifies life. That improves situations.

That's an answer that erases progress. That turns back time.

That destroys.

I manage to hold back a shudder. It feels like holding back the tides.

“No,” I say.

I count the seconds until he leaves again. It's all I can do not to scream.

This time he makes his departure clear. Hard footfalls on the ground. A violent clattering outside. Hushed voices speaking calming words.

I'm grateful for the commotion. It stifles the sound of me shattering.

 

45

STAGED

That afternoon, I'm roused from a deep sleep and led into the dining area of the camp. Everyone is already assembled for what looks like another meeting. They watch me as I'm paraded in—Sevan, Paddok, Klo Raze, Davish Swick, Olin Vas with his disfigured face, Nem Rouser who cooks the meat, even Niko Carlson, Cody's great-grandson. Twenty-five faces. Twenty-five distrusting stares. All directed at me.

I cough a little but try to stand up straighter. I'm not sure what's happening or why I've been brought here to be gawked at, but I'm not about to let these people threaten me with their hatred.

I am an ExGen—at least I was before they filled my veins with liquid weakness. I am the face of the future. I will not believe their lies, or be intimidated by their vengeance, or be trapped by their manipulations.

I will fight. I will keep fighting until Diotech has destroyed them. Or they kill me. Whichever comes first.

Lyzender suddenly appears in front of me, his face distraught, his eyes pleading. “Please just do exactly as she says,” he tells me urgently.

Before I can ask him what he's talking about, Jase nudges me forward with the barrel of his shotgun and sits me down at one of the wooden tables. I'm positioned so that the entire camp is facing me. They're all clustered in a tight group behind Paddok and Klo. I suddenly feel like I'm onstage again. Back in the spotlight. Except this time, I don't know what's expected of me.

“Do you want me to dance?” I ask, trying for sarcasm, but my voice is too frail—too sickly—to be taken seriously.

Ignoring my joke, Paddok steps forward. “Here's how this is going to work,” she addresses me sharply. I've never seen her look so anxious.

What the glitch is going on?

Paddok shoves a piece of paper into my hand. On it, she's scribbled something in messy handwriting. “This is what you will say. This is
all
you will say. If they ask you questions, you will ignore them. If they try to get more information out of you, you will ignore them.” She nods to Jase who stands just off to the side, his gun aimed at my head. “If you fail to comply with any of these guidelines, your precious Print Mate will be forced to watch your brains splatter all over his wall screen. Is that clear?”

Print Mate?

Kaelen!

Is he here?

My gaze darts around the camp, but I see no sign of him. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I notice Klo pulling something from his pocket. My head whips back as he unrolls the familiar item and my entire body starts to hum.

The Slate!

A connection to the world.

To Diotech.

My arms tremble, wanting to reach for it. If only I had my full strength I could tackle him to the ground and confiscate it. Then again, if I had my full strength, I suppose I wouldn't need the Slate in the first place.

I watch anxiously as the flexible screen blinks to life, emitting a soft glow across his face. A few taps before he brandishes it toward me.

I inhale sharply when I see the familiar dining room of the Owner's Estate framed between his hands. Sitting at the long polished-marble table, staring at me as though they're looking out of a glass prison, are Director Raze, Dr. A, and my beloved Kaelen.

My heart pounds wildly in my chest. I briefly glance down at the piece of paper in my hands, skimming the barely legible handwriting. I catch key words like
kidnappers
,
ransom
,
bank account
.

That's when Paddok's warning finally makes sense.

That's when another piece of their plan clicks into place.

I'm here to negotiate the terms of my release.

 

46

SUBTEXT

There is no doubt in my mind what I must do. This might be my only chance to get a message to Director Raze. To warn him about what's coming.

“I said,” Paddok growls, jolting me out of my thoughts, “is that clear?”

“Yes,” I say, eyeing Jase's gun a few feet away.

It's perfectly clear. I disobey, Kaelen watches me die.

Paddok is smart. She knows the threat of death alone is not enough to make me comply. But if Kaelen has to witness my murder, it will destroy him.

Glancing back at the Slate, I now realize that although I can see Dr. A, Kaelen, and Director Raze, they still can't see me. Or hear me. This side of the connection hasn't yet been activated.

“If you try to give up our location, Jase will shoot you,” Paddok goes on.

“I don't know our location,” I remind her.

“If you try to warn them about anything you've overheard, Jase will shoot you. If you try to—”

“I understand,” I tell her, my temper starting to flare. “Read the script and say nothing else.”

Her jaw flexes. “Good.”

I glance again at my script. They're asking Diotech for a two-billion-dollar ransom to be transferred to a bank account. After that I'll be returned to them safe and sound.

So that's their plan. They're trying to make this look like a basic kidnapping. I admit it's pretty clever. Kaelen and I are two of the most famous people on the planet right now. It's not hard to believe that someone would want to trade us for a bunch of money.

And then what? How are they planning to get that device into the underground bunker? There are still too many details I don't know.

“Are we ready?” Paddok asks Klo.

Klo nods. “Ready to transmit on your order, boss lady.”

I look out into the sea of faces huddled behind Klo and Paddok. Judging by the fact that the entire camp has gathered to witness this, it's a key moment. The rest of their plan hinges on what's about to happen.

The only person on this side of the Slate with me is Jase, standing just outside of the cam's frame.

I catch sight of Lyzender and can tell from the uneasy way he glances between me and Jase that he doesn't approve of the use of the firearm. He gnaws at one of his fingernails until Xaria comes up from behind him and wraps her arms around his waist. I'm sure she means it to be a calming gesture but it only seems to make Lyzender more nervous.

I look away, directing my gaze right at the Slate. Dr. A, Raze, and Kaelen are still sitting at the table, waiting for the transmission to go live. Kaelen drums his fingers apprehensively on the tabletop.

“Remember,” Paddok warns. “No deviations from the script.”

“I remember,” I mutter.

She gives the sign to Klo. His fingertip swipes across the screen, activating the cam. Kaelen, Raze, and Dr. A all sit up a little straighter at the sound of the small
ding
that announces the connection.

“Sera!” Kaelen calls out. I've never heard such fear in his voice. Such angst. I feel like the mass of the moon has been dropped into my lap. “Are you all right? Did they hurt you?”

I keep my right hand resting on my leg. With the other, I raise the trembling script and begin to read. I fight to keep my words steady and even.

“‘My kidnappers are sending this transmission as a show of good faith and innocuous intentions. And to prove to you that I'm still alive and not injured.'”

“Tell us where you are!” Kaelen screams at the cam. Dr. A puts a hand on his shoulder, attempting to relax him.

My eyes dart nervously to Jase, who gives his gun a little bump.

“She can't,” Raze tells Kaelen. “She's being threatened. I can see it in her eyes.”

Dr. A turns his head and mouths something I can't interpret, most likely a curse.

I swallow and keep reading. “‘If you would like for me to return alive, a two-billion-dollar ransom must be transferred to the following bank account number in the next forty-eight hours.'”

I pause, positioning my right hand in the center of my thigh and spreading my fingers. I try to make direct eye contact with Kaelen through the screen, urging him to pay close attention.

My gaze darts to Paddok. She gestures for me to continue.

As I slowly begin to read the account number on the page, I lift the fingers of my right hand ever so slightly, hovering them just above my leg.

“7,” I announce slowly.

Subtly, I press my thumb, middle finger, and pinkie into my pants. Like I'm playing a chord on a piano.

“9.” I reveal the next number with delicate precision as my fingers rise back up, and my middle, ring, and pinkie fingers tap out another letter.

I watch Paddok for any sign of suspicion, but she's not focused on my hand. She's focused on my lips. Making sure nothing spills out that's not written on this piece of paper.

I promised her I would read the script and say nothing else. And I'm keeping that promise. I'm not
saying
anything else.

“4.” I announce the next number of the account. My thumb plays the imaginary keyboard on my leg.

“1.”

All five fingers come down. The sign for the letter
P
. I've now spelled out the first word in my message.

I watch Kaelen's face for a reaction. So far, I've yet to see one. Does he understand what I'm doing? Is he even looking at my hand? Or is he just smart enough to hide it?