Uncharted Waters (18 page)

“You look like you could use this,” he said, handing her one of the cups.

“That bad, huh?”

“I figure if your shoulders get any more tense you might dislocate one.”

“I hear that's pretty painful. Good thing you're an EMT.”

“I'm pretty good at working out kinks, too.” He set down his coffee. “Come here.”

She gave him a wry smile, making no move to get any closer. “I think we've made that mistake before.”

He smiled back, relieved that the crease between her brows had smoothed out. “Okay.” He thought about his own stress level and realized he needed to get something off his chest. “I owe you an apology.”

Her eyes met his. Within their depths he saw fatigue and wariness pulling her in different directions. “No, you don't,” she said after a moment.

“I practically mauled you the other night, then I said something cruel. I shouldn't have done either of those things. I'm sorry.”

“What you said needed to be said. Better to say it now than later.”

Drew suddenly got a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach.

“You kept me from doing something both of us probably would have ended up regretting,” she said. “Don't apologize for that.”

“Alison—”

“Things got intense,” she interrupted. “If they'd gone any further, I think it would have affected our friendship. I don't want that to happen.”

“That's not—”

She cut him off. “You can't have it both ways, Drew.”

“Both ways?”

“You can't...come on to me and then change your mind when things suddenly get too hot to handle.”

“This isn't about me changing my mind.”

“Really? What would you call it?”

For the first time, his temper stirred. “Look, I didn't plan for anything to happen between us.”

“Neither did I,” she snapped. “All I know is that I don't understand what's going on with you, and you don't see fit to discuss it with me.”

“Maybe I'm still trying to sort some of this out.”

“I can't deal with your angry moods. I can't be close to you one moment, then have you shove me away the next because you feel you need that in order to have a clear conscience.”

“This has nothing to do with my conscience.”

“The hell it doesn't.” Her eyes flashed like heat lightning. “I can't tell if you're lying to me or if you're lying to yourself.”

“I'm not lying to anyone.”

“You've never dealt with Rick's death.”

“Rick doesn't have anything to do with this.”

“How can you stand there and lie to yourself? How can you stand there and lie to me when the truth is so obvious?”

He couldn't deny it, so he switched tactics. “This isn't the time or the place to discuss this.”

“That's because you'd rather ignore it and hope it goes away. Well, I can't do that. Not anymore.” She turned to walk away. “I'll tell Kevin you stopped by to see him.”

Drew knew it wasn't a good idea to touch her when her emotions were running so high, when his own were on the rise with the dangerous swiftness of a flash flood. But he reached for her anyway. His fingers curled around her biceps, and he turned her to face him.

“I'm trying to do the right thing,” he ground out.

“You're trying to protect yourself,” she shot back. “Don't get the two confused.”

Another ripple of anger jolted him. “I'm trying to protect you.”

“From what?”

“From me, damn it.”

“I don't need protecting. Especially from you.”

Realizing they'd caught the attention of an older couple watching a television set mounted on the wall, Drew took her by the arm and started down the hall.

“What do you think you're doing?” she demanded, fighting him halfheartedly.

“We're going to talk about this,” he snapped. “That's what you wanted, isn't it?”

“Let go of me, damn it.”

He opened the door to a darkened examination room and quickly muscled her inside. Once he closed the door behind him, he swung around to face her. “Let's get one thing straight right now,” he snarled.

She finally succeeded in breaking free of his grasp, and for several long minutes they contemplated each other, the only sound coming from their heavy breathing and the patter of rain against the window.

“I care about you, Alison. I care about Kevin.”

“I guess that's why you think we should cool it.”

“I think we should cool it because I was your husband's best friend, damn it! How can I—” He stopped himself an instant before he said something he didn't want to reveal.

“You can't want me one moment,” she whispered, “then decide it's wrong the next and tell me you only want to be friends.”

“Do you think that's the way I want it?” he asked, incredulous. “I didn't mean for things to get out of hand the other day.”

“Which time?”

He stared at her, aware that he was angry and frustrated and more confused than he'd been in a very long time.

“I don't know what you want,” she said. “I'm not even sure
you
know what you want. One minute you're hot, the next you're Mr. Iceman. I can't deal with that.”

“My feelings for you, Alison, are the only thing I'm sure about. It's everything else that's screwing with my head.”

“Look, Drew, I think Kevin and I should move to San Diego,” she said. “I have a brother there. Roger said Kevin and I could move in with him temporarily.” She looked down at the floor. “I came here to South Florida because...of you. Because of our friendship. I thought...” Her voice trailed and she shrugged. “I don't know what I thought.”

The idea of her and Kevin moving so far away elicited a moment of panic. He couldn't believe she would do that to him. That she would ask him to choose between his feelings for her and her son, and his honor.

The truth of the matter was that he didn't want her to leave. But no matter how desperately he wanted to be with her, he couldn't ask her to stay. His conscience wouldn't let him.

“I don't know what you want,” she whispered. “I can't read your mind. I don't know what you're feeling inside. And you won't tell me.”

The need came like a flash flood barreling down a narrow gorge. The familiar rush of blood to his groin. The rapid rise of heat. The faltering of his intellect.

He started toward her, knowing what he was about to do was a mistake. But like a man drawn to fire, he couldn't stop himself, even though he knew he would be burned. Her eyes widened when his hands closed over her shoulders. An electrical shock ran the length of him the instant he touched her and he felt it all the way down to his toes. Her mouth opened. He heard his name on her lips, but couldn't tell whether she wanted him to stop or proceed. He didn't pause long enough to consider either of those things and crushed his mouth to hers.

She offered a stunned moment of resistance. A small sound of distress escaped her, but he deepened the kiss and swallowed the sound. He tried to penetrate her with his tongue, but she locked him out with her teeth.

“This is what I want,” he whispered against her cheek. “This. You. Like this.” He ran his tongue along her teeth. “Let me in, Alison.”

She opened to him, and he kissed her deeply, felt the rush of her breath against his cheek. Her body
arched, then melted in his arms like chocolate in the hot sun. He marveled at the feel of her against him. The curves of her body. The tremors moving through her as he slid his hands down her back to cup her hips. Her scent surrounded him; he drank it in. The softness of her flesh maddened him, and he knew he had to have more. Plunging his tongue into the dark, silky heat of her mouth, he let go of his control with a silent curse.

Dizziness swamped him, as if he'd mainlined a mind-altering drug. Pleasure spread through his body like a wildfire burning out of control. Vaguely he was aware of her arms going around his neck. Arousal pulsing through his body with every beat of his heart. The throb of his erection straining against the confines of his cutoffs.

When he moved against her, the ridge of his arousal aligned with the cleft between her legs. Her body arched, as if she'd been hit with a thousand volts of electricity. He felt the same bolt of electricity jump through him, and the heat of it seared him like a brand.

Drew knew he was out of control. Knew she was out of control, too, even if she wouldn't admit it. He knew his inability to stop this was going to cost him. Maybe her friendship. Maybe the tentative relationship he'd formed with her son. But the needs rampaging through him trampled the voice of reason.

Tugging her blouse from the waistband of her skirt, he lifted it over her breasts. He saw pink lace against white flesh and the dark hue of her areoles beneath. As if reading his mind, she put her fingers to the front closure and the scrap of material opened. Lust cut through him like a jagged edge at the sight of her breasts. Bending slightly, Drew took a hardened peak
into his mouth and suckled her hard, laving the engorged tip with his tongue. Alison writhed beneath his manipulations, her breaths coming hard and fast against his ear.

Drew jolted when he felt her hands at his zipper. Because he was already close to losing control, he tried to turn away. But his reflexes were slow. Vaguely he heard the rasp of his zipper. Then her fingers closed around him and a starburst of ecstasy exploded and his brain simply stopped functioning. Closing his eyes against the intensity of the pleasure, he groaned and moved against her.

“Alison...”

“This is insane.”

“I'm crazy for you.”

“Drew,” she whispered. “How can you deny that we're more than just friends?”

The words jerked him back to reality, like a bungee jumper reaching the end of a very long cord. Drew shook himself hard, keenly aware that he was painfully aroused, that he didn't want to stop. But there was no way he could live with himself if he let this go any further.

Sighing in frustration and disappointment and self-loathing, he stepped back and turned away. “Oh, man.”

While she hooked her bra and tucked in her blouse, he zipped his fly and tried like hell to ignore the painful ache in his groin—and the heavier ache in the vicinity of his heart.

For several long seconds the only sound came from their heavy breathing and the ping of rain against the window. He risked a look at her. She looked like a woman who'd just been thoroughly kissed. A woman
he would have sold his soul to kiss again. A woman he wanted to do a hell of a lot more to than kiss.

The weight of what he'd allowed to happen yet again settled onto his shoulders like a boulder. Without saying anything, he started for the door.

“Don't you dare walk away from me again,” she snapped.

He turned to her. She was beautiful when she was angry, and looking at her didn't do a damn thing for his resolve to walk away. Her cheeks were flushed with color. Her mouth was wet and chafed with whisker burns. He could smell the sweet scent of her perfume, and at that moment, he'd never wanted anyone more in his entire life.

Reaching out, he touched the side of her face and brushed his knuckles across her cheek, then lowered his hand to his side. “We seem destined to keep making the same mistake all over again.”

“Neither of us meant for that to happen,” she said.

“That doesn't make it all right.”

“We're going to have to talk about this at some point.”

He smiled, but it felt wooden on his face. He was frustrated and deeply disturbed about the entire situation. Worse, he was consumed with guilt because he knew how close he'd come to taking her up against the wall as if he were some lust-crazed teenager.

Take care...Alison and Kevin...

Rick's final words rang hollowly in Drew's ears. He stared at Alison, need pulling him in one direction, guilt in another. He knew he was going to have to let her go. As much as he hated the thought, there was no
other way to deal with the situation. The reality of that cut him like a tight band of concertina wire wrapped around his chest.

Without another word, he turned and walked away.

A
lison was too busy to think about Drew. At least that was what she told herself. With her new job at Evans Yachts and Kevin's doctor appointments—not to mention their impending move across the country—she didn't have time for a relationship, especially a complicated one. She sure as hell didn't have time to spend her days pining for a man who was too damn honorable for his own good. Drew Evans might know how to kiss a woman to distraction, but Alison was much too sensible to let that affect the decisions she made.

Frowning at the direction her thoughts had taken, she glanced down at her watch and realized with a start it was almost six o'clock. She hadn't meant to stay at work so late, but time had gotten away from her. If she didn't hurry, she was going to be late picking up Kevin at the day-care center.

Promising herself this would be her last late day, she decided to take some of her filing home with her to alphabetize. She dialed the number for the Happy Hippo Day-care Center to let them know she would be there in twenty minutes. The manager assured her that would give Kevin just enough time to finish up his current game of Candy Land.

Thunder rattled the windows as Alison shoved away from her desk. An area of low pressure had formed in
the Caribbean and the weatherman was expecting it to strengthen and head north to Florida in the next day or so. Being a weather buff, she was actually looking forward to her first tropical storm—as long as it didn't turn into anything too serious. She could already imagine she and Kevin snuggled on the sofa, listening to the wind and rain lash their cozy little house as they drank hot chocolate and lit candles just in case the electricity went out.