Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader Wonderful World of Odd (42 page)

A scientist with radiation poisoning turns into an ugly homicidal lizard whenever he is exposed to the sun’s rays. “Cult B-movie star Robert Clarke wrote, produced, directed, and starred in it the same way Orson Welles did in
Citizen Kane
…only not quite as good.”

A cheesy remake of the 1958 horror classic (which featured Steve McQueen in his first starring role). In this version, a technician brings back a frozen sample of the original blob (an ever-growing ball of goo from outer space), and when his wife inadvertently thaws it out, it takes off on another rampage. Directed by Larry Hagman of
Dallas
TV fame (“It’s the film that J.R. shot!”)

And other customs, rituals, and traditions from around the world.

R
ITUAL:
The Beating of the Bounds

LOCATION:
Llantrisant, Wales

STORY:
Every seven years, the people of Llantrisant walk the seven-mile perimeter of their town and bounce young boys on large boundary stones along the way. In 2003 about 500 people took part in the “Beating of the Bounds,” a ritual that dates back to 1346, when the town received its charter from King Edward I. The boundary lines were of the utmost importance, and the children were bounced on the stones so that they’d remember where the line was. The boys are picked up by the shoulders and feet by two men, and their backsides are bounced on a stone. “They used to do it quite hard,” Howard Thomas of the Llantrisant Town Trust told the BBC, “because they always said that a bit of pain helped the memory go a long way. But it isn’t done as hard as that now.” He added, “But I do know some of the old men here who still remember the pain of it now.” After the walk and the Bouncing of the Boys, the town has a party. “It is a real high point on the social calendar,” said Thomas. “The town has been known to run dry on the Beating of the Bounds day.”

RITUAL:
Gansabhauet

LOCATION:
Sursee, Switzerland

STORY:
Believed to have its origin in a medieval religious festival,
Gansabhauet
, or “Beheading the Goose,” takes place every year on November 11. Thousands of locals and tourists crowd into the little town’s central square where, at 3:00 p.m., the “Gansabhauet guild” leads a procession of townspeople to a small stage. They bring with them a sword, an executioner’s costume, and one large dead goose, which is then hung by its neck above the stage. Young men from the town draw lots to be able to put on the costume—a red robe and the golden sun mask—through which they can’t see. Then they try to find the goose with the sword. When they do, they get to take one swipe to try to separate its head from
its body. The one who does it wins the (headless) goose, and the crowd continues to party through the evening and night.

RITUAL:
Pon

LOCATION:
Kemukus Mountain, Java

STORY:
Seven times a year, thousands of Indonesians travel to Kemukus to visit the tomb of a revered prince to pray…and make love with strangers. Experts say the event, known as
Pon
, has its roots in the 15th century, but has been practiced in its more modern fashion since the late 19th century. Legend says that Prince Samodra, a famous Javanese ruler, died on the mountain. Pilgrims now make the journey to the mountain for the Friday night Pon, which falls every 35 days, to ask for good fortune. For their wishes to come true they must, according to tradition, come to seven Pons in a row—and have sex with a stranger each time. (It used to be done under trees in the open, but now there are thousands of small rooms for rent.)

CUSTOM:
The Batula

LOCATION:
Saudi Arabia

STORY:
Most people know that Muslim tradition requires women to be covered in public or around men other than their husbands, sons, or brothers. But in some societies it goes much farther than that. Among some Bedouin tribes in Saudi Arabia, the faces of women are never seen by their husbands…
ever
. Or by their sons, or brothers—or in many cases even by their sisters and aunts. “I make sure to wear my veil day and night,” a women in her twenties told the Arabic news agency Al-Jazeera, “so that there is no possibility of him seeing my face or how I look.” And nearly all the women interviewed said they preferred it that way. “Covering my face is a hundred times better,” said one woman, “than mixing with men and painting our faces with makeup.”

RITUAL:
Tandav

LOCATION:
West Bengal, India

STORY:
In April 2005, police in a West Bengal village reported that followers of the Hindu sect
Anand Marg
had exhumed freshly buried bodies, decapitated them, and performed a dancing ritual
with the skulls. Group members said they were performing the
Tandav
, or “Anger Dance,” in which participants dance with daggers, live snakes, and human body parts in tribute to the Hindu god Shiva. According to Hindu mythology, the angry god danced the Tandav after the death of his wife, Sati. In this case, police arrested members of Anand Marg, which means “Pathway to Bliss,” after they had dug up the bodies of an elderly man, a 35-year-old woman, and a 5-year-old boy who had died just hours earlier.

BELIEF:
Pontius Pilate was Scottish

LOCATION:
Perthshire, Scotland

STORY:
In 10 B.C., the Roman Army of Caesar Augustus was camped near the town of Fortingall during one of the first Roman invasions of Scotland. While there, the legend says, a Roman ambassador had a “dalliance” with a local girl, and a son resulted. The child’s name: Pontius Pilate. The ambassador took the woman and child to Rome, and the boy eventually grew up to be the governor of Judea—and later ordered the crucifixion of Jesus. Scottish tradition has it that when Pilate died, he was returned “home” to Scotland for burial. Not far from Fortingall is a
cairn
, or ancient burial site, known in Scottish Gaelic as
Uaigh an t-Seanalair,
or “The General’s Grave.” Locals have a different name for it: “Pontius Pilate’s grave.”

CUSTOM:
The Super Jews

LOCATION:
Amsterdam, The Netherlands

STORY:
For decades fans of the leading Dutch soccer team Ajax Amsterdam were taunted by rival fans with anti-Semitic slurs because of the city’s long Jewish history. In response, many Ajax fans started referring to themselves as “Jews”—though few of them were Jewish. Some went as far as waving Israeli flags at the games. Some went further…having Stars of David tattooed to their foreheads. In 2005 the president of the club issued a statement officially asking the fans to stop referring to themselves as “Jews” because it was actually provoking
more
anti-Semitism from rival teams. One 19-year-old fan, Ilona Korfer, who wears a Star of David necklace to the games, told reporters she wouldn’t be stopping. “I don’t see the problem—it’s part of the game.”

More strange news, this time from the land down under. (Where women glow and men chunder.)

H
AIR TODAY…

In 2006 Rodney Peterson lost his job as a baggage handler at the Melbourne Airport for stealing things from travelers’ luggage. What did he steal? Hair from women’s clothing and hairbrushes. Police found over 80 plastic bags in Peterson’s home, each containing a few follicles and labeled with the owner’s name.

Therese Perry stole a bus from a Sydney depot in 1993. She didn’t take it for a joyride—she drove the regular route, picking up and dropping off passengers at scheduled stops on time. Asked why, Perry later explained “Because I thought I was a bus driver.” In 2005, a 15-year-old Melbourne boy was arrested after he stole city buses on two occasions and drove their usual routes. He told police it was practice for when he became a bus driver when he grew up.

In 2006, a 30-year-old-man from Tasmania on vacation in Melbourne visited the city zoo. Just after screaming “I’ve come to kill a gorilla!” he jumped into the ape enclosure. He repeatedly kicked and punched a 220-pound gorilla before being subdued by zookeepers, who locked the man in a cage.

In 2005, a 21-year-old man at a bar in Murdoch wanted to find a way to get drunk as quickly as possible without all the trouble of having to drink several pints of beer. He fashioned an electric-drill powered pump, connected it to a beer keg, and connected that to a helmet, which held a hose that led the beer directly down his throat. He turned on the drill, activating the pump; the beer shot down the man’s throat with such force that it tore a four-inch hole in his stomach.

News so strange that you can only say, “Huh?”

Y
OU’RE KILLING ME HERE

In November, 2006, a young woman in the town of Loerrach, Germany, climbed to the roof of the town hall with plans to jump off and commit suicide. A group of homeless people on the sidewalk below started yelling to her, trying to talk her down. Then a group of young people started heckling her—encouraging her to jump. That led to an argument between the two groups, which led to an all out brawl. More than 35 police officers were needed to break up the riot. In the meantime, the woman was talked off the roof by police.

Pop superstar Michael Jackson gave a court deposition in June, 2006, regarding a lawsuit against him by a former business partner. In the course of questioning Jackson—who owns the publishing rights to some of the Beatles’ songs—told the ex-partner’s lawyer that his manager never gave him any money, and that his only spending money is from the sale of cows on his Neverland ranch. “So all your cash, whenever you need cash to shop or whatever, comes from the cows?” the lawyer asked. “Yes, believe it or not,” answered Jackson.

One night in February, 2005, a young couple in a car parked behind an antique store outside of Chicago were doing what young couples sometimes do in parked cars. The 19-year-old Ball State student and her recently-returned Navy boyfriend had just finished their “business” when an Illinois state trooper shined his flashlight into the car and yanked the door open. Trooper Jeremy Dozier, 33, ordered the couple—naked—out of the car. Then he made them lie down in the snow (still naked) and make “snow angels.” When the couple later reported the humiliating incident, Dozier admitted not only to this one, but also to an earlier incident
when he ordered another couple to strip naked and run to a ditch and urinate (they kept running, and got away). Dozier pleaded guilty to official misconduct, and was sentenced to 30 months probation, $1,000 in fines, and 200 hours of community service work. He is no longer a police officer.

Prisoner Gary Stephen escaped from Castle Huntly prison near Dundee, Scotland, in November, 2006, to see his 35-year-old girlfriend, Tracy Miller, whom he hadn’t seen in six months. Upon finding her four months pregnant, a despondent Stephen called the police and asked them to take him back to jail. (They did.)

On the night before Thanksgiving, Drew Gagnon of Mahopac, New York, broke into a neighbor’s barn, and one by one held down the neighbor’s three goats…and spray-painted their genitals bright orange. Then he left porno magazines in the animals’ stalls. His bizarre actions were designed to harass the goats’ owner, Gail Fiero, with whom he was involved in a feud. Gagnon, 37, was charged with burglary, criminal trespass, and three counts of animal cruelty. The goats, Fiero told police, became ill because they had eaten some of the magazines’ pages. (But they were okay.)

In 2002 Reverend Howard Douglas Porter’s truck went off the road in a rural area near Fresno, California, and struck an oak tree. Porter was alright, but his elderly friend, Frank Craig, was crippled in the crash. In 2004 Reverend Porter was driving once again with Craig when the truck flew off the road and landed in an irrigation canal. Porter was okay this time, too—but the 85-year-old Craig was drowned. In 2006 police arrested Reverend Porter for murder, attempted murder, and embezzlement. They say they have evidence that Porter tried to kill Craig in the first crash and
did
kill him in the second. Why? Money. Porter’s church was the main beneficiary of Craig’s estate and Porter wanted to get access to the man’s $4.1 million fortune.

Wouldn’t you love to own your own country? Think of it: You’d get to make all the laws, and everyone would have to worship you. Here’s the story of one of the strangest “countries” in the world.