Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader Wonderful World of Odd (45 page)

Only about one-third of spiders spin webs to catch their prey. The rest use other methods. Some create webs they hold in their forelegs and cast over passing insects.
Spitting Spiders
spray glue-venom through their fangs to immobilize their prey. One, the
African Bola Spider
, adds another secretion to the mix.

The Bola sits on the end of a twig, covered in sticky web to disguise itself as bird droppings. It hangs a single thread from its legs, weighted with a drop of a glue-like excretion at the end. The thread is scented with chemical secretions that mimic a female moth’s pheromones, which—no surprise—attracts male moths. When one gets close enough, the spider whirls the thread and releases it—capturing the moth in mid-flight with the drop of glue, then hauls it in for dinner. And the bola spider can change the chemicals it secretes to attract different types of moths as they enter their different breeding seasons.

When scientists observed
Capuchin
monkeys in Venezuela digging around termite mounds, looking for a specific bug—the
Orthoporus dorsovittatus
millipede—and then rubbing the bug all over their bodies, they couldn’t figure it out. And once a monkey was done, it would pass the millipede on to another monkey, who would do the same thing. After a while one of the monkeys would pop the bug into its mouth for a few seconds, spit it back out—and continue the rubbing-of-the-millipede ritual.

The puzzled scientists studied the bugs’ secretions: They were full of chemicals known as
benzoquinones
, which are toxic and would be very painful inside the monkeys’ mouths (one scientist proved this by doing it himself). So why the ritual? Because benzoquinones are powerful insect repellents, stronger than those used by the U.S. Army. The monkeys had somehow figured out that
rubbing them on their bodies would help ward off the annual onslaught of mosquitoes and the painful sores of the bot fly. And putting them in their mouths? The monkeys’ saliva induces the bug to secrete more of the chemical, and ward off more of the bugs.

The
Bombardier Beetle
is less than an inch long and is not a great flier (some species can’t fly at all), but it has a defense system that can make much larger prey run for cover. Near the end of their abdomen, bombardiers have a special, two-chambered gland: The larger chamber produces irritating chemicals called
hydroquinones
mixed with hydrogen peroxide; the smaller one produces two enzymes,
catalase
and
peroxidase
. The chemicals are harmless when separate, but when a Bombardier beetle feels threatened, it secretes all these chemicals into an insulated “explosion chamber,” where they react violently with each other. The bug then “shoots” bursts of audibly exploding, boiling, corrosive liquid and steam from an opening at the end of its abdomen. (The spray can reach temperatures of 212° F.) The beetle can rotate that abdominal tip 270 degrees, so it can shoot a predator with great accuracy wherever it’s attacking from—from the left side, the right side, from underneath, and even from over its own back. The spray can shoot as far as four times the beetle’s length and a single beetle can make as many as 20 shots from its built-in farting-flame-thrower before it runs out of fuel.

*       *       *

Got a presidential case of dry skin? Try Secret Service hand lotion, the official lotion of the Commander in Chief’s “handlers.” It’s called “1600” for Men (after the White House’s address) and even has the official U.S. Presidential Seal on the label. There’s also Secret Service antibacterial hand wash, glycerin soap, aftershave, and other toiletries, all available in the White House gift shop and on eBay. All proceeds go to the U.S. Secret Service Uniformed Division Benefit Fund and other charities.

Uncle John’s theory about whether or not to eat weird food: If some culture eats it—and has eaten it for decades—it’s probably okay…but then there’s Thorrablot.

B
ACKGROUND

Iceland is located in the far north Atlantic Ocean.

Because of its northern location, for several weeks during the winter it is almost constantly dark. In order to cheer people up during this dark, cold time of the year, beginning late each January, Iceland holds a month-long festival known as
Thorrablot
. Thorrablot translates to “the blessing of Thorri,” an ancient Icelandic mythological spirit of winter. Traditional activities include dances, concerts, and plenty of drinking.

The festival isn’t all fun. Thorrablot also serves to remind residents that, despite the harsh conditions, their forefathers had it a lot worse. Iceland was first settled more than 1,000 years ago, when the only methods for preserving and cooking foods were salting, smoking, pickling, and fermenting. On top of that, there were few food options in Iceland. So today, with a strong sense of cultural pride—and stronger stomachs—modern Icelanders prepare and eat foods the way their ancestors did hundreds of years ago. Do you think you could handle…

HÁKARL:
Shark has always been the most plentiful food source in the ocean around Iceland. But before shark meat can be eaten, it has to be thoroughly treated—sharks secrete urine through their skin, which has to be purged before cooking. First, a side of shark meat is washed, gutted, and placed in a hole in the ground filled with gravel…for
two months
. Then it’s hung outside (Icelanders sometimes use a small wooden shed, or drying shack) for
another
two months. Then the urine is expunged, forming a thick, brown, rotten crust around the shark meat. The crust is peeled off, and though the meat inside looks putrid and smells of ammonia, it is finally safe to cook and eat.

BRENNIVÍN:
The national drink of Iceland, this is a schnapps traditionally served with hákarl. Made of potatoes and carroway, it’s extremely bitter and very potent. Nickname: “Black Death.”

SVIÓ:
Sheep have survived in Iceland for hundreds of years—their wool coats protect them from the harsh elements. They’re also a food source. This dish is a lamb’s head chopped in half, charred in fire (to singe off the hair), then boiled. It’s then served as is, or pickled, or mashed up and mixed with whey into a paste.

LUNDABAGGAR:
A sheep’s liver, colon, and other organs are ground, then mixed with animal fat and rye meal. The mixture is then stuffed back into the sheep stomach where it’s then boiled, pickled, and sliced.

SVIOASULTA:
The meat from a cooked sheep’s head is pressed into a mold and cools. As the meat cools, it softens and congeals into a gelatinous, meaty goo.

HRÚTSPUNGUR:
After being pickled in whey, ram’s testicles are formed into small cakes.

LUTEFISK:
Cod live in cold waters, so this dried, pickled dish is common in nearby Scandinavian countries such as Sweden and Norway, but it’s done a bit differently in Iceland. First, long pieces of cod are hung outdoors so that the wind dries them. Next, lye and wood ashes are added to a bowl of river water, and the cod soaks in the mixture for 24 hours. It’s drained, then re-soaked in water and ash for another 24 hours. Next, the lye is washed off and the fish boils for an hour. It’s salted, then covered with butter and mustard.

RÚGBRAU:
What goes best with this blackened, bitter rye bread that’s traditionally served as hard as a rock? Iceland’s favorite condiment: pickled herring.

HVALSPIK:
This is boiled whale blubber. Stringy, tough, and chewy after boiling, it’s pickled to make it softer to eat (and easier to digest). If whale blubber is unavailable, Icelanders eat
selshreifar
—seal flippers—instead. Happy Thorrablot!

Elvis Presley always had a way with women.

E
LVIS AND THE WOMEN’S-LIB MOVEMENT

In 1996 Professor Joel Williamson of the University of North Carolina spoke at the Second Annual International Conference on Elvis Presley, where he presented an interesting (and odd) theory: The Elvis craze of the 1950s—featuring thousands of women screaming at his concerts—actually laid the groundwork for the Women’s Liberation movement. Williamson’s unusual explanation: “Elvis’s performance provided a venue in which young women could publicly and all together claim ownership of their bodies, declare themselves loudly, clearly, and explicitly to be sexual as well as spiritual characters.”

According to Byron Raphael, Presley’s one-time agent, it didn’t take long for the sparks to fly when the King met Marilyn Monroe in 1956. Fifty years later, Raphael divulged the details of the tryst. Raphael picked up Monroe and brought her to Presley’s hotel suite. “When Elvis saw her,” said Raphael, “they came together and, without saying a word, started kissing. I was in shock. Marilyn, who was 10 years older, said, ‘You’re pretty good for a guitar player.’ Then they went into the bedroom. I didn’t know if I was supposed to leave, or stay and wait, so I just dozed off. The next thing I knew I was startled awake by the door opening and I dove behind the bar. And they both walked out stark naked.”

When a teacher and his sixth-grade class visited Graceland in 2005, they reported hearing music coming from the chapel—an eerie rendition of Marilyn Monroe’s
Diamonds Are a Girl’s Best Friend
. They peered into the room and saw the ghosts of Presley and Monroe getting married. The teacher said that Monroe looked great, but that Presley “didn’t look so good. He was sweating an awful lot.” A clerk who worked at Graceland’s Heartbreak Hotel was there as well. He turned on the lights to get a better look…and the heavenly couple “whisked away into thin air.”

Some news stories are so weird that they need their own special category.

J
UST ANOTHER NIGHT IN ANN ARBOR

“A marriage-minded man ran naked through his neighborhood, trying to show his hesitant girlfriend that taking risks is important. He got more than he bargained for when he ended up being chased and shot at. The couple were discussing marriage when the woman said she wasn’t sure if she was ready, and the man sprang into action to prove he was. After running naked across the street, the man ducked into some bushes when he spotted a couple walking. A 28-year-old man spotted the bushes rustling and bare feet underneath, and drew a .40-caliber handgun, and ordered the naked man to come out, according to police. The naked suitor ran away, but the armed man gave chase and eventually fired a shot. The naked man fell to the ground, suffering minor injuries. Police arrested the gunman on charges of aggravated assault. The naked man was not arrested.”

—Associated Press

“Liu Chun-lin, 22, brushes her eyelashes, fastens her flowing raven hair and then sets off for another day of crying her heart out for someone else’s dead relatives. Liu and her five-member Filial Daughters’ Band are part of a thriving mourning business in Taiwan. They’re professional entertainers paid by grieving families to wail, scream and create the anguished sorrow befitting a proper funeral. The performances are as much a status symbol for the living as a show of respect for the dead. Weary relatives hire groups like the Filial Daughters’ Band for $600 for a half day’s work.”

—
Taipei Times
, 2005

“The Soviet dictator Josef Stalin ordered the creation of Planet of the Apes-style warriors by crossing humans with apes, according to recently uncovered secret documents. Moscow archives show that in the mid-1920s Russia’s top animal-breeding scientist, Ilya
Ivanov, was ordered to turn his skills from horse and animal work to the quest for a super-warrior. According to Moscow newspapers, Stalin told the scientist: ‘I want a new invincible human being, insensitive to pain, resistant and indifferent about the quality of food they eat.’ Mr Ivanov was highly regarded. He had established his reputation under the Tsar when in 1901 he established the world’s first centre for the artificial insemination of racehorses. In 1926 he was dispatched to West Africa with $200,000 to conduct his first experiment in impregnating chimpanzees. Meanwhile, a centre for the experiments was set up in Georgia—Stalin’s birthplace—for the apes to be raised. Mr Ivanov’s experiments, unsurprisingly from what we now know, were a total failure.”

—
The Scotsman

“Ernest G. Johnson, 42, was arrested in Shreveport, La., in May after he, posing as an insurance company employee, roamed the corridors at LSU Hospital seeking to photograph women wearing casts. Said a police detective, ‘It’s like all he wants is to be in the presence of a woman with a cast on and have her attention.’”