Uncle John’s Heavy Duty Bathroom Reader@ (9 page)
Read Uncle John’s Heavy Duty Bathroom Reader@ Online
Authors: Bathroom Readers’ Institute
Actor Dan Aykroyd has webbed toes.
This was where Pedott’s advertising background proved so valuable: In just 30 seconds, the catchy TV commercials he created introduced the Chia Pets to viewers and explained what they were and how they worked. And thanks to the famous “Ch-ch-ch-Chia!” jingle, invented during a brainstorming session when someone playfully stuttered the product’s name, the TV ads indelibly (and annoyingly) imprinted the Chia Pet name in the public mind.
Once those ads hit the airwaves, customers could walk into stores and ask for Chia Pets by name. And they did, by the tens and then by the hundreds of thousands. Whatever resistance retailers had to stocking the little rams—soon to be accompanied by bulls, bunnies, puppies, kittens, frogs, and countless other critters—melted away when the Chia Pets started flying off store shelves.
PERMA CHIA
About the only miscalculation Pedott made in his marketing strategy was that he assumed sales would drop off after a few years. They never did—nearly 30 years after the re-branded, re-marketed Chia Pets hit store shelves in 1982, his company, Joseph Enterprises, still sells about half a million of them a year, including licensed cartoon characters (beginning in 2000) and selected American presidents, including two different versions of President Barack Obama (“Determined,” with a serious look on his face, and “Happy,” with a smiling “Commander in Chia” look). The Obama Chia Pets are the first to depict a living person, and they’re also the most controversial Chia Pets ever: In 2009 both the Walgreens and CVS chains pulled them from store shelves after customers complained. (No word on whether the complaints were from Democrats or Republicans.)
Bestselling fiction author of all time: William Shakespeare. #2: Agatha Christie. (Dr. Seuss is #9.)
H–H–H–HEALTHY
If you were ever tempted to taste a chia seed or sprout but didn’t for fear of being p–p–p–poisoned, you needn’t have worried: The seeds and sprouts are actually good for you. They were an important food crop to the Aztecs and are still grown for food in Central and South America, and now even in Australia.
• The chia seeds are from the
Salvia hispanica
plant, a member of the mint family. They’re rich in omega-3 fatty acids and are also high in protein, fiber, and antioxidants.
• The seeds can be eaten raw or added to corn or wheat flour to make baked goods. The sprouts can be added to sandwiches or sprinkled on salads, just like alfalfa sprouts. In Mexico they’re mixed into water or juice to make a health drink called
chia fresca
. Chia Goodness is a brand of chia/hemp-seed breakfast cereals sold in the United States and Canada.
• If you’ve ever owned a Chia Pet, you know that when the seeds are soaked in water, they form an oily, gelatinous paste. That’s not some chemical that’s added to the seeds to make them stick to the Chia Pet; that’s a natural property of the seeds themselves, one that makes them useful in thickening porridge or oatmeal. That oil is also how the seeds got their name:
Chia
comes from
chian,
the Aztec (or Nahuatl) word for “oily.” The southernmost Mexican state of Chiapas takes its name from the Nahuatl words
chia
and
apan
—”chia river.”
• You may be eating chia seeds already, without even knowing it: They are sold in health food stores under the brand names Salba, Mila, and Sachia. Golf legend Arnold Palmer even has his own line of chia seeds, sold under the brand name Anutra.
POT-ABLE
Chia seeds can’t reach their full potential when planted on a Chia Pet. (How well would you do on a diet of water and no food?) So if you want to see what a full-grown chia plant looks like, plant some seeds in potting soil. They’ll grow more than three feet tall and produce clusters of purple or white flowers on long stems.
“Even a little dog can pee on a big building.”
—Jim Hightower
Average person’s cholesterol level in China: 127. In America: 227.
It’s a new way to describe an old term after a new development requires differentiation. Confused? You won’t be after reading these examples
.
S
nail mail:
It was called “mail” until e-mail. (A shorter version is beginning to catch on—”smail.”)
Land line:
It was just a regular telephone line until cell phones became popular.
Coca-Cola Classic:
The word “classic” was added in 1985 after the release of New Coke, which flopped.
World War I:
Originally called “The Great War” and “The War to End All Wars”…until World War II.
Corn on the cob:
Referred to as “corn” until canned and frozen corn became popular in the 1920s.
Cloth diaper:
The invention of the disposable diaper in 1949 created the need for this term.
Hardcover book:
All books were hardcover until the 1930s, when paperbacks were introduced.
Silent film:
Called “films” until the talkies took over in the late 1920s.
Organic farming:
How farming was done for millennia before chemical fertilizers and pesticides were introduced.
Vinyl records, or vinyl:
Until CDs, records were just records.
Broadcast television:
Needed since the introduction of cable and satellite TV.
Acoustic guitar:
From the 1600s until the 1930s, they were just “guitars.” Then the electric guitar was invented.
George H.W. Bush:
He rarely used his middle initials until his son became president.
Hard copy:
To distinguish a printed, paper document from an e-mailed one.
Contiguous United States:
Coined after Alaska and Hawaii became states in 1959.
Field hockey:
The original “hockey,” it’s still called that in countries where ice hockey, created later, isn’t as popular.
Offline:
What computer users refer to as anything not computer related, such as “outside.”
Moe money: Hank Azaria has voiced more than 160 characters on
The Simpsons
.
Everyone’s got a question or two they’d like answered—basic stuff, like “Why is the sky blue?” Here are a few of those questions, with answers from some of the world’s top trivia experts
.
P
REPARE FOR TAKEOFF
Q:
On commercial airlines, why do you have to put your seat in the upright position before takeoff and landing?
A:
“Should an emergency occur during either of these times, passengers have a better chance of survival if they evacuate the plane immediately. Milliseconds count in these situations, so everyone would be in a mad rush to find an emergency exit. Coach passengers know how difficult squeezing out of a seat mid-flight just to get to the lavatory can be; now imagine that the cabin is filled with smoke and visibility is near zero. Reclined seats, extended table trays, and briefcases in the aisle would cause already panicked folks to stumble and fall, and hamper the evacuation process.” (From
Mental Floss
magazine’s “7 Burning Questions About Air Travel,” by Kara Kovalchik)
EAT ME…NOT!
Q:
What would happen if you ate one of those “Do not eat!” silica gel packets found in the packaging of dry goods such as clothing and medicine?
A:
“Silica gel absorbs and holds water vapor. While the contents of a silica gel packet are basically harmless, consuming them would be an unpleasant experience. The moisture would be whisked away from the sides and roof of your mouth, your gums, and tongue, giving an all-too-accurate meaning of the phrase ‘dry mouth.’ If it did happen to get past your mouth—unlikely because you’d probably be making every effort to spit it out—you might suffer a few irritating side effects such as dry eyes, an irritated, dry feeling in your throat, aggravated, dry mucous membranes and nasal cavity, and an upset stomach.” (From “Discovery Health,” by Katherine Neer)
Color-coded? In one cat taste test, black-and-white birds were the cats’ least favorite.
FLUID ENTERTAINMENT
Q:
Do liquid crystal displays (LCDs) actually contain liquid?
A:
“In this case, the term ‘liquid’ refers to a peculiar quality of a certain type of crystal, not its physical appearance. The
twisted nematic
liquid crystal is the most common type used in LCD televisions and monitors today. It has a naturally twisted crystalline structure. A particular feature of this crystal is that it reacts to electric currents in predictable ways—i.e., by untwisting to varying degrees depending on the current to which it is exposed. Hence the ‘liquid’ part of the crystal’s moniker: Rather than being an oxymoron (How can a solid also be a liquid?), the term refers to the relative pliability of the crystals themselves, which is to say, their twistability.” (From “LCD TV Buying Guide,” by Jack Burden)
CHEER UP, OFFICER!
Q:
Why do police officers wear blue uniforms?
A:
“In 1829 the London Metropolitan Police, the first modern police force, developed standard police apparel. These first police officers, the famous ‘Bobbies’ of London, wore a dark blue, paramilitary-style uniform. The color helped to distinguish them from the British military, who wore red and white uniforms. Based on the London police, the New York City Police Department adopted the dark blue uniform in 1853. Today, most U.S. law enforcement agencies continue to use dark uniforms for their ability to help conceal the wearer in tactical situations and for their ease in cleaning. Dark colors also help hide stains.” (From “The FBI Law Enforcement Bulletin,” by Richard R. Johnson)
DON’T GET TESTY!
Q:
Why do patients have to cough during a hernia exam?
A:
“A hernia occurs when soft tissue, usually part of the intestine, protrudes through a weak point or tear in your abdominal wall. This bulging is most likely to occur when there’s increased pressure on your abdomen, such as when lifting, straining, sneezing, or coughing. Forcing a cough during a hernia exam causes your abdominal muscles to contract and increase pressure within your abdomen. This may force a hernia to bulge out, making it easier to detect during examination.” (From the Mayo Clinic’s website, by Michael Picco, M.D.)
About 6% of the world’s population experiences sleep paralysis—the inability to move for several minutes after awakening.
Truth is elusive, truth is power, truth is the subject of these quotations
.
“We know the truth, not only by the reason, but also by the heart.”
—Blaise Pascal
“The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance. It is the illusion of knowledge.”
—Stephen Hawking
“As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.”
—Josh Billings
“The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.”
—Niels Bohr
“Say not, ‘I have found the truth,’ but rather, ‘I have found a truth.’”
—Khalil Gibran
“There is nothing as boring as the truth.”
—Charles Bukowski
“When something important is going on, silence is a lie.”
—A. M. Rosenthal
“When I tell the truth, it is not for the sake of convincing those who do not know it, but for the sake of defending those that do.”
—William Blake
“The fact that a great many people believe something is no guarantee of its truth.”
—W. Somerset Maugham
“What people say, what people do, and what they say they do are entirely different things.”
—Margaret Meade
“All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them.”
—Galileo
“Truth is so rare that it is delightful to tell it.”
—Emily Dickinson
“The truth has a million faces, but there is only one truth.”
—Hermann Hesse
“All generalizations, including this one, are false.”
—Mark Twain
