Uncle John’s Supremely Satisfying Bathroom Reader® (39 page)

• “An Egyptian sheep destined for sacrificial slaughter in a religious ceremony forestalled his owner’s plans by pushing him to his death from atop a three-story building, police said.… Waheeb Hamoudah, 56, was feeding the sheep he tethered on the rooftop, when it butted him.”

• “A Bedouin shepherd was shot in the chest and killed… when one of his flock jostled his loaded shotgun as he slept, police said.”

—Wire service reports

Athletes? The 1900 Olympic Games included croquet, fishing, billiards, and checkers.

More random questions, with answers from the nation’s top trivia experts.

Q:
How can Day-Glo colors be so brilliant? They look as if they’re actually generating their own light.

A:
“They are. There’s a chemical in Day-Glo colors that takes invisible ultraviolet radiation out of the daylight and converts it into visible light of the same color as the object. The object is not only reflecting light, it is actively
emitting
light, which makes it look up to four times brighter.

“What’s going on is fluorescence, a natural process by which certain kinds of molecules absorb radiation of one energy and emit it as radiation of a lower energy. The molecules in the Day-Glo pigment are absorbing ultraviolet radiation that human eyes can’t see, and reemitting it as light that human eyes can see.” (From
What Einstein Told His Barber,
by Robert L. Wolke)

Q:
Why do spokes on a wagon wheel appear to move backward on television or movie screens?

A:
“It is an optical illusion. When you watch a movie, you are not watching a continuous flow of action, but rather a series of still shots run at 24 frames per second. The human eye cannot detect the gaps between each frame because they occur so rapidly. You see a smooth-running movie.

“If the spokes were spinning at the same rate as the frames of the movie, the wheels would appear to be stationary. But when the spokes are spinning slower than the speed of the film, they don’t make it all the way back to their original position, and as consecutive frames are rolled, the spokes appear to move backward. This illusion is also evident on television, which flashes the picture at 30 times per second.” (From
The Book of Totally Useless Information,
by Don Voorhees)

What for? 60% of athiests and agnostics say they own at least one Bible.

All the undernews that’s fit to print.

•
Cambodia:
Police have broken up a notorious gang of criminals that has been terrorizing the Cambodian countryside for more than a year. “They call themselves the Underwear Gang,” says Lek Vannak, chief of the country’s interior ministry of police. “At night they only wear underwear and carry weapons to rob and assault people in remote villages.…People are living in a lot of fear.” So far 25 members of the Underwear Gang have been caught; 7 more are still at large.

•
Colombia:
Maria Fernanda Lopez, winner of the Miss Antioquia Province beauty pageant, was stripped of her title after posing for a magazine advertisement in underpants. Lopez admitted to posing for the ad, but insisted the garment she wore, skintight black shorts similar to the ones cheerleaders wear under their skirts, wasn’t a pair of underpants—it was a “multifunctional outerwear garment” that can be worn either as underwear or as outerwear.

•
England:
The British chain store Tesco has begun sewing labels into its underpants—instructing men on how to examine themselves for testicular cancer. “Men’s insight into their own anatomy is very poor,” says Ian Banks of the Men’s Health Forum in England. “Having labels in their underpants gives them the information they need.”

•
England:
A British company called Brava PLC has introduced a “breast-enlarging bra” that it says can increase size by as much as one cup size. The bra uses vacuum pressure to achieve its results: hard plastic domes ringed with silicon are held in place with a sports bra; a battery-powered suction pump evacuates the air in the domes, creating a low-pressure environment that supposedly stimulates the breasts to grow. The drawbacks: The bras cost $2,000 to $2,500 apiece, and the suction cups have to be worn 10 hours a day for 10 consecutive weeks to achieve any results. “It’s like buying a gym
membership or an expensive piece of home exercise equipment,” says Dr. James Baker, a skeptic. “How many of us have done that and only used it a few times?”

•
Sweden:
An inventor named Per Wallin has invented underwear with “soothing heated inserts” that he says will ease the pain and discomfort of menstruation. The inserts contain chemicals that generate their own heat for up to an hour.

Each mile of a four-lane freeway takes up more than 17 acres of land.

•
Orlando, Florida:
Costumed workers at Walt Disney World have won the right to wear their own underwear while on duty and in costume in the company’s theme parks.

Why go to court over underwear? Some Disney costumes hug the body so tightly that regular underwear bunches up and can be seen through the costume. To prevent unsightly VPLs (visible panty lines), the company supplies athletic supporters, tights, or cycling shorts that are to be worn in place of undies.

But there’s a catch: Employees are not issued their own garments—everyone has to share. Disney is supposed to launder them in hot water and detergent when employees turn them in at the end of a shift
before
they’re put back in circulation. That apparently wasn’t happening and workers had finally had enough: “Things have been passed around,” says stilt walker Gary Steverson. “I don’t want to share my tights, and I don’t want to share my underwear.”

•
Pueblo, Colorado:
Inventor Buck Weimer has come out with underpants containing a powerful charcoal filter that removes the unpleasant smell of intestinal gas. Weimer invented the garment for his wife, who suffers from a gastrointestinal disorder called Crohn’s disease. The undies, which the Weimers sell under the brand name Under-Ease, are made from airtight fabric and contain an “exit hole” fitted with a removable filter made of charcoal and Australian sheep’s wool. Price: $24.95 a pair. They last for up to six months, but the filters need to be changed every two to three months, “depending on the amount and strength of gas being released.”

Does Under-Ease take care of the unpleasant
sounds
associated with intestinal gas? “No,” says Weimer, “This is not a muffler.”

Bite me! Florida officials receive 8,000 complaints each year about alligators.

We’ve shared many of our favorite offbeat films in past
Bathroom Readers.
This year, we asked our readers to tell us what their favorite movies are. Use this list the next time you’re at the video store staring at rows of titles, wondering which film to choose.

B
EFORE THE RAIN
(1994)
Foreign/Drama

Review:
“Macedonian filmmaker Milcho Manchevski tells a three-part story about the tragic, far-reaching effects of ancient blood feuds and modern-day civil strife in the remnants of Yugoslavia. Riveting and compellingly told.”
(Video
Movie
Guide)

HAROLD AND MAUDE
(1971)
Comedy

Review:
“Oddball black comedy that has become a cult favorite. Harold is a strange young man, rich, spoiled and fascinated with the concept of death. And, that is what draws him to Maude. Maude is old, but she is also eccentric and fun-loving. The two meet at a funeral and fall in love. This is not at all a typical comedy, but the open-minded viewer will be greatly rewarded with insights into human nature.” (Mark
Satern’s Illustrated Guide to Video’s Best)

LIES MY FATHER TOLD ME
(1975)
Drama

Review:
“Simple drama about growing up in the 1920s in a Jewish ghetto. The story revolves around a young boy’s relationship with his immigrant grandfather. Quiet and moving.” (
VideoHound’s Golden
Movie Retriever)

THE LOVED ONE
(1965) Satire

Review:
“Correctly advertised as the picture with something to offend everyone. Britisher Robert Morse attends to his uncle’s burial in California, encountering bizarre aspects of the funeral business. Often howlingly funny, and equally gross. Once seen, Mrs. Joyboy can never be forgotten.”
(Leonard Maltin’s
Movie
and Video Guide)

WAKING NED DEVINE
(1998) Comedy

Review:
“Old Ned Devine has the winning ticket for the Irish

National Lottery—unfortunately, the shock has killed him. The
residents of Tulaigh Morh conspire to fool a bored lottery official into thinking that Michael O’Sullivan is Devine, so that they can share the wealth.…Warm and full of blarney, but never becomes too sappy, or contrived.” (
VideoHound’s Golden Movie Retriever
)

’Snow joke. Per capita, Alaskans eat twice as much ice cream as the rest of the nation.

TRULY, MADLY, DEEPLY
(1991)
Romantic Fantasy

Review:
“A woman grieving for the death of her husband is visited by his ghost. Unusual story of coming to terms with loss, combining wit, insight, and excellent acting. Intelligent, charming, ironic, and exceptionally well-played.”
(Halliwell’s Film and Video Guide)

ROBINSON CRUSOE ON MARS
(1964)
Science Fiction

Review:
“Surprising reworking of the classic Defoe story, with Paul Mantee as a stranded astronaut, at first accompanied by only a monkey. “Friday” turns out to be a similarly trapped alien. Beautifully shot in Death Valley; its intimate nature helps it play better on TV than most space films.”
(Leonard Maltin’s
Movie
and Video Guide)

KING OF HEARTS
(1966)
Foreign

Review:
“Phillippe de Broca’s wartime fantasy provides delightful insights into human behavior. A World War I Scottish infantryman searching for an enemy bunker enters a small town that, after being deserted by its citizens, has been taken over by inmates of an insane asylum. In French with English subtitles.”
(Video
Movie Guide)

GATES OF HEAVEN
(1978)
Documentary

Review:
“(This film) is surrounded by layer upon layer of comedy, pathos, irony, and human nature. I have seen this film perhaps 30 times, and am still not anywhere near the bottom of it: All I know is, it’s about a lot more than pet cemeteries.” (Chicago
Sun-Times)

SHALL WE DANCE?
(1996)
Foreign/Drama

Review:
“This film proves that Japanese filmmakers can fashion charming, feel-good movies every bit as effective as their Hollywood counterparts. The film uses ballroom dancing to explore one man’s struggle for freedom from the suffocating repression of Japanese society. This is a film for anyone who prefers to leave the theater smiling. Winner of 13 Japanese Academy Awards.”
(ReelViews)

Johnny Carson, Michael Douglas, and Clint Eastwood were all once gas station attendants.

When Andy Warhol said “everyone will be famous for fifteen minutes,” he didn’t have animals in mind. Yet even
they
are unable to escape the relentless publicity machine.

T
HE
STAR: A 300 pound hog (name withheld)

THE HEADLINE:
When Pigs Fly, First Class Asks “Why?”

WHAT HAPPENED:
On October 17, 2000, two women and their hog boarded a US Airways flight from Philadelphia to Seattle. They presented a note from a doctor verifying that the animal “was a ‘theraputic companion pet,’ like a guide dog for the blind,” so the airline cleared it to fly.

The hog snoozed through most of the six-hour flight, but got spooked when the plane landed. It charged up and down the aisle, squealing loudly, at one point even trying to smash into the cockpit. Then it hid in the galley until its owners lured it out with food and pushed it off the plane… at which point it fouled the jetway.

THE AFTERMATH:
US Airways immediately revised its companion animal policy specifically to exclude hogs. “We can confirm that the pig traveled,” a spokesperson told reporters, “and we can confirm that it will never happen again. Let me stress that. It will never happen again.”

THE STARS:
Drag racing hamsters of London

THE HEADLINE:
When The Chips Are Down, Bet On Hamsters