Uncle John’s Supremely Satisfying Bathroom Reader® (44 page)

BOOK: Uncle John’s Supremely Satisfying Bathroom Reader®
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Myth:
Blood is red.

Fact:
This is only true part of the time. Blood is red in arteries because it is loaded with oxygen. After the oxygen is used up, blood travels through veins back to the heart and is usually a purplish-blue. When the blood in a vein hits the air because of a cut, it instantly oxidizes and turns red again.

Myth:
Hunger is triggered by an empty stomach.

Fact:
Hunger is set off when nutrients are absent in the bloodstream. In response to this, the brain begins rhythmic contractions of the stomach and intestines, which causes stomach grumbling and the feeling of hunger.

Myth:
A limb “falls asleep” because its blood supply gets cut off.

Fact:
This feeling of numbness—called
neurapraxia
—happens when a major nerve is pinched against a hard object or bone. This causes the harmless temporary sensation of numbness, but the blood continues to flow normally.

Myth:
Pandas are bears.

Fact:
The red panda is an extremely large cousin of the raccoon.

Homebodies: 75% of migrating robins will return to within 5 miles of where they lived before.

MAKING HIS MARK

Sometimes being in the right place at the right time makes all the difference. Here’s a great story submitted by our official BRI coincidencologist, Janet Spencer. (See if you can guess the surprise ending.)

A
YOUNG WRITER’S BIG BREAK

In 1866, the clipper ship
Hornet
was sailing from California to New York with a cargo of kerosene and candles. A thousand miles from land and 108 days into the voyage, a careless sailor accidentally set the cargo on fire. The 33 men abandoned the ship in three life boats, each with a 10-day supply of rations. They drifted apart, and two of the lifeboats were never seen again. The third one, piloted by the captain floated 4,000 miles in 43 days until it landed safely in Hawaii.

A correspondent for a California newspaper was in Hawaii at the time, and went to the hospital to interview the men. He worked on the story all night and sent the article out on a California-bound ship the next day. His account was the first detailed report to reach the mainland—and it was a scoop. He was paid an astounding $300 bonus for it. On his return trip to California, he found that two of his fellow shipmates were survivors of the
Hornet.
He interviewed them and compiled an even more detailed article. The prestigious magazine
Harper’s Monthly
purchased it.

OR WAS IT?

The writer expected to achieve instant fame and worldwide name recognition with the article’s publication. Unfortunately,
Harper’s
goofed—they misprinted his name. The correspondent was Samuel Clemens using his pen name, Mark Twain. But
Harper’s
listed the author as “Mac Swain.” Twain’s dreams of fame were dashed. “I was not celebrated,” Twain later lamented, “I was a Literary Person, but that was all—a buried one; buried alive.”

Not quite. Within months of the Harper’s debacle, Clemens’ short story “The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County” became a national hit. This time, the publisher got his name right—and Mark Twain became a star.

U.S. city with the highest percentage of cell phone users: Anchorage, Alaska, with 56%.

NAME A FAMOUS JOHN

Where do game shows go when they die? It’s called the Game Show Network, and it’s where you can catch reruns of the
Family Feud.
(No cable? Don’t fret

there’s a new version of the
Feud
in syndication.)

L
ET’S START THE FAMILY FEUD!

In 1976, game show guru Mark Goodson
(The Price Is Right, Concentration, Password, I’ve Got a Secret)
had an inspiration. One segment of another of his hits,
Match Game,
featured an Audience Match round, in which a panelist—usually Richard Dawson—and a contestant tried to match responses to an audience survey. The segment was so popular that Goodson decided to spin it off as a regular show, starring Dawson as host.

Richard Dawson was a British comedian who got his first big break in 1965 playing “Newkirk” on the classic TV sitcom
Hogan’s Heroes.
When the show was cancelled in 1971, he landed a gig on
Rowan & Martin’s Laugh-In,
and when that show died he went on to
Match Game 73.
Then came the
Feud.

MATCH THIS

Family Feud
premiered on ABC on July 12, 1976 and quickly surpassed
Match Game
as the top-rated daytime game show, even winning an Emmy Award. And Dawson’s easygoing manner, sharp wit, and style were central to the show’s success. He kissed every female contestant, joked with the families and with the camera, and did it with such style that audiences couldn’t help but like him. The show became so popular that Goodson created a primetime version, featuring popular celebrities feuding for charity. And that show was so popular that he expanded it from one night a week in 1977 to two nights a week in 1979 to five nights a week in 1980. At its peak, the
Feud
with Dawson appeared 15 times per week.

But fame went to Dawson’s head. Behind the scenes he was not so easygoing. He fought constantly with the
Family Feud
and Match
Game
staffs. On Match Game, he stopped making jokes and even refused to smile on camera. Frustrated producers were happy to let him out of his contract when he left in 1978.

Bank robber John Dillinger used Ford cars exclusively for his getaway vehicles.

But Dawson stayed with the
Feud,
and the
Feud
stayed on top, maintaining its #1 status for years. Then, in 1983, it was eclipsed by a new show,
Wheel of Fortune,
and that was the beginning of the end. The nighttime
Family Feud
was cancelled in 1984; the daytime
Feud
was cancelled a year later. Dawson’s career pretty much ended, too. His reputation for being difficult preceded him, and work was hard to find. But his rep did help him land one part: that of the evil game show host Damon Killian in the 1987 Arnold Schwarzenegger’s film
The Running Man.

NEW LEASE ON LIFE

In 1988 Mark Goodson talked CBS into reviving the
Feud.
It was the same old show, with a new host—Ray Combs, a furniture salesman turned stand-up comic. Then Goodson freshened it up by renaming it
Family Feud Challenge,
lengthening it to one hour, and adding some new features. Combs was no Dawson, but the show continued to do reasonably well until 1992, when Goodson died and ratings started to slip.

Goodson had once remarked that while he was alive, Dawson would never work with his company again, but his son, Jonathan, was desperately looking for a way to save the
Feud.
In 1994 he fired Ray Combs and asked Dawson, now 62, to return as host. It didn’t help—bringing back the veteran wasn’t enough to save the show, and it was cancelled a year later.

I WANT MY
FAMILY FEUD!

Family Feud
was off the air for four years. In 1997 the British conglomerate Pearson Television acquired the U.S. syndication company All American Communications, which owned the Goodson library of game show formats. Now the Brits owned the show, and they decided to bring it back once again. They needed a warm and friendly host who could work well with families. After looking at lots of options, they chose another stand-up comic, Louie Anderson. According to Tony Cohen, Pearson president, “Louie appeals to that kind of Middle American audience which we think is the
Family Feud
heartland.”

In September 1999, Anderson took the helm. The revamped set, new theme music, and dollar amounts aside, the
Feud
today is played pretty much the same as it always has been. The show with
Anderson gets consistently high ratings.

Top speed of astronauts traveling to the moon: 24,679 mph.

One Final Note:
What happened to Ray Combs? In 1993 his 18-year marriage collapsed. Two years later, he was involved in a serious car crash, which left him partially paralyzed. He had earned $800,000 per year for his six-year stint as host of
Family Feud,
but the money was gone. In 1995 he finally landed another game show—a
Double Dare
wannabe called
Ray Combs’ Family Challenge
—but it lasted only six months. In 1996, out of work, alone, and destitute, the 40-year-old Combs committed suicide.

FEUD FACTS

• The original
Feud
theme song was actually a
Price Is Right
new-car song, redone with banjos.

• In 1981 a 27-year-old
Feud
contestant, Gretchen Johnson, received more than a kiss from Dawson: the couple had a child and married 10 years later.

• Given serious consideration for
Family Feud
host: Dolly Parton.

• Louie Anderson was the victim of extortion after he allegedly propositioned a man named Richard Gordon at a California casino in 1993. Anderson reportedly agreed to pay the man $100,000 in hush money, fearing for his career. But Gordon upped the ante to $250,000, so Anderson went to the police. Gordon was convicted of extortion and sentenced to 21 months in a federal penitentiary.

SIGHT FOR SOAR EYES

Mr. See and Mr. Soar were old friends. See owned a saw and Soar owned a seesaw. Now, See’s saw sawed Soar’s seesaw before Soar saw See, which made Soar sore. Had Soar seen See’s saw before See saw Soar’s seesaw, then See’s saw would not have sawed Soar’s seesaw. But See saw Soar and Soar’s seesaw before Soar saw See’s saw, so See’s saw sawed Soar’s seesaw. It was a shame to let See see Soar so sore just because See’s saw sawed Soar’s seesaw.

Odds a child will be born albino: 1 in 9,000.

SURVEY SAYS…

Remember the Fast Money round on Family Feud? Answers come easily when you’re sitting on your sofa…but imagine the pressure you’d feel on national television. You might even say something stupid.

Q:
Name a fruit that is yellow.

A:
Orange.

Q:
Name something that floats in the bath.

A:
Water.

Q:
Name a famous cowboy.

A:
Buck Rogers.

Q:
A number you have to memorize.

A:
Seven.

Q:
Name a part of the body beginning with “N.”

A:
Knee.

Q:
Something you do before going to bed.

A:
Sleep.

Q:
Name a bird with a long neck.

A:
Naomi Campbell.

Q:
Name something with a hole in it.

A:
Window.

Q:
Name a sign of the zodiac.

A:
April.

Q:
Name something you might accidentally leave on all night.

A:
Your shoes.

Q:
Name a holiday when the stores are always busy.

A:
Monday.

Q:
Name something some people do clothed that others do without clothes.

A:
Ride a motorcycle

Q:
Name something you do in the bathroom.

A:
Decorate.

Q:
Name the first thing you take off after work.

A:
Underwear.

Q:
Something that flies that doesn’t have an engine.

A:
A bicycle with wings.

Q:
Name an occupation where you need a torch.

A:
A burglar.

Q:
Name an animal you might see in the zoo.

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