Uncontrollable (34 page)

 “So.” She tries to smile down at me. “Let’s start
planning this wedding.”

Angel pulls back from my dad wiping her eyes and
smiling brightly. “Yes, let’s start planning our wedding.” She looks at me.

 “I don’t want to wait,” she says looking to me. “I
also don’t want to be fat.” She giggles rubbing her belly.

 “How about in two weeks?” I offer. The sooner she
is my wife, the better.

“Two weeks?” We both look up at my mom who stands
there looking at us wide-eyed.

“I have faith in you, Vivian.” Angel laughs.

 My mom smiles as her eyes get soft. “Two weeks,”
she agrees.

I watch as Angel stands up and walks off with my
mom as she rambles on about looking some stuff up on the internet. I turn and
look at my dad as he watches them walk out of the room as well.

“Thanks Dad,” I say getting his attention.

He smiles. “No need to thank me. I was telling her
the truth.” He reaches out and pulls me into a hug. “I love you son, and I’m
very proud of you.”

I pull away somewhat stunned. “You can be the most
powerful person in the world, but nothing compares to having a woman who loves
you.” He pats my shoulder. “And that woman loves you.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

I walk into our house with a
smile on my face feeling much better. Just letting Slade’s parents know about
the baby has lifted my spirits to an all-time high. They are just as excited as
we are. Or as I am.

I look over at Slade as we walk past the kitchen to
head back to our bedroom. “I’m gonna grab a bottle of water. Would you like
one?” he asks pulling his phone out of his back pocket as I hear it vibrate.

 “Yes please,” I say with a smile hoping he returns
it. He doesn’t.

He nods his head once as he looks down at his phone
before turning around to walk off into the kitchen.

I make my way back to the bedroom and go to the
closet to get undressed and ready for bed. Once I walk in I spot the handcuffs
lying on the floor on his side of the closet and I smile. We haven’t had sex
since before the accident. Come to think of it, he hasn’t touched me in any sexual
way since then.

Bending down to pick them up, I walk back into the
kitchen. With a big smile on my face, I hold them up and say, “Wanna play?”

He looks up to me and my smile drops off my face.
His baby blue eyes are dark and his jaw is tight. His nose flares as he looks
to the cuffs and then back to me.

 He stalks over to me and yanks them out of my
hand. “You want me to use these on you?” he asks in disbelief as he looks down
at the marks that still cover my wrists.

“It’s been awhile.” I shrug, nervously answering
his question. “I just thought…”

 “We’re never using them again,” he snaps before he
spins around and goes to throw them in the trash.

What happened? Why is he so mad? “What?” I ask
confused. He starts to pace back and forth in the kitchen as he frantically
mutters to himself. “Is everything okay?” I know it’s not but I need to know
what’s going on.

I think he’s losing it.

He gives a laugh but it holds no humor. “No.
Everything is not fucking okay,” he rants before tossing his phone onto the
kitchen island.

“What’s wrong?” I ask getting more worried by the
second. “Whatever, we can get through it together,” I try to reassure him with
the same words he did to me in the hospital.

“I can’t get over something that I can’t fucking
forget,” he snaps, and I take a step back shocked by his anger.

 “I don’t understand…” I whisper. He was just fine
not ten minutes ago.

“Of course you don’t understand because you can’t
remember.” He points a finger at his chest. “I remember everything.” He spits
out the words.

 “Do you know I watched that bastard take you?” he
asks catching me off guard.

 Huh? “How…?”

 “The surveillance camera showed all of it.” He
waves a hand in the air.

 I place my hand over my mouth and shake my head
quickly. Oh, God. I forgot about the surveillance cameras.

He nods his head quickly wide-eyed. “Yeah. I saw
him hit you. Drag you across the concrete. I spent three hours looking for
you,” he bellows, “with my last memory of you lying unconscious in the
passenger seat of your fucking car. With nothing else to go on.” His body
shakes from his anger. “Not knowing where he was taking you.” He points at
himself. “When I finally did find you, you were in a rundown house in the
middle of nowhere. Your hands were tied behind your back along with your feet
tied together,” he rants. “I held you in my arms as you appeared to be dead.”
His voice cracks and tears start to well up in his eyes. “Then in the
hospital,” he adds angrily, “I had to hold you down while you screamed that I
was hurting you. Fuck, I probably was. Do you know what that did to me?” he
demands.

I shake my head as tears run down my cheeks.

“You thought I gave you those marks,” he says in
disbelief as he points to my wrists. “You honestly thought I did that.”

I shake my head. “I didn’t know…”

“You thought it was me,” he stresses, and I try to
swallow the lump in my throat.

He takes a step back and runs a hand through his
hair. “I had you sedated,” he says more to himself than to me as if he can’t
believe he did it.

“What?” my voice cracks.

“I had no other choice,” he snaps defensively. “Do
you know what
that
did to me? Knowing I could hurt you or the baby?” he
asks, and his voice shakes with fear.

“We’re okay.” I place a hand over my stomach.

“He made me take that chance,” he yells once again
referring to Jax. “It could have hurt our child. I would have had to live with
that.” His face is starting to turn red from shouting so much.

I try to imagine the fear he must have felt. For
me. For our child.

I look down to his cell phone lighting up as it
vibrates. He looks down at it and presses ignore.

“I lie awake at night waiting for you to wake up.”
He lets out a shaky breath and quickly wipes his face clean with his hands.
“Even when you don’t wake up, you talk in your sleep. You mention Jax, and you
beg him to stop.” He shakes his head and then his watery eyes meet mine. “You
have no idea how much that breaks my heart. I don’t know what’s happening to
you, and I can’t save you.”

His phone rings once again, and he presses ignore
before muttering a curse.

“Why are you so mad at me?” I ask trying to
understand the reason of his outburst.

“Because you want me to fucking restrain you and
then fuck you,” he fumes as if it’s an absurd idea. “What if halfway through
you start to panic? Have flashbacks?”

I shake my head. “That wouldn’t happen…”

“You don’t know that,” he yells before he slams his
hands down on the kitchen island.

 “Quit yelling at me,” I demand fisting my hands
down to my side. “I remember things too, Slade,” I spit out tired of this shit.
“I remember him saying you’ve been keeping secrets from me.” His body stiffens,
and he sucks in a breath. “Wanna tell me what he meant?” I inquire, placing my
arms over my chest.

“He was on drugs,” he exclaims. “The motherfucker
had no clue what he was talking about.”

 “He seemed to have known something,” I retort
angrily. Was Jax messed up? Yes. But do I feel Slade is keeping something from
me? Yes.

“He was just trying to hurt you.” He rolls his eyes
dramatically as if I’m the dumbest bitch he’s ever known. “He would have told
you anything to be mad at me, and it pisses me off that you believed the son of
a bitch,” he spits out.

“Oh, and I guess you think me remembering someone
else there was my stupidity as well?” I snap.

“There was no one else there,” he yells.

There had to have been.
“I remember,” I cry
as tears fill my eyes. “I remember his hands on the back of my neck holding my
face down into a mattress. I couldn’t breathe,” I shout furious at remembering.
“I heard voices.
Voices
, Slade,” I stress. “There was someone else there
who helped him.”

 He stares at me with hatred, and I stare back with
narrowed eyes.

The house phone rings, and he storms over to where
it sits on the kitchen counter. He picks up the phone and yanks it out of the
wall before he throws it across the room and it hits the glass cabinets,
shattering them.

 The glass scatters into tiny little pieces on the
tile floor. “I’m sorry,” I cry out, covering my mouth, and take a step back.
“I’m trying to remember more. I know I would be of more help.”

“I don’t want you to remember,” he thunders,
throwing his hands up in the air more pissed than ever. “I don’t want you to go
through this.” His voice softens, and he shakes his head as he looks down to
the glass.

His figure starts to blur as the tears well up in
my eyes and I feel my phone vibrate in my back pocket. I blink a few times
before I reach around and grab it.
Parker
lights up.

 I go to press ignore when Slade comes over and
snatches it from my hand and answers. “Stop fucking calling. I told you I will
talk to you about it later,” he snaps. “No. It’s not possible.” He shakes his
head quickly to himself. “You said this wasn’t a possibility.” He spins around
giving me his back as he runs his hand through his hair. “I don’t care what you
have to do. Make it happen,” he yells before he hangs up, and then I watch him
shut my phone off before tossing it onto the island beside his.

He takes a few deep breaths trying to calm down his
anger as he starts to pace once again.

Make it happen? A possibility?
I swallow
nervously afraid that what I’m about to ask might have us going for round two
in this screaming match. “What’s going on?”

 He places his hands on the island and hangs his
head. He takes in a deep breath before he speaks. “Jax is trying to get
immunity.”

 “What does that mean?”

 He looks up to me and my heart breaks at the sight
of him. Of what I put him through. “Means he wants to make a deal,” he grinds
out. “He wants to rat out someone else in order to make a deal for himself.”

“The other guy I remember?” I ask.

 He shakes his head. “Dallas.”

Who the hell is Dallas? I remember hearing Tate and
Slade mention that name at the hospital. “Can that happen? Will they release
him?” I ask starting to panic.

 He shakes his head quickly. “Over my dead body,” he
growls through clenched teeth.

“Don’t say that,” I say walking over to him.

I come up next to him, and he looks down at me. His
blue eyes still hard and jaw tight. He swallows and then pushes away from the
kitchen island. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me into him.

I inhale deeply letting his scent calm my nerves.
He kisses my hair and speaks. “I promise you he won’t get out.”

I look up at him and give him a small smile. “I
believe you.” I reach up and place my lips on his giving him a soft kiss, just
out lips touching. He then goes to pull away, but I tighten my grip on him and
try to deepen the kiss.

He grabs a hold of my shoulders and pushes me away.
“Stop,” he growls.

“Why won’t you touch me?” I sigh.

“I told you why. You’re not ready for that. Your
body is still trying to heal,” he snaps.

“I feel fine,” I argue. I’m a little tired but that
could be due to the pregnancy.

His voice softens. “Quit saying you’re fine when
your body proves otherwise.” He sighs running a hand through his hair. “If I were
to take you right now it would be for my own selfish reasons, and I won’t be
that guy.” He shakes his head to himself. He then grabs the keys out of his
pocket and his cell phone off of the kitchen island. “I have to go and see
Parker. Don’t wait up.”

He kisses my forehead before he walks out of the
kitchen, leaving me standing there wondering how long it will take us to get
past this. How long will Jax continue to affect us?

It’s been three days since I
had my outburst in our kitchen. I couldn’t keep it in anymore. I understand she
remembers things but for her to want me to cuff and fuck her—I just couldn’t do
it. I told her she wasn’t ready but the truth is, I’m not ready. And that fact
makes me sound like a fucking pussy but it’s the truth. We are both not ready,
each for our own reasons.

 Things are better between us. I came back home a
few hours later that night and she was already asleep, only waking up twice
with nightmares. Then the following morning to her making breakfast. She acted
like our fight had never happened, and I’m okay with that.

 After my three hour conversation with Parker about
Jax wanting immunity, I could have used some good news. Her pretending our
argument never happened and the fact that she wants to plan our wedding has helped.

Every day is getting better for both of us, and I
know that all we need is time to get through all of it. I’m sitting on the
couch with Parker and Micah at our house, as Angel and Holly are in the kitchen
going over wedding stuff. That is all she has done since we figured out a date
at my parents’ house. We had everyone over last night and announced the
pregnancy. Well, everyone except Missy. She didn’t answer when Angel called her
so she left her a message inviting her over.