Uncontrollable (49 page)

 I take in a shaky breath. “What is the possibility
of brain damage?” I ask as tears fill my eyes.

“We have no way of knowing that until she wakes up,
and we run some more tests,” she states writing something down on a chart that
she is holding.

The sound of the ventilator fills her quiet room,
and I try to hold down the lump in my throat once again.

I swallow it down but the tears flow easily down my
cheeks. She looks to be dead, and it’s a terrifying feeling seeing the one you
love look so far away. I wanna shake her as I yell wake up. Look at me. Just
like I did when she was in the hospital after we found her in that house with
Jax. But I know this time won’t be the same. I won’t be able to leave things
out like I did then. I’ll have to remind her that we were fighting, that I was
being a total ass and wasn’t speaking to her.

I reach down and grab a hold of her cold, pale
hand, careful not to touch the IV and bandages that cover the gashes.

I look at the machines and see one that is moving
rather quickly. “What does that machine mean?” I ask pointing to it.

 “That one is a fetal heart monitor so we can
monitor your child.” She smiles. “The baby is doing just fine.”

She smiles as she places a pen in her scrub pocket.
“I will be right outside at that desk if you need me.” She goes to walk out but
stops. “Talk to her. Let her know that you’re here.” She walks over to the
corner of her small room and picks up a bag. “Here are her belongings.” She
hands it to me, and I numbly take it then she starts to walk out leaving me
alone with my wife. “Her wedding ring is with security but everything else is
in there,” she adds.

I open it up to find her iPhone with a bloody and
shattered screen. I run my finger over the picture of us in Paris smiling as
she holds the lock that I had engraved with our names.

A sob comes out that I don’t even try to swallow
down. Even with the cracked screen I can see her beautiful smile and bright
green eyes.

 I place it back in the bag and pull out a small
blurry picture that sits at the bottom.

I look at it frowning for a few seconds before I
realize it’s an ultrasound from her appointment today. I smile as I run my
fingers over it. “I promise I’m going to do things differently,” I say quietly.
“I’m gonna be the best daddy and husband I can be.” I look up from it and stare
at my wife once again.

 I take in a deep breath. “Angel,” I say softly.
“I’m here, baby. I’m so sorry.” I know nothing I can say will ever make this
right or ever make her believe me. “I failed you.” My voice wavers, and I clear
my throat. “I told you I would always protect you, and I failed.” I stand from
my chair, lean down, and kiss her forehead. “I won’t fail ever again, Angel,” I
promise with a malice to my voice. “No one will ever hurt you again. I love
you, and I’m going to show you just how much.”

I haven’t left her side in
over nine hours. I haven’t even gotten up to go to the restroom. Others have
been allowed to come and see her but they are very strict on how many they
allow in her room at a time. So the last two hours it has just been me and her
and the nurse when she comes in to check on things. I’ve told her stories of my
childhood. I’ve told her things that she could make for the bakery. I’ve tried
coming up with names for our baby. Anything and everything you can think of, I
have spoken about it. I’ve cried until my throat is raw, and I’ve begged for
forgiveness until I’m blue in the face.

I’m so tired. The adrenaline of everything has worn
off, and all I’m left with is a broken heart and regret.

I sigh laying my head down on my knuckles and
closing my eyes. They snap open as the nurse enters.

 She starts to change some sort of settings on her
IV bag. “This is a drip of propofol that I’m decreasing. The doctor has ordered
to reduce the sedation and allow her to wake up so we can run some neuro checks
in regards to her brain injury. Her CT at the time showed no bleeds but the
doctor wants to make sure there’s no swelling now.”

“What does that mean?” I ask trying to understand
what the hell she’s saying.

 “Swelling could be caused by the amount of fluids
she has been given during and since surgery,” she explains, which doesn’t tell
me much. “When the doctor comes in to do his neuro checks he will want to speak
to you. Explain everything.” She pauses for a few seconds. “I know her name is
Samantha but does she like to go by anything else?”

 I look up at her with confusion.

 She smiles softly. “We like the patients to feel
as comfortable as possible. They are more likely to respond,” she adds.

 I nod. “She likes to go by Sam,” I say looking
back down to her as I take her hand in mine.

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

I feel the pain in my body
before I can even open my eyes. It’s a burning sensation throughout, and I feel
as if I’m being pulled from all angles. I can’t move much, everything feels
real tight.

I feel like my throat is on fire. The entire left
side of my body feels like needles are poking into my skin. I try taking in a
deep breath, but there’s only a small amount there. A sharp pain in my chest,
and a lot of pressure. I feel like someone is sitting in top of me and my heart
pounding as it takes my breath away. My heart rate picks up and I start to
panic, I hear a frantic beeping noise.

 “Sam,” I hear a woman’s voice say. “It’s okay. That
is a tube in your mouth that is trying to help you breathe.”

I can’t breathe? I try to move my head but I can’t.

“And there’s a collar on your neck to keep your
head steady. You’ve been in an accident, but you’re going to be okay.”

 An accident?
The baby.
I try to move my
arms to rest on my belly but they won’t move.

“Your baby is okay,” she adds like she’s watching
my movements. “Can you understand me?”

I try to open my eyes. They open just enough for me
to see a set of yellow scrubs and then they close, too heavy to hold open. I
try to nod but it’s hard due to the collar she mentioned.

 “My name is Vicki, and I’m your nurse. Slade, your
husband, is here as well. He is holding your left hand.” She pauses. “Slade
please squeeze her hand,” she softly requests.

I feel him squeeze it, and I relax a little.

“Okay, can you open your eyes?” she asks.

 The room falls quiet. The only sound is the
beeping from the machines—now at a steady rhythm. It starts to lull me back to
sleep.

“Sam? I need you to open your eyes for me,” she
speaks again.

 I open them slowly and then close them. The bright
light assaults them. I try again knowing she wants me to open them.

It’s hard to make out what things are. I can see
colors and shapes but things are blurry.

“Very good,” she assures me. “I’m going to shine a
light in your eyes.”

I blink rapidly as the new and brighter light hurts
my eyes but not before I see the tube in my mouth. I try to lift my hands to
remove it but they don’t make it very far before they are stopped. I can feel
something wrapped around each wrist. I feel Slade squeeze my left hand a little
harder as he pushes it back down to rest by my side.

 The nurse grabs my right hand and places it back
down as well. “No,” she says gently, “that tube is helping you breathe. It’s
okay, and we’ll take it out soon.” Then she lowers her voice and speaks to
Slade. “Slade, I need that hand for a second. Sam can you squeeze my hands?” I
squeeze it. “Both of them?” and I realize she is still holding onto my other
one.

I squeeze that one as well. “Can you make a fist?
Try to hurt me.” I do but it causes pain in my left arm.

“Good girl,” she says. “Slade here’s her hand back,
keep holding it.” I feel a draft of cold air down on my feet and legs. “Sam,
can you feel me touching your feet? Squeeze Slade’s hand if you do.”

 I squeeze his hand gently but enough to let him
know that I do.

 “She is,” Slade speaks for the first time. It make
me close my eyes tighter. His voice sounds so hoarse.

“Good girl. Can you wiggle your toes?” I do it but
they feel like they are moving really slow. “Good girl.” Then I feel them being
wrapped up in warmth once again.

“Slade, she is moving everything, and seems to be
able to feel everything, plus she’s following commands. We’ll be able to get
that tube out very quickly. I’ll let the doctor know so that we can get work on
that. Then he’ll be in after the tube is out to do a full neuro exam.”

I open my heavy eyes and try to look around but I
close them once again. It’s just too bright in this room.

“Sam, are you hurting?” I hear her ask.

 I try to nod my head but can’t do the collar, so I
squeeze Slade’s hand.

“Does that mean yes?” he asks sounding worried.

 I squeeze it again.

“She must be, she’s squeezing my hand,” he responds
quickly.

“I’ll get you some additional pain medicine.”

Then I feel her hand on my right arm she speaks
softly to Slade. “I’m going to go ahead and remove the restraints but I need
you to keep her hands in yours. Okay?”

He clears his throat. “I can do that.”

“Sam, I’m gonna free your hands but I need you to
not touch the tube down your throat. Can you do that for me?”

 I squeeze Slade’s hand, and I open my eyes a
little once again. I see Slade run his hand down over his tired looking face
before I close them.

“Can you turn the lights off?” he asks softly.

 “Absolutely. I’ll be right back.” And then there’s
nothing but the sounds of the machines once again and the sound of others off
in the background.

 I open my eyes and am thankful for the softer
light that comes from the wall behind me.

Slade looks down at me, and it breaks my heart to
see the tears in his eyes. I go to tell him I’m sorry for the fight, for the
accident, but realize I can’t. I start to lift my hand to the tube, and he
grabs a hold of it. “No, baby.”

 I blink a few times as tears well up in my eyes.

 “It’s okay. They are going to remove it soon.” He
licks his lips and sighs.

 The tears spill over my eyes and down my cheeks.

 He stands up and leans over me. Very slowly he
leans down and kisses me on the forehead. “I’m so sorry, Angel,” he says softly
as he sits back down.

 I try shaking my head as tears run down the sides
of my cheeks. It’s all my fault. I’m the one who should be sorry. I don’t
remember what happened regarding the accident, but I know we were fighting. I
know I had messed up, and he was mad at me.

 He places his forehead on his hand that’s holding
mine. “I should have never got mad at you.” He sighs. “I should have never
missed the appointment for our baby.” He lifts his head to look at me and tears
run down his face. “But I promise you, things will be different. I’m here, and
I won’t ever turn my back on you again,” he vows before kissing my hand.
“Please tell me you’re going to give me that chance?”

And I do the only thing I can do. I squeeze his hand.

The next three days are just
as exhausting for Angel. They removed the tube down her throat and her chest
tube but due to the pain medication she stays pretty much out of it. Our
friends and family come in to see her. She opens her eyes and speaks some but I
don’t really think she knows what all she’s saying.

By the fourth day I stand and stretch, trying to
loosen the crick in my neck and back. They really should make these chairs more
comfortable for the loved ones. At least she has been moved out of ICU and into
a step-down unit.

I make my way into the restroom. I just finish
washing my hands when I hear her voice frantically say my name.

 I shove the bathroom door open and run out to find
her sitting up and blinking. She’s looking around as if she doesn’t know here
she’s at.

Parker is no longer sleeping on the other chair.
He’s standing looking around unfocused with his blanket on the floor down by
his feet.

I make my way to the side of her bed and softly
grab her hand in mine. “You’re okay,” I say softly.

She sniffs as tears slowly run down her face. “I
thought….I thought.” She takes in a deep breath and looks me in the eyes. “I
went and saw Jax. He said…”

 “I know,” I say interrupting her. She tried to
tell me a hundred things at once as soon as they removed the tube down her
throat. But her voice wasn’t a hundred percent there at the time.

She shakes her head. “He said someone is after you.
You have to believe me,” she cries.

“I do,” I say for her benefit. “I…”

The door to her room opens and in walks Tate with
coffees for us and a bottle of water for himself. “Hey, sis,” he says softly as
his eyes land on hers. “You’re awake.” He smiles.

She places her face in her hands and bursts into
tears. “Can you guys give us a minute?” I ask looking at Tate and then to
Parker.

“No,” Angel says as she looks up to us. “Parker
believes me.” She looks to him.“Please tell him. Tell him what I told you.”

He looks to me with a straight face and sighs. “I
do believe someone wants to hurt you. And they have,” he says matter-of-fact.

 “What happened?” Angel asks as her eyes start to
look me up and down.

“Nothing. I’m fine,” I say trying to ease her
concern. Then I look at Parker with narrowed eyes. He needs to quit upsetting
her.

He arches an eyebrow as if in question. “If someone
really wanted to hurt you, what would they need to do?” His eyes look away from
mine and land on her. “There’s only one thing you couldn’t live without. Maybe
they want to take that from you and let you destroy your own life,” he
finishes.

“Well, you did already have one meltdown in this
hospital and then punched Parker. You’re lucky they didn’t have you arrested,”
Tate adds.

 “What?” Angel frowns. “Why would you do that?”

 “I was just mad, and he was the closest to me. I
would have punched anyone at the time,” I shrug.

She gets my attention as she grabs my hand. “This
is more than my accident. Jax knew things.”

 “What kind of things?” I ask. She now has me
concerned.

“He said someone was always watching and
listening.” She looks up to Tate. “He knew about the house getting broke into.
The truck…”

 I pull back stunned. “How would he know all of
that?” I ask aloud.

“He’s only been back since what? You talked to him
on New Year’s Eve. He had been in jail up until then…” Tate trails off when he
realizes what he’s saying. He looks to his sister wide-eyed before he tries to
correct himself. “I mean…uh…”

 I wave off his concern. She and I have already had
this fight. She knows what I kept from her.

 I reach up and push some hair back off of her
face. Her eyes aren’t as swollen as they were, but cuts still show on her face
and the bruises from the airbag are still there.

 “So, you think Sam’s accident had to do with the
events from last year?” Tate asks Parker.

“It’s the only thing that makes sense,” he says
simply.

“It’s far from making sense,” Angels sighs as she
lays against her pillow as Missy walks in with a big stuffed teddy bear under
her arm.

She smiles and walks over to her bed. “I brought you
a little gift.”

“That’s not little. That’s bigger than you,” Tate
says trying to get some reaction out of her but she ignores him.

I lean over and give her a kiss on the cheek. “I’ll
be right outside the door talking to the guys.”

 “What was the verdict on the accident?” I ask
Parker as soon as we make our way into the hallway.

“An accident that resulted in a fatality. They
didn’t feel it needed to be investigated.”

 Since all the events had happened last year, I
kept telling her that they were all related. They had to have been.

I start to pace in the hallway trying to figure out
how to connect the dots. Then a thought hits me, and I look to Parker.

“You have the one thing that could tell me
everything I need to know,” I say pointing at him.

He frowns in confusion. Then he looks at me
wide-eyed. He starts shaking his head quickly as he takes a step back. “No.
Trust me. You don’t want to see it.”

“I need to see it. It’s the only way,” I say
gritting my teeth. Does he really think I want to watch my wife get in a car
wreck right before my eyes? It’s something that I will forever wonder. I have
to know if this was an accident or on purpose.

Tate frowns as he looks back and forth between the
two of us.

“Have you lost your mind?” Parker finally asks
after a few long seconds.

 “No. I almost lost my wife. Twice! My mind is
pretty fucking clear,” I say simply.