Uncovering You 9: Liberation (15 page)

I look at the camera in Jeremy’s office. To my surprise, he’s not there. Am I alone in this house? Do I have to wait until nightfall, again, to be able to talk to him?

Then a brief flash of movement catches my eye. I look at the screen and see, in the corner, what I think is the edge of one loafer. It’s hard to tell with the camera’s resolution. And then—there! I see it move again, low on the screen.

It’s the camera in a basement room. I try to pull up other cameras in that space. There are none that give the appropriate angle. I didn’t just imagine the foot. Jeremy is there. He built this house. He probably designed the camera system himself. So, it would only make sense that he knows the blind spots.

The interesting thing is that he would have had the presence of mind to anticipate my use of the cameras again. Or maybe he’s just there as a precaution. Jeremy is always one for contingency planning.

I pause just before turning away. Should I leave the cameras on, or turn them off? Do I want the house to be blind, or do I need the extra layer of safety?

I don’t want a repeat of last night. That scares me much more than Jeremy assaulting me in the heat of the moment. A broken arm can heal. A bullet through the chest is forever.

It takes an unexpected amount of willpower to hit the ‘record’ button. But hit it I do, and then I log off. Whatever happens between me and Jeremy next will not have the benefit of remaining hidden.

I steel myself for the upcoming encounter and leave the room.

I descend to the basement and pass the pool. A quick glance at the bar tells me that Jeremy has kept drinking. Fuck, but I hope I don’t find him intoxicated again. The last thing I want is for him to be as far gone as he was last night.

I make sure to strike my feet particularly hard against the floor so he knows I’m coming.

I enter the distant room and find him nursing a drink. He’s reclined on an armchair with one hand thrown over his eyes.

“Lilly,” he says. “I was wondering how long it would take you to find me.”

He’s wearing exactly the same clothes as last night. Why hasn’t he changed? He usually takes such care in his appearance. Now, it looks like he doesn’t give a damn.

The erosion of Jeremy Stonehart discomforts me more than I can say.

“Did you sleep?” I ask him.

He barks a laugh. “Hah!” Then he pushes himself up and blinks. His eyes take a long time to find me.

Fear freezes my insides. One look at his face is enough to tell me that all he’s been doing since leaving me has been drowning himself in drink.

There are deep, dark welts under his eyes. I can’t even see the whites around his irises anymore. His pupils float in a sea of red.

His stubble is almost thick enough to be called a beard. There are lines on his forehead that have never been visible before. And even though his voice is steady, he himself wobbles as he rises.

“You look good, Lilly,” he says. “Much better than I do. Congratulations. You should be proud.”

Oh yeah, he’s definitely drunk.

“Did you even stop drinking?” I ask. I bite my lip, then take a chance and walk over to him. He sits upright and watches my approach. I kneel down, supporting myself on the arm of his chair. “Jeremy…what are you doing to yourself?”

He looks at me like a man lost. Like he’s all alone in the world and does not know which way to turn.

His eyes search my face, and then fall to my broken arm. “I’m sorry,” he says hoarsely.

“I don’t want your apology,” I mutter. “Nor do I want your remorse. I want an
explanation
, Jeremy. The one that you’ve avoided giving me for so long.”

He takes a deep breath. “I fucked things up, didn’t I?” he asks. Tendrils of despair fill his voice. “I ruined everything we’ve built.” He reaches up to touch my cheek. I turn my head away and don’t let him.

He lets his hand fall in defeat.

“I’m sorry, Lilly,” he says again. “I don’t deserve you. You should leave me. Now. You should leave me now, and I promise I will let you go. It will be the final demonstration of my love. Because… because, fuck, look at you!” He touches the finger of my broken arm, the marks on my face. “I did this. I did it to the woman I love. Emotions…were riding high that night. You did not listen to me. I acted on impulse. The whole dinner—that entire catastrophe—was a grave miscalculation on my part. I thought I could handle it. Confronting the demons of my past in Hugh and Rose. Melding it with what I have in the present in my house and prosperity. Shielding myself from it with what I have in the future, with you.”

He coughs suddenly, choking on a bit of saliva. I’ve never seen Jeremy like this.

“You need to change,” I tell him softly. “To shower. To sleep. You’re not making any sense right now. I’ll take care of you until you’re sober and rested. But then? Then, Jeremy, we will have a solemn talk.”

He laughs in my face. “
You’ll
take care of me? After everything that I’ve done to you? Are you insane, Lilly? Or am I the crazy one? I am giving you an out. Leave, now, and don’t look back. Forget about me and everything that’s happened. Forget—”

“Jeremy,” I say his name softly, but firmly. “I can’t do that. I can’t just forget.”

“Of course,” he says. “Scars of the past mix with scars of the present. You still haven’t had your revenge on me yet.”

“Revenge?” I say, startled. “What revenge? What are you talking about?”

“You want to ruin me,” he says. “You want to get me back for all the things I did to you in the dark. I know you do, Lilly. I can see the desire on your face. You think you hide it. But, I fear to say, you are quite transparent.

“I know what it looks like to search for revenge. I know the final triumph that comes when you get your vengeance. I’ve done it. I’ve lived it. I’ve been there.

“So you can’t hide it from me, my sweet Lilly-Flower. I know that is the reason you stay. But I’m warning you, you will not be successful.

“Do you know why? Because you’ve already done it. Look at me!” He sneers. “Look at me. Hiding in the dark, hiding in the basement from the woman I love. The very same woman who wants to drive a stake through my heart.”

“Jeremy, no.”

“Just listen! I gave you your chance. You could have pulled the trigger. You’d be rid of me. Doesn’t that speak of the desperation I feel? Doesn’t it show you how far I’ve fallen? How far you’ve struck me down?”

“I didn’t do anything…”

“Oh, but that’s where you’re wrong! That’s where you’re very, very wrong. You exerted
influence
over me, Lilly, and that is the most critical type of power there is. You made me degrade myself into…into
this
.” He looks at himself. “This shallow, broken, ruined shell of a man. You think I don’t know what I did to you two nights ago? Despite all my promises, despite my efforts to the contrary?

“You’ve put me in a rare state of mind, Lilly. I dare say it will not come again. So leave now. Have your revenge. Losing you forever, letting you walk away is more than I can bear. I don’t know what will become of me. Stonehart Industries, I’ll still run.” He laughs once more. “ I fathom that will consume me to the end of my days. Something to drive away the pain. To hide from the loss. Without you, there’ll be nothing left to feel. Nothing I’ll be able to feel. And maybe things are better that way. It is what I excel at, after all. Distance. It is what I’ve built my life around.”

“Jeremy,” I take a deep breath. “You’re not well. You need to sleep. We can talk after—“

“Fuck after! We’re talking now, Lilly. I’ve made my decision. You can go. I’m not about to follow. Leave now. Leave me be. Get off the estate. Get away from my property. Maybe the gun was too much. Maybe—”

“Jeremy, “ I say. “I’m not about to leave you like this.”

“Listen to me!” he hisses, grabbing my arm. “Do you want to know my end goal, Lilly? Do you want to know what I intended to do to you?”

He’s speaking with the fervor of a madman. His fingers dig into my flesh with astounding strength.

“When I first brought you here, Lilly, do you know what I wanted to do? No. I never told you. You could only guess at it. But the truth will frighten you beyond anything you could have imagined.”

His eyes shine with maniacal zeal. “I did not want to kill you, Lilly, if that’s what you’re thinking. Oh no. It was never so crude as that. My intentions were far, far more malicious.

“I gave you five years of the contract. I did not intend you to last. Two years, three, maybe tops. Before I would cast you out.

“
That
was my great ambition.

“I wanted to make you dependent on me for everything. I wanted to isolate you from the outside world so that all you knew was me. I wanted you completely in my power, completely in my grasp. The day we met, do you remember what I told you on the elevator ride up to my office? That I wanted your
mind
?

“That was always at the heart of it. You knew my intentions straight away. I wanted to make you so dependent on me that you would not be able to survive otherwise. I wanted to
own
you, Lilly. I wanted every thought that went through your pretty little head to revolve around me. I wanted to bring you in so deep that you would be incapable of surviving without me.

“And then, once I got there? Once I controlled your body, spirit, and mind? Then I would throw you out. I would dump you on the street and leave you to the wolves. You would be broken. Wretched. Weak. You would have nothing to your name. You would know nothing except how to please me. And with that outlet gone, what would you do next?

“I don’t know. It was my hope and ultimate ambition to watch you descend into madness. First, I had to teach you that everything you know revolved around me. Then, I would strip that from you, without mercy, without remorse. And you would be as lost as your father is. You would be lost, Lilly, and your mind would be gone!

“Do you see now? Do you see the type of man that I am?
That
is what I wanted to do to you. I wanted to break you. To make you suffer, not physically, but mentally. Internally. That was my
great plan of revenge
.

“Everything I set up had to do with getting you to that point. The collar. The restrictions. The rules. Even the god-damned, mother fucking TGB’s. You remember those, don’t you?” He laughs. “The Dextran spot? That was the carrot I would dangle before you. I would build up to it, lead you to believe
that
was my ultimate intention. Whereas in truth? In truth, it was fucking nothing!

“So go! Leave! That is why you need to get away. That is why you should run. I’ve laid out everything for you. Don’t you see, Lilly? The conquest of your mind…That is what I was building to. I knew it would be the hardest end to achieve. Your body? I could take that from you. God knows I raped you enough times in the dark. That was easy. Any man with the proper resources and enough strength could do that.

“Gaining control of your mind, however? That was the challenge. The challenge that only I could accomplish.”

He lets go of my arm. I stagger back, off-balance. He continues:

“But I could not. I failed, Lilly, the moment I fell in love with you. I tried to fight it. I told you what I did. But
you
were the one who got to me, in here.” He touches the side of his head. “I wanted your mind, but in reality, you took over mine.

“So that is who I am. You know it all. I was going to leave you penniless on the street. Ask yourself: Is that the sort of man you can stand to be around?”

“Jeremy…”

“No! Don’t answer. Just get away, Lilly. Please. Please, get away. I do not deserve you. There’s a side of me I can’t control. It came out at dinner. Friday night. I hurt you once, fuck, more than once, and I can do it again. For your own sake, go. Be free of me. Leave me to my crumbling empire.”

“Jeremy.” I say firmly. I take his hand and look into his eyes. I see moisture there—the barest hint of tears.

He tries to look away. Using my good hand, I touch his cheek and force him toward me.

“I’m not going anywhere,” I tell him. “Look at me, dammit! Don’t hide. I’m not leaving you like this. You’ve laid it all on the line for me. That’s worth something. So, I will, too.

“You’re right, Jeremy. You do scare me. Frankly, you terrify me. I never know what side of you I’m going to get. Kind, sweet, and caring? Or cold, cruel, and manipulative?

“Most people operate on a single level. They are only one person. You…you’re so complex. You’ve got so many layers to you. Be it from your upbringing or from what you’ve built yourself to be. I don’t know. You are capable of awful, horrible things. But—this is important—you’re not defined by them.

“There is kindness within you. Yet you rebel against it. I see it. I see how hard you try to be the person Stonehart Industries needs at the helm. You can’t afford to be emotional. And yet, when I’m around, you can’t help it. It makes you…more human.

“The kindness does not make up for your other side, Jeremy. Don’t get me wrong. But just as the potential for violence scares me, the potential for sweetness and caring keeps me close.

“
That’s
what I think I have with you: This indefinable, constantly changing, ever-in-flux…thing. Our relationship. We’re both guilty of deceit, even if we try to deny it. Even if we vow to one another that we will not lie.

“But that’s kind of what defines us, isn’t it?” I give an uneasy laugh. “The uncertainty. The complication. I’m not going to leave now, Jeremy, nor will I ever. Because nothing like this…” I take his hand again and link our fingers together, “…nothing like
us
will ever be possible again for me. There is nothing and no one after you.

“So in that you’re wrong. You have won me over. You do have my mind. And my heart. Dammit. When I woke up after passing out, I swore I would never love you again. I said that I cannot love a man who does this—“ I glance at my broken arm. “—to me. And yet, look at me. Here I am, pouring my heart out.”