Under His Command (For His Pleasure, Book 17) (19 page)

Elijah caught her as she stumbled forward, his strong hands around her waist as she held up the top of her towel.

“Hey, hey, easy there,” he laughed. “It’s not the Indie 500. Chill.”

“I just needed to get my bag,” she said, her cheeks aflame.

“Why didn’t you just open the door and ask me to get it for you?”

“Will you just let me go so I can get it already?” she asked, flustered by his nearness and his questions.

He was still looking at her though, not moving away. His expression had changed from good-natured and amused to one of worry. “What the hell…” he said, as he looked down at her legs and then her arms and shoulders. “You’re all fucking bruised and shit.”

“Don’t look at me like that,” she said. Her voice was raspy and choked. She pushed past him and quickly grabbed her bag.

“Caelyn—” he started.

“Stop looking at me!” she said, and then ran into the bathroom, shutting the door.

She was breathing heavily. Why hadn’t she realized that he might see her and the bruises and scrapes? Of course he would wonder what had happened to her.

She opened her bag and looked for the most non-revealing outfit she could find.

Granted, there wasn’t much to choose from, because she’d been frantic at the time that she’d packed it.

There were mostly shorts, some panties and bras, t-shirts, one sweatshirt and one pair of jeans. She really didn’t want to have to wear jeans right then, so Caelyn put on a pair of shorts a t-shirt and then the sweatshirt on top of it. Most of the bruises and scrapes on her body were now covered up.

After another few seconds trying to compose herself, Caelyn walked out of the bathroom again.

Elijah was sitting on the edge of one of the beds, watching TV. He glanced at her.

“You okay?”

“I’m fine,” she said, not really feeling fine at all. She climbed into the opposite bed and got under the covers. She was too hot in her sweatshirt but didn’t feel comfortable taking it off.

“Listen, you don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to,” he said softly.

“I’m aware of that.”

“What’s your problem?” he said. “Why are you treating me like the enemy?”

“Because, you should mind your own business.”

Elijah looked straight at her. “Hey, I’m not the guy who gave you those bruises.

And if I ever meet that guy, I’m going to rip his fucking head off.”

Caelyn stared back at him, feeling a surge of conflicting emotions. She was angry at him for making assumptions and talking so bluntly about what had happened to her.

But she was also grateful to him. He actually cared enough to be enraged on her behalf.

And then, without warning, the tears came.

Once they came, she couldn’t stop them so she buried her face in her hands and just let herself cry. She was totally embarrassed, feeling like a complete psycho.

She wondered if Elijah was starting to regret his decision to travel with her after all the hysterics and dramatics.

He wasn’t saying a word. He was probably just sitting there and wondering what the hell he did to deserve this crazy girl in his life.

But then, surprisingly, she felt his hand on her back. “It’s all right,” he said, and she felt the weight of his body sinking into the mattress next to her. His hand slowly rubbed her back, and she was amazed that Elijah’s touch wasn’t threatening.

Instead, he was soothing. The warmth from his hand as he softly rubbed her back seemed to relax all the muscles in her shoulders. Caelyn slowly lifted her face from her hands.

He was sitting on the edge of the bed, right next to her. He was looking at her with softness and caring. His eyes, she realized, were incredibly kind. How was it that she’d never noticed that before?

“I don’t want you to feel like you have to take care of me,” she told him. “I’m going to be fine.”

“I know that,” he said.

“I just need time to figure out what the hell happened to me.”

“You don’t know?” Elijah said.

She sighed. “I do know. But…it’s confusing. You’re not a girl so you can’t possibly understand what I mean.”

“You think because I’m not a girl, I can’t imagine being confused about my life?”

he laughed. “Shit, I’m confused every fucking day, Caelyn.”

“This is different, though.”

“How so?”

And then, for some reason, she just blurted it out. The truth.

“Because I was raped by my boyfriend, okay?”

Elijah was staring at her as if she’d slapped him. He licked his lips. “Okay,” he said, slowly. “What part of it’s confusing?”

She ran her hands through her still wet, tangled hair. “All of it. Jayson—that’s his name…he was so nice to me the whole time up until last night.” She thought about everything and shook her head, still completely stunned at how quickly it had all changed. “I was a freshman and Jayson is a junior. He approached me in the cafeteria on my second day of school and was just…nice. A total gentleman. He was sweet and funny and totally mature, and I was kind of in awe of him.”

Elijah looked sick. “Yeah, I know the type.”

“I know, I know—you think he’s that typical rich kid that you hate.”

“That’s not what I meant, Caelyn.”

“Well, maybe that’s what I meant. Because, looking back on it, I suppose I’m mad at myself for falling for his act. And it was an act. He was from a good family, a rich family and people on campus knew their names. When I was seen with him, I have to admit that I liked feeling important. I got off on feeling special, like I’d gotten into some exclusive club.”

Elijah smiled a little. “There’s nothing wrong with that. We all want to be special.”

“Maybe.” She sighed. “He took everything slow. We didn’t go out on our first real date for a couple of weeks, and then he asked me to dinner. And he took me to a really nice restaurant in the South End of Boston, and I felt like a princess. At the end of the night, he just dropped me back at the dorms with a little kiss. Nothing crazy, he didn’t even ask me to go back to his place—although I would have if he had.”

“The guy knew what he was doing, Caelyn. He was grooming you.”

“Grooming me?”

Elijah’s eyes turned hard and flinty. She could tell he wasn’t angry with her, though. But she could feel his rage, could feel the tension coming off him in waves as he sat there, looking into the distance. “This is a pattern that he set up, and he was just playing out the script with you. I’m sorry to say it, but there’s no way this is the first time he did this to a girl.”

That put things in a new light. But Caelyn didn’t know what to make of Elijah’s theory, or what she would do if it was true. All she knew was what had happened to her.

“Anyway, we had a few more dates. Each time, he took me somewhere nice, treated me wonderfully, was a total gentleman.”

“And then?”

“And then it changed. I wasn’t even supposed to have a date with him last night,”

she said, remembering how she’d been planning on staying in and studying. “But then, at like nine o’clock, I get a text from Jayson asking me if I want to come over his apartment.

I hadn’t even been there yet. At the time, I thought it was pretty strange. He’d said he was going to a party with some of his friends from the debate team—“

“Debate team?” Elijah scoffed. He seemed to catch himself. “Forget I said anything.”

She glared at him, but she wasn’t really mad. It almost made her smile, how Elijah could so easily let his prejudice against rich kids get to him.

He was still rubbing her back as she spoke, and their hips were touching. She knew that it should bother her, but it didn’t. Somehow, his closeness was actually helping her feel safe enough to tell the story.

“I wasn’t expecting to hear from him or see him,” she continued. “We hadn’t gotten that serious yet. So when he texted me, I almost—almost said no.” She closed her eyes tightly. “God, I wish I’d listened to my instinct.”

Elijah was watching her intently. “It’s not your fault,” he said.

It might have been cliché, Caelyn thought, but the conviction in his voice made it feel real and truthful.

“You’re right,” she said. “But I still wish I’d listened to myself.” She took a deep breath and let it out. Now she was getting to the scary part, and her stomach was getting tight, burning a little as she geared up to remember the worst. “Obviously, I said yes. I got dressed up in my very cutest, sexiest outfit and I went to his apartment. I don’t know what I was expecting. I was ready to hook up with him,” she said. “But I don’t think I had any intention of going all the way. I mean, he was only the second person I slept with—”

“You didn’t sleep with him,” Elijah interrupted. “He assaulted you.”

She nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, I know.” She wiped at her eyes. “Anyway, when I got inside his apartment, I was surprised by how it looked. It was a nice, big place, off-campus. But it was messy. There were beer bottles and beer cans all over the place, a pizza box open on the coffee table in the living room. It kind of smelled.”

Elijah laughed at that. “Figures.”

“Jayson asked me if I wanted to hang out and watch a movie. I said sure, even though little alarm bells had started going off in my head. They were distant alarm bells, but something just felt—off. I could tell he’d been drinking, for one thing. He smelled like beer, and his hair was kind of messed up.” She thought about it. “But it was more than that. His whole vibe was just wrong. He was looking at me differently—looking at me like I was his prey or something.”

Elijah’s jaw was flexing again, which she knew was something he did when he was getting upset. It touched her a little that he was so worked up on account of her.

“You don’t have to tell me it all if you don’t want to,” Elijah said.

“No, I want to. Maybe I need to, even. If I don’t tell someone, I think I might go crazy.”

“I’m listening.”

“We were just sitting and watching some dumb movie. Transformers or something—maybe it was the second one. I couldn’t focus. I ate some pizza and tried to make small talk, but Jayson was being strange. Quiet. He started telling me how good I looked, how much he liked my skirt. I said thanks, tried to make a joke. I ate more pizza, thinking it would keep him from trying to kiss me. I was starting to plan excuses for leaving. And then, he put his arm over my shoulder and hugged me really, really tightly to him. I could feel how strong he was. Jayson is a big guy, and I was surprised at how hard he was holding me. I told him he was hurting me and he just laughed and said that he just liked me a lot. And then it really started. He wouldn’t let me go, and he was just holding me, kissing me a little. I didn’t want to kiss him back, but I was afraid.

So at first, I did kiss him a little bit, thinking it might slow him down. Only the exact opposite happened. He put his weight on me and pushed me back onto the couch, and then he started groping me, putting his hands all over me. Finally, I got scared and said I wanted to stop. He ignored me. I said it louder and then he got really rough. He ripped my panties off and put his fingers right into me. I was crying, telling him to stop, and he told me not to fight it…and then he eventually just stopped responding.”

She realized she was shaking violently now, as if it was happening again, this very instant.

Elijah looked slightly alarmed. “Caelyn, relax,” he said. “Relax. No one’s going to hurt you again.”

“How do you know?” she said, her voice almost a whisper.

“Because, I’ll kill anyone who tries.”

She nodded, still shaking violently. “Thank you for saying that.”

“Is it bothering you that I’m sitting so close right now?”

She looked into his eyes and shook her head. “No. I know you wouldn’t ever hurt me.”

He smiled a little, but then his smile faded. “Tell me the rest. I can take it.”

Caelyn looked away, drawing her knees up to her chest and putting her cheek against her knees. She closed her eyes. “From there, things just progressed fast. I think I might have blacked out a little bit. It crossed my mind that I might die—that Jayson was totally insane and he might kill me. His eyes weren’t normal, they were dead. He wasn’t seeing me, he didn’t care that I was crying and begging him to stop. He just kept going.

He raped me. I don’t know how long it lasted. I just know that afterward, he acted like nothing had happened. He got up and went to the bathroom and then he came back and started watching the movie again. I told him I was going and he said he would text me tomorrow. I just said fine, because I wanted more than anything to get out of that apartment and away from him.”

She heaved a deep sigh, opening her eyes again, as if coming out of a trance.

“Once I got back to my dorm room, I realized that I couldn’t stay there anymore. I didn’t want to see Jayson ever again, or even the school itself. I wanted out of Boston.”

“Why Florida?” Elijah asked.

She smiled then. “I’ll show you.” She climbed off the bed and fished the postcard out of her purse. She got back on the bed and handed it to Elijah, who saw it and grinned.

“This is cute,” he said. “But I still don’t get why you decided to go here.”

The card was a picture of a sandy white beach with a beautiful sunset. Palm trees waved in the distance. At the top edge of the card, in colorful letters, it said GREETINGS FROM BEAUTIFUL SARASOTA. She turned it over and showed him the flip side.

Hey, Alicia! Wish you were here—maybe Spring Break?
Love, Mom.

“My roommate, Alicia, got this from her mother a couple of weeks ago. She couldn’t care less about it. She actually tossed it in the trash and I found it.”

“I guess her and her mother aren’t that close,” Elijah said.

“I guess not. Ever since I found this card, I couldn’t help but look at it. I ended it putting it in my room on my dresser, and every night, I looked at it and pictured myself away from everything, walking on that beach.” Caelyn laughed to herself. “When I got back to the room last night, I knew I was leaving. But I wasn’t sure exactly where to go until I was in the middle of packing and that post card caught my eye again. That’s when I realized.”