Under the Lights (18 page)

Why had we thought getting high was better? Why hadn't we stayed that way? We'd had fun back then. We had laughed and enjoyed life. But we'd let one guy into our world, and it had changed it all. Forever.

I wasn't sure I could wear that dress. Not again. I sank down onto the edge of my bed and stared at it. The desire to shove it back in my closet and curl up in bed was strong. I couldn't though. I'd said yes when Asa had asked me to the dance. I hadn't thought about it. I'd just said yes.

He was too nice for me to tell him no now. I liked him, and he seemed to like me. Then I had to go to this dance. But first I had to go to the game and watch him play. Lifting my eyes back up, I looked at the only dress I owned that was remotely appropriate. But I just couldn't wear it.

Sighing, I threw myself back on the bed and closed my eyes. I had three hours to get ready before Nonna would have to take me to the game. I wouldn't see Asa until afterward, seeing as they didn't go home on game day. He was with his team right now. My other option had been to ride with Ivy, and I'd opted out of that offer. She was nuts.

A knock on my bedroom door was brief before Nonna opened it on up. There were no locks on the interior doors of the house. There never had been. When I was younger, I hadn't cared. Now I liked my privacy, so it kinda sucked.

“You decide on what you're wearing?” she asked me.

I glanced back at the dress and frowned. “No.”

Nonna followed my gaze, then walked into the room a little ways. “That the one you wore last year?”

Nodding, I looked away from it again. I hadn't been able to throw it out. Wearing it was too painful, but it was a memory of Poppy. I couldn't part with it.

“I've got a few of your mother's old dresses packed away. I might can alter them a little if you find one you want to wear.”

I hadn't realized Nonna had kept anything of my mother's. They weren't very close. “How bad are they?”

Nonna smiled and shrugged. “Not bad. Fashion hasn't changed too much in the last sixteen years. You were one when she wore two of them.”

That was probably my best option. I stood up and nodded. “Then let's go do this.”

Not once in my life had I ever been inside my nonna's closet. I'd slept in her room as a child when I was scared, but I never got in her closet. She opened it up and motioned for me to come to her. “There's a couple in here that I think will fit just fine.”

I wasn't so sure about this, but I was going to be open-minded. At least no one would have on the same circa-2001 dress. I walked over to her as she pushed her clothing aside and reached to the back of the closet near the wall.

The first dress she pulled out was a pink chiffon with a ballerina-type skirt. I was sure that was all the rage back in the day, but I wasn't feeling it. I crumpled my nose and shook my head. Nonna chuckled. “I wasn't a fan of it back then, either. But your mother had to have it.”

If this was my mother's taste in high school, we weren't going to have success.

Next Nonna pulled out a cream baby-doll-style dress that was strapless and had an overlay of lace. It had a timeless look. Almost 1950s or earlier. I loved it. I reached for that one and held it up to me in front of the mirror. It fell a few inches above my knees. The only problem was I had no shoes for this.

“If you like that one, I have a pair of gold ballet flats your mother wore with it. She wore a seven then, like you.”

“You still have them?” I asked, amazed.

Nonna nodded. “Yes. I thought one day you might need to use her things, so I kept them. Looks like I was right.”

Again I wished that my nonna was my mother. She was a much better one than her daughter. I hadn't been a regret for Nonna. She had wanted and accepted me from the beginning. My mother made sure to remind me over and over that I had ruined her teen years.

“Thanks.” I tried to mask the emotion in my voice. It
was a simple thing, keeping clothes I might need to borrow one day. But she had done it for me. That made it special. I didn't feel special often. Nonna had always been the one to give me that.

She smiled at me as she held out a shoe box. “Go on and get ready for your night. It's time you enjoyed yourself a little. Living in regret and guilt ain't healthy.”

Nonna hadn't asked me the details of that night. She knew what my mother had told her, but not once had she asked me. I wanted to tell her my truth. My side of the story. It wasn't much better than what my mother had told, but it was the real story.

“I didn't know Quinn was there. Poppy's little sister,” I started, and waited to see if she'd tell me to be quiet like my mother and stepfather had when I'd tried to explain. When she remained silent, I continued. “When I got there, I thought it was just us. We had friends coming over, and we were planning the party. We had been all week. Poppy's parents had left Quinn upstairs in bed asleep and told Poppy to watch her. Poppy didn't tell me. She didn't tell anyone Quinn was there. I think she thought everyone would leave if there was a kid there. I'm still not sure why. . . . I know she never imagined Quinn would get out of bed and go outside. Quinn was such a deep sleeper.”

I paused and waited, but Nonna didn't say anything. “I
shouldn't have been smoking and drinking. I knew that, but I'd grown to enjoy the escape. All my worries and issues at home went away, and I enjoyed myself. But if I'd known Quinn was there, I'd have never done it. We always took care of Quinn when she was home. Never did any of that stuff when we were supposed to be watching her. I often wonder if Poppy had already been high when her parents left her with Quinn. That's the only thing that comes close to making sense.”

Poppy loved her little sister. Quinn could be a pain sometimes, but Poppy protected her. We both did. I'd been so confused when I'd run outside to see Quinn's body floating in the pool. Why was she there? Where had she come from?

Poppy hadn't stopped screaming. Not when the ambulance arrived or the cops came. They had to sedate her to calm her down. Three days she was sedated because while awake all she did was scream and cry Quinn's name. It was the fourth day, when she had woken up alone, that she'd gone to her father's closet and found his pistol, then took her life.

“Tragedy strikes us all at one point in our life. People make mistakes, and some are lucky enough to walk away without lasting marks, while others live a lifetime with the choice they made. Can't change the past, Willa. But you
can help others not make the same mistake.” Nonna trusted me. She believed in me again. My heart felt full as I saw the love in her eyes. I hadn't felt loved in a very long time.

I thought about that the entire time I was getting dressed. I wanted a way to make Quinn's and Poppy's lives worthwhile. Make their marks on this world important and remembered. Thanks to Nonna, I had an idea.

BRADY

I had been right. We had tightened the left side, and no one had made it through. Same play had ended in three touchdowns in the first half. We managed to use it and score one more touchdown in the second half. Then we'd had to switch things up a bit because the Trojans were catching on. In the end we won 38 to 17. Not a bad homecoming score. Could have been better.

Ivy was talking to the other girls standing around about her dress and where she had gotten it. I'd heard this story about ten times now. It was grating on my nerves. Did they seriously give a crap?

My attention moved to the entrance as Gunner came in with Serena, who was dressed like she was about to go dance on a pole. I was sure that made Gunner happy. I wished Ivy was dressed like she was about to hit a pole. At least I'd be interested in what she was saying. No, that was shallow. Damn, I needed to work on my thoughts. My momma had taught me better than that.

“What is she wearing?” Ivy's fake whisper was more of a loud hiss. Rolling my eyes, I mumbled an “I'll be back.” Then I headed over to talk to West. Maggie was with him, but she looked about as excited to be here as I was. Although, she'd spent a good two hours getting ready, according to Mom. I'd talked to her after the game, and she'd wanted to tell me to make sure Maggie had a good time. She seemed to forget that my cousin was no longer my responsibility at these functions. She was dating West, who took good care of her. I was off the hook.

“Hey,” West said with a nod. “Bottom of the third, that pass was a beauty.”

I shrugged. “All my passes are beauties.” That wasn't true and we both knew it, but we'd won, so it was time to smack talk. There were plenty of plays tonight I was disgusted with, but I'd deal with that later.

West chuckled. “You running off from Ivy already?”

I glanced back over my shoulder to see if Ivy was
headed my way, but my gaze never made it to her. Instead I was instantly locked on someone else.

Willa.

“Oh wow, I love her dress,” Maggie said behind me.

Willa's blond hair was curled and hung loosely around her shoulders. Her eyes looked even bigger with the makeup she'd worn. The red lipstick on her mouth looked elegant with the pretty dress she was wearing.

“Asa was pumped about this date. Looks like he's happy,” West added to the conversation that I was no longer having with them. My attention was completely on Willa. I took in every detail and wished like hell I'd broken this date with Ivy. I could have had Willa by my side tonight. But bringing myself to hurt Ivy hadn't been possible. She didn't deserve it.

I finally went back to her face, hoping to catch her eye, but her focus was elsewhere. I followed her gaze directly to Gunner, who was also watching her. It seemed as if the two of them were unaware of anyone else in the room. The reality of this was sinking in, and I wished it wasn't. If they wanted each other, why were they avoiding each other? And when the hell had this happened? I had been the one to kiss Willa. I had been the one to flirt with her. Gunner treated her like one of the guys. But maybe that was the difference.

I turned back around, unable to watch them any longer. If that was what I thought it was, then Gunner was a bigger dumbass than me. He'd brought Serena to this dance for a sure thing. When it looked like he could have had Willa.

Chances were after tonight that Willa wouldn't look at him the same way again. He had passed her off on me all week, and now he was at a dance with a girl dressed like a stripper. Smart.

Asa was my friend, but Willa was mine first. He'd have to just understand. I wasn't letting my guilt issues with breaking things off with Ivy stop me anymore. She'd already ruined my last homecoming dance.

WILLA

Comparing myself to someone else was never my thing. I was different in my own right, and I liked it. Now that I was comparing myself to Serena, part of me was ashamed of myself. The other part was giving in and measuring myself up against her. Problem was I was losing. Bad.

The skintight red dress she had on was so short, if she bent over you'd see her panties. I'd like to say she looked trashy, but she was every seventeen-year-old boy's dream date.

My dress no longer seemed so great. It took all my willpower to look away from the stunning couple they made. But I did it. I was here with Asa, who wanted my company. Gunner obviously did not. Fine.

“Want a drink?” Asa asked, glancing at me almost nervously.

“Sure.”

“There's West and Maggie.” He nodded in their direction. Brady was also with them. His back was to me, but even still, I liked the dark slacks he was wearing with the white oxford shirt. He wore it well.

Pointing out where West and Maggie were meant that was where we were headed, I soon realized.

Just before we reached them, there was a crash near the entrance, and everyone went silent as their attention was directed toward it. I stopped and turned like the rest of the room.

“Where's my motherfucking uncle!” a guy yelled at the top of his lungs. He slurred his words and stumbled, further knocking over tables and decorations as he went. “I know he's here!” The guy continued pointing as he turned in a half circle, squinting his eyes to focus.

“Shit,” Asa muttered.

I almost asked him who that was when I saw Gunner step in front of him and grab his upper arm. It all fell into place then. That was Rhett Lawton, Gunner's brother. I hardly recognized him from six years ago. He looked more like a man now. He was calling Gunner his uncle to out him in public. The dirty secret the Lawtons were keeping was
something Gunner wanted to remain a secret. Rhett should too, but it didn't look like he wanted to.

“I don't think he has an uncle,” Asa whispered. “Dude must be hammered or stoned.”

“I've got to go,” I said by way of explanation as I hurried toward the exit Gunner was pushing Rhett through while he railed on and on loudly about his uncle.

I think Asa called out “Wait,” but I ignored him. I had to help Gunner.

Rhett was taunting him when I reached them, asking for an allowance.

“Shut the fuck up,” Gunner growled at him, completely frustrated.

I opened the door and met Gunner's gaze. No words were needed. He understood I was there to help. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his truck keys. “Go get my truck. It's parked in the left parking lot near the sign.”

He threw me the keys; I caught them and nodded.

“Who's she? Are you dating my uncle? He's fucking loaded.”

“Jesus, Rhett, shut up!” Gunner ordered, jerking his brother hard until he was far enough away from the door that his voice wasn't carrying inside.

“Everything okay?” Brady's voice stopped me as I turned to go get the truck.

“Yeah, peachy fucking great. Can't you tell?” Gunner snarled in response.