Undercover Submission (7 page)

Kennedy looked at the table, contemplating the offer. She wanted Cedric to say something, to tell her it would be good because they could spend more time together, she could serve him more. He didn’t say anything; he just kept eating his pie. His silence reinforced the fact what happened between them, both times, wasn’t permanent. It was just a Dom and a sub, enjoying each other’s company for a while.

“I have to think about it.” The disappointment on Grace’s face made Kennedy’s stomach plummet. What was she doing? How could she turn down this offer? Even if it didn’t work out, where would she be? No worse off than she was right now, with a dark apartment that cost a fortune, no real friends except for Grace, and no family in the area.

Now she would have to replace her car.

Would it hurt to take this chance? Or would she be a fool to pass it up? In her heart, she knew Grace wasn’t offering a handout; she offered a way to help Kennedy hopefully live 52 Melinda Barron

out her lifelong dream. And if she didn’t do it, Kennedy was afraid she would regret it for the rest of her life.

She glanced at Grace, who smiled back, her disappointment clear on her face.

“I’ll get the check,” Cedric said. He motioned to the waitress, who rushed to see what he wanted.

Kennedy sighed deeply. “Will I get to use the pool in my off hours?”

“Absolutely,” Grace said, her disappointment turning into anticipation. “And the gym, and the movie room, and anything else in the house. Right?”

Grace turned to Toffer, who nodded. “I’ll second my wife. Absolutely.”

“Okay then, I’ll turn in my notices tomorrow.”

* * * * *

It was hard to believe her life had come down to this: three suitcases of clothes, ten boxes with books and knickknacks, a leather recliner that she loved to sit in and write, and a few houseplants. Toffer and Cedric had already moved the recliner, so all that was left were the boxes and suitcases. Kennedy stared at the last load. The car sat in her assigned place in the parking garage, ready to be loaded.

She hadn’t had a lot of furniture to begin with, and most of what she did have was secondhand. A garage sale had gotten rid of all of the furniture except the recliner, which she’d wanted to keep. It didn’t match the swanky furniture in Grace’s guesthouse; she’d already put it in the bedroom, and it made the place feel like home.

Neither of her bosses had been particularly sad to lose her. Kennedy knew workers came and went and Beverly, her boss at the insurance agency, said she was surprised Kennedy had lasted as long as she did.

The sound of a horn came from the parking lot, and she knew Grace was here with the second vehicle, “just in case.” Kennedy knew everything would fit in the SUV Toffer was Undercover Submission

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insisting she use, since her car was dead and all his car did was “sit in the garage anyway.” It had been two weeks since Kennedy made this decision, and the more she’d thought about it, the more she was sure she’d done the right thing.

She wasn’t getting any younger, with forty being just around the corner. And if she didn’t try to make it as a writer now, then when? This was the perfect opportunity. Of course, there was the issue of Cedric. It would be painful to be without him. She’d known it was coming.

Since the night at the diner the two of them had been so busy they hadn’t had time to play. It didn’t surprise her, even if it was horrible to go without him. He had the most dominant nature of any man Kennedy had ever known. Her body, and her mind, craved him with a passion that was almost painful.

Like losing Jack, she would get over it. She was just glad it happened now, and not after she’d grown attached. She mentally slapped herself. Who are you kidding, Kennedy? You’re already attached to him. Which is why you’re going to have to turn him down if he asks again. Better to end it now and work through the pain than get your hopes up and end up sobbing for weeks on end when he disappears for good.

“This is it!” Grace appeared in the doorway, two bottles of diet soda in her hands. “Are you ready?”

“What’s the old saying: ready, willing, and able? Let’s get it done.”

It took them less than an hour to load the first SUV, and as Kennedy predicted, it all fit.

When they were done, she opened her soda and took a huge swig.

“This seems so unreal.”

“For me, this is thrilling,” Grace said. “I hope you don’t faint when you see the stack of work I have for you to do.”

“That’s what you’re paying me for, remember?”

“True,” Grace said with a laugh. “Shall we go?”

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“Yeah. I have to swing by the office and drop off my keys, and they want to do a final walk-through with me, to check for damages and to talk about getting my deposit back.

Then I’ll be ready to hit the road.”

The whole thing took about forty-five minutes, and after Kennedy had been promised her full five hundred dollar deposit would be mailed to her within six weeks, she handed back the keys.

“I’m ready.” The trip to Hollywood Hills took a little more than two hours in afternoon traffic. When they pulled onto the 101, Kennedy silently said yippee that she’d never have to go to Bakersfield again, unless she wanted to, which she didn’t see happening.

Cedric and Toffer were in the driveway, throwing a football back and forth. Kennedy parked the car near the entrance to the back of the house, so they were closer to the guesthouse. Her heart raced as she watched him. Then again, it always did when he was around. That was something she had to get used to.

It had been almost two weeks since she’d seen him, though, and today’s thrill seemed harder to handle than the others, knowing her time kneeling before him was probably at an end.

He ran up to open the door for her.

“Hiya, sexy. All done now?”

“Yup. I’m officially a resident of the Hollywood Hills.”

He leaned in. “Glad to have you in the neighborhood.”

“Glad to be here.” He walked around her and opened the back of the car, grabbing a few boxes. He started down the path toward the house and she took one herself.

“Let me.” Toffer took it, then turned to Grace. “Baby, will you go get the dolly from the garage? That will make this go quicker.”

They had the car unpacked in no time. As Kennedy looked at the boxes, Grace and Toffer silently left.

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“Can I help?” Cedric moved to the first box, examining the label. “I have to go to a meeting with a director tonight. I can work for a while, and then I’ll be back. We can play.”

“Um, well --”

“You’re right; you’re going to be too tired tonight. I’ll give you a day to rest, slave girl.”

He wiggled his tongue and she swallowed a laugh.

“It’s not that. I think maybe we should, um, not play anymore.”

His eyes widened in surprise, and Kennedy felt as if a lightning bolt had hit her.

“You mean tonight, or at all, as in never again?”

“As in never again.”

“Why?” He sat on the arm of a chair and leaned forward. “I thought we clicked, and were having a very great time. We’ve been busy these last few weeks. Now that you’re here, why are we not going to be together? Is it because we haven’t been on a date? Or did I say something wrong?”

“No, it’s because you’re Cedric Davenport.”

His look of shock made her feel terrible. She wanted to run and hide under the bed until he left. “Now I’m really confused. This is the first time I’ve been rejected for being famous. And that’s the reason, isn’t it?”

“Yes. It’s because we’re so different.”

She watched him process her words; then he cleared his throat. “We’re not different, Kennedy. Being famous is my job. I’m just a man, a Dom, looking for a sub who fits me perfectly, and that’s you. You felt the connection when we were together, just the same as I did. Admit it.”

She swallowed hard. “Yes, I did. And that’s what makes this so hard. That’s why I have to do it.”

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The tension was thick as the silence grew. “Why don’t you explain it to me, so I understand where you’re coming from?” He crossed his arms over his chest, and it looked to her as if he was fighting his anger.

“The way I see it…it will never last. And in the end, I’ll be hurt, my heart will be damaged.”

“Are you telling me it doesn’t hurt you now, to reject me?”

“No, it hurts. If I wait, it will hurt more.”

The silence grew again, and then he narrowed his gaze at her. “Jack really did a number on you, didn’t he?”

“How dare you! That’s none of your business.”

“Oh yes it is, because you’re pushing me away because of what he did to you. You told me you were his sub for seven years, and then one day he just said it was over with no explanation.”

“You should leave now.”

“I know he hurt you, but don’t disrespect me, and yourself, by throwing away what could be a great relationship because of him.”

“Cedric, please don’t.” Tears swam in her eyes and she turned her head.

“The problem was him, not you. If he’d been a good Dom, he would have talked to you; he would have explained things, whatever his reasons were. Especially after seven years.”

She kept her head turned away from him, afraid if she made eye contact she would give in, and then they’d have to go through this all over again.

She tried not to sniffle. “The night Grace offered me this job, you didn’t even say anything about me taking it, almost as if you didn’t care.”

“That’s because you’re not my collared sub. I’m not a tyrant who wants to control everything in my play partners’ lives. If you belonged to me, permanently, then I would have Undercover Submission

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said something. So let me say it now. I’m thrilled you’re here. Kennedy, don’t push us apart.

Please.”

She shook her head and looked at the floor.

“I’ll go if you want me to go.” He stood up and moved closer to her. “You have to say it.

You have to say, ‘I want you to go,’ and you have to look me in the eye while you’re doing it.”

Kennedy blinked to rid her eyes of tears, and then she lifted her gaze to him. “I want you to go, please.” Her voice trembled, and she could see the sorrow mixed with anger in his eyes.

“Fine, for now. I’m not giving up. I’m giving you fair warning. And I don’t fight fair when I’m going after something I want.”

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Chapter Six
Work to-do list:

Finish edits on Grace’s manuscript

Print out responses to fan letters and prepare them for Grace’s signature Do research on city of St. Louis

Personal to-do list:

Go over last ten pages of revisions, check spelling, and prepare for another edit from Grace

Swim a few laps before going to bed

Try not to think about Cedric all the time

Kennedy checked her list, then snapped her folder shut and headed toward the main house. It was almost October and she’d been living at the Shelley house for a month now.

Things were going fine, professionally. Personally, they sucked.

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Despite Cedric’s warning that he didn’t give up on something he wanted, she hadn’t seen him since that night. To be fair, though, she knew he’d had to fly to London to meet with someone about something to do with work, or that’s what Grace had told her.

Surely he was back, though. Kennedy didn’t have the courage to ask Grace, and his not letting her know he was leaving, or if he was back, only reinforced her decision not to play with him. She mentally head slapped herself as she walked to the house. He doesn’t owe you anything, Kennedy. You’re the one who ended it. Why should he tell you when he leaves, or where he goes? Or who he goes with?

The last thought made her stomach churn. She was sure he’d already found someone else to play with, someone else to call his slave girl. Stop it! Right now.

She tried to tell herself that’s what she should do, but it was hard. Truthfully, being away from Cedric had not made things easier. It had done just the opposite. The more time she spent away from him, the more she thought about him, about his hands on her body, about submitting to him.

She wanted him to whip her, stroke her, tie her, and fuck her. Not necessarily in that order, and definitely more than once. She’d thought several times of going down to his house, of telling him she’d changed her mind. She was probably right. It was too late now.

Otherwise, he would have acted on his warning of going after what he wanted, which obviously wasn’t her anymore.

“Hey, Kennedy.” Toffer’s greeting pulled her to a halt. He sat near the pool, drinking a cup of coffee. “How’s it going?”

“Good. I have a meeting on November fifteenth with Mr. Blakemore, and I hope, with Grace’s help, my manuscript will be done and I’ll be ready to pitch it to him.”

“Great.” He gave her the smile that melted a million female hearts a day, and all it made Kennedy think of was Cedric, and how his smile, to her anyway, was a thousand watts brighter than Toffer’s.

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“Coffee?”

“No, thanks. I had some at home. I’m going to get to work. Grace wrote a bunch of letters to fans yesterday, and I need to check them for spelling errors and print them out.”

“Yeah, she was busy. Take care.”

She nodded in return, amazed he’d never said anything to her in Cedric’s defense. Then again, neither had Grace, which surprised her. Cedric had to have told them she’s rejected the idea of being his play partner. It surprised her they didn’t try to push them together, since they were the ones who’d set up the initial meeting.

She went inside and climbed the stairs to the third floor where Grace had an office set up. She was already behind her desk, working feverishly on a piece of paper on the desk.

“Hey, boss.”

“Hi,” she said distractedly, holding up a finger. She finished writing, then closed the folder. “How are you this morning?”

She told Grace the same thing she’d told Toffer, then headed toward the outbox on Grace’s desk. “More things for me to do?”

“Yes, and starting tomorrow you’ll be working with the caterer to put final details on the parties.”