Underestimated (51 page)

bottom of the pot, clinking when it hit the concrete porch. I

opened the door and stepped in. I wasn’t sure how I felt. I

didn’t feel how I had expected it to feel. I mean it still felt

warm and inviting. It just didn’t feel like mine anymore. I

looked around and noticed the thick dust around the

furniture.

I looked toward the table confused. I had a whole

stack of mail. Some of them were opened, and someone

had been paying my bills. I was sure that it was Dawson. I

would figure it up and pay him back.

“I wanted to make sure that you had electric when

you got home,” I heard Dawson say from my front door.

I smiled at him. He was so handsome in his

uniform, and my heart ached for him. I couldn’t imagine

what he had been through for the last almost six months.

“Hey, sheriff,” I quietly spoke. I walked toward

him as he smiled back.

He wrapped me in his arms, and he felt so, so, I

don’t even know how to describe how he felt. I felt like I

belonged there, and I missed him.

“Are you home?” he asked. I couldn’t answer that.

I didn’t know where home was at the moment.

I didn’t answer. I just looked up to him, and he

kissed me, softly. “I missed you,” he whispered to my lips.

“I missed you too. How did you know that I was

here?”

“I didn’t. I come by and check your mail every

evening.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Does Lauren know that you are

here yet?”

“No. I didn’t tell anyone. I just left.”

“Did he let you leave?”

I didn’t want to talk about Drew. I know it was

stupid, and Dawson would never understand, not after

what I had told him, but I didn’t wish anything bad on

Drew, and I knew that Dawson did.

“Riley!” Lauren screamed from the door.

I laughed. I loved that girl.

She squeezed me so hard that I thought my eyeballs

would pop out.

“I can’t believe that it’s you. It is you, isn’t it?” she

teased.

I couldn’t answer that either. I wasn’t Riley

Murphy. I was Morgan Kelley. I only smiled. “How are

you?” I asked.

“Better now that we know that you’re okay. Do

you have any idea what you’ve put me through?” she

asked, cocking her hip and resting a fist on the side.

I laughed. “I’m sorry. How can I make it up to

you?”

“Well, after you get settled back in, you could

cook for me,” she joked.

“I would love to cook for you,” I admitted. I

realized at that moment the simple things in life. I did miss

her waking me up at the butt crack of dawn, and her

coming over and raiding my refrigerator for leftovers.

Lauren didn’t stay long, knowing that I needed the

time with Dawson. I told her I would call her later and

gave her my Las Vegas number.

Dawson ran back to town and brought us Mexican

while I showered. The refrigerator had been cleaned out,

and there wasn’t much to cook there.

I pulled on my Riley jean shorts and a t-shirt. My

cellphone rang while I towel dried my hair and I had a

feeling that it was Drew. I didn’t think that Lauren would

be calling already. It was Drew. I determined, looking

down at the name.

“Hello,” I answered.

“Hi, I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“Yes. Drew. I’m fine.”

“Are you with him?” he asked. I could hear the

hurt in his voice.

“Yes and no. He went to get us something to eat.

He should be back any minute.”

“Oh,” he replied.

“Drew, I don’t know what you expect from me.”

“I don’t know that either, Morgan. I guess I was

just hoping that you would see things different.”

“How could I ever forgive you?”

“I don’t know that you could, but I sure would like

for you to try,” he softly spoke.

I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my

nose. Why did this have to be so difficult? I should hate

him. I should throw him out on the streets. That’s what

anyone else would have done. Why couldn’t I?

“I have to go, Drew,” I said hearing the car door

from the driveway close.

“Because he is back?”

“Yes, and I have enough on my plate right now. He

doesn’t understand why I would talk to you.”

“Did you tell him?” he asked. He didn’t have to

say anymore. I knew what he was asking.

“Yes, Drew, but I will tell you about it later. I

have to go.”

“I love you, Morgan.”

“Drew,” I said. I couldn’t say it back. How could

I.

“You don’t have to say anything. Goodbye

Morgan.”

“Bye, Drew.”

Dawson and I ate out on the deck. I loved my deck.

I missed my deck and the views of the endless ocean. I

wasn’t as hungry as I had thought, and folded the wrapper

over my half eaten burrito.

“Come here,” Dawson requested, moving to the

glider.

I went with him, and he wrapped his arms around

me. I loved his smell, his protective feel, and the security

that only his arms could give.

“We need to talk, Ry,” He said tracing my fingers

with his.

I didn’t feel right being called Riley anymore. I

know that was what they all knew me by, but it seemed so

superficial now, like a lie. It was a lie. That wasn’t who I

was.

“What do you want to know, Daw?” I asked. I

owed it to him to tell him anything that he wanted to know.

I just didn’t know if I was ready to disclose it.

“I mostly want to know if I am losing you. I don’t

care about the rest. You have no idea how hard these last

few months have been. All I could picture was you being

hurt, and I couldn’t find you.”

“I don’t know where we stand right now,” I told

him honestly. I was done with the lies, and I didn’t know. I

didn’t know if we could go back to being Dawson and

Riley. I wasn’t Riley.

“You’re not seriously thinking about going back to

him, are you?”

I know that it shouldn’t have. He had a right, but it

pissed me off. “No, but I’m not going to lie and tell you

that the feelings aren’t there. They are Dawson, and I don’t

expect you to understand. I know that it sounds absurd, but

I can’t help it. He’s not the same Drew that I ran away

from.”

“Why? What changed?”

“I don’t know, Dawson. He was different. He

cared.”

“How can you say that, Ry? Six years. Six years he

did horrendous things to you. You do remember that don’t

you?”

“I’ll never forget, but people can change.”

“A leopard doesn’t change its spots,” he stated. I

snorted. I had told Drew that exact same thing.

I thought about telling him the whole story, about

how it came that I would end up married to Drew Kelley

and that I had more money than ten people could spend in

a life time. I didn’t. I’m not sure why. I guess I just didn’t

feel like we were there yet.

I was surprised but glad that Dawson announced

that he was going to head out around nine. I thought for

sure he had planned on spending the night. I didn’t really

want him to, but I wasn’t going to tell him no.

I walked him out to his car, and he leaned against

it, pulling my hand to come to him. He traced his thumb

along my jaw line, and then moved his finger, tracing my

scar. I kept both my hands on his chest, but not opened,

they were clinched, almost like I was afraid to touch him. I

wondered if it was because I felt like I was betraying

Drew.

“You’re making this really awkward,” I smiled up

at him.

“Are you waiting for me to kiss you?” he asked

with the boyish grin that I also loved about him.

“Well, since you were planning on it anyway, you

may as well.”

He leaned in, and I moved up on the tips of my

toes. I wanted to kiss him, but I didn’t, if that makes any

sense at all. He held the back of my neck as his tongue

parted my lips and entwined with mine. I couldn’t help it. I

moaned in his mouth after a moment or two. He felt so

right. Was he though? He was before I forgot who I was.

Why was it different now?

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he whispered to my lips

before pulling away. I didn’t want him to let me go. I

wanted to tell him not to go, but I didn’t. I took a step back

and slid my hands into the back pockets of my shorts.

I thought about calling Lauren, but decided against

it. Why did it feel different? Why didn’t I feel like I did

before I left. I would have called Lauren anytime day or

night, but now I felt like we weren’t that good of friends

and we had drifted apart or something. I don’t know. It

was probably just me. I guess I was reading more into it

than I should have been.

I walked back into the house and right out the back

door to the deck. I missed the beach. I hadn’t walked along

the shore in months. I made my way down the rocky terrain

and sat down in the still warm sand. That too didn’t feel

the same. The ocean almost felt like an enigma, like it

thought that I didn’t belong there, like I had abandoned it

too. Why was I having such a hard time being there? This

was my safe haven, the only place in my life that I felt

wanted. I knew what it was. I just hated to admit it. It was

Drew Kelley. I let him get into my mind, and even worse,

my heart. I was such an idiot.

I stayed on the beach as the darkness took over the

light sky. I didn’t feel any better sitting along the sands of

the shore than I did in my house. I blindly made my way

back up the rough terrain. It was dark, I mean really dark. I

couldn’t see one white sneaker in front of the other.

I showered and decided to dust and clean my

forgotten, neglected house, trying to keep my mind busy

and hopefully tire myself out so that when I went to bed, I

slept rather than contemplated. I didn’t want to think

anymore. I just wanted it to stop. It wasn’t going to. I knew

this when my cellphone rang. I debated before answering

when I saw Drew flashing across my screen.

I took a deep breath and answered, plopping to the

couch.

“Hey,” I answered.

“Can you talk?”

“Do you mean am I alone?”

“Yeah, sort of. I hate the thought of you being in

another man’s arms or anyone else kissing your soft lips.”

I blew out a short puff of air. This man was

impossible. “I’m alone.”

“What are you doing?”

“Cleaning house. What are you doing?”

“It’s eleven o’clock, and you are a millionaire

times a hundred or so. You don’t have to clean house.”

“I’m cleaning because I need to occupy my mind,

and that’s a lot of money, uh?”

He laughed. “Yeah, it is. What’s on your mind?”

“Stupid you.”

“You’re thinking about me?”

“Not like you’re hoping that I am,” I lied. I
was

thinking those stupid thoughts. “I was just thinking about

this place they call skid row in LA. It’s the largest stable

population of homeless people in the United States. I

figure you could probably make a few friends.”

Drew laughed even though I didn’t say it lightly.

That was exactly where I should have sent him.

“I heard that Derik was in pretty bad shape,” he

commented, changing the subject.

“Yeah, I went to see him before I left.”

“You did?” he asked a little shocked.

“Yeah, I think that I may be just a little demented. I

took great pleasure in seeing him in pain. Did you go see

him?”

“No, I’m afraid that I would take great pleasure in

that too.”

“You did the same thing, Drew, only worse.”

“How can I fix it, Morgan?”

“I’m not sure that you can. I don’t know what to

do. I have Dawson here, who loves me and has always

treated me like I was a princess with the upmost respect.

And then I have you, who for the life of me, I can’t figure

out why I would even second guess it, but I am.”

“Are you in love with him?”

“I am, Drew, but it’s different than the way that I

am in love with you.”

“What does that mean?”

“I don’t know. I just feel different in his arms than

yours.”

“Don’t make me picture that. Did you sleep with

him?”

“Today?”

“Yes, I’m sure that you did when you were away

for almost two years.”

“I didn’t sleep with him today. Did you sleep with

Skyler?”

“Today?” he asked the stupid question.