Underestimated (66 page)

lawn, and then again at my stack of mail on the table.

Dawson was still taking care of me even though I had been

a fucked up mess around him over the last couple of

months. No. I had always been a mess around him, from

day one, and he was always there for me. I opened the

sliding glass door, went around and opened windows, and

sprayed a can of Lysol around the house. I guess the

humidity from the hot days and the closed up house caused

the musty smell.

I soaked in a hot bath and ran my hand over my

belly. I swear I could see a bump already.

“Oh, little baby, what a mess you are coming into,”

I said out loud.

I smiled, and got out of the tub when I heard

Dawson.

“Ry?” he called.

I pulled on my robe from the hook behind the

bathroom door which I also noticed the musty smell on. I

made a mental note to throw it in the wash.

I’m such an idiot. I walked right into the man’s

arms. I had serious problems.

Dawson placed his hands on my back and pulled

me to him with a smile and a kiss. I think maybe my vagina

was on break, pissed off, or just not interested in making

love to Dawson. It wasn’t giving me fits like normal when

one of these men touched me. I know it was because it

wasn’t what I needed. I needed someone to understand me,

someone to confide in without being judged. Was Dawson

that someone? I was about to find out. He had just as much

right to know about the baby as Drew did.

“I’m going to get dressed. I’ll be right back,” I

said, pulling away from him. I couldn’t help but notice

how our fingers seemed to linger as he let me go.

“Do you want a beer?” he called.

Hmmm. No alcohol for a while. “No, I think I’m

just going to have tea,” I called out.

Dawson had the tea kettle on the stove when I

came out.

“I didn’t think you would be back this soon. How

was the funeral?”

I didn’t think I would be either. I shrugged my

shoulders. “Fine, I guess. There weren’t many people

there, but it was nice.”

“Do you want to sit outside?” he asked, pouring

hot water over the teabag.

“Yes.”

I watched Dawson put the teaspoon of honey in my

cup. I’d bet that Drew didn’t even know how I liked my

tea. Dawson got himself a beer and carried my cup. I slid

the door open for him, and he paused. He moved his head

and kissed me lightly with a smile. I smiled back. I could

tell that he was happy to see me, and he had missed me.

We sat at the table. Dawson didn’t sit across from

me. He slid his chair around so that we were both looking

out to the endless sea.

“How did you know that I was home?” I asked.

He smiled. “Lauren text me.”

I smiled too.

“You okay, Ry?” he asked, and for the life of me I

don’t know what happened. My guess was the hormones

were a little wacky, but I started crying. I don’t mean a

tear escaped. I bawled like a baby. He held his arm

around me, not speaking. I’m sure he had no idea what to

say. He held me, kissed my head, and rubbed circles

around my back.

Once I was able to stop sobbing like some sort of

lunatic, I wiped my nose with the back of my hand and

smiled up at him.

“I’m sorry,” I apologized.

Dawson walked into the house and came back with

a box of tissues. I pulled one from the box and blew my

nose.

“What’s going on, Ry?” he asked, taking my hand. I

ran my hand over his light blue t-shirt where the blue was

darker from my wet tears. He looked down.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s not the first time you

cried in my shirt,” he said.

“Why are you so good to me?” I asked. I didn’t

deserve him any more than a child molester deserved to

keep their private parts. I had been so rotten to him, but

could I really help it. I still didn’t know what the hell to

do. I loved Drew. There was no doubt in my mind. I loved

Dawson too, and now I had to go and throw a baby in the

middle. Fucked up, that’s what it was.

“Because I love you,” he quietly said.

“I’m pregnant, Daw.” There, I said it. It was out. I

was afraid to look at him. I was afraid that he was going to

get up and walk out of my life, for good this time. It was

really stupid of me. Dawson wasn’t that man. Dawson

would be right there for as long as I would let him. I knew

he would. I heard him take a deep breath and looked down

at his hand caressing mine.

“Is it mine, Ry?”

I felt a sudden sense of déjà vu. I had already had

this conversation.

“I don’t know, Dawson.” I was honest with him. I

was done lying to Dawson Bade. Whether we were

together or not, I was telling him everything.

I spent the next two hours, pouring my heart out to

him. He knew that I was worth more than Bill Gates. I told

him about Drew and Derik’s plan to dispose of me once

Mr. Callaway had passed, and how they hadn’t expected

him to live but a few months. I told him about him being

forced to marry me or be cut out of his will. He knew

about my mother being paid off too. I told him everything,

even the demand from Drew that I have this paternity test.

“I can’t understand how you can love this guy, Ry.

And don’t take it the wrong way. I’m not trying to be a

dick. I just don’t understand. I want to go dig his grave

right now.”

I snorted and traced his fingers with mine. “He

wanted me to have an abortion if the baby turns out to be

yours.”

“I’m afraid if you let him talk you into that, I would

dig his grave.”

I picked my ringing cellphone up from the table. I

answered it. I wasn’t hiding anything from either one of

them anymore. If that sent them both running to the hills

then so be it.

“I just wanted to make sure that you made it home

okay,” Drew said on the other end.

“Yes. I’m home.” That’s all I said. I didn’t know

what to say to him.

“Are you flying back to North Carolina or do you

want me to send for your car?”

“I’m staying here for a while, but you don’t have to

send someone to drive my car. I have my Honda. My mom

said that it was fine there.”

“You’re not driving my baby around in that jalopy

you call a car.”

“My car is fine until I go out there. I promised

Caroline I would come back before school started.”

“I promised her I would go sea glass hunting with

her next week. We were supposed to go spend a couple of

days there, remember?”

“Yeah, I remember.” I didn’t say any more than

that again. He picked up on it. He knew.

“He’s there, isn’t he?”

“Yes.”

“That didn’t take two minutes. I’ll talk to you later,

Morgan.”

I didn’t have a chance to say goodbye. My phone

was blinking, call ended, two minutes, twelve seconds in

my hand.

“You know what, Riley?” Dawson said, taking my

hand and holding my knuckles to his lips.

Oh, boy. Here it comes.

“Hmm?”

“I think that you have been through enough shit for

ten life times. I think you should divorce
him
, marry me

and let me take care of you and my baby for the rest of

your life.”

Shit, maybe I should just do the paternity test. I had

a feeling that I would be hearing this from both fathers for

nine months. I didn’t respond and only smiled.

Dawson never left me that night. He didn’t try

anything that involved being naked, and I was glad. I think

my vagina was on strike anyway, I never heard a peep.

Dawson held me close all night, caressing my back and

planting soft, sweet kisses on my forehead. I knew that

Dawson made the most sense. I knew that Dawson would

be the simpler of the two solutions if there were a simple

solution.

I woke late to an empty bed. Dawson had left for

work. I lay in bed reviewing my options for a long time.

For whatever reason, I decided at the moment that I was

going to stop fretting over any of it. I wasn’t going to try

and decide anything. Whatever happened, happened. I

really needed to clean the ceiling fan.

I got up, started coffee and did just that. I cleaned

the ceiling fan, drank coffee on my deck while listening to

Lauren and Levi. I even laughed when Lauren told a caller

that she was a black, Jewish girl from Kentucky. I went to

town and had lunch at Millie’s, stopped and visited with

Star, and then walked along the beach.

I was slowly settling back into my life in Maine. I

had a man that adored me, friends that loved me, a house

that I treasured, and an ocean for solitude. Drew did have

my car driven to me, but I didn’t drive it. I drove my old

Honda. The BMW was a little out of place there, and I felt

more like me in the Honda. I wasn’t some rich girl that

doted on the finer things of life, well technically I was a

rich girl, but I didn’t feel like one.

I hadn’t heard from Drew for almost two weeks. I

felt in my heart that I was doing the right thing. Dawson

loved me, and I loved him. I had fun with Dawson, and yes

we were having sex. It wasn’t anything like Drew, and I

had, not even close. Dawson was in it for the love making

which was fine by me. He made sure that my needs were

met, and took his sweet, slow time. I didn’t need the

fucked up sex life that Drew and I shared. This was what I

needed, right here in nowhere Maine, where life was

simple.

Lauren took a week’s vacation about a month after

I was home and she and I spent a week with my mom on

the beach. Lauren loved it. She was a bigger kid than

Caroline was and spent her days hunting sea glass, playing

dumb little girl games, sitting on the beach with binoculars

searching for dolphins and shopping. Caroline loved her

just as much as Lauren loved Caroline. It was funny. I

never pictured Lauren being good around little girls. She

was.

My mom made sure that Lauren and I had a room

so that we didn’t have to bunk with Caroline although

Caroline camped with us all but two of the six nights we

were there. It was mid-August, and one night Caroline

insisted that we sleep on the beach and watch the meteor

shower. It was the perfect night for it. We all lay out on

the beach, including my mom, on top of sleeping bags and

watched the fireball sky. The last count that we had was

somewhere in the ballpark of a hundred. Some of them

were quick and small, and some of them felt like they

were coming right at us. I had never watched a meteor

shower before. It was amazing, and Caroline had so many

wishes. It was comical. I myself made only one wish. I

wished that the baby growing inside of me would be

Dawson’s.

On the fifth day that we were there Drew called.

We were eating breakfast on the private deck, goofing off

with Caroline. My heart sank when I saw his name. What

the fuck. I needed him not to call. I needed to stay as far

away from him as possible, and I sure as hell didn’t need

to hear his voice right now.

“Hello,” I cautiously answered.

“Hey, where are you?” he asked, no hey beautiful,

I miss you, nothing just a cold tone. I should have been

happy that he wasn’t being nice. It should have made it

easier, but it didn’t. I wanted him to want me. It was

dumb, but none the less, it was what I wanted.

“I’m at my mom’s with Lauren. Why?”

“I’m flying there so that you can sign a power of

attorney,” he said.

“For what?”

“So that I can work. I have a stack of shit on my

desk that needs your signature. I need you to sign a power

of attorney so that I don’t have to rely on you to take care

of it.”

“Okay,” I replied. I didn’t care about that. I

wouldn’t know what I was signing anyway. “When are you

coming?”

“I should be there by three.”

“Today?!?” I asked shocked. I didn’t mean to

sound so surprised. It just came out that way.

“Is that a problem?”

“No. That will be fine,” I answered. It wasn’t fine.

I didn’t want to see Drew. I couldn’t see Drew.

“See ya later then,” he replied and hung up.

I called Dawson and told him that he was coming.

I wasn’t going to feel guilty for him being there and hiding