Undertow (33 page)

I was at the pool when I glanced up and saw her alone sunbathing. I slowed my pace, surprised by my response. I’d seen Lexy in a bikini before, lots of times growing up. But somehow it was different today. She was simply lying on her stomach on a lounger reading a book, but she looked… very sexy.

I tried to compartmentalize my reaction. So she was sexy, so what? I was glad we could contribute to the pretty scenery.

“Laying out alone?” I asked, sitting on the sand beside her chair. “Where’s Suzanne?”

She looked up and smiled at me, and suddenly I couldn’t remember what I had wanted to tell her. When had she started looking so good?

“On her way,” she said. “I just didn’t feel like waiting back at the room.”

I watched as she slid her robe over her smooth shoulders, and my fingers itched to touch her skin. “You don’t have to cover up,” I said. “I’m not staying.”

“You’re very dressed,” she sat up, and I watched her torso flex.

What the hell was wrong with me? Every single movement was hitting me inexplicably hard.

“Meg says we shouldn’t be tanning anyway,” she said. “It ages our skin or something.”

I looked down trying to focus on Meg and not how disoriented I felt. Lexy and I were together all the time. I’d never felt like this around her, like I was tense, anticipating her every move.

“I know, you couldn’t care less,” she continued, misreading my silence. “But if it weren’t for Meg, I’d be a complete fashion misfit.”

“I’m sure,” I looked up and forced a smile.

“So what’s the deal? You haven’t been down here once this whole trip.”

I shrugged. “Marco’s really thrown open the doors. I’m learning a lot.”

“Like what?”

“Management stuff, troubleshooting, staffing problems. Things I hadn’t really thought about before.” Things I was thinking hard about now because they were the exact opposite of anything sexy. “The day-to-day details of running a high-end resort. We’ll hire most of these functions out, of course, but I like knowing how to do every job.”

She exhaled and leaned back again. I kept my eyes focused on my hands and not her body. “Sounds terribly un-exotic,” she said. “But I’m proud you’re making this an honest-to-goodness business trip, even if we never see you.”

I stood and tried to joke. “Nobody wants to see the boss in a swimsuit.”

She slanted an eye at me, and even that was a turn-on. Shit. I needed to get out of here.

“I’ve seen you in a swimsuit practically every summer since we were kids,” she said.

“That was before I was signing your checks.”

“Oh, so it’s like that now. Well, you can let Bryant sign the checks for this weekend.”

“It’s really just a stamp of my signature,” I said, backing away and trying not to come across as weird as I felt. “I think Millie does them all at her desk…”

“So you’re seriously not going to spend any time with us?” She propped up on her elbows again.

“We’ve been having dinners together,” I said looking down. “Speaking of, we’re touring the kitchen today. Wanna come?”

“Not even a little bit,” she laughed. “Oh, here’s Suzanne.”

Lexy’s friend from Atlanta was very nice, if a little plain. She was also very smart, and I felt her sizing up what was going on with me. I dusted off my palms and held out a hand. “Suzanne.”

“William the Conqueror,” she said, shaking it.

“That’s a new one. You ladies have a fun day. I think the guys are hitting the links after kitchen duty.”

“Nice seeing you for five seconds,” Lexy called.

“Same here. Use sunscreen.” I walked away feeling my control slowly returning. Maybe I’d gotten too much sun yesterday.

That night Lexy and Suzanne didn’t join us for dinner. Meg said they’d decided to take the bus into town and have a girls’ night out, which suited me fine. I wanted to get my focus back on reconnecting with Meg. I decided to start getting home earlier in the evenings once we were back. Learn when to stop working and see if I couldn’t make her happy again, get our marriage back on track.

We had a great dinner with Bryant and Donna, and after the evening was over, I let those three walk back to the cabins while I stayed behind to finish my drink.

I was slowly making my way up the hill in the semi-darkness when I noticed a figure wobbling toward me. Lexy. She was looking down and ran straight into me. I caught her before she fell, her flowery scent wrapping around me with her soft hair.

“Whoa, are you drunk?” I asked, holding her arms and trying not to feel anything toward her.

“Bill! Shh!” She held a single shoe in my face, eyes huge. “I’ve lost my shoe!” Then she snorted.

I couldn’t help a little laugh. “Where’s Suzanne?”

“At the cabin. I was there, and I looked down, and… Poof! No shoe!”

I shook my head. “Where did you lose it?”

“I don’t know! I was trying to find it, but it’s so dark!” She turned and dropped to her knees, squinting down the path.

I reached down to pull her up. “Know what? It’ll be easier to find in the morning. Let me help you back to your room before you fall in the pool.”

She leaned back and frowned, then nodded. “That’s a good idea,” she said. “You’re very smart. Have I told you I think you’re very smart?”

“You just did.”

“You’re very smart.”

“Thanks. You usually are, too.”

Her dark brows pulled together. “What does that mean?”

“It means you’re drunk.”

“Oh my god!” She softly cried, holding her head. “I know. It’s terrible.”

Her exaggerated gestures made me grin. I’d never seen her like this. “And you can’t find a shoe on the side of a hill in the dark when you’re drunk.”

“See?” She poked my chest. “You’re very smart.”

“Come on.” We started making our way up the path.

She wrapped her arms around my waist and rested her head on my shoulder. Gone was the wall between us. Tonight she was only soft and beautiful and holding onto me. I thought about kitchen tours and finding band-aids in soup. Resort concerns that were severely unattractive.

She started giggling again.

“What now?” I asked as we reached her room.

She sniffed and lifted her head, looking in my eyes. “I didn’t like you in high school.”

“I know,” I said softly.

“I thought you were bad for Meg.”

“Yep.”

“But I was wrong, and I’m sorry.”

“I’m not holding it against you.”

She planted her feet and turned to face me, then she put both hands on my shoulders. “I never thought I’d say this, but you’re a good guy, Bill Kyser. And I consider you my friend.”

I raised my eyebrows. “Uh-huh.”

“That’s it.” She dropped her hands, still staring at me.

“Well, I’m glad we cleared that up,” I said with a little smile.

“Yes. All clear.” She waved a hand between us. “Goodnight, friend Bill.”

“Goodnight, friend.”

I shook my head and walked back to my room still smiling. I wasn’t sure what prompted that declaration, but I figured it would make for good blackmail later.

Yes, we were friends. Only friends. And Meg was waiting when I crawled into bed. It was our last night on the island together, and I wanted to get started on my resolution to focus my attention on her. I kissed her shoulder and slipped my hand around her waist. My wife. She wasn’t wearing anything, and my hand moved from her bare midriff higher to her soft breast. She stirred and rolled into my arms looking for my mouth. I kissed her again, sliding my hand between her legs, finding her most sensitive spot and gently massaging, coaxing. I kissed her slowly until her soft moans told me it was time for me to replace my hands with my body, rocking with her, into her.

This was right. This was me remembering what I was doing, why Meg was here. This trip was my first step in trying to make things better between us.

March 10, 19--

She lied to me.

Over and over. She looked me in the eye, kissed me, let me make love to her, pretended to care about my feelings, and every time it was a lie.

The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to break something.

Even worse, she completely ignored my feelings, my reasons for waiting. What I’d said about missing Will growing up. How it made me feel guilty. She didn’t care about that. She didn’t care about any of it.

And now we’re going to have twins. Two more mouths to feed and bodies to clothe. And where will we put them?

Nevermind. Those details we could’ve worked out—if we’d made this decision together. Her mother would’ve let us move into her big empty house if we’d asked. And we had the money. But none of that mattered.

What mattered was she made the deliberate choice to ignore how I felt, to completely ignore me. And not just once. She’d done it every time.
Every time
I’d been loving her, trying to make things better, she’d been lying to me.

We’d talked about this so much. I’d given her good, solid reasons why we needed to wait. I was encouraging. I told her there would be plenty of time for more babies. As many as she wanted. I didn’t say no. I only said wait. Just wait.

I’m so angry, it’s hard to put my feelings into words.

My head felt like it was pounding, and every time I looked at her, a fist of anger tightened in my chest. She tried to make up, to smile at me, but all I could see was a little girl who never grew up. A little girl who wanted to play with dolls and wear her hair in pigtails while she dressed in her favorite play clothes and fixed her play husband meals.

I’ve been busting my ass trying to make these last pieces of the plan come together. I’m dealing with old men in suits who treat me like I’m a kid. I’m working overtime to be taken seriously. And then she goes behind my back and does this. In my own home, in my bed. The one place where I should feel safe.

Twins.

John and Lucy.

She said their names as if that would make it all better. As if I would forget that we’d been having this conversation nonstop for almost nine months.

I did everything I could to make her happy. The Mexico trip—she was probably doing it even then, pulling out all the old positions, using me like one of the stud horses on Dad’s ranch. The thought made my fist tighten.

Then when we got back, I stopped working late. We started eating out more. I’d listened to what she’d said about how she was feeling, and I tried to make it better. But she couldn’t do the same for me.

I couldn’t even look at her now. I didn’t want to touch her. If Lexy hadn’t been in the other room when she told me, I’d have thrown something. I had no intention of hurting Meg, but I didn’t know how to get her attention. I didn’t know how to get her to wake up and understand I was being serious. After Lexy left we said a lot of things, and I meant every one of them.

I kept my voice calm, focusing on what she’d done. “I can’t believe you lied to me.”

“Billy, I—”

“No.” I didn’t want her excuses. “Nothing you can say will make this right.”

She blinked and looked down. “I’m sorry.”

“I appreciate you saying that, but you lied to me. I trusted you. I explained everything to you, and you said you understood.”

She was crying now, but even her tears didn’t move me. “I know,” she said. “I don’t have a leg to stand on. I just… I just wanted…”

“Please stop talking,” I said, my jaw clenching on its own. “There’s no way you can make this right.”

Her blue eyes blinked large at me, but all I saw was a selfish little girl. “Don’t you want to have more babies?” she said.

“That’s not the point,” I shook my head. “That was never the point. The timing wasn’t right, and I told you that.”

“What if it was an accident?” she cried.

“But it wasn’t an accident, was it.”

“You act like I robbed a bank. I got pregnant. That’s all.” She crossed her arms and turned her back. “You get to run around playing with your skyscrapers and building your towers, and I just have to sit here and do nothing. Wait for you to have time for me.”

My voice was quiet. “I said it was going to be this way. I wanted to wait.”

“And I could wait three or four years, but we’re up to five years now, Billy.” She was crying again. “It’s never going to change is it? You’re always going to be working all the time. You never know when to leave that office.”

“We’re right in the middle,” I argued. “I never said how long it would take, but you knew how much we had to accomplish. We’re still living in this damn cottage for Chris’sake.”

“I can’t help that. All I know is Will’s in kindergarten, and he’ll be in first grade before long. He won’t even know his little brothers and sisters if we wait for you to finish conquering the world and come home.”

“So that’s it,” I said. “You’re giving up on our dreams?”

She threw out her hands and began to pace. “When were they ever our dreams? It was always your big plan and what you were going to show everybody.”