Undescribable (5 page)

I open the shower door to step in, but she holds the door open before I can close it. “So, I’m to leave? That’s what you want me to do?”

“Didn’t I already tell you that?” I turn my back to her and grab my shampoo. I flinch as she slams the shower door shut. Thank God she’s finally leaving. I am in no mood to put up with a pissed off woman. I shouldn’t have gone out last night. I should have told Josh no.

I rinse off the shampoo and grab for my body wash, when a thought hits me. If I hadn’t have gone out last night, the call from Samantha wouldn’t have happened. I can’t get her sweet voice out of my head. Having to endure a day in court with no sleep is going to make for a very long and frustrating day.

Placing one hand on the wall in front of me, I grab my cock with the other and jerk off as I think of her sweet voice screaming my name.

I roll over and notice Jax still hasn’t been home. I look at my clock on my night stand. 8:30 AM Last night I was worried, terrified even that something had happened to him. When Slade said he was asleep there at his house I was relieved, knowing he was somewhere safe. That relief, however, only lasted a few minutes. As soon as I hung up with Slade, my emotions went crazy, bouncing around like a pinball machine until they finally landed on furious; furious that he had no respect to call me and inform me he was going to stay. How could he not think that I wouldn’t worry about him? Maybe he knew I would, and just didn’t care.

With a heavy sigh, I get out of bed and head to the bathroom. I need some therapy. Retail therapy. The mall doesn’t open until ten, but I need to get out of this house. I take a quick shower, throw my hair in a messy ponytail, and put on just a tad of makeup. Top it off with a pair of capris, a tank top and a cute pair of heels and I’m out the door within twenty minutes.

I stop off at Starbucks first to grab a black cup of coffee. The tanning salon is right next door to Starbucks, so I sit in my car and drink my coffee while waiting for it to open.

After the coffee and tan, I feel more awake, even though I only got four hours of sleep last night.

I wasn’t at the mall fifteen minutes when Holly calls me. “Hey, what’s up, Holls?” I ask as I walk into Buckle.

“Not much, girl. What are you up to? Did you ever get a hold of Jax last night?”

“Yeah, Slade found him passed out in one of his rooms.” I try to sound like it is no big deal so she will drop it. My voice sounds like it doesn’t bother me, but inside there is a storm building. Thankfully she gets the hint.

“That’s good. Glad he is okay.” Is that sarcasm? “So, Micah wants to take me out for dinner tonight. I was able to put together a cute outfit from my closet, but I was wondering if I could borrow a pair of red heels?”

“Of course. I’m at the mall right now. When do you want to come over?” I ask as I examine a cute pair of Miss Me jeans.

“Well how long will you be at the mall?” I can practically hear her biting on her nails.

“I can leave now if you need me to. I’m just looking around.” I walk out of Buckle as I check my watch. It is a little past ten and I
still
haven’t heard from Jax.

“That would be awesome. Thanks, Sam. You’re the best. I’ll head your way.” I can hear her keys rattling as she shuts her front door which makes me laugh.

“Okay, I’m on my way as well. Bye.”

I go to put my phone in my purse, I notice I have a new text message. I walk through the glass doors to the outside parking lot and open it up. It’s from Jax.

Finally.

Jax:
Where you at?

Really?
He couldn’t say, hi! I’m alive. Sorry I missed all your calls and text last night, I passed out. How courteous of him to wonder where I’m at.
Not!

I hit reply and type one word.

Me:
Mall!

I toss my phone in my purse, and start digging out my keys while I walk in the direction I parked my car. When I see my 370Z, a smile appears on my face. She always makes me feel better. I bought her last summer when I was feeling down and needed a pick-me up.

I pop the trunk and throw my bag from MAC in the back before I climb in the driver’s seat. The bright red color of my car reminds me of a coveted ruby. A precious gem, yet she can get me where I need to be in a hurry.

I sink down into the black leather as I turn the ignition, then squeal out of the parking lot with my stereo blaring Taylor Swift’s new album
Red
all the way home.

As soon as I open the door to our house, I know something is wrong because that black tank top on the floor does not belong to me. I can hear a woman’s voice muttering ‘baby’ from our bedroom. My heart is pounding so hard that I’m having problems breathing. I’m not nervous about what I will find in there.

I’m pissed.

Pissed beyond words because I know exactly what I am going to find behind that door. That’s why he wanted to know where I was? So he could bring some woman back to our house to have sex?

I stop at the bedroom door with my heart beating wildly, and take a deep breath. I rest my hands down to my side and give them a shake, not knowing what the hell I’m about to do. Before I let myself think too much, I reach out and shove it open, shoving it so hard that it bangs loudly as it hits the wall.

“What the?” Jax squeals as he jumps off the bed, trying to cover himself with his hand. His eyes are wide as they land on me. “Baby, I’m sorry. It’s not what it looks like.” I stand there, watching him as he grabs his pants. “Baby, let me explain.” He puts his hands up in the air. “She doesn’t mean anything. You know I love you. I love you more than anything, baby. This was just a mistake.” He picks his shirt up off the floor. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, but it was a one-time thing. I don’t know what I was thinking. I promise it will never happen again.”

My heart is hammering in my chest, and I’m finding it hard to breathe. I straighten my back. He starts to walk towards me with his hands out like he is going to hug me. I put my right hand up to stop him, and take a step back. If he lays one hand on me, I won’t be able to hold back the bile that is threatening to come up.

He stops walking, but starts to talk again. “We can fix this. I love you, baby. Baby—”

“Quit calling me baby.”

I’m surprised at how calm my voice is. My body is far from calm, though. It is so tense that it feels like it is about to snap like a rubber band. I want to throw myself at him and ask him why while I bawl my eyes out.

What is wrong with me?

What did I do wrong?

Have I ever been enough for him?

How many other women have there been?

Has he been safe?

I want to ask the woman lying in my bed if she knows about me, or has he lied to her to as well? I want to believe that he has made a mistake, but there is no way he can fix this. My heart is already broken and lying at my feet in a thousand pieces.

I finally take my eyes off of him and look over at the blonde lying naked in what used to be
our
bed. She is clinging to the covers that are pulled up to her chest, so I can’t see much of her, but she looks to be very petite. Her dark blue eyes are trained on Jax. If looks could kill, he’d be up in flames right now. I believe she wants him dead more than I do.

My eyes move back and forth between the two of them a couple times before it hits me. I can tell by the tears in her eyes that this is not a one-time thing. She’s in love with him. There is no doubt in my mind that he has been seeing her for a while.

My throat tightens and my eyes start to sting. I take a couple of deep breaths. I will not let him see me cry. Hell, there is already one woman crying in this room because they love him. There’s no way I will give him the satisfaction of two crying women.

I close my eyes, hoping this is a nightmare. A very bad nightmare, and when I wake up he won’t be standing in front of me, half naked with a women in our bed. Closing my eyes tighter, tight enough to keep my tears back, tight enough to erase this horrible dream, I take in another deep breath.

When I open my eyes, he is still standing there and she is still lying naked in our bed.

The bed we used to make love in.

The bed where he told me I was perfect and that he wanted a life with me.

The bed where I was the only one for him, and the bed where I believed every single lie he ever told me.

How could I have been so stupid?

I have to dig down deep to find the courage within myself to do what I know I have to. No matter how much it hurts.

“It’s over, Jax,” I whisper. “I’ll be back tomorrow for my stuff.”

I hear Holly’s car pull up. I want to sag to the floor with the relief that rolls over me. My best friend is here, and I need to get out of this place. Turning to the closet, I grab the pair of shoes Holly wants, then turn back around and walk to the front door.

“Get in your car, I’ll follow you,” I say as calm as I can when I see Holly get out of her car. It is just all too much, and I need out of here.

“What’s wrong, Sam?” She takes a few steps to me.

“Get in your car, Holly!” I yell. I feel bad when I notice the look on her face. I start to apologize, but Jax interrupts me.

“Baby, please believe me, I’m sorry. I love you. For fucks sake, I asked you to move here with me. I wouldn’t have asked you to come if I didn’t want to be with you.”

I turn to see Jax walking out onto the front porch. I have to look away. Every time I look at him, it breaks my heart all over again.

I turn back to Holly whose eyes dart from me to Jax a few times. Then the look of confusion turns to shock, and she narrows her eyes. I look over my shoulder and see the blonde dressed in one of his shirts and a pair of his basketball shorts, grabbing Jax’s arm. “Come on, Jax. Let’s go back inside. She said it’s over. Don’t beg her.”

I want to call her a bitch. I want to go punch her in the face just to see how well she deals with pain, but I think better of it. She is helping me out in a way because I want the hell out of here.

Without a word, I get in my car and start her up while Holly does the same. The entire way to Holly and Micah’s is torturous. I can’t understand why he’s done this to us. Why did he tell me lie after lie if he loves me? Why even ask me to come to St. Louis with him? Where have we gone wrong? Deep down, I have always wondered about our relationship. I have always thought something is missing. Now I know it is him. He is the one missing from our relationship.

We pull into Holly and Micah’s driveway, and I shut off my car, along with the music I had blaring; even it couldn’t drown out my thoughts. The pain is still there as I lean my head back against the headrest and let my eyes shut. I have never had my heart broken by a man before now. Will it always feel this way?

Hurt to move?

Hurt to think?

Hurt to breathe?

My phone ringing breaks through the silence of my car, but I just let it ring. I don’t want to talk to anyone right now. Once it finally stops ringing, I take a deep breath and open my eyes. I lean over to grab my purse and my eyes land on my phone. The screen shows Jax has called me fifteen times.

Are you serious?
He couldn’t even call me one time last night! Well, I’m not calling him back. I have nothing to say to him right now.

When I step out of my car, Holly is standing there, looking at me.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you…” I pause to clear my very tight throat. “I’m really sorry, Holly. You didn’t deserve that.”

She wraps her arms around me, giving me a big hug as she rubs my back. “No need to apologize, I should have listened. I’m sorry about Jax. Do you want to talk about it?” She pulls away from me as I shake my head no.

I turn and get back in my car to grab the shoes. “Here are the shoes you wanted for tonight,” I say, handing them to Holly.

“No, we are not going to leave you alone tonight, and you know you can stay here as long as you need to.” She takes my hand and leads me in to the house.