Undescribable (7 page)

I close the door behind her, and grab my wallet out of my back pocket for a condom as I unzip my pants. I turn around, and she’s already kicking her jeans off. At least we are on the same page.

“Where do you want me?” She licks her lips as she walks towards me.

I roll the condom over my dick, then walk up to her, turn her around, and bend her over the couch. “Right here will work,” I say as I start to fuck her.

I lay on the bed in Micah and Holly’s spare bedroom, looking up at the ceiling and thinking about what I’m going to do next. My life has completely changed in a day. My heart hurts. It’s broken. I loved him as much as I could, yet it wasn’t enough. Is love ever enough when it comes to a relationship? I don’t think anyone really knows.

The more I think about why I moved here with him, I realize it had more to do with me, than him. There had been nothing there for me in Dallas anymore. I was only there for school. My parents divorced. My mom lives in Tulsa, Oklahoma with her current husband, lucky number 4.

My dad also lived in Tulsa, and owned a large very well-known concrete company. He couldn’t even speak my mother’s name without his face turning red with rage. They had divorced when I was very young, so I don’t even remember how life was when our family was together, or why they even divorced. My parents never spoke of it.

He passed away in a car wreck at the beginning of my high school senior year. When he passed away, we’d found out he had left me everything in his will, including his house, two vehicles, and his company. We were all pretty shocked about that one. Although after I gave it some thought, I don’t know why it had surprised me. He had never remarried, and I’m an only child.

My dad always planned for the future and the unexpected. When he passed away, his attorney had letters he had written for me regarding the company. They informed me that he wanted me to sell it. He knew I wouldn’t want to run the business, and he had a guy that had wanted to buy it for years. He left me a name and number to contact. The attorney and I met with the man that was interested in my Dad’s business. I about had a heart attack with what he offered me for the company and all the equipment that went along with it. I told him that was way too much money, but he said that was the price he told my dad he would pay.

My relationship with my mom, was never the same. My mom and I were always close, but I was a daddy’s girl. When my dad passed away and left me everything, it put a big strain on my relationship with my mother. She thought I was too young for it and should hand it over to her. Dads’ attorney advised against that. Once I told her I was selling it, we no longer spoke. I pretty much spent my entire senior year locking myself in my bedroom, or staying at my dad’s house.

The only thing that saved me was my best friend Courtney. We spent every waking moment together before I decided to choose a college outside of Oklahoma. I wanted as far away from my mother as possible. It was hard at first.

Actually, it’s still hard.

My thoughts drift from my parents to Jax.

I’d met him my sophomore year in college, but we didn’t start dating until my senior year. After seeing how my parents’ marriage failed, and all the marriages my mother had after the one to my dad, I just felt like I wasn’t ready for such a physical and emotional relationship. Why would I want to put myself through all of that? I didn’t need anyone, and I would have rather been alone than go through several different men. But from the first time we’d met at a coffee shop, to the time I finally said yes after he constantly asked me out, he’d never given up on me. We’d become best friends before we’d become a couple. I thought that was the right way to start out. Now, I’m not so sure.

I try to hate him for what he did to me. But I can’t. Maybe it was me. What if I wasn’t able to love him enough like you’re supposed to? The one question I can’t stop asking is why didn’t he just break up with me before he slept with her, rather than have someone on the side? And for that matter, how many have there been? I knew there was someone. I just didn’t want to acknowledge the thought that he could treat me like nothing.

Now I ask myself the most important question…

Why didn’t I leave him when I thought there was another woman? There had been plenty of signs like the lack of sex, for one. The way he ignored me while he was at home. How he would get all defensive when I would ask where he was going or what he was up to? I could ask myself a million questions, but it wouldn’t matter what answers I had. The bottom line was that he cheated, and I left.

I still haven’t cried. I just feel like the tears would be wasted. I guess that could be my first clue to how I feel about him. I don’t know if my mind is in shock or overload. I’m such an idiot.

This evening I’d sat in the living room with Micah and Holly, and true to her word, we all sat in silence. I felt so bad for ruining their evening and told them to go on out, but Micah refused.

I do know one thing, I came to this town for me. Not Jax. And I have found the two best friends that a girl could ask for.

With a sigh, I roll over and close my eyes, I need to start looking for a house in St. Louis tomorrow. This town has become my home, and I’m not leaving it.

I wake up, not in the least rested, but on a mission. I get out of bed and walk out of the bedroom. Once in the hallway, I can hear voices coming from the kitchen.

“We need to help her,” I hear Holly say.

“I plan on it. You think I would let her go back over there to get her stuff alone?” Micah sounds insulted.

I don’t feel right eavesdropping, so I clear my throat and walk in the kitchen. They both turn to look at me as I give them a small smile. “I heard you guys talking about helping me. You don’t have to go. I can do it on my own.” I don’t want to put them in the middle of this.

“Are you crazy? Of course we are going to help you.” Micah gives me a look like I’ve lost my mind, then starts pouring everyone coffee in travel mugs.

“What about work? Don’t you have to work today?” I take a sip of my coffee.

“I took off half a day. I’ll go in later.” He grabs his keys off the counter and walks to the front door.

We leave their house heading towards my old place. My heart is racing; I don’t want to see him. I’ve been telling myself this happened for a reason, but what if it’s too hard moving out all of my stuff? What if he begs me to stay? Worse, what if she is there and all my stuff is on the front porch?

My mind is asking itself so many questions that the entire car ride to Jax’s is silent. Micah is in front of us in his new, white ford pickup truck, and Holly and I are following him in my car. I don’t want to grab anything but my clothes, shoes and personal stuff. Everything else he can do whatever he wants with. I don’t want anything that will remind me of him. I’m starting a new chapter of my life today, so I want everything else to be new and fresh.

As I pull up to the house, Jax is already coming to meet us outside. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. It is not any easier seeing him today, than it was yesterday. I open my eyes again, and remind myself the entire relationship had been a lie and that I won’t let him see how much he hurt me.

“Couldn’t come by yourself, Sam? Had to bring some muscles?” he says smugly, watching Micah climb out of his truck.

“We just want to help her get her stuff without any problems.” Micah lifts his hands up in the air.

“Yeah?” Jax rubs his chin as if he is contemplating something. I used to find that sexy, but now I find it disturbing. “Well, it’s where she left it.” He leans over a bit and gestures his hand to the front door, still looking at Micah. Micah nods, and we all follow Jax into the house. My heart is no longer pounding, and I’m actually relieved to see that his attitude is pissing me off more than anything.

We waste no time throwing clothes into the trunk of my car and Micah’s back seat. I feel like I’m running back and forth from my car to the house; I want to get out of here as fast as possible. Jax hasn’t said a word since we’ve entered the house. He has just sat on the end of the bed, watching the three of us load up all of my belongings.

Holly and Micah get the last load of clothes. I grab all the letters from my dad out of the nightstand and stick them in my purse, then move to the bathroom to pack up my makeup, toiletries, and all that stuff a girl can’t live without.

“What are you doing?”

I spin around and my heart rate picks up. Jax is standing in the doorway of the bathroom.

“Packing up my stuff.”

“No, I mean what are you doing? Why are you leaving me?” He leans up against the door jam.

I’m starting to get pissy. “Because I walked in on you having sex with someone else.”

“But I don’t want to break up.” He smiles and it gives me goose bumps; the kind of goose bumps that scream danger. He pushes off the doorframe and starts to move toward me. I look to the hall behind him, panicking. Where are Micah and Holly?

My heart is pounding and my skin gets clammy. “Stay right there,” I demand, putting my hands up.

“Come on, babe, you know we’re good together. Can we just forget this ever happened?” His brown eyes are on mine, and that disturbing smile is still plastered on his face as he saunters towards me. He’s getting too close to me now, so I decide to run past him, but he catches my arm and pushes us out into the hall. He is holding my arm so tightly that I cry out.

“Let go!” I scream. I try to pull away, but he has a death grip on my arm. “Let go of me, Jax!” I yell in his face. He’s never acted this way before, and I don’t know how far he will take it.

That vicious smile drops off his face as he narrows his brown eyes at me. “No!” He growls. “I will not let go because you’re not leaving. You are such a little bitch, Sam. You think you can just walk away from me?” I see him lift his right hand, and I think for a second he’s going to hit me. I take both my hands and shove him, making him release my arm.

Before he can come towards me again, Micah has him pushed up against the far wall. “Don’t ever touch her or talk to her like that again, or I will beat the fuck out of you.” Micah’s face is inches from Jax.

Jax laughs, and it’s the most terrifying laugh I have ever heard. “You think he’s your friend?” He looks past Micah to me. “He’s not.” He looks back at Micah, who is still holding him up against the wall. “He knew I was with Bridgette the other night, but didn’t tell you.”

Micah punches him in the face. Blood instantly starts pouring from Jax’s nose.

“Fuck!” Jax cries out.

I look to Holly, who’s looking at Micah, opened mouth. Then I look to Micah. “I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about, so you better quit lying.” Micah pushes Jax up against the wall one last time before he lets him go.

“Of course you do. Slade walked into the room that night when I was with Bridgette, but told Sam I was just sleeping. Don’t tell me he didn’t tell you, Micah?” He has a cocky smile on his face as he tries to catch the blood running from his nose.

I feel my blood start to boil. Slade knew what was going on? Why didn’t he tell me the truth? Why would he lie to me? I mean, he doesn’t know me, but still. I told him I was Jax’s girlfriend. Why would Slade let him bring another girl there? Maybe he didn’t know Jax had a girlfriend until I called. He didn’t even act like he knew Jax when I called.