Undescribable (60 page)

My thoughts are forgotten once she starts guiding herself onto me. I arch my back and grip her tighter as she slides down my length.

Fuck!
I’ve never not used a condom.
Ever!
I never knew it could feel like this. She feels smooth as silk as she begins to ride me, setting a slow rhythm that makes me want to explode. She lies down on my chest with her head in the crook of my neck as her hips proceed to move tantalizingly slow. She is so soft and gentle, showing me something I had never known. We are making love.

I roll over, putting her underneath me. I sit up to look into her eyes. They are still red and puffy, but shining again. She looks up to me and smiles. A slow sexy smile that lets me know I’m helping her forget this terrible day. I’m not stupid. This is going to be a long and hard road for her. The next three months are going to drain her, then however long it takes her to grieve once she’s passed, but I know she is strong and I will be by her side no matter how hard she tries to push me away.

I stop moving and just sit inside of her, looking down on her face. She brings one hand up to cup my cheek. I lean my face into her hand and kiss her palm, then lean down to kiss her lips. My hips start to move again as I continue to make love to her. She places her hands on my back and I feel her fingertips run up and down my skin. A shiver runs through my body. I’ve never been inside of her while her hands roam my body. It’s amazing. Her touch is melting me from the inside out.

I pull out, then enter her slowly as she arches her back. I put my weight on her and tuck my arms underneath her back. She brings her hands up in my hair, pulling on it. I don’t think our bodies have ever been so close. We are connected in more ways than one.

I feel her body start to tighten and I hold her even tighter to me, my hips moving as her legs wrap around me. I bring my lips from the crook of her neck over to her mouth and I kiss her, deeply, showing her that I am here and I’m not going to let her go. She comes undone as I hold her, our lips locked together, bodies slick with sweat, and my mouth swallowing every moan and whimper she makes.

I follow right behind her.

I roll us over to our side and continue to hold her. I watch as she closed her eyes and falls asleep in my arms. We haven’t spoken a word to one another, but there is nothing to say. We already said it with our bodies.

I can’t sleep. My thoughts are all over the place. I know she needs to go home, pack some bags, and come back to stay here with her mother. We have a flight that leaves in the morning so that we can get back to work. I can call into work, and drive her back to Tulsa in my truck, then fly back to St. Louis. I could come down every weekend to be here for her. That would give them their personal time during the week. They can’t get those five years back, but they do have three months left.

With a sigh, I get out of bed, throw my clothes back on, and head to the kitchen.

I see Marie as I close the fridge door. “Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.” She’s wearing a white robe with white slippers and a silk wrap around her head.

“Oh, you didn’t. I couldn’t sleep. I was up getting some things together for Samantha. Thought I would get some coffee. Would you like some?” She turns the coffee pot on.

“Sure. Thanks” I go and sit down at the kitchen table. Placing my elbows on the table, I put my head in my hands.

“You look like you’re stressed, Slade.”

I nod “I am. I’m trying to plan and prepare for what Angel is going to do.” I talk to the table as my head still sits in my hands.

“What do you mean? What Samantha will do?” She sounds confused.

I pull my head up and sit back in the chair, letting my arms fall to rest on the table.

“She’s going to come back and stay with you.”

“She said that?” Her head snaps like someone just slapped her.

“No,” I say slowly, “but I know her. Our flight back home leaves in the morning. She will want to pack up stuff, then come back here and spend every bit of time she has left with you.”

She shakes her head. “That’s not what I want.”

I sit up straight. “Why are you doing this? Why do you continue to push her away? She wants to spend time with you.”
This women is nuts.

She sits down in front of me. “You will not understand until you have a child.” A small smile forms on her lips. “I wish I was going to get to see my grandbabies.” She looks into my eyes. “You too will make beautiful babies. Samantha will be a wonderful mom. She’s loving and compassionate, just like her father was.”

She averts her eyes to the table. “He was there for me every step of the way. Every divorce, every time I had to ground Samantha. Always there for me.”

“Not to be rude, but I thought that Angel said you guys couldn’t even be in the same room together.”

She nods with a smile. “Oh, he was always mad at me. I don’t think he ever forgave me for what I did to him, but he knew that he was my one true love. It didn’t matter what had happened between us, though. He had a huge heart like Samantha”

She sighs. “When it came to Samantha he’d say,
Marie, what have you done this time? Why is the princess calling me crying that you grounded her?
”

We laugh.

“But we loved each other. I never found that love I once had with him again. He was a great person. Always taking care of things around the house while Samantha was at school. He wanted to spend all his time with her. I didn’t mind. If she was with him, she stayed out of trouble.” She leans on the table as she speaks to me. “I don’t want her taking care of me. She’s not supposed to take care of me. Don’t you understand that?”

“Then why even tell her? Why have her go through all this heartbreak, knowing tomorrow you’re just going to push her away again?”

“Because I am being selfish. I need to see her beautiful face one last time. Hear her sweet voice one last time.” A tear falls down her cheek. “I love her more than anything. I want to know that she isn’t going to be alone.” She points a skinny finger at me. “You love her, and she loves you. I know you will do anything for her and take care of her. She will eventually get over what I did and be happy. Marry you, start a family with you...that’s all that I’ve ever wanted for her.” She takes in a deep breath.

“Why are you talking like you’re not going to make it three more months?”

She shakes her head. She gets up and as I sit there, I watch her. She moves slowly and deliberate. Her arms are out to help her balance and her steps are small. She glides her feet on the floor instead of picking them up. It comes to me, then. When I see her come to the counter in front of the coffee pot. She puts her hands on the counter and takes a few deep breaths. She takes her right hand and reaches down into her pocket and pulls something out. She slowly pours herself a cup of coffee and pops whatever is in her hand into her mouth.

“You don’t have three months.” I put my head down, shaking it. “You lied,” I say, watching the floor.

“I said what I had to say,” she whispers as if she doesn’t have enough breath to talk any louder.

“How long do you have?” I can’t look at her.
How can she do this to Angel?

“It doesn’t matter. All that matters is that I got to see she was happy, in love and safe. I wrote her letters explaining everything.”

“Letters?” I bark. “Letters? Like her father? Why are you doing this to her?” I fist my hands on the table. She will never be the same person.
This will destroy her!

I start talking to myself. “I’ll leave tomorrow. She can stay here and I’ll bring her everything she will need to stay with you.”
Yeah, that’s a good plan.
Or I could just run out and buy her all new stuff before my plane leaves.

“No.” She turns her body to face me. “You’re not telling her about this conversation. You will take this to your grave, do you understand?” she whispers. It’s like she can’t afford to waste the air she has left.

I shake my head “No. I won’t lie to her. I made a promise I would never lie to her, and I’m not going to break it because you are too selfish to be honest with her.” I stand from the table, realizing I’m being an ass, but I can’t hold in my anger. I stand there for a few seconds, taking in a few breaths myself, trying to calm down my anger that is rising.

She rubs a hand over the silk wrap around her head as she sighs. “Fine.” She nods her head. “You guys can leave tomorrow and she can come back.” She gives me a hard look as she takes in a deep breath. “Is that what you wanted?”

“Yes.” I go to walk out of the kitchen but stop, leaving my back to her. “She loves you. All this time she felt you hated her. I know you don’t have much time, but if you really love her as much as you say you do...”

I turn to her. “You will give her this. This time, for her to see how much you truly love her by letting her in. She is the strongest person I know, but when it comes to you she needs to feel you love her and want her.”

I turn and walk out of the kitchen, wondering how the hell I can help Angel through this.

I wasn’t lying when I told myself this will change her.

It will.
In every way!

I sit in Slade’s truck silent in the passenger seat as he drives us to his house from the airport. We had an early flight this morning, so I didn’t get to talk to my mom. She was asleep when we left; probably a good thing. I’m still mad at her for all the lies.

I plan on going to Slade’s, pack up the stuff I have there, then he is going to drive us back to Tulsa in his truck. He’ll fly back to St. Louis. That way I have a vehicle. I could be there for months, so it’s just more logical to have my own vehicle there instead of a rental car. Plus, Slade wants to drive me. He says I’m in no condition to drive five hours alone with just my thoughts.

When I walk in his house, I go straight to his bathroom and get my stuff together. Slade comes to stand in the doorway, putting both hands up on either side of the door and blocking the doorway.

“I need to tell you something,” he says reluctantly.

“Okay.” I open the drawer that holds my makeup and curling iron then I kneel down to put it into my bag.

“Your mom doesn’t have three months left.”

I stop what I’m doing and look up at him, my heart pounding wildly. “What do you mean?”

“She told me last night she lied to you.” He shakes his head with a scowl on his face. “She didn’t want to tell you. She asked me not to. I told her I would never lie to you and that you deserved to know.” He releases the door and walks towards me.

I’m sitting on my knees on the floor with my makeup next to me on the tile. My bag opened in front of me.

He kneels down to look me in the eyes. “We will leave tonight, okay? I need to pass off some cases at work. It will give you time to get your stuff together. We will be out of here no later than five.” He grabs my face as I nod.

“Thank you.” I close my eyes as tears fall down my cheeks.
What would I do without him?
“For being honest.”

“Look at me.”

I open my eyes. His blue eyes search my face. “I’m never going to lie to you, no matter how bad the information is. I hated to have to tell you that, but I want you to have every possible second you can with her.” He runs a hand through my hair.

“I have to head to the office. Be back here by five, okay?” He kisses my forehead.

“Okay.” He walks out of the bathroom to head to the office as I go back to loading my bag. I finish packing up my bag and head to my house. I still have a few things there that I might need. I’m back in my bedroom, throwing an old pair of jeans in my bag, when I hear my phone in the kitchen ringing.

I run into the kitchen, picking it up off the counter. It’s an Oklahoma number, but not one saved to my phone.

“Hello.”

“Sam? Sam, this is Kevin, your mom’s neighbor.”

‘Yes,” I whisper.

“I’m sorry, Sam. So sorry.” He pauses as dread fills my body. I take a deep breath, trying to prepare myself for what I know is coming. “Your mom has passed,” he says sadly.

“She’s dead?” I question, hoping I heard him wrong.
Three months?
She said she had three months. Slade said she lied.
But how big of a lie had she told?