Undisclosed Desires (High Rise Novella Two) (3 page)

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked you here. It was a mistake.” Isabella became acutely aware of the fact that she had allowed emotion to cloud her judgement. She wasn’t going to succumb to confessing a foolish crush on Nathalie Orange. She hardly knew the person sitting across from her. Nat might as well be a client. She might as well mean nothing to her. This entire situation was ludicrous to say the least. Isabella was no match for a skinny-jeaned hipster with wax in her hair.

“Suit yourself.” Nat hoisted herself out of the couch and sauntered over to Isabella, where she crouched in front of her. “Hope to see you at book club, if not before, neighbour.”

Isabella’s eyes followed Nat, and the ridiculous swagger of her walk, as she exited the apartment, the door crashing behind her with a loud bang.

* * *

“Look who just returned from the planet of love.” Isabella kissed Maddie hello and threw in a quick hug, eager to absorb some of the good vibrations radiating from her body. “What does it feel like to sleep with the hottest trainer in town?”

“Incredibly inadequate at times, I must confess.” Maddie chuckled. “But overall, it has nothing but perks.”

“I’d ask for details, but I’m not sure I can handle them in my current condition.”

A waiter appeared and took their drinks order, a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc and two glasses of water. This was lunch, after all. Isabella had two clients this afternoon and Maddie must have a few millions to make.

“I’m the one who needs details. What’s going on with you? I get myself a girlfriend and you go off the rails?” Maddie pinned her blue-grey eyes on Isabella, calming her. Why couldn’t Nat’s eyes have the same effect? Why did the mere presence of them have to set her flesh on fire? Surely, that wasn’t normal behaviour for a woman of her age—and wisdom.

“I honestly think I’m losing my mind.” Isabella held her head between spread-out fingertips. “It started as an almost purely professional interest and in a matter of weeks it has turned into this massive…” She pointed her palms upwards in despair. “Infatuation.” She slapped her hands down on the soft table cloth. “I find it hard to even be in the same room with her these days. I lose my nerve. I’m not myself. I go on disastrous blind dates with gorgeous women. It’s madness.” Isabella giggled nervously. “Look at me. I’m a wreck.”

The waiter arrived with the wine and filled their glasses. Isabella didn’t wait for him to turn his back before taking a greedy gulp. “I’ve even started mimicking her drinking habits.”

“You enjoyed a stiff drink long before Nathalie Orange entered the scene.” Maddie shot her a knowing smile.
 

“I managed it fine until last Sunday, when she turned up on my doorstep out of the blue. Before, she was merely an attractive woman with a huge guard up. Someone unattainable. Someone to dream of when your attention was loose and floundering. A flirt with no consequences. But I saw the real Nat that night, for the briefest of moments she opened up to me, and all I’ve wanted to do since then is hold her in my arms and kiss it better. And I’m a psychiatrist for heaven’s sake.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself. Alex and I invited you both to dinner that night for a reason. Sparks have been flying since you met. You’d have to be blind not to see that.” Maddie leaned over the table and grabbed Isabella’s arm. “But she’s a difficult one. According to Alex, complicated doesn’t even begin to describe it. And it doesn’t help that she’s stubborn as a mule. Alex’s words.”

“I think you’re wrong. We do have a connection, but it’s not the same for her as it is for me. And we’re polar opposites.” Just talking about it was a huge weight off Isabella’s shoulders.
 

“You couldn’t be more different, that’s true, but Alex is convinced Nat feels something for you. She may never admit to it. She may prefer a faceless shag every other day over owning up to her emotions, but we both agree there’s something there.”

“Then what is she doing setting me up with her friend? Insisting on me getting to know her better?”

“Beats me. You’re the shrink.” They both burst out in giggles. The waiter interrupted to take their food order and they both ordered the set lunch.
 

Isabella was none the wiser after lunch than before, but at least she’d gotten it off her chest. A powerful remedy to all sorts of mental aches, she knew from experience.

NAT

“Pizza, come here.” Nat felt strangely satisfied to be able to call her flatmate’s name and actually have her show up. She’d caught herself doing it before, to no avail, because Alex was chained to their upstairs neighbour’s bed, confined to spend most of her free time one floor above.

“What?” Alex had a towel wrapped around her body and big drops of water rained from her hair.

“I’ve found a TV show we can both enjoy.” Nat pointed the remote control to the screen. “It’s enough of a bubblegum soap to get you hooked and it’s layered enough to keep me entertained.” Nat pressed the play button. “And check this.” She kept her eyes glued to the screen. “Isn’t that the most adorable little lesbian you’ve ever seen? If this was reality TV, I’d move to Chicago in a heartbeat.”

Alex rolled her eyes. “What is it?”

“It’s called
Underemployed
and it’s light and smart at the same time.” Nat pinned a hopeful gaze on Alex. “And the cute Asian lesbian character is a writer. Can you believe it?”

“Couldn’t this unveiling of your TV crush have waited until after I’d finished my bath?” Alex leaned down on the armrest of the sofa, uncharacteristically not caring about the amount of water she was shedding on the rug. “And how much longer will this dry spell go on for? I’m getting worried about you.”

“I’m just refocusing my energy. This TV show is what it has landed on.” Nat shifted her body to better face Alex. “And look how the tables have turned. Not long ago we were talking about your dry spell, Pizza. Which, if I may remind you, lasted much longer than the six days I’ve had.”

“Maybe Isabella had something else in mind than substituting real life Asian lesbian tweens with fictional ones.” Alex’s towel started to split, revealing sensational obliques.

“We both know what Isabella really wants.” Nat arched her eyebrows. “And you’d better take care of that towel because I’m feeling dangerously frisky.”

“Tough luck, Orange.” Alex held the ends of the towel open a bit more. “This body is spoken for.”

“Bankers get everything good in this town.” Nat winked at Alex. “Hot date tonight?”

“Yes, with you, that couch, and this new TV show. Maddie has a work thing.”

“You’ve no idea how honoured I am.” Beneath the banter, Nat was truly grateful. She hadn’t allowed herself to even feel the smallest pang of loneliness. It wasn’t the intimacy she missed, or the girls. It was more the simple act of being with someone, of being distracted. With Alex spending more time out of their flat than inside of it, and her own new lifestyle choice, Nat had to face a degree of being alone she’d always carefully managed to avoid.

“Let me put some clothes on.” Alex beamed her a warm smile. “Before your frustrated hands ravage me.”

Frustration was the last thing Nat felt. It was more a blend of small bouts of jealousy for the early romance bliss Alex found herself in and the dawning realisation that she’d gotten a lot of things very wrong. That, since Claire left, she’d been coasting through life, getting by, instead of really living it.

“Will you have coffee with Sophie and me tomorrow afternoon?” Nat asked Alex when she returned to the living room, sporting the inevitable black sweat pants and white tank top. “I need a second opinion on this whole setting her up with Isabella business. I need to know if I’m doing the right thing.”

“That should be interesting.” Alex settled in the sofa next to her, their shoulders touching the way they’d grown accustomed to. “Now hit me with some brainless entertainment.”

* * *

It wasn’t often that Nat witnessed Alex openly ogle someone, but she was doing just that. Sophie’s striking appearance had that effect on people, even on someone as in control as Alex.

“I’ve called her, but she doesn’t pick up. Doesn’t get back to me either. It’s pretty clear to me.” Sophie stirred sweetener into her coffee, the movement of her arm making her curls dance on her shoulders. “It’s simply not meant to be.”

“Not so fast.” Nat felt responsible, and she wasn’t very good at failing. “That’s not what you said last time we spoke.”

“That was before I called her five times. We all have our ego to take into consideration when it comes to matters like this.” Sophie buried her eyes in her coffee cup, avoiding Nat’s glare.

“I know, but meanwhile, there’s been a breakthrough.” Nat noticed how Alex raised her eyebrows. Otherwise, she was a respectfully quiet audience. “This mild crush she may have on me. It’s never going to go anywhere.”

“Oh, and I get promoted to sloppy seconds. Whoopee.” Sophie pursed her lips into a pout and shook her head.

“I know you like her, Sophie. Give her another chance.”

“If she wants another chance, she’d better give me one first. The ball’s in her court.” Sophie shifted her gaze to Alex. “What do you think?”

Alex cleared her throat. “I think you’re all grown-ups who indulge too much in teenage-like hormonal behaviour.”

Sophie burst out laughing. Nat was less amused.

“I promise she’ll call you before the end of the weekend.”

“And who are you to make that kind of promise?” Sophie refocused her attention on Nat. “Stop trying. It’s no big deal. She didn’t lie to me, didn’t behave dishonestly. And I didn’t get my feelings hurt. It was one blind date, not the end of the world.”

“But it does sting a little, doesn’t it?” Nat kept on trying. “I’ll make it right.”

ISABELLA

Isabella was more than surprised when the call came. She’d skipped body combat class on Friday to avoid Nat, but had, much against her own advice, started reading
The Stranger
again—not because she wanted to join the book club, but because the book belonged to Nat.

“I have in my possession,” Nat had said over the phone, her voice brimming with
the Nat swag
as Isabella had coined it, “Blu-ray discs of
Casablanca
and
North by Northwest
. A bottle of your favourite Bordeaux and an array of French cheeses I can never eat on my own. Care to join me on an indoor evening of decadence?”

The mixed messages swirled in Isabella’s brain. Was it a date? An apology? And if so, for what? Or was Nat lonely and needing to talk?

“How can I possibly say no to that?” It had been raining all morning and Isabella had planned a cosy night in, safely shielded from the elements. Why not spend it in charming company? All she had to do was take the elevator two floors down. And it would give her a chance to see Nat’s flat.
 

* * *

“I see you’re taking your vow of abstinence seriously.” Isabella presented Nat with another bottle of Bordeaux.

“At least one of us has to honour our arrangement. Otherwise, it would just cease to exist.”

“Mm.” Isabella ignored Nat’s comment. If she didn’t, she would be in for a long night of torment. “Nice place.”
 

Nat had obviously had work done on the place. Flats in The Ivy didn’t come equipped with wall-length book cases and white-washed floorboards. Drawn to the colourful spines of Nat’s book collection, Isabella inched closer and let a finger glide over them.
 

“At least you have good taste in literature.” Did she really say that out loud?
 

“Taste is so subjective.” Nat came to stand next to her, eyeing Kafka and Bukowski paperbacks together with Isabella. “Take the lovely Sophie for example. Ninety percent of this city’s lesbian population would jump at the chance of a date with her, but what does Isabella Douglas do?” Nat turned to her, her blue eyes already piercing through Isabella’s resolve. “She doesn’t return her calls.”

At least the mystery of the impromptu invitation had been solved. This was about Sophie.
 

“That’s not very polite, is it? Or is that how they do things in Scotland?” Nat continued, her gaze scanning Isabella’s face for signs of weakness—at least, that’s how it felt.

“I was still considering it.” It wasn’t a complete lie. Sophie had been pleasant enough company and she had called Isabella five times. No matter what Maddie claimed to know about Nat, she would never fall into Isabella’s arms without a long, drawn-out fight. And even if she did, then what? Isabella didn’t feel like becoming another of Nathalie Orange’s one-night-stands. She needed a distraction and, as far as distractions went, Sophie fit the bill more than perfectly.
 

“How about a renegotiation of our deal?” Isabella asked.

Nat stared at a shelf completely dedicated to hardcovers of Elizabeth George’s Thomas Linley mysteries. “Don’t you think
With No One As Witness
is one of the best crime novels ever written?”

“I wholeheartedly agree.” Isabella had trouble ignoring the image of her and Nat’s bare feet propped up on an ottoman on a Sunday afternoon. The beginning of a typhoon raging outside while they were both immersed in a book, sharing a bottle of wine between them. Out of nowhere, it had popped into her head. As if Nat were the type to engage in some gentle afternoon reading. She seemed more like someone who nursed a vile weekend hangover with another round of Scotch. Possibly something stronger. “How about I commit to at least two more dates with Sophie. I’ll call her tomorrow. And you add another week to your new way of life.”

“Well-played, Doc.” Nat gave her a half-smile. “It’s a deal. Now, can I interest you in some light snacks and beverages?”

Halfway through the first movie—
North by Northwest
—Nat fell asleep. First her eyelids shut, then her lips opened slightly, letting out gentle puffs of air with every breath, followed by her body sagging deeper into the cushions—and closer to Isabella. As her breathing got heavier, her bare arm slumped closer toward Isabella’s shoulder.
 

Oblivious to the suspense on the screen, Isabella waited patiently until that final breath, the one that would catapult Nathalie Orange, if not into, at least against her arms. She fixed her eyes on Nat’s heaving shape and waited, immobile and with a mounting tension in her muscles.