Undone: A New Adult College Bad Boy Romance (Mature Young Adult Fun Contemporary Romance) (49 page)

He turned away from me. I stared at him. This was it? He was just going to let me go now?

My door opened as I stepped out, still trying to process what had just happened.

I wanted nothing more than to invite him in, show him my bedroom and fuck all night; but when I was 19 and found my bed empty the next morning… I hadn’t been able to stop crying for a week. I wasn’t sure I could deal with that again.

On the other hand, I couldn’t stop thinking about what I’d seen on his arm.

Chapter

I wasn’t sure if I should ask her or not. I wanted to, but I didn’t want to look out of normal. I pulled my cell phone from my pocket as soon as I was inside and debated calling her. No.

There was internet for a reason.

I stuffed my phone back into my pocket and padded into the living room, kicking my shoes off as I dropped down on the couch and pulled my laptop towards me.

It felt wrong to google his name, to see what everyone was saying about him- but I needed to get answers and I wasn’t just going to come out and ask him about it.

So I opened three new tabs- all of them recent articles about him.

I skimmed through them. The first one said he’d had a relapse; the second was more of an account of some award thingy where he won, but the third one caught my attention.

The rock star still hasn’t been seen since a camera crew caught him stepping out of a hotel elevator and on the way to the door- half an hour away from his house.

Famous for his bad boy attitude and an “I don’t give a f**k” way of handling media and publicity we can’t help but wonder what he was doing there- or who.

My heart dropped but I forced myself to keep reading.

As far as he’s told us before he doesn’t have anyone special, but when we asked him about the situation he refused to comment- and we couldn’t help but wonder if he’s been hiding something from us the entire time.

Shortly after we got wind that he was headed to Cuba, of course we talked to our sources down there and it doesn’t sound like he’s been seen anywhere. So he’s either very good at hiding or he lied to us.

Ladies, what do you think?

I scrolled through the comments, most of them
were
ladies. And most of them I didn’t bother to read.

This was useless. I frowned. “Alright.” I muttered to myself. I clearly needed to try something else so I went back to my search bar and typed his name in, including the words “scars on wrist.” Before hitting enter.

Nothing.

There were a few articles about a scar on his chest. But that wasn’t what I was looking for. I bit my lip.  If I wanted to know what the deal was it looked like I was going to have to ask him.

***

I was a little surprised when he agreed to meet me after the way I’d ran off. He showed up at my house just after noon.

I bit my lip nervously as I pulled the door open and motioned for him to come inside.

“How are you?”

“I’m alright, how are you doing?” He sounded nervous as he stepped into my living room, slipped his shoes off and looked around.

“I’m… confused.” I admitted. I swallowed dryly. “Why don’t we sit down, I was hoping there were a couple things you could clear up for me.”

“I can try my best.” He let me lead him over to the couch, where I’d set out two cups of coffee and some cookies. I didn’t have much to offer him in terms of being a good hostess but I at least tried.

I took the cup of coffee closest to me and busied myself with a drink. Despite the fact I’d had a long time to think about what I was going to say, now that he was in front of me I wasn’t so sure I could say any of it.

As we sat down I stared at him. Light wash jeans and a black button up shirt- long sleeved and covering his wrists. I feel something tug at my stomach; my gut telling me I didn’t want to do this. But my brain told me I did, and my heart told me that I needed to know the answer to this. My heart was right.

The hot liquid slid down my throat as I took a drink and warmed my body. “I need to ask you two questions.” I finally managed. “It… one I deserve an answer to, the second…. It’s honestly not my right to know; but I figured you would want me to come to you instead of looking it up online.”

I wasn’t going to mention that I’d already done that, and that I hadn’t gotten any results.

This is wrong.
I knew it was, but he was a friend. Despite the fact that I hadn’t seen him in ages I still cared about him. I still wanted to be there for him.

“I’ll answer anything you ask me.”

I paused trying to work up the courage to just spit it out.

“What happened?”

“Before I left? I mean, when I left?” I nodded. “I… I panicked.” A blush touched his cheeks. “I…. I wasn’t used to… I was a virgin Alex. When we um, were done I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. I was in bed with this beautiful girl and I was set to go traveling. I debated canceling my flights right then and there, and if I’d been smart I would have but I was a stupid kid. I decided to travel instead of stay with you. It’s not right, but I hope one day you’ll be able to forgive me. I know what I did was wrong and I’ve never been able to stop thinking about you; I just haven’t been able to get the nerve to contact you.” His cheeks were a bright red as he looked at me.

I listened to his words, trying to decide if he was telling me the truth. Maybe he was, maybe he wasn’t. I took another sip of my coffee. I could always think about it later, replay the events and decide if I trusted.

I took a deep breath. He looked like he was telling the truth and he looked genuinely sorry for what he’d done to me.

“What about your wrists.” I shut my eyes for a second, which I’d said something else. I worked on this speech for hours, and now that it came time to go through with it. “What I mean is… I saw your wrists last night and they seemed to be cut… as in…”

“You’re wondering how I got these.” He pulled his sleeves up to show three thin lines, still raw, running down his wrists.

“Yes.” I couldn’t look away from them. “I’m sorry. I know I don’t have any right to ask you about it but…”

“It’s alight.” He cut me off. “I got them recently; as I’m sure you can tell.” He stared down at his wrists as he spoke. “It’s the reason I’m home.” He looked up at me. “How much do you know about what the public ‘knows’ about me?”

“I…” It was my turn to look away. “I know that the rumor is you ran away when you were 19, you moved to Hollywood and were living on the streets, and apparently that you got into some sort of drugs. And that’s really all I know. I know the first part isn’t true, I remember your going away party.” I gave him a soft smile.

He returned it. “None of it is actually true.” He admitted. “I just… needed a story that wasn’t my own. If I had my own story people would have found out who I was. They would have found my family and I couldn’t stand that. I didn’t want my family to have to worry about the press or any of that crap; I wanted them to be able to live a normal life.

So I created a story that millions of people have. Running away from home as a kid, finding their way to Hollywood and living on the streets? You can’t get any more cliché than that and yet everyone ate it up.”

I sat there as he reached for his coffee and took a sip. I waited for him to keep going, trying to give him as much time as he needed.

“When I created myself I didn’t think I’d be doing it for the press, I thought it was for a couple of fan girls that might want to try and find my family and harass them, when I got signed my manager… he’s been great… he told me right then and there that I was going to be big, maybe that’s what he says to everyone though. I don’t know. But he told me to keep an eye on what I do. To protect myself- and when he said that I knew I’d done the right thing in keeping my family away from it, so I changed my name. And that’s how I became who I am now.” He gave a soft smile staring off into space. “Last month, I went through some rough stuff…. I didn’t come out of it on top either and… well desperate people do desperate things.” I felt my heart drop into my stomach. How could he be desperate? “Despite the fact that I have a career I love and I’m able to make a good income off it there are still things I’m missing.” He said as if he’d read my mind.

“What are you missing?”

“Someone to spend my life with.” His eyes locked on me. “My life on the road is rough and I need someone who is going to be there for me, be it at home or while we’re touring. It’s hard to ask that of someone. And it’s even harder to find someone who will say yes to that.”

It sounded just fine to me, though I didn’t say that. After all that would just leave him wondering what I meant. I took another drink of coffee to resist the urge to say anything.

He finally met my gaze, though his cheeks were pink he was able to look me in the eye and that meant the world to me.

“So, you got to a point where you didn’t want to live anymore?”

“More or less, yes. Despite what people think about me, I don’t like drugs and… my friends, two of them, have been battling with addiction. It’s been hard. The one guy has a family who loves him and he’s throwing it all away… the other girl, she has a wonderful boyfriend that she’s cheating on to pay for her habit… being away from home is hard on me, having no one really there for me the way I need them is hard on me… you’re going to think this sounds to stupid but award season is coming up and it’s hard on me….” He trailed off. “I just didn’t know what else to do.” He confessed. “And obviously it didn’t work.”

“Well, good. I’m glad you didn’t die. Otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to see you again and I… I kind of like you.” The fact that I was more than willing to confess that to him amazed me. I felt my cheeks burn as I looked away from him. “I mean… I…” I closed my mouth and took a deep breath trying to think of what to say next. “I mean what I said.” My voice was low as I spoke but I was sure he’d heard me. I refused to meet his gaze any longer, worried about what I would see hidden behind his eyes.

“Is that so?” he paused; I could hear the amusement in his voice, which just made my cheeks darken to a deeper shade of red. “Well, I have to admit… I like you too. And I’m glad I didn’t die. In retrospect I knew it wasn’t the right thing for me to do. I’m a fighter, and sadly when I have too much Jim Beam I forget that; but being back here and around my family. I’m not sure how I could have thought about doing it. I love my mom, and I love the life she’s helped to give me. I’m not ready to be done living it.”

Those words were enough to make me face him. He smiled widely as he reached out and took my hand. “But you know what? These cuts might be one of the best things I’ve had happen to me, because without them I wouldn’t have come home and I wouldn’t be sitting right here with you- and I think I honestly want to sit around you as much as I can.”

I stared at him, my mouth falling open for a fraction of a second. What was I supposed to say to that? “I….” I couldn’t think of anything. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to forget about how much he hurt me when I was little and give him another shot.

I wanted to fuck a rock star.

I put my coffee cup down, hardly paying any attention to it, and moved closer to him until I could lean in towards his lips. Fuck it, I was going to do it.

It’s about damn time I take a risk- I’d stopped taking them when I was 19 and it hadn’t gotten me anywhere.

Sometimes actions spoke a hell of a lot louder than words. My hands reached out, brushed his shaggy black hair out of the way as they found a comfy spot. I pulled him towards me, my heart racing as I mentally talked myself out of backing out of this. He didn’t pull away as my lips touched his, gently at first. But that didn’t last long.

He pulled me into his arms. With a gasp he grabbed my hips and placed me on his lap, I straddled him, my mind racing as our lips crashed together and came apart again and again. My heart raced as I gasped for breath between kisses. My free hand moved to his shoulder, tracing along his muscular chest- lower and lower.

He had no excuse to turn me away this time and I was more than ready to fight him on it. Hayden grinned as his teeth grazed my lower lips. His eyes sparkled with lust.

The feeling in my stomach told me he wouldn’t try to push me away tonight.  A soft moan escaped me as he nibbled my lower lip gently. My eyes rolled back for a fraction of a second before I pulled away from him just enough to take a deep breath of air and try to calm my racing heart. I took a deep breath.