Unethical (19 page)

I couldn’t be here. I had to get out—go somewhere where people wouldn’t judge me. It was nice while it lasted, but my time was up.

I raced for the elevator, needing to get the hell out.
Time to leave
.

I burst through the door, sprinting straight for my room. I couldn’t do this again, not with Dr. Centafont at the hearing. Dad wanted me there for moral support, but I couldn’t. All my hard work would be for nothing if Dr. Centafont saw me there. Just this once, why couldn’t life just be somewhat easy? Like a free pass.

Grabbing my suitcase off the top shelf of my closet, I threw it on the bed and started piling in clothes. I didn’t know where I’d go, but I needed to get out of here—the need to run was an impulse I couldn’t control. Tears blurred my vision, and my hands shook as I gasped for air. The room was closing in on me. I needed out of this prison, away from everyone who knew my past.

The door creaked open, cool air spilling into the apartment. “I brought Sour Patch Kids for the— What are you doing?” Blake dropped the bag of candy on the ground and raced to me, cupping my face in his hands. “What’s wrong?”

I bit my lip and stared at the ground. He wasn’t part of my exit strategy; he needed to stay here and finish school. Being with me would just bring him down. I was a disappointment to everyone in my life.

His hands skimmed my neck and rested on my shoulders. He turned to look at the bed, right at my opened suitcase. “What the fuck is going on, Payton?”

I didn’t need him judging me. He didn’t understand my world was about to crash and burn. “I need to go.” Breaking from his grip, I made my way over to the bed, zipped my suitcase, and hauled ass to the door.

“Where are you going? I’ll come with you.” He trailed behind me, anger rolling off his body in waves.

Outside the safety of the apartment, a torrential downpour had started, the standing water on the pavement rippling as the rain pelted down. He grabbed my suitcase, yanking me backward. “Fucking talk to me,” he screamed over the deafening rain hammering the metal roof.

My soaked shirt plastered to my skin, and an overwhelming coldness filled every crevice of my body. I was going to be cold and alone forever.

“I can’t do this anymore. I can’t watch my life be destroyed any more than it is.”

“So you’re leaving. Without telling me? Again?” The hurt in his eyes shot pain straight through my gut. But I couldn’t bring him down with me. My world was about to spiral into a shit storm. Who’s to say he would stick by me when the trial blew up in the media? I couldn’t handle that type of rejection, not with everything else.

Run. Get the hell out of here.

He needed to stay here and I— I needed to get away, fast. He’d want to come with me. But then where would that leave us? Ten years down the road, he’d still hold a grudge over putting his life on pause for me. We’d be broke, fighting over our mortgage and a leaky sink and— No. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t change his life, too. I shut out the urge to collapse into his arms. “Not everything is about you, Blake. Did you ever think of that?”

Rain drenched his curls, and a few strands plastered to his forehead. Droplets beaded off his nose in a steady stream. “I know that, but, whatever it is, we can work it out.”

No, we can’t. You’ll hate me and leave me a few years down the road when resentment wedges between us.

And I said the one thing that would stop him from going after me. “I regret coming back. I regret everything.” I cringed as his lips narrowed into a hard line. “I wish we had never gotten back together. Being with you is suffocating, Blake. You’re holding me back, and I have to go.” Bile rose in my throat as the words sealed my fate with him.

I grabbed my suitcase from his hands and chucked it in the backseat of my car. His shoulders slumped in defeat, and he hung his head as I forced myself into the driver’s seat. Every ounce of me wanted to comfort him, to kiss away the pain. I dug my nails into my palm, willing the courage. I could do this. I was saving myself a lot of pain in the long run. I just needed to start the car and leave. This was for the best.

Tears streamed down my face as I started the engine. While I threw the car in reverse, Blake pounded on my window, and an electric current zapped through my body. This was it. “Don’t do this. Please, baby, don’t do this.” The rain intensified. Looking at Blake, I couldn’t tell if it was tears or water trickling down his face.

I shook my head and backed out, forcing myself to ignore his screaming. After I ripped out of the apartment complex, I pulled over, unable to see. My hands shook as I gripped the wheel. I just hurt the one person I’ve ever loved. But I would inevitably hurt him. He was better off without me.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Blake

She left me. Again.
I stood in the rain, her taillights disappearing from sight.

How did I fuck up so bad that she didn’t even want me to come with her? This time I was here for her, but she threw me away like week-old trash.

I tore at my hair and stormed over to my truck. She didn’t want me? Fine, she could go fuck herself. Jamming my key into the ignition, I started up Betty and patted my steering wheel. At least I still had her. The only reliable girl in my life.

The drive home was a blur. I clenched my fists when I pulled into the frat parking lot and killed the engine.

She was gone. It wasn’t even like last time. I didn’t fuck up, I didn’t even have the
chance
to do anything wrong, so why was she doing this to me? Did she honestly regret getting back with me?

I slammed my fist on my steering wheel. “Fuck!”

I should be there, comforting her. Instead, she shut me out. Who knew where she was—probably halfway across the country by now.

The stitches that had mended the gaping hole in my chest over the last few weeks burst open, unleashing a monsoon of emotions. I rested my head on the steering wheel and let myself grieve one last time for Payton. This was the last time I would let her mess with my head. I couldn’t forgive her for this.

It had been two days since Payton left me standing in the rain. Hadn’t heard a word from her, not that I’d expected to. Knowing her, she’d show up in a couple years pretending she didn’t know me.

Class was cancelled today, since Dr. Centafont planned on going to Dr. Cooper’s trial. Apparently, he called Andrew this morning, asking him to pick up medicine from the store because he was too sick to go himself. Guess he wasn’t going to the trial after all. I wondered if Payton would be a no-show as well. I’d wager my last dollar on
yes
.

Andrew was laying on the daybed writing something on notecards when I walked into the room. He gave a cocky smirk and went back to scribbling.

“Ready for the debate next week, bro?”

“Yeah. You?” It wasn’t like him to be so studious, especially at eight in the morning.

“Just writing my speech now. Gonna destroy Payton.”

He didn’t know she had left. He thought she was still going to be in class. Just the thought of him wanting to hurt her, even after all the shit she did to me, twisted something in my chest. “What about our deal?”

“I won’t name any names. But if it happens to slip, sorry, bro. We might be able to negotiate something, though.”

I just stared at him, my muscles coiling, ready for a throw down. The fraternity bylaws became a distant memory as I imagined pounding his skull into the pavement. This fucking cockroach needed to be smashed and thrown in the trash.

“I don’t get it. Is the bitch really worth it?”

Wrong answer. Something inside me snapped, and I rushed across the room and grabbed him by the collar, tugging him off the daybed.

“Listen to me, cocksucker.” My fingers gripped harder around the material of his douche-bag pink polo. “Even hint at Payton’s name, and I will destroy you. And daddy won’t be there to help you out.”

He still had a fucking smirk on his face, but he nodded. I released his shirt, pushed him back against the bed, and left the room before my senses told me to screw it and beat the shit out of him.

Was she worth it? Yes.

Was I willing to go against every warning flare my brain fired just to make sure it wasn’t over? Yes.

I pulled my keys out of my pocket and headed toward my truck.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Payton

For the second time in my life, I stared at a one-way ticket to Florida. I would need to take out loans and hold two jobs to make it through med school, but it was totally doable. In Florida, they didn’t know me. In Florida, I wasn’t expected to be anything. In Florida, I wouldn’t get hurt.

I perused the magazine rack, looking for fun reads for the flight. Tomorrow, I’d need to call Jules’s parents and tell them I moved out. They’d probably be pissed, but it didn’t matter. In less than twenty-four hours, I would be across the country.

As soon as the plane touched ground in the Sunshine State, I’d look for an apartment and fill out the transfer applications. My stomach scrunched into a painful ball. Jules wouldn’t be there. Blake wouldn’t be there. I would be on my own. But, this time, I could do it.

I pulled out a couple magazines from the rack and reached for a pack of Sour Patch Kids, but I immediately drew back. Blake’s favorite. The pain in my chest intensified, and I braced myself against the shelf. Taking a deep breath, I grabbed some gummy bears and made my way to the counter.

An old, wrinkly lady wearing a black polo scanned my items and put them into a plastic bag. “Twelve dollars and nine cents.” The cashier smacked her gum while staring at the computer screen.

“Hold on, I think I have some change.”

I dug in my pocket and pulled out a few dimes and a folded slip of paper. As I unfolded it, my breath caught as I scanned my fortune from the other night at Chinese.

Conquer your fears, or they will conquer you.

The fortune slipped through my trembling fingers and floated to the floor.

That was exactly what I was doing. Fear had a death grip around my throat, and what had I done? Run. I let my fear of the unknown ruin my relationship with Blake. And my dad.

Oh God.
My dad.

I glanced down at the time on my cell phone. His trial started in two hours. He needed me, and where was I? Trying to be anywhere but there. Time to show him that his daughter was mature enough to handle any situation. I may have lost my chance with the one guy I loved, but it was time to stop letting fear get in my way.

“Ma’am? Do you have that change?”

I looked up at the cashier who was giving me the
you’re freakin’ nuts
look.

“I don’t need these. Sorry.”

I raced out of the airport and hailed a cab.

Chapter Thirty

Blake

An hour of sitting outside the courthouse and nothing. She wasn’t there, not that I thought she would be. Hoped? Yes. But Payton had a stubborn streak a mile wide. Once she made up her mind, that was pretty much it.

I rested the back of my head on the cool, brick exterior as a cop car pulled up. An officer got out of the passenger side and opened the door for Dr. Cooper.

He looked the same as he did when I last saw him, right before I left for Mexico. Glancing up to the courthouse, he spotted me, unable to hide the surprise in his eyes. His eyes…the same shape and crisp green as Payton’s.

What was I even doing here if Payton was MIA? As the officer ushered Dr. Cooper to the front steps, I pushed off the wall and followed them into the building.

A few people congregated inside, mostly officers and legal staff. When the double doors slid shut, Dr. Cooper turned to me. The officer with him took a few steps back and checked something on his phone.

“Blake, son. Didn’t expect to see you here.”

Wasn’t expecting to be here. Especially with your daughter’s annihilation of my heart.
“Yeah.”

“Payton mentioned she was seeing you again.” He frowned and peered around me, looking for a Payton that wouldn’t show. “Have you seen her?”

Damn
. Was I supposed to be the one to tell him that his daughter flaked out on him? I wasn’t willing to take that fall. “Not today.”

He looked at the front door. “I’m sure she’ll be here soon. She’s always punctual.”

I scoffed and checked the time on my phone. She had thirty minutes, but my guess? She wouldn’t come, ever. Nope, she’d ripped out my heart when she left, and her dad was about to experience the same soul-crushing skills Payton had mastered over the past couple years.

What was I doing here? I needed to get the hell out. I was delusional to think she’d show up. So much for true love. What a bunch of shit. “It was nice seeing you, Dr. Cooper. I hope the verdict is a good one.” I looked at him one last time. He’d be the closest to Payton I’d ever get again.

As I pushed open the double doors, a gust of frigid wind cut through my jacket, deep into the marrow of my bones, promising that I’d be a cold, lonely bastard for the rest of my life.

Chapter Thirty-One

Payton

I raced up the marble courthouse stairs with ten minutes to spare.

My dad was sitting on a bench outside of the courtroom next to Mr. Otis. He sprung out of his seat when our eyes met.

“There she is! I told you she wouldn’t be late.”

I wasn’t about to admit that I almost didn’t come at all. Nope. I set out to conquer my fears, one at a time. Dr. Centafont likely sat in that courtroom, waiting for the trial to start, but who cared anymore? Dad was more important than whatever Dr. Centafont thought about me. “Bad traffic. Would have been here twenty minutes ago, but there was a wreck on Walnut.”

“You missed your boyfriend. Think he was here to wish you luck, or something.”

A chill crawled over my skin. “Who?” It couldn’t be Blake, not after all the hurtful things I’d said.

Dad quirked his brow. “Do you have more than one boyfriend?”

I didn’t have
a
boyfriend, but this definitely wasn’t the time or place to go into my relationship issues. “Blake was here?” His name stuck in my throat like peanut butter, my voice coming out hoarse.

“He left just a bit ago.”

He came for me. And I wasn’t there. I turned, fishing through my purse to hide the tears that burned my eyes. Should I go look for him? He was probably long gone by now.

An official-looking man stepped out of the courtroom and loudly cleared his throat. “You may all come in now.”

Mr. Otis stood from the bench. “Let’s get on in there.”

I wiped my eyes with my sleeve and plastered on a smile. I might have missed my chance with Blake, but now was my time to help my dad.

As I entered the courtroom, I scanned the audience, looking for the one face that decided my future. My gaze tracked over the dozens of people, including three ladies in their mid-forties, a college hipster, and an older man with an impressive handlebar mustache.

I looked over the faces again. No Dr. Centafont.

To think, after all the drama I had caused with Blake because I freaked out about testifying in front of Dr. Centafont, he didn’t even show. I ruined my chance at real love because of fear. Taking my seat, I sank down and rested my head against the back, blowing out a shaky sigh. Well, at least I had my dad…once he got out of prison.

After I gave my testimony for the court, they freed me to go. The trial would most likely take a couple weeks, unless they came up with a quick verdict. The lawyers didn’t ask too many questions, because I wasn’t there at the exact time my mother took the pills, but I was able to tell them I saw my dad out my bedroom window during the timeframe of her ingestion.

Blake never did answer my calls, and his car wasn’t in the fraternity lot whenever I drove by. He skipped out on the internship, as well. There’d be only one place I had a chance to talk to him. Class. And I needed to show him I had changed, that I wouldn’t run anymore. I just needed to figure out how.

My pulse pounded in my ears as I paced in the entranceway of the classroom. Today marked the final day of class if I didn’t count the final exam next Thursday. Dr. Centafont had two podiums set next to each other, ready for the students to do their debate.

I had signed up for the nine o’clock debate. It would only last, at most, five minutes. In the long run, that didn’t seem like much time, but those three hundred seconds would drag longer than the one hundred twenty-three torturous minutes of
Beaches
. I didn’t even bother to check who had signed up to debate against me. All that mattered? I was debating for my father and was going to honor him. I had conquered one fear, and now it was time to conquer the next. To show people the real me.

“Will the first set of debaters go up to the podiums?” Dr. Centafont looked down at the clipboard and smiled. “Payton and Andrew, you’re up.”

My heart dangled precariously on the precipice of utter meltdown. I could do it. Fear didn’t dictate my life anymore. No more hiding. No one was going to have anything to hold over my head when the clock hit 9:10. I walked up to the podium on the right, my pulse pounding against my temple, everything sounding distant and muffled.

“Andrew, you may start first.”

“Thanks, Doc.” He turned to me and gave a wry smile. How had I ever found this asshole attractive? He only cared about one person—himself. He didn’t care that Jules went to rehab, and he certainly didn’t care about keeping secrets. My heart constricted as I thought of my best friend in a facility somewhere, facing her addiction. This asshat was going down. I was totally going to own him in this speech—for Jules.

He cleared his throat and tapped his notecards on the podium. “Only corrupt and damaged people think assisted suicide would be a good idea.” He gave me a wink and continued. “They are only doing it for their own need to play God. They obviously don’t care about religion, because the bible specifically states you can’t kill someone and you can’t kill yourself.”

He continued on with his blasphemous statements for another two minutes. By the time he finished his speech, I had chiseled crescent shapes into the wooden podium, one of my nails bending back and breaking. The physical pain didn’t hurt. It was the fact that this guy I once liked, sort of, crucified my father for circumstances he didn’t understand. The worst part? Most of the class agreed with him. Dr. Centafont sat in the front row, nodding at Andrew’s speech as he scrawled something on his giant legal pad.

“And that is why assisted suicide is wrong.”

Andrew’s words brought me out of my zoned-out zen moment. I waited for Dr. Centafont to finish writing, then he motioned to me to start my speech. I didn’t have notecards—didn’t need them. I took in a deep breath and started.

“There are certain circumstances where assisted suicide is justified. As Andrew said, the bible does not condone committing suicide. But, when the bible was written, the average age someone lived to was thirty. Most people didn’t live long enough to get cancer. My mother was not one of the fortunate ones, and she suffered from stage four breast cancer.”

I looked to Blake, pleading with my eyes. If only he could see that I was sorry, that I would never let fear own my life any longer. He refused to look at me, keeping his gaze set on Andrew.

“Dr. Cooper may have done some wrong things in his life, but helping his wife die with dignity was not one of them.” Hot tears formed in the back of my throat, but I pushed through, because I had to. I needed to clear his name. I needed to stop being a coward. I needed to stop hiding.

“You may think he has some God complex, but what you don’t know is that he was a caring dad and a loving husband. He always held the door open, gave to people less fortunate, and would never do something that would hurt another. His wife asked him to do this. He’s not a monster; he’s a husband who didn’t want his wife to suffer and waste away in front of his daughter. You may be wondering how I know this.”

I looked at Dr. Centafont and mentally waved good-bye to the medical program at Drexler. “Evan Cooper is my father, and I’m proud to be his daughter. That’s all.” A few people gasped, and Dr. Centafont cocked his eyebrow and leveled me with a condescending gaze.

If I had a mic, this would be where I dropped it and breezed out of the room while brat-pack eighties music played in the background. Unfortunately, I had none of that. Just a whole class staring at me like I had come down with SARS, leprosy, and Ebola all rolled into one.

I may have lost my chance at Drexler’s med school and the love of my life, but I at least could say I wasn’t a coward.

Andrew’s jaw hung slack as he stared at me with wide eyes.
Yeah, screw you, asshole.
I glared at him and turned to leave, unwilling to sit through the rest of the debates and be gawked at like some circus freak show. Instead, I gave one last pleading look to Blake and strolled through the double doors for the last time— Well, second to last time, if I counted the final exam.

As soon as my feet hit the pavement of the quad, I breathed a shaky sigh of relief. My body trembled as the adrenaline rush made a drastic cutoff. I had done it. I outed myself in front of someone who decided my future. I no longer had a drug dealer holding dirt over my head, and I stuck up for the one person who deserved it most.

A hand landed on my shoulder, and my yelp echoed through the quad.

“That was amazing.” Blake squeezed my arm, and then pulled his hand back, shoving both hands into his hoodie.

“Thanks.” I didn’t think he’d come after me—not when he had ignored me for a week.

He frowned and scuffed his shoe across the pavement. “Well, I guess I’d better get back in.” He turned in the direction of the classroom.

That’s it? He just wanted to tell me I did a good job? No. I couldn’t leave it at this, not with all we had been through. I grabbed his arm and pulled him back toward me. “Why didn’t you return my calls?” I demanded.

“Give me one reason I should have. You told me that I was smothering you, that I was holding you back. You got what you wanted, Payton. I won’t suffocate you anymore.”

Goose bumps cascaded down my arms as my words were shoved back in my face. No chance he would ever forgive me. “I didn’t mean those things.”

“Then why did you say them?” The hurt in his eyes started a rush of hot tears that blurred my vision.

“Because I was scared.” Sadly, most of my adult life had been dictated by fear.

“Is this going to be a habit? You get scared and leave?”

“No, things have changed.”

“Things have changed,” he echoed, his voice dripping of sarcasm. “Words can only go so far, Payton. When you left again, something inside me broke. Then, when you didn’t show up to court, that was the final straw. I tried giving you another chance, but you weren’t there to take it.”

“I was there!” I shrieked, and people around us slowed down and stared. “I came back for you, Blake.” Pointing to the classroom, I said, “I just threw away a chance at Drexler because I want to live my life with you. No hiding, no fear, just us.”

“How do I know you won’t run away again?”

“Because I’m here.” My knees wobbled, and my whole world grew fuzzy around the edges. “I love you. And I know it’s asking a lot, but if you could just give me another chance, I’ll show you I’ve changed.” I couldn’t be any clearer. This was me pushing past the fear, and holy shit was it scary.

He glared down and me, and I couldn’t take any more. I turned toward the direction of my car, people still gaping at our public meltdown. It was over, and I needed to face the fact that Blake no longer wanted me.

Tears soaked my cheeks, and I worked at controlling my breathing long enough to make it to the car. I had made it through half of the quad when a strong hand grasped my arm and spun me around.

“I have always loved you. I don’t think I could stop if I tried.” Blake enveloped me in a hug, crushing his mouth to mine, pouring love into every crevice of my body.

I pulled away from him. “Does this mean you’ll give me another chance?”

He pushed my hair behind my ear and answered me with another kiss.

Blake pulled me into a hug as I got out of my car.

“I can’t breathe.” My voice came out muffled as I talked into his jacket.

“Sorry, I’m just so happy to have you back.”

“Me, too.”

“C’mon, let’s do our shift, and then we can go home and I’ll show you just how much I missed you.”

The dull ache between my legs had me wanting to go back to the house right now, but I still needed to be a good intern, even if I’d ruined my chances at Drexler. “Sounds good.”

Brittany had Blake run an errand on the fifth floor and sent me to work in the supply closet near the nurses’ station. I didn’t mind working by myself tonight. I might have been alone then, but the swell in my heart let me know I wouldn’t be alone for the rest of my life.

I was bent over, picking up a pack of bandages from the floor when I smelled him. I didn’t even have to turn around to confirm. No one besides middle-school boys wore that much cologne. The pungent scent drifted into the supply closet like it was blasted in with a leaf blower.

Straight out of an Abercrombie magazine, Andrew had the collar popped on his pink polo. He leaned against the doorway, blocking any chance at a dash for the exit.

“That was pretty ballsy, bitch.” Andrew’s words sliced through me like a scalpel. It was way different when Jules called me a bitch; she meant it lovingly, whereas Andrew was just being an ass. Why was he here? Upset that I totally owned him in the debate? Pissed about losing Jules as a customer?

“Excuse me?”

His arms shook, and the feral glint in his eyes hinted he was hyped up on something stronger than Adderall. “You really wanted to fuck up your chances of getting into med school, didn’t you? Guess what? Congratulations! I didn’t even need to say anything. You did it all by yourself.”

I sighed. Was this guy for real? “Why are you here?”

It wouldn’t be too long before a nurse came back to the station. Someone had to be coming soon, right?

“Just making sure you hold up your end of the bargain.” His sneer matched his heart—pure evil. And he was going to be dispensing pills to people. Completely disturbing. All he cared about was saving his own ass now that he had nothing to hold over my head.

I planted my feet to the linoleum, my blood simmering. The nerve of this guy, coming in here and talking to me like this. “You got my best friend addicted to drugs! Why should I do anything for you?” I screamed.

He laughed. “She was weak.”

Dots swarmed in my eyes, and my breath came out in jagged huffs. I didn’t know whether I wanted to knee him in the balls, scream at him, or a little bit of both, but two things happened at once. First, Blake came running around the corner, barreled past Andrew, and shielded me. Second, Dr. Centafont stood in the doorway of an exam room down the hall, shaking his head. I didn’t know how long he had been there, but from the grim expression on his face, I assumed he had heard enough.

“Andrew James, get your ass in here right now.” His hushed tone was laced with a threatening edge that scared the crap out of me, and I wasn’t even his intended victim.