Unexpected Love (Jo's Story) (17 page)

“Anyone have any questions?”  Chief Lorenz asks.  I see Jean’s hand go up.  “Go ahead Jean.”             

She smiles, “I just have one, are the reports true Jo?  Are you really dating Jackson Adams?”

I laugh and shake my head, “how about work related questions, does anyone have any that have to do with what we just discussed?”  Everyone shakes their heads but don’t take their eyes off of me waiting for me to answer.  I look at Chief who looks very amused.  Alright, I will fix this.  I take out my phone and dial Jake’s number for a video chat.

“Hey,” he answers with a smile.

“Hi, so I am sitting here in my work meeting and all of my co-workers are drilling me about the reports that they are seeing on TV,” I look up and see everyone staring at me.  “Want to set the record straight?”

“I’d love to,” I see him smile and wink at me.  I turn my phone so everyone can see the screen.  “Hey team, I’ve heard a lot about you all,” he laughs.  I see everyone’s mouth drop.  Ryan shakes his head and laughs.  “I can’t wait until Jo lets me finally start meeting people that she knows,” Jake laughs.

I turn the phone back around and smile at him, “Thank you.  I'm almost done here so I will be back probably within the hour.”

“Sounds good, see you soon.” 

I hang up the phone and smile at everyone.  “Satisfied?”  My entire team starts laughing and congratulating me.  As I suspected now they all want to talk about it, but I have other things that I want to get taken care of and tell them that my personal life is now off limits to them until further notice. 

Chief and I are talking as the team goes back to their desks when Ryan walks up to me.  “Can I talk to you?”

I look at Chief and he smiles and leaves the room.  “What’s up?”

“I just wanted to tell you how grateful I am that you didn’t kick my ass to the curb after the way I behaved on Saturday.  And also that I understand why Chief gave you control over the team.  I think you will do great,” he gives me a hug.  “Now I am a little disappointed you didn’t tell me about this Jackson thing though,” he smiles at me.

“Well in my defense, I wasn’t telling anyone until the press decided to spread it worldwide,” I laugh.  “The only people that originally new were Annie and Michael, and that is only because they were there the night that I met him.”

“I'm happy for you Jo.  I'm sorry for being such a jackass and putting you through all this bullshit.  But hey, now you have control over us and we can get back to business,” he smiles at me.

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah, actually I am.  You know what; I look at it this way, if she really didn’t want to be with me then that is her problem.  I will find someone that does want to be with me, and someone that will be faithful to me.”

“Good, I'm glad.  I really have to get going.  I was hoping to stop by the fire station and talk to Ed before they get off shift.”

“Sounds good, have a good few days off, we will see you Monday.”

I smile at him and leave the room.  I'm so glad that he and I are good.  I don’t know how I would handle losing another friend right now.  I go to my car and head toward the fire station.  As I get closer I feel a little nervous.  I know most of the guys have probably seen the reports as well and from what everyone tells me Jarrod’s name is mentioned in most of them.  I just hope that they don’t react badly.  I pull up outside and see a few of the guys standing outside cleaning one of the trucks.  I get out of my car and start walking toward the front door.

“Jo?”  I hear someone yell.  I look over and see Brandon heading my way.  “That is you, I thought I recognized the car,” he picks me up into a hug.  “How are you?”

“I'm good,” I hug him back.

“Good,” he smiles and puts me down.  “God, it is so good to see you!”

“You too, how are things around here?”

“Mighty busy, but good.  Did you just stop by for a visit?”

“No, I'm here to talk to Ed about next weekend, see if there is anything that I can do to help out?”

“The fundraiser?”

“Yeah.”

“Don’t you think you do enough for us?”

I shake my head, “no, I don’t think I could ever do enough for you guys.  You of all people should know that.”

“Well come on, I will take you into him.  I think he just got done with a meeting and I'm sure he would love to see you,” he grabs my hand and leads me into the station.  I see a lot of the guys I know and get a lot of hugs on the way in.  Seems like most of them are happy to see me.  There are a couple new guys that I don’t know but I figured that would happen.  Brandon knocks on Ed’s door.

“Come in,” I hear him say.

“Hey Chief, I found a very pretty lady walking around outside that wanted to come see you,” Brandon moves over so I can walk in.

“Well holy cow, Jo!  How are you?” He gets up from his desk and comes and gives me a hug.

I smile, “I'm good Ed, how are you?”

“Just trying to keep all these troublemakers under control,” he offers me a chair and I sit down.  “Thanks Brandon.”  Brandon smiles at me before he shuts the door.  “So what brings you by?”

“Well I know you have the fundraiser next weekend and just wanted to know if there is anything that I can do to help.”

“Well, I don’t think so.  We are doing the corn roast and all of that is taken care of.  But I won’t object to you coming down and helping us out.  You know you are always welcome here.”

“Thanks Ed.  That means a lot to me.  I was afraid with all the publicity that I am getting right now that you guys might not want that around here.”

“Oh Jo, that has nothing to do with you.  Just because you are dating an insanely famous guy doesn’t mean that the guys here are going to look at you any differently.  I have seen the reports they are doing that include Jarrod and I am proud to say that I was a part of what you guys had.  He was a very lucky man to have a wife like you.  And no matter what you will always be a part of this family.  And please don’t you ever forget that.”  He smiles at me.  “I have an idea, why don’t you see if you can get that new boyfriend of yours to come by the station and sign some autographs maybe that will draw people in.”

“You know what, that’s a great idea, I will talk to him and see what he says.  I know he feels horrible that they are dragging Jarrod into this mess.”

“Have you seen any of the reports?”

“No, I try not to watch them.”

“Jo, there is absolutely nothing wrong with what they are saying.  Honestly they are making Jarrod look like the hero that he was.  I don’t think they could have done a better job.  I'm glad they are mentioning him and letting everyone know what kind of woman you are.  That Jackson Adams better see what he has, because he is lucky.”

I blush, “thanks Ed.  That means a lot coming from you.”

“I mean every word.  Listen, you know we are here for you no matter what and the girls too.  You let us know if you ever need anything.”

“You know I will hold you to that,” I laugh.

“I hope you do.”  I hear their pagers go off and I know that they are going to be leaving.  “Well, duty calls thanks for stopping by and let me know what Jackson says.”

“I will,” I smile as he rushes out the door.  I follow behind him and watch the guys load up on the trucks and leave the station.  I remember standing here one time when I was bringing Jarrod dinner and they got a fire call.  They all ran to the trucks and were getting ready to leave.  Jarrod jumped back off the truck and gave me a kiss before they left.  It breaks my heart to think about the fact that I can’t remember if I kissed him and told him that I loved him the last night that I saw him.  I fight back the tears and walk out of the station and go to my car.  I have to hold it together.  I can’t do this anymore.  I have to move forward and let the past be the past.  Jarrod knew I loved him with all my heart even if I didn’t tell him.  I knew he loved me.  I know that he would be supporting me moving forward from the heartbreak of losing him.  I drive home thinking about what he would want me to do next.

“So how did the meeting go?” Jake asks me when I sit on the couch next to him.

“Better than I had expected to be honest.  I thought it was going to be a little more difficult but everyone was ok with all the decisions that I made for changes.”

“Good, I'm glad.  I think you are going to do great leading them Jo.  It seems like your chief really has faith that you can lead this team.”

“He does, and so does the rest of the team, now I just have to do it and prove it to myself.  So were the girls good for you?”

“Absolutely, they played most of the time then I went in to check on them right before you called me and they were both passed out on Lizzy’s floor with a movie on.  It was pretty cute actually.”

“That doesn’t surprise me, they do that a lot.  They play so hard they ware themselves right out.”

“Well I suppose I probably should go home,” he grabs my hand.  “When will I see you again?”

“You don’t want to go to Virginia Beach with us?”

“I would love to, but are you sure you want me to go with you?  I mean the chances of us being seen together are about 99%.”

“Why would that bother me?”

“With all the stuff the last couple days I thought maybe you would just want to take the girls and get away.”

“No Jake, you should come with us,” Lizzy is standing at the end of the couch rubbing her eyes.

He looks at me then at her, “I think this should be a trip just for you girls and your mommy,” he smiles.  “She has been looking forward to taking you girls down there and just hanging out.”

I look at him and then at her.  He is not going to win this battle; she is a determined little girl and usually gets what she wants.  But I don’t say anything I let them be and see what he does.  “But we like spending time with you, especially mommy, she is really happy lately,” Lizzy crawls into his lap.  “I think it would be more fun for you to come with us.  Maybe mommy will let us stay up later if you come.”

I let out a little laugh, knowing full well that there is no way he is going to win this battle.  He looks at me with the look of helplessness.  I have nothing to offer him; he is on his own with this one.  “Lizzy, I really think that it will be more fun if it is just the girls.”  I watch her closely, this is going to go one of two ways, she is either going to start crying or she is going to play it cool and walk away and then guilt him into going.  She looks up at him for a split second then jumps down and runs to her room.  I hear her door shut and then it’s quiet.  Ok, silent treatment that is a new one.  I sit there looking at Jake and watch him visibly get upset because he just made Lizzy mad.

“I'm going to go,” he stands up and goes to the kitchen to get his keys off the table.

“What’s wrong?”  I kneel on the couch and look over the back at him.

“Nothing, I just think that I should go home so that you and the girls can get settled in.  I know things have been super crazy and you have stuff that you need to get done.”

“Jake, your pulling away and that scares me.”

He stops in the doorway between the kitchen and the living room and stares at me.  “You scare me Jo.  I sat here for three hours with your girls and had a blast with them.  I am falling in love with your kids, and you.  But I don’t know if you are at that point and I don’t know that you ever will be.  I'm not sure that you will ever get over Jarrod.”

My mouth drops open.  “It’s not like we broke up Jake, he was killed.  And I am not having this conversation with my kids in the next room.  God, we had a good night last night and then this morning was amazing.  You are getting along with everyone in my life that means anything to me, why are you saying this?”

“Because I know I can never measure up to him.  I know that no matter how hard I try you will never love me with all your heart because it will always belong to him.  I know that Lizzy and Abby will always miss their dad and they would get older and end up hating me because I am the one that made you move forward and be with another guy.”  He just stands there.  I don’t know what he is talking about, but he is upset about something.  I get off the couch and walk over to him.  I take his keys out of his hand and look up at him.              

“My heart may belong to Jarrod, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t move on and fall in love with someone else.  Jake, I will never stop loving Jarrod, and that is something that any guy would have to accept whether it is you or someone else.  He will always be a big part of my life and there is nothing that can change that.  But I will not let that stop me from falling for someone else.  I have room in my heart for that right person and I told you that last night when you asked me.  I told you that I do think I have very strong feelings for you, and you pulling away right now is not going to be good for anyone.  You promised me that you would not walk out and hurt the girls or me.  If you walk out that door in this mood right now you won’t be coming back.  I don’t know what happened when I was gone, but I want you to talk to me.  Nothing good ever comes from bottling things up.”

“I just want you to be happy Jo.  I have put you through so much shit the last two days that we have been seeing each other and turned your world from private and wholesome to a nightmare.”

“Wait, who said it has turned into a nightmare?”

“You told me last night that you wanted me here to feel safe.  To me that is saying that you no longer feel safe now that it is out about us.”

“You read way too much into things.  I wanted you to stay.  I feel good when you are with me.  You make me feel safe and secure whenever I am with you.  Mostly I feel like I don’t have to worry about anything at all when I am around you.  So what if people know we are together?  You want me to go down to the news station right now and tell them that we are together?  Cause I will.”

“Jo, its more than that.”  He looks down at me and pushes a piece of hair out of my face.

“What is it then?”

He takes a deep breath and lets it out.  “Nothing, I just think that we should slow things back down.  I thought that I could handle all these feelings when they came up but I can’t.  I'm not ready for that yet.”

I take a step back from him.  I have that feeling of heartbreak and anger building up and all I can do is stare at him.  What happened while I was gone?  Long gone is the Jake that I have had with me the last four days and here in my living room stands that rich asshole football player that I thought he was.  He has put a wall up and he obviously doesn’t want me to break through it.  “You know what, that’s fine.  If you have to go then go.  Just don’t expect me to take this in stride Jake.  Remember that arrogant asshole I told you I had expected to walk through my front door Friday night, well he just made his appearance and he is not welcome in my house.”  I feel tears running down my cheeks.  “You just did what you told me you were not going to do.  And that’s fine, I guess I would not have expected anything less from someone like you.” I hold his keys out for him to take.  He reaches up and grabs them from me.  I can’t even look at him.  I can feel the tears flowing faster and I hope that he sees what he has done to me and I hope he feels like shit.  I walk back around to the couch and sit down where I was before I went by him.  He just stands there.  I don’t know what he is doing but right now I don’t care.  I hear the service door to the garage open and close and I stand up and look and he is gone.  I hear his car start in the garage.

I can’t help myself at this point I am sobbing, I go up to my room and close the door.  I expect to hear his tires squeal as he leaves but I don’t.  Maybe my childish crying has covered them up.  I hope the girls are watching a movie and didn’t hear any of that.  This is the exact reason that I have avoided getting involved with someone for the last two years.  As mad as I am at Jake I want to know what happened.  When I left after lunch he was fine, he wanted to take me and the girls to dinner tonight their choice and now he is gone.  After about fifteen minutes I finally get my crying under control and lay back on my bed.  I just lay there staring up at the ceiling. After what seems like forever I can hear the girls giggling and assume that they are playing in Lizzy’s room.  I sit up and look out my bedroom window.  It has started raining since I got home.  Fits my mood.  I stand up and go to my door and pull it open, I just about scream when Jake is standing there.  I step back trying to steady myself, “I thought you were leaving?”

“I couldn’t,” he walks past me into my room.  “I'm sorry.”  He turns and looks at me.  “I'm scared as hell right now.  I want to be with you, but I don’t want to hurt you.  When you told me this morning that you are getting the same feelings for me it made me realize that this could be the best thing to ever happen to me.  When I sat here with the girls playing tea party and watching the worst princess movies ever made I felt like I could do this.  I could actually live this life.” He sits down on the edge of my bed. “Then I remembered what I have already put you through with this getting out to the press already after four days.  Jo, the last thing I want to do is put you through all this.  I just made you cry and that tore me apart.  I know right now you hate me and I'm afraid if I leave you won’t let me come back and I couldn’t handle that.”  I don’t say anything I just stand there looking at him.  I see emotion running across his face and he is searching for anything he can get from me.  I hold my ground and don’t say anything.  He stands up and walks to me.  I take a deep breath and say nothing.  “Please say something.” He runs his finger down my arm softly.

“What do you want from me Jake?  I have given you everything that I can.  I put myself out there in more ways than one and you do this to me.  Your right, I do hate you right now.” I regret the words as soon as I say them.  I don’t know who is more shocked, me or Jake.  His attitude changes immediately.

“Alright, I will go,” he tries to get past me but I don’t move.

“Stop.  Stop running from me,” I say louder then I want to but I get my point across to him.  “You need to talk to me and stop running!  Jake, don’t be stupid, I told you that I am falling in love with you and that is not good enough for you.  Yes I have a past and a husband that was killed, but that isn’t going to stop me from being happy again.  I decided that Saturday afternoon while talking to two of my best friends.  Both of whom told me that they think Jarrod would be the first one to give us the green light to move forward with this.  I have been miserable for two years grieving over him and I'm done with it.  I moved out of my house, took my girls away from there to move forward and for god knows what reason you were put right in my lap.  This is so ridiculous and crazy but it feels right.”  I feel tears rolling down my cheeks again.  “Look at me, I'm an emotional wreck and I hate it.  But I am like this because the thought of you walking out that door right now is killing me.”  He doesn’t say anything just stands there looking down at me with those blue eyes.  I see the pain and hurt that he is feeling right now and I just want to kiss him and make things better again.  I reach up and put my hand on his cheek and rub my thumb across the stubble that is now lining his jaw.  “I don’t know how I would handle you leaving right now.  I'm scared if you leave you will never come back to me.  I would not be able to handle that.” He grabs my hand and kisses my palm.  He pulls me close to him and stands there holding me.  I feel how tense he is and know that he is hurting just as much as I am right now.  “Please tell me what happened when I was gone.”

I hear him take a deep breath.  “Abby crawled into my lap and told me that she knows her daddy is never coming home and she would be ok with me staying with the three of you forever so you didn’t have to worry as much about them anymore.”  My heart breaks instantly.  “When she said that I realized that there is no way that I can leave.  They have my heart and so do you.  I'm happy, right here, being with you and them.  The fear that I have had is gone.  I know that I want this to work, and I want to be with you.  I want to be here to protect you and to cuddle them to sleep when they wake up crying like Lizzy did last night.”  He takes a small step back to look down at me, “Jo, you have me, heart and soul.  If I could never leave your side I wouldn’t.”  For the first time since I got home I feel the mood between us lighten a little.  I realize that he is not being the asshole football player but trying to protect me from the hurt that my kids feel.  I have so many emotions running through my brain right now I don’t know what to do.  All I can do is stand there and look at the man that has turned my world upside down and make me see that no matter what there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.

“Mommy,” Abby’s voice makes me jump, “what are we going to do for supper?  I'm getting hungry.”

“What would you like?” I bend down so I am at her level.

“Umm, chicken nuggets.” She smiles and looks up at me with those big brown eyes.

“I'm sure we can get you some of those,” I stand up as she runs to the living room.  “I have to feed the girls.  You know I have no food here so I have to run to the store.  Will you be here when I get back?”

“How about I go?”

“I'm just going to run and get a couple things, I won’t be long.  I need a few more things.”

“How about we all go?”

I hesitate, “Do you think that is a good idea?  I don’t want them getting involved in this mess.”

“If we go to Donald’s across town there is no way anyone will know.  Where do you think most of the team does their shopping?  It’s sort of our exclusive grocery store.  No press, no pictures.”