Unforgivable (35 page)

“I don’t hate you for lying,” she said, pushing his hair out of his face. “But you’re practicing medicine without a license.”

“I know everything the doc knew. I keep learning, keep reading. My patients never complain, and how many veterinarians do you think would be clamoring to open a practice here in Flatlands? Then what happens to all those people who need my services? Especially the ones who can’t afford it?”

She knew that much was true. He was dedicated and conscientious. He was smart. Turning him in would only create problems for everyone, and what would happen to dogs like Goldie or kittens like Boots? He was already so wracked up, she couldn’t bring up the fact they weren’t legally married yet. 

“Do you think I’m tainted now? Am I a terrible person?”

“No, you’re not terrible. You did what you had to do to survive. We all do that.”

Whenever he talked about what he’d do without her, she always feared the unspoken threat of suicide. She’d left her mama, and her mama had killed herself—would Ben do the same? But her mother had been a survivor, and she hadn’t taken her life after all. How strong was Ben? Obviously he was a survivor, too.

He clung even closer to her, wrapping himself around her as he pulled her down onto the couch. “Tell me I’m still your hero, Katie,” he whispered desperately.

She squeezed her eyes shut. “You’re my hero, Ben.”

He sat in the pre-dawn darkness outside the Victorian cottage. When he’d arrived, the crickets and other night creatures had become quiet. Now they accepted his presence and continued with their songs.

Did Katie suspect him? The way she looked at him, he had to wonder. That mixture of fear and paranoia on her face pleased him somehow. Not as much as the moment of surprise, of revelation. He’d been so dissatisfied lately, even her mild emotions turned him on.

Perhaps the moment would come when he’d see that look of shock on her face. Maybe that would bring the thrill back. Until then, he’d wait in the shadows, as he’d always done.

After a tumultuous night of vivid, disturbing dreams, Katie woke Sunday morning still on the couch. She could hear Ben in the kitchen and smelled bacon frying. He was making breakfast?

She pulled herself upright and was reminded again of the house’s condition. Everything else crashed back in, too. It felt as though someone had dropped her life into a box, shaken it up, then tossed it back. And worse, they had a funeral to attend. She stumbled into the bathroom and washed her face. The woman staring back at her wasn’t Katie at all. Her short hair was disheveled, her eyes bloodshot. Her husband had become a stranger, and a stranger had loved her beyond her wildest dreams.  

She took a shower and put on the only black clothing she owned, pants and a black and red shirt.

“You cut your hair.” Ben was standing at the stove mixing up eggs.

She ran her hand self-consciously over her wet hair. “I needed a change.”

He turned back to the eggs. “Do you love him, Katie?”

She didn’t need to ask who he meant. Still, the blatant question threw her off. She felt the word
yes
form in her throat. “I’m not sure how I feel about him.” Wanting to shift the conversation away from Silas, she said, “Your past is part of who you are. Do you realize that’s the first time you’ve shared some of your soul with me? You claim you want open communication in our marriage, yet I’m the only one who communicates. When you ask me what I’m feeling, there are sometimes things I don’t want to share. So I bury them and don’t hurt your feelings. I’m just now realizing that I don’t have to share them or bury them; I can keep them to myself.” Except where Silas was concerned, darn it.

“Tell me what you need, Katie. Haven’t I always tried to give you what you need?”

She thought of the way Silas’s fingers had brought her more sexual pleasure than Ben had ever brought her. “I want to make my own choices. I haven’t made a choice since my mama died.” The words about her mother’s death hung in her throat. That was something she wanted to hold close for a little longer. Not that he’d believe her. “I don’t have any control of my life.” She busied herself with pulling the bacon out of the hot grease and laying it on the paper towel.

“God, you’ve changed. I’m not even sure I know you anymore.”

She had changed, and she wasn’t sure how much Silas had to do with it. Like that door the serial killer had opened in him, he had opened a door within her. All she knew was she didn’t want it closed just yet, not until she explored what was on the other side.

“Don’t forget we’ve got the funeral this morning,” she said.

“How could I forget?” He glanced down at her outfit. “Could you wear the dress I bought you? It would mean a lot to me right now.”

She started to protest, but realized it wasn’t a big deal to give in on that small point. “All right.”

“Where’d you get this?” Ben asked while they ate a short time later, startling her when he took the cross in his fingers.

She’d thought about taking it off when she’d gone to change, but left it on. 

“It’s my mother’s. Silas gave it to me. She’d given it to him when he helped her through her labor. He wanted me to have it.” She took the cross back, not wanting Ben to touch it for some reason. She needed some time away from both Ben and Silas, time to herself. Maybe she’d get a hotel room for a weekend. “Ben, maybe we should—”

He kissed her, stealing her words about separating right out of her mouth. He tried to open her mouth with the tip of his tongue. He’d never liked French kissing, and now it felt so wrong and strange. Why did kissing Silas seem so right and kissing her own husband so wrong?

Not her husband.

“Is it because of the molestation? That’s it, isn’t it? You don’t want me anymore because I let him…do those things to me.”

“God, no. I don’t care about that. I mean, it’s horrible that it happened, but it doesn’t change what I feel for you.”

“And what is that, Katie?”

She opened her mouth, but no words came out. She bought time by eating a forkful of scrambled egg. “That’s what I need to figure out for myself. You’ve been telling me how to feel—how I should feel—for so long, I don’t know anymore.”

“I know you love me, even if you’re going through something I can’t understand. I’m going to give you some space. We can set up the office as a second bedroom if that’s what you want. As long as you don’t see Silas, I’m willing to let you sort through all this. You know why? Because I know you’re going to realize how much I’ve done for you, how much I love you, and that you belong with me. Your home, your job, everything is here with me.”

Even as Ben spoke of giving her space, she could feel the spider web tightening around her.
He
’
ll never let you go,
a voice in her head whispered. 

As she was about to take him up on the offer of the trial separation, her stomach lurched. She held onto the table and waited for the nausea to pass. Just as it did, another wave hit her.

“What’s wrong?” he asked. “You look all white.”

Sweat sprung out on her skin as she fought to control her stomach. And then she gave in and ran to the bathroom.

Monday afternoon Gary sat in the back booth at the Pie in the Sky and let himself sulk for a few minutes.  For one thing, he hated Mexican day. All the specials were ethnic food, and Dinah had the satellite music station tuned to the Fiesta channel. He focused on that for a while and not on the snubbing he’d just gotten from his father. His mother had looked at him, perhaps in a longing way, but she’d never stand up to Sam from her place as his doormat. Not even for her son.

Everyone in town thought his father shot him looks of pure hate because Gary had gone into law enforcement and law. Their animosity had taken a turn for the worse when he had confronted his father about that day long ago, that horrible event he’d witnessed and buried in his subconscious. It came back in that stupid rage management course he’d taken, the long-buried memory of the crime his father had committed.

He didn’t need any shrink to tell him his anger problems stemmed from his father. He’d thought it was only how impotent he’d made Gary feel. And the shame…how Sam insisted his mother hang Gary’s soiled sheets out the window so everyone would know he was still wetting the bed at eight.

It was the hidden memory that really ate away at him. His own father had brutalized a woman.

When Gary had returned to Flatlands to confront him, Sam had denied it and called him the same names he’d called him as a child. And who would believe him, a reject from the Atlanta police force, over Sam, a respected D.A.? Just like always.

The impotency had enraged him, but for once he’d held himself back. There were other ways to empower himself. Like joining the Flatlands Sheriff’s office. Seeing Katie had sealed the decision.

Not seeing her at the funeral had worried him. Ben said recent events had caused an upset stomach. When he heard Ben walk in the diner, he peered around the back of his booth to see if she was with him. She wasn’t. Ben joined Harold and Marion, who were sitting behind him. The first order of every conversation he’d heard so far was the funeral, how beautiful and sad, and then the fires that were slowly moving toward Flatlands. He was about to head out when Dinah walked over and asked Ben, “So what’s going on with that wife of yours? She come to her senses yet?”

Marion whispered loudly, “Marv said she spent the whole of Saturday with Silas. Ben, how terrible for you.”

Gary thought the sheriff had a big mouth as Marion dispensed with the details of the vandalism done to the Ferguson house. No one was interested in that for long. They wanted to know about Katie and Silas.

Dinah said, “Did she say what she was doing with him? I just can’t imagine…”

“She said she was doing research with him, I suspect for the book he’s working on. The one about the guy who’s taking the women in this area.”

“Stupid woman,” Marion muttered. “It’s Silas Koole! And she couldn’t even come to the funeral, sick, my fanny. She just didn’t want to be bothered. Probably thought it was silly.”

Harold said, “She thinks she’s too good for the likes of us.”

“I can’t imagine why you’re even still with her,” Dinah said. “She won’t give you babies, won’t participate in anything for the good of the town.”

“I can’t leave her. I love her. I’ll stay with her as long as she’ll have me,” Ben said in a dragged-out voice. 

Gary grabbed his bill and slid out of the booth, not even looking at the gabfest. He paid and headed over to the hospital hoping he’d have time to talk to Katie before Ben returned. He had a lot to tell her. 

She’d been resting her head on the counter when he walked in. He hated the fearful look that seized her expression every time she saw him. That was quickly replaced by a fierce look that reminded him of that day he’d thrown her kitten. 

He tipped his hat. “Afternoon, Katie.”

“We found Goldie’s owners. The dog you hit,” she clarified when he didn’t understand. “Everything turned out all right.” She paused. “If that’s why you’re here.”

“I’m glad she’s okay. I felt bad about not being able to avoid her. But that’s not why I’m here.”

“I’m not interested in anything you have to say about Silas.”

He leaned comfortably on the counter, making her move back. “You’re in love with him, aren’t you?”

“It’s none of your business how I feel about him. That’s between me, Silas, and Ben.”

“And everyone at the diner.” 

“What?”

“We’ll get to that in a minute. We’ve got something more important to discuss.” 

She crossed her arms in front of her. “Fine, discuss it, then leave.”

He assessed her, taking in her black polyester pants and plain man’s shirt. Her eyes looked bloodshot, her face drawn from her illness. Her short hair revealed that birthmark on her neck. He remembered the outfit she’d worn Saturday night, the jeans that outlined her hips and the top that showcased what the shirts she usually wore hid. And though she swallowed thickly, she stood there and withstood his perusal.

“You’ve changed, Katie. Since Silas has come to town, you’ve changed. I thought you were like my mother, who spent her life being my father’s doormat. When I came back to town, I watched you. Ben was always with you. You walked at his side like a puppy. I heard him change your mind about what you wanted to eat for dinner and I heard him talk you out of volunteering at the county fair. I could hardly believe you were the same girl who attacked me even though I was twice her size and a boy to boot. But from everything I’ve seen and heard about you, something has changed drastically.”

He’d seen her eyes widen when he’d recited things he’d overheard, but otherwise she stood tall with her chin up.

“I think you’re ready to hear what I’ve got to tell you. It’s about my father.”

Her expression changed from defiant to worried. “Tell me about everyone at the diner knowing my business first.”

He was about to argue with her, but he took a breath and nodded. If Ben was eating with his cronies, he’d have time to tell her everything. “All right, we’ll cover that first. There’s something you should know about Ben.”

“And what’s that?”

Gary turned around to find Ben at the open door, holding a sack that smelled like one of those awful Mexican specials. Ben’s face was neutral as he set the sack down on the counter between him and Katie. She blanched at the pungent smell.

Gary turned toward her so that Ben couldn’t see his face. “He’s doing everything he can to make you safe. He’s one of the best guys in town, and you couldn’t be in better hands.” His expression negated every single word.

Ben said, “I appreciate the kind words, Gary.” And his expression negated those words as well, much to Gary’s surprise. “I plan to do everything I can to make sure my wife is safe. And I expect you to put Silas behind bars where he belongs. Now, if you’ll excuse us, we’ve got lunch to eat.”

Gary paused in the doorway for a moment. She was watching him, confusion tinting her expression.

CHAPTER  19