Unforgivable (32 page)

“Without your seeing me?”

“Exactly. I don’t want to hurt him. He’s already accused me of”—she glanced at him—“taking your side. Defending you. He thinks you’re the one taking the girls, too.”

Even through his annoyance, she saw a glimmer of warmth at her admission. She didn’t want to delve into it at the moment. “If he’s not Ben Ferguson, and not my legal husband, he’s not even a licensed veterinarian. But he knows so much about it. He’s good at it.”

“He worked with the real Ben for a long time. I’m sure he learned a lot. Let’s see what he has to say. I can confront him if you want.”

“No, I—”

A loud pop preceded the car’s swerving toward the shoulder of the highway. Silas kept control as they shuddered to a stop just off the road. He’d automatically put his arm in front of her to hold her back.

“You all right?” he asked, pulling his arm back after a moment. When she nodded, he checked on the dog. He leaned between the seat and licked Silas’s face.

Silas climbed out, followed by Katie. The front tire was blown. The smell of burning rubber permeated the air. He dropped his head forward and rubbed the back of his neck.

“You have a spare, don’t you?” she asked.

“Not at the moment. I’ve been doing a lot of driving through back roads lately, and I got a nail in my tire last week. I wore the spare out by the time I got the tire put on, and I haven’t gotten around to getting another spare. Luckily, I have road service and a cell phone.” He got the phone out of the car and dialed the number on his card. After a few minutes of conversation, he disconnected. “The good news is, they know where we are. The bad news is, it’s going to be a couple of hours before they can get to us. They’re backlogged right now, and they’ve got to get us a spare.”

She glanced toward the western sky. The sun was heading downward; it was later than she thought. She was definitely going to miss Ben’s call that evening. And it was sunset, the worst time of day.

“I guess we wait,” she said. To the east, the sky was darkening into a storm that would hopefully move north and drench the fires. “Do you think it’ll rain here before they come to rescue us?”

He surveyed the sky. “I don’t think so.”

He opened the back hatch and pulled out a blanket and The Boss’s tub of water. He left a sticky note on the car for the tow truck to honk its horn three times if he got there early. Then he took her hand.

“Let’s go for a walk.”

With The Boss trailing them, they walked a short distance down the road that led off the highway. Signs indicated a controlled burn experiment area just off the road. The trees were tagged for identification. The ground was gouged as though rivers had once run through the rolling terrain. He led the way into the charred area. Farther back the section of woods had been burned two years before and wasn’t as blackened. Small trees grew up and lent their bright green leaves as miniature canopies. Slash pines dominated the tree life here, far outnumbering the maples and oaks.

She saw where he was headed: a small opening where the last of the sun’s rays poured down through the trees. Her chest hitched as he led her by the hand to it. He glanced over at her, and she narrowed her eyes at him. Could he feel
everything
? Still, there was an increasing tightness inside as they reached the area and he let go of her hand to spread out the blanket. The Boss happily wandered around, sniffing the ground and glancing up into the trees. It smelled of warmed pine needles and charred bark that blended with the scent of smoke from the fires in the distance. 

She sat down with her back facing skies that were splashed in orange and pink. Silas sat across from her, his head tilted as though he were contemplating her.

Obviously he was, because he said, “You know, you’re missing something beautiful.”

Well, she wasn’t, but she couldn’t actually say she had a nice view anyway. “I can’t watch sunsets. You know why.”

He nodded. “So you’re going to go through your whole life never watching a sunset.”

“Maybe.” She picked up a branch and snapped it into pieces. “I know it’s silly. Thinking I’m going to die this year is silly too, but it doesn’t stop the feeling.”

“That’s because you never saw your mother age beyond twenty-seven. So you think it’s the end of life.”

She contemplated that for a moment. “Maybe that’s it. Did you feel that way? You lost your mother young, too.”

“I never really knew her. And I never related to my father; I separated myself from him, in my mind. But I understand what you’re feeling.”

“Because you can feel what I’m feeling.”

“I’m sorry, Katie. I know it bothers you, but I can’t turn it off. Especially with you.” He reached over and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, feathering his thumb across her cheek as he did so. “You’ve been inside me for so long, I can’t imagine you not being there. I’ve felt your sorrows and your doubts and I’ve seen your life through your eyes. Being here with you makes it even stronger.” He let his fingers trail down to her shoulder, and his thumb caressed her collarbone where the cross lay against her skin. “I can feel the jump in your heartbeat and the tightening of your throat. I can feel what you want and how you’re afraid of wanting it.” His voice was low and silky as he described almost everything she felt. “Or maybe it’s what I feel. Maybe your feelings and my feelings are all tangled up inside me.”

She curled her fingers over the hand at her shoulder. “I am afraid, Silas. I’m afraid of you being inside me, and I’m afraid of you not being there. I’m afraid of what I feel for you and what you feel for me. I’m afraid of how wrong it is and that I don’t even care how wrong it is. I’m afraid of how I don’t even know myself anymore.”

She’d never seen his eyes this smoky blue as he seemed to look right into her soul. He moved closer and took her face in his hands. “I know who you are, Katie.”

“Who am I?” she whispered.

“You’re good and pure and everything you were when you were young.” He ran his knuckles down her throat and pressed them against her chest. “Inside, you’re everything you once were. You’re strong and brave and compassionate. And you’re beautiful.” His other hand stroked down her cheek, and his voice had a breathless quality to it. “You’re that incredible combination of sexy and cute, and I only came here to make sure you were safe, but since that first day you showed up at my house, all I can do is think about making love to you. I’m glad you can’t sense my feelings, or you’d have run away from me a long time ago.”

She remembered that first day she had seen him last week. Maybe she
had
known what he was feeling. Her face felt hot, and her eyes stung. “I’m not running away now.”

Her chest felt so tight, she could hardly breathe. She saw the struggle in his eyes, temptation warring with doing the right thing. He twisted her around and pulled her up against him.

“Watch the sunset with me.” His arms tightened around her, holding her possessively. His face was next to hers, his chin resting lightly on her shoulder. “And when you watch it, don’t think about your mother not coming to get you. Think about that sunset being you: warm and beautiful and filling the world with light and color. Think about the palette of colors that you are, blues and reds and yellows. Paint the picture of what you want to be.”

I want to be yours
. The words drifted through her mind as she wrapped her hands around his arms and settled back against him. “What’s your palette? If I’m the sunset, are you the night? Are your colors black and dusky blue or no light at all?”

When he didn’t answer, she turned to look at him. Their cheeks rubbed together and she felt the slight bristle of his.

“Maybe you
can
feel me too,” he said at last.

She turned around to face him, kneeling in front of him. “I want to feel you, Silas.” She put her hands on his shoulders and leaned her face close to his. “If I am the sunset, I fade into the night. I’m not afraid of the dark.”

“I am,” he whispered, all too serious.

She put her hands on his face, realizing she’d never touched his face before. “Let me bring some of my light into your night.” She kissed him before he could say something else to put distance between them. She knew what he was doing—trying to protect her from guilt, and from him. She didn’t want protection. She wanted him.

He immediately deepened the kiss, his surrender. If he would not take her gifts, maybe he would take her body. And then, later, he would take her love. She felt their kiss right down to her soul. His fingers slid through her hair as he tilted her head back and devoured her mouth. She devoured him back, engulfed by passion she didn’t know existed within her.

He kissed her ears and then down over the place where her birthmark stained her neck. He stripped off her shirt and bra, and she unbuttoned his shirt and peeled it off, careful of the bandage on his arm. He skimmed his hands over her breasts, his eyes taking her in as though she were the most beautiful thing in all the world. 

She couldn’t help the shuddering breaths at each touch. He ran his finger along her chain and pressed his thumb against the gold cross. He guided her back to the blanket, and then showed her his appreciation with his mouth. She arched into his touch and choked back the tears of feeling beautiful for the first time in her life. His hands tightened at her waist as he probably felt her gush of emotion, but he responded only by intensifying his actions. She responded to that by digging her fingers into his thick hair and whispering his name. He ran his hands over her pubic area, and even through her jeans she felt warmth stirring inside. After a few moments, she couldn’t stand it anymore. She wriggled out of her jeans so there wouldn’t be so much fabric between them.

He took in her body with his eyes, seeing everything but what her white cotton panties hid. And apparently he liked what he saw, because he made an amazing little sound in his throat and tore into her mouth again with those delicious kisses. His hands blissfully returned to explore her panties, cupping her with his warmth, then tracing her curves with this fingertip. When his finger traced just inside the edge of her panties, she felt herself quiver where the blood already pulsed out of control.

Silas was pretty sure this wasn’t what he’d intended when he’d led her into the woods. Almost ninety-nine percent sure. He’d felt her trepidation when she thought that’s what he had in mind. He thought he’d been safe then, because he would never push something on her she wasn’t sure she wanted.

Where had this Katie come from then? The one who’d burned away his good intentions. The one whose mouth was nearly swallowing him. The one whose flesh was soft and nearly naked beneath his hands.

Nobody had loved her like this. He could feel her amazement, her absolute awe at the feelings coursing through her. He didn’t need their connection to feel her reaction to his every touch.
Doesn
’
t he touch you?
he wanted to ask. The answer was obvious. Her need nearly overwhelmed him, and he did all he could to hold back his own desire. His body strained to rip off those plain cotton panties and plunge into her, but that’s not what this was about. When he felt her hands at the button of his jeans, he sucked in another breath to hold himself back.

He shucked the jeans and his briefs in one shot and was taken aback by the awestruck look on her face as she took him in. He wasn’t a Chippendales specimen, but the way she looked at him made him feel like an Adonis.

“Oh, Silas, you are amazing,” she said in a breathy voice. She was still lying on the blanket, and he was standing over her. 

He knelt down over her and took her mouth again. She tentatively slid her hands around him, but soon was exploring his backside. She got even braver and rubbed her pelvis against his. It nearly staggered him, that and her hunger. With Katie, he felt both her feelings and his own. They tangled together the same way their bodies did. It was heady and delicious the way he could both hear her intake of breath and feel the pure pleasure coming from her when he cupped her with his hand. When she moved against him, he decided it was time to remove the last barrier between them. He slid her panties down her legs, and she kicked them off.

He didn’t have to ask if she was sure. He knew it as surely as he knew he would have had a hard time turning back now. He was lying on his side next to her. He pulled one of her legs closer and explored her damp, feminine area with his finger. Her chest rose and fell heavily and her toes curled as she got closer to the edge. Her eyes were wide, and her fingers tightened on his arm.

“Silas…what’s happening to me?” she said on a jagged breath. “I feel so…weird.”

“I believe you’re about to have your first orgasm.”

He paused for a few moments to prolong the anticipation and finally sent her over the edge. He could feel her pounding orgasm and the awe to go along with it so strongly, he almost went over the edge with her. Instead he catalogued her flushed face and her stretched body, all of the physical aspects to her pleasure. His fingers skimmed over her stomach, her ribs, and her breasts, every inch soft, womanly perfection.

Her eyes slowly opened, and they were still smoky with desire when they found him. All she had to do was reach for him, and he positioned himself over her.

“Put your legs around me,” he said.

He loved the way her legs felt wrapped around his hips. “Relax,” he whispered when he felt the tension in her body. She let out a breath, and he eased inside her. When they fused together, it was a dream of perfection. He had to admit he
had
been dreaming about making love to Katie, from the time he’d seen her as an eighteen year-old. He slid into her slowly, eased by her dampness. She took a sharp breath, and when she let it out, he fully filled her. Her brown eyes glittered, and he could do nothing but kiss her again as they moved together.

Even though he filled her, she filled him, too. All that goodness she thought she didn’t have anymore lit the dark corners of his soul and chased away the shadows.

“Like making love to an angel,” he whispered, not meaning at all to say the words aloud. Her soft sigh in response made it worthwhile. He’d never felt this pure sense of fulfillment coming from a woman he’d slept with before. Not just sexual fulfillment, but wonder and something he didn’t want to explore too closely. This kind of passion was new to her, and it both scared her and swept her away. He didn’t want to overwhelm her, so he kept the pace slow and steady. She’d squeezed her eyes shut, but opened them and looked at him. There was a glow in them that burned right through him.